My boyfriend, Liam, got amnesia. He forgot he was gay. He forgot me. Chasing him was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and I didn't plan on doing it a second time. Coincidentally, his mother also hoped he could return to his "original" life track. I compromised and went back to being a stranger in his life. But when I pretended not to know him as I walked by, he suddenly pulled me into his arms. "Sorry if I offended you... it was muscle memory saying I should hug you." 1 Before going to sleep, I remembered another one of Liam's flaws and noted it down: [ severe procrastination, always waits until midnight to shower. ] Scrolling down the screen, I had already listed more than twenty items after racking my brains these past few days. I thought, when I hit fifty, I could completely let go of Liam. Liam was my boyfriend, a straight guy I had chased for a long time. He got amnesia. He forgot he was gay, and he forgot me. And there was almost no possibility of recovering his memory. This blow to me was no different from painstakingly setting up dominoes, only for them to suddenly collapse halfway through, wasting all previous efforts. We were both people with distinct personalities, and it took a long time to smooth things out between us. Compromising with each other, yielding to each other, changing ourselves to fit the other person. Just as life was getting more and more harmonious, the progress bar suddenly reset to zero. When his accident happened, I was on a business trip. Rushing back, I saw him smiling and joking with a beautiful nurse. I already knew the diagnosis on the way, but I still wondered if he was pranking me. Seeing that familiar yet strange smile, I realized it was real. He noticed me by the door, looked me up and down with an inquisitive gaze, and finally gave me a friendly nod. That distant attitude made my world spin, and I couldn't breathe. Liam's mother supported me and led me aside. Two years ago, she was very dissatisfied with me turning her son gay, but finally compromised out of helplessness. This accident, she said to me, might be a good thing. Sure enough, she held my hand and pleaded: "Alex, can you let him go and let him live a normal person's life?" Erasing chat records, deleting photo albums, informing mutual friends. Exiting someone's world turned out to be so simple. 2 Liam left quite a few things in our small home. I packed them all up and sent them back to the Zhou family. I confirmed with his mother that Liam wasn't there before going, but unexpectedly ran into him returning just as I was leaving. As the elevator doors opened, he twirled his car keys, his eyes meeting mine, and let out an "Ah". "It's you." He stepped aside. "Did you come to see me? I'm fine now. Thanks for coming." I quickly controlled my expression and stepped out of the elevator. "No, I heard from your mom." Liam hesitated to speak, looking a bit embarrassed. "Um... sorry, I lost a few years of memory, so I don't really remember who you are... To visit me at home, was our relationship pretty good? Were we colleagues?" Although I was mentally prepared, hearing him say this still caused a dull pain in my heart, and endless bitterness welled up. Forcing down the surging emotions, I tried to keep my voice steady: "Yeah. We were in the same project group. I'm Alex. When you return to work, I can help you catch up." Liam's expression relaxed, revealing a grateful smile. "Thanks. Want to come up and sit for a while?" I could tell it was just politeness. Not long after we got together, Liam took me home. I wandered downstairs, hugging a pillar, afraid to go up. He hoisted me onto his shoulder and carried me into the elevator, trapping me in the corner so I had nowhere to run. At that time, he smiled and comforted me: "Don't worry, my mom doesn't hit people. If she really does, I'll carry you and run." I looked at Liam, who was wearing a distant smile now, and lowered my eyes. "No need. See you at the company." Back in the car, I opened the memo app, fingers trembling as I noted another one: [ Taste regressed, the cologne he chose smells awful. ] Almost 30 items now. The progress I anticipated was already halfway done. But no matter how many flaws I came up with, none could erase even a bit of his weight in my heart. I leaned back against the seat and sighed, when suddenly there was a knock on the car window. It was Liam. I rolled down the window, and he leaned down to look at me. "Maybe I'm being nosy, but are you really okay? You looked a bit pale just now." I rubbed my face: "It's nothing, maybe just a bit tired." "Should I call a designated driver for you? I got into an accident because I was distracted while driving, better to be cautious." No one knew what he went out to do that day. A few days before the accident, I vaguely felt he was hiding something from me, but I was never one to get to the bottom of things. Now that the person involved had forgotten everything cleanly, I would never know. "Thank you." After being thanked by him so many times these past two days, I finally returned one. "But don't worry, I value my life very much, I'll be careful driving." 3 I didn't tell him that actually, we weren't just colleagues, we were also college roommates for a year. In my senior year, I took a year off due to illness. When I returned, I was assigned to Liam's dorm. I originally thought that in the last year, most people would be studying or preparing for exams, so there wouldn't be much interaction. But Liam swaggered into my life just like that. Considering my poor health during recovery, he fetched food for me, ran to the counselor for materials, accompanied me to follow-up checks, and even guarded outside while I showered, worried I might suddenly faint. He said: "We're bros, I should do it." If it were before, I would never provoke a straight guy. But after hovering between life and death—what's there to restrain? I'm going to date the person I like, dammit. If he's straight, then I'll bend him. I want to live in the moment. I chased him for more than half a year, but didn't succeed even by graduation. On the day of leaving school, I put the offer from the same company as him and the flight ticket back to my hometown in front of him, asking him to choose one for me. He glanced at it and said: "Stop chasing so dryly." Hearing this, my heart died completely. I pulled my suitcase and was about to leave. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. I fell onto his lap, and before I could react, he held the back of my neck and kissed me hard. "Can't you just kiss me directly?" 4 Liam's return to work happened half a month later. The leader arranged a colleague for him to guide him back into the workflow. Amidst a circle of greetings and inquiries, he cast a puzzled look at me. I sat outside the crowd, head down, drinking water. He took the casual lie I told that day seriously. Unsurprisingly, he blocked me in the pantry. "Alex, why isn't it you?" "I've been a bit busy lately." I shoveled creamer into my coffee cup, masking my guilt. "So the team leader arranged someone else. He's very capable, you'll be fine with him." "But... I asked others, and they said our relationship isn't good at all, we barely talked." ... I thought for a moment and said sincerely: "They're right. It's just that I'm a person whose love overflows easily. Even when the cleaning lady sprained her ankle, I went to visit her." Liam shut his mouth. His gaze moved down to my coffee cup, half filled with white powder. "You can't drink that, non-dairy creamer is bad for your health." These words, this tone, made me dazed for a moment, thinking he hadn't lost his memory. Liam didn't let me eat junk food, he was very strict. Every time I craved junk food, I could only order takeout behind his back. I'm really not good at disguising, always getting caught. On the days I got caught, he would torment me until dawn, claiming to help me metabolize it quickly. I smiled, brewed it in front of him, and gulped down a big mouthful. "I just like this cheap taste." His Adam's apple bobbed, clearly forcing words back down. "If there's nothing else, hurry back to work." I wasn't sure if I stayed alone with him any longer, I might say something I shouldn't. As I walked past him, an arm suddenly blocked my stomach, gently pulling me in. I blinked slowly. That second seemed to be infinitely prolonged. Body heat separated by two layers of clothes, a firm chest, warm breath on the back of my neck. I froze on the spot, and Liam immediately pulled back. He looked down at his hand in bewilderment, his devastatingly handsome face now flushed red. "Sorry, sorry." He stammered, apologizing in panic, "I don't know what happened, suddenly just..." Truly strange. The brain doesn't remember, but the body has its own memory? Liam and I were an underground office couple. Others only knew we didn't communicate much and had an average relationship. But they didn't know about our fingers intertwining in crowded elevators, bold hugs in the empty pantry, kisses masked by the sound of machines in the copy room. Perhaps having done these things too many times, the body already had inertia.
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