I am intersex, and I am secretly in love with my cold, aloof roommate. Secretly, I look at his photos in the dorm to comfort myself, biting my lip to keep from making a sound. On the surface, I fight him tooth and nail, engaging in a fierce academic rivalry, chasing each other relentlessly. Until my cold roommate accidentally discovered my secret. He started liking to pull open my bed curtains in the middle of the night and climb into my bed. "Be good, don't move. "You don't want them to know either, right?" 1 "Why does it smell like blood? Is anyone injured in our dorm?" "No, I think I smell it too." After confirming none of them were hurt, they all turned their eyes to me. "Jamie, are you hurt?" I was on the phone with headphones on. Hearing this, I coldly lifted the bed curtain: "Not me." I turned over, "I'm on the phone with my girlfriend, don't disturb me." "Oh, girlfriend, calling so affectionately." I was the first in our dorm to get into a relationship. Of course, this is fake. I know, someone like me, it's already hard to have a normal relationship. As for a girlfriend, of course, there isn't one. I have an unspeakable secret. I am intersex. Although I look no different from a normal man on the outside, I possess female organs, and I have my period every month. This troubles me a lot. So I use the excuse that I have a girlfriend. This reason gives me a chance to openly go to the supermarket to buy sanitary pads for my "girlfriend." But actually, I buy them for myself. Because I am different from others. I am withdrawn, cold, don't like communicating with people, avoid intimate contact, always look unapproachable, actually just afraid others will discover my secret. To act realistically, I read the lover communication checklist on my phone, using my naturally husky voice to read out: "Like you, of course I like you, I will never break up with you. "We can meet this weekend, hold on a bit." After reading these, I made kissing sounds to the phone, "Kiss one, bye-bye, see you weekend." Then, I hung up this call that didn't exist at all. Exhausted. But precisely because of this, my roommates firmly believe I have a girlfriend. They even joke: "Jamie, your girlfriend is so clingy." "So envious, when will I get a girlfriend?" "Give up, look at Jamie's face, not to mention girls want to date, boys want to date too." I threw a pillow at his face: "Try talking nonsense again?" "Okay okay okay, I won't talk nonsense." Every time we played around, I would subconsciously look at Adrian. This is the roommate sleeping on the bunk opposite me. The person is very cold, state top scholar, academic god, GPA always first, looks like a movie star, countless pursuers, but all rejected coldly. Whenever my roommates joke about my girlfriend, only he remains silent. Seems to hate the fact that I have a girlfriend. Could he also be jealous that I got a girlfriend before him? But clearly he could have a girlfriend, so many girls want to date him. Because of abdominal pain, after the call, I had no strength to play with them, shrinking in the quilt sweating cold sweat. Just at this time, my bunk creaked. I was shocked to find my roommate actually climbed onto my bunk. His warm body slowly approached me, bringing a confusing sense of oppression. His legs tightly clamped my legs, knees pressed between my legs, as if to confine me in a narrow space. His body supported on both sides of my body, a pair of hands covered my forehead wet with cold sweat, frowning slightly: "Are you feeling very bad? Why didn't you say?" Looking straight into Adrian's deep eyes, I suddenly became exceptionally nervous. "Can you walk? I'll take you to the hospital." "No need to trouble you!" I couldn't wait for him to leave now, "I'll just take some painkillers myself." At such a close distance, I was afraid he would smell the blood on me. Adrian looked at me a few times, speaking slowly: "Okay." When he got up from me, I breathed a sigh of relief. But just then, Adrian suddenly said: "I seem to smell a bit of blood, are you hurt? "Let me check." I was about to cry: "No need, really no need." But the next second, Adrian confirmed no injury outside my quilt, and wanted to lift my quilt. My heart hardened, and I bit his hand fiercely. Adrian hissed. He finally didn't want to check anymore: "Sorry." Then, he went down without saying a word. I suddenly felt very guilty. If... if I were a normal person, I should be able to get along with Adrian normally. 2 At night, while everyone was showering, I walked into the bathroom. When applying for this school, I chose it because there was a private bathroom here. After showering, the sticky and damp place finally became refreshing again. I put my underwear in my basin, planning to wash off the blood stains. Just at this time, a roommate suddenly knocked on the door: "Jamie, can I come in and get something?" I was so scared I dropped the basin, making a loud noise in the room. "Jamie, what's wrong?" Saying that, I saw the bathroom door handle turning. "Don't come in!" I nervously draped the bathrobe over myself. Adrian stopped the roommate who wanted to enter, voice cold: "Jamie is from the South, not used to having people around when showering." "Oh, so that's it, sorry." "No... no problem." Although it was a false alarm in the end, my heart was still throbbing with fear. After showering, I carefully hung the clothes in the basin on the balcony. From the corner of my eye, I saw Adrian's lips rubbing the hand I had bitten. I suddenly felt very guilty. I must have bitten him painfully. He must hate me more now. At night, after all roommates went to sleep, I took advantage of the quiet night, turned on my phone, and admired Adrian's photos in the dim light. These photos were secretly taken by me when he wasn't paying attention. Actually, besides my body, my orientation is also different from ordinary people. In high