I had become the "Ditsy Intern" in a trashy CEO romance novel. At a high-stakes business dinner, the System ordered me to demand a Dino-Nugget Happy Meal. I refused. I’d rather die. The System flooded my mouth with the taste of rotten herring and vinegar. I folded immediately. In a voice as small as a mosquito, I squeaked, "I... I want the Dino-Nuggets with the chocolate milk..." Sebastian Sterling, the billionaire CEO, lifted his eyes to look at me. The System screamed in excitement: “Ahhh! The CEO is totally going to pamper you now! He loves your innocence!” The next second, my manager leaned into my ear and whispered like a demon: "Eat your damn nuggets in the alley. Get the hell out of here." 1 "Hurry up! Demand the nuggets!" The System nagged incessantly in my brain. I gritted my teeth. "We are at a Michelin-star steakhouse. Why would I order dinosaur nuggets? Humiliating me at the office isn't enough? You have to ruin me in front of the investors too?" I honestly didn't know why a low-level grunt like me was even at a dinner of this caliber, but the System told me to stop asking questions. Apparently, this was normal in CEO romance logic. The System didn't care about logic. "If you don't order, I initiate the punishment phase." Screw it. Punish me. Shock me until I glow in the dark. I am not ordering dinosaur nuggets at a business merger dinner! The next second, my mouth was filled with the taste of fermented fish guts. Oh god. This dog of a System actually did it. It tasted like licking a marathon runner’s armpit in a sauna. I broke instantly. "I want the Dino-Nuggets..." I whispered. The System cheered. “The CEO is definitely noticing you now! He thinks you’re so unique! Who is this quirky girl braving the corporate world? He vows to protect your rare innocence!” Sebastian Sterling lifted his heavy eyelids and looked at me, a frown creasing his brow. He was wearing a bespoke Italian suit that probably cost more than my life, his features chiseled and deep, gold-rimmed glasses perched on a high nose bridge. He radiated expensive, untouchable energy. The System was ecstatic. “Sebastian thinks you’re special! Ordering a baby meal at a business dinner? So cute!” Just as the System was drowning in its own delusions, Sebastian shot a subtle glance at my department head. My manager stood up, walked over to me, and through a perfect customer-service smile, hissed: "Eat your damn nuggets in the alley. Get the hell out of here." Thank god. Finally, a normal person in this book. The working class is saved. 2 I had transmigrated into the role of the "Clumsy Corporate Pet" in a CEO novel. Or, to be more accurate, the "Whiny Burden." In my previous life, I was a high-powered executive. I died because I left a snarky comment on a TikTok video about one of these "pampered office girl" tropes. I wrote: “Wow! She’s eating a Happy Meal during a board meeting! So fresh! So cute! I bet her salary is also child-sized, right? All that whining and no raise, but at least the nuggets are free~” As soon as I hit send, I strained too hard. My hemorrhoid burst. The pain was so intense I blacked out. I tried to stand up, slipped on the tiles with my pants around my ankles, smashed the back of my head on the toilet rim, and died. When I opened my eyes, I was here. In this book. With this System forcing me to act like a toddler in a blazer. My manager asked me to prep coffee; the System forced me to swap it for bubble tea. I had to wear fuzzy, oversized sweaters and shoes with bunny ears while navigating a sea of sharks in Armani suits. I was forced to be a walking disaster zone. For someone who was an elite professional in her past life, this was torture worse than death. I don’t understand what kind of brain damage leads to the creation of this "Useless Assistant" genre. In my old life, I hated my coworkers. Now? I open my eyes and want to murder the author. I wasn't here to work for the company. I was here to be worked by the company. 