school, Adrian was the academic god of the neighboring school. In every joint exam, he was number one. All along, I took him as my target for study. When I knew I was admitted to the same school as him, I was so excited I almost split apart. To not expose that I liked him, I treated him as a competitor on the surface, trying hard to compete with him for GPA. No one would think in the direction that I liked him. Sometimes I think, if I were a normal man, I would probably actively become good friends with him, instead of being just roommates with a lukewarm relationship like now. I like him. Especially since he sleeps right opposite me. I listened to his even breathing, comforting myself with his photos. I bit my teeth hard, not letting myself make a sound. The dorm was very quiet, quiet enough to hear everyone's breathing. But just then, I couldn't hold back, accidentally let out a muffled groan. I was instantly alert. The curtain of the opposite bunk moved. Adrian seemed to turn over, didn't wake up. I held my breath and listened for a long time, finding no other movement indeed, then relaxed, walked to the bathroom to wash my hands, despising myself immensely inside. If Adrian knew a deformed person like me had improper thoughts about him, he would probably be disgusted to death. I must keep this secret firmly hidden in the bottom of my heart. 3 That weekend, I went out early. After all, my persona is having a girlfriend who is stuck to me like glue, but in a different school, we have to date every weekend. Because I didn't enjoy myself last night, so tonight, I planned to stay outside alone for a night. I sent a message in the group: [Cover for me during room check, I won't come back tonight.] Roommate Leo laughed at me: [What, getting a room with girlfriend outside?] I replied: [Don't talk nonsense.] Leo: [Don't be shy, we all understand, be gentle to the girl, remember to use protection.] I didn't know how to explain. Or, just let them misunderstand like this? While I was hesitating, Adrian messaged me: [During room check, I won't help you. [I don't recommend you get a room with your girlfriend so early, you don't have the ability to be responsible yet.] I suddenly felt rebellious: [Stop lecturing me, Leo will help me tonight, I really might not go back today.] Leo said: [Don't worry, bro will definitely help you.] Adrian didn't reply to me for a long time. About five minutes later, Leo suddenly sent me a private message: [Why is Adrian weird, he just took his coat and went out with a gloomy face.] I didn't think much. He probably has his own business. Around eight in the evening, someone knocked on my door. I asked: "Who is it?" Adrian's voice sounded outside: "It's me." I opened the door in surprise: "How did you know I was here." Adrian lowered his eyes: "Because the hotel you stay in is my family's property." Heard early on that Adrian is the son of the richest man in North City, family properties all over the country, indeed true. I was a bit nervous: "What are you here for?" Adrian looked at me, shook the bag in his hand: "Afraid you'd forget, brought you protection." My face suddenly turned scorching red. His gaze swept inside, voice low: "Where's your girlfriend?" I nervously pulled my clothes, started lying: "She... she hasn't come yet." Adrian's face became even uglier. He slowly approached me, breath spraying on my neck: "Are you really going to do that kind of thing? Do you need me to teach you?" I retreated a step nervously: "No, no need, she has something to do tonight, not coming." Adrian's eyes fell on me: "Since that's the case, can you accompany me tonight. "I'm a bit sad tonight." 4 Adrian looked like he was really sad. I didn't think much, invited Adrian into the hotel room. Finally, somehow things evolved into me drinking with Adrian. I couldn't help asking him: "What's wrong with you? Why are you sad?" Adrian gazed at me deeply: "The person I like always avoids me." My heart suddenly skipped a beat: "You, you have someone you like?" Adrian hummed lightly "Mmh". Now, my mood suddenly became messy. "Then, what kind of person is she?" "He, very beautiful, very hardworking, excellent academic performance, the only shortcoming is always trying to stay away from me." I didn't understand. Being liked by Adrian, what a lucky thing. Because of my deformed body, I didn't even have the courage to like him. Because of sadness, I sipped wine mouthful by mouthful. Originally wanted to comfort myself with his photos after Adrian left, didn't expect to be heartbroken before anything started. In the end, I got drunk, stood up swaying: "I'm going to shower." Adrian supported me: "You can't even stand steadily, let me help you to shower." I shook him off: "Don't need you!" I didn't know where this inexplicable anger came from. I wanted to unbutton my shirt, but found my hands became clumsy, buttons wouldn't open. "I'll help you." Adrian approached me, cold fingers brushed my bare chest, taking off my shirt easily. Then, his fingers slid down, about to take off my pants. I hurriedly pushed him away, guarding my belt tightly: "No need for pants." I walked into the bathroom, took off my pants, found my underwear stained with blood again. Pants fell to ankles, my dignity also gone to nothing. The moment I smelled blood, I suddenly felt unprecedented anger. I turned on the shower, scrubbing myself hard as if punishing myself, washing this organ that shouldn't grow on me. I washed hard, skin rubbed red by me. Water from the shower poured over my head, I couldn't tell if I was crying. Just then, my foot accidentally stepped on the soap on the floor, fell heavily. Adrian opened the door hurriedly: "I heard a loud noise, are you hurt?" I had my back to him, legs spread, naked on the floor, uncovered. Then, I saw his pupils constrict. Bad! My secret was all seen by him.
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