3 I dragged my exhausted body back to my rental apartment. The System was still muttering to itself, confused why Sebastian didn't follow the script and fall in love with my incompetence. I patiently explained, "Listen. In the real world, a low-level grunt doesn't order food at a business dinner. The menu is set. The administrative team arranges the venue and the courses based on headcount and rank. High-end dinners do not serve dinosaur nuggets!" I was getting angrier as I spoke. "Have you ever even been to a business meeting?" The System sounded aggrieved. “But it shouldn’t be like this! Sebastian should find you interesting! He should think you’re clumsy and silly and super cute, and then fall helplessly in love with you!” I rolled my eyes. This System was clearly the type who fell in love with their drill sergeant during boot camp. If one of my subordinates ordered nuggets in front of a client, I would have fired them on the spot. Sebastian just kicking me out? That was practically saint-like behavior. My phone buzzed. Payday. My expression dropped. Damn it. This "Clumsy Pet" role not only required me to eat toddler food, but it also came with a toddler's allowance. I looked at the number. It wasn't even a fraction of my old salary. It looked more like a refund from Amazon than a paycheck. Sigh. I transferred rent to the landlord. Another month working just to have a roof over my head. 4 The next day, my manager looked at my pink frilly dress and fuzzy shoes. "Chloe," she said, her voice heavy with exhaustion. "You are 28 years old. You need to be professional. Look at how your colleagues dress." She didn't say it, but her eyes screamed: You look ridiculous. I wanted to hug her and cry. I wanted to tell her the System forced me to wear this or it would fill my mouth with raw onions. But I couldn't. Any mention of the System was automatically muted. I just lowered my head, trying to shrink into the floor. Because my next task was starting. Today’s Mission: Break the printer, then post a selfie with the caption: “Oopsie! I’m so dumb, technology is hard!~” Afternoon Mission: Spill coffee on Sebastian. The System insisted this would make him love me. I suspected the System had brain rot from reading too much Wattpad. As soon as I jammed the printer, my manager roared from behind me: "Chloe! Why is the printer broken again? That’s the third time this month! What is wrong with you?" I closed my eyes in despair. In my past life, I graduated from an Ivy League school. I was top of my class. I earned an eight-figure salary as the right hand of Julian, the most difficult CEO in the city. People called me "The CEO's Loyal Dog." I wore that title with pride. If I was a dog, I was a Golden Retriever with a diamond collar. And now? I was a 28-year-old woman pretending I didn't know how paper worked. Is this my punishment for working too hard? 5 Complaining aside, the mission had to be done. The System’s shocks were no joke. I think it trained under a torturer. I carried the coffee into Sebastian’s office. He was reviewing documents. He glanced at me once, then ignored me. He leaned one elbow on the desk, flipping through the quarterly financial report, tapping his finger rhythmically on the mahogany. I twitched. That look... that tapping... it was terrifyingly familiar. It reminded me of my old boss, Julian. “Spill it! Spill it now!” The System shrieked. “According to the trope, if you spill coffee on him, he’ll think you’re clumsy and say the classic line!” “Woman, you have successfully caught my attention.” I suppressed the urge to vomit and walked toward Sebastian. I "tripped." The cup flew. The hot coffee landed squarely on Sebastian’s... Crotch. F*ck. Why there? Of all places? I stopped breathing. My eyes bulged. That was scalding hot Americano. I had sinned. The Sterling bloodline might end here. Sebastian’s face turned purple. He clenched his jaw so hard I heard a crack, trying not to scream. Even the System panicked. “I said catch his attention, not destroy his future generations!” "Chloe..." Sebastian hissed through gritted teeth. "What. Are. You. Doing?" Sebastian went to the hospital. Second-degree burns. He lay in the hospital bed, looking like he wanted to die. I stood in the corner, nervously rubbing my left ring finger with my thumb. It was a habit I had when I was stressed. I was busy bargaining with the System on how to keep my job when I heard a name. "Harper." I froze. I looked at the source. It was Sebastian. How did he know my name from my previous life? Sebastian narrowed his eyes at me. He looked at my hand rubbing my finger. "Harper Quinn." The tone... the cadence... the cold judgment. It hit me like a lightning bolt. My idiot ex-boss had transmigrated too?!
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