Since kindergarten, Holden Sterling and I had never gone more than three days without seeing each other. But ever since our families discussed getting us engaged. He hid from me for a solid year. He blocked me on every contact platform; the security guards at his company stated that "unauthorized personnel and Elara Vance" were forbidden from entering. Whenever I appeared in his line of sight, he would immediately turn and walk away. Eventually, even his friends couldn't stand it anymore and snuck me in to see Holden. When I arrived, Holden's cold voice drifted through the crack of the private booth's door: "She's just a little toy that comes running whenever I beckon." "No capability, no personality. Honestly, getting engaged to her feels beneath me." 1 My hand froze on the doorknob. I didn't push it further. Standing behind me, Carter immediately covered my ears. "Elara, don't listen to Holden's nonsense. He's had too much to drink; he isn't thinking straight!" "I'll go in there and yell at him for you!" He made a move to push the door open. I tugged on Carter’s sleeve and shook my head. For so long, I just wanted to ask Holden why he was so resistant to our engagement, to the point of making a scene known throughout our entire social circle. I had called him "brother" for nearly seventeen years. But he wasn't my real brother. We were going to marry someone eventually, so why couldn't it be me? And now, I finally knew the answer. It wasn't that I wasn't accomplished enough, or pretty enough. It was that he had never seen me as anything more than a "pet" he’d raised since childhood. Something amusing? A way to pass the time? Or maybe just something pretty to keep around. Carter wiped my tears away with his handkerchief, muttering under his breath, "What are Ben and the guys talking about in there? None of them are reliable..." "It's okay now, Carter." I took a deep breath. "Can you take me home? I don't want to find him anymore." "Okay, alright..." Just as we turned to leave, the booth door opened from the inside. We froze, stunned, coming face-to-face with Ben, who had opened the door. Ben, unclear on the situation, grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. This drinking gathering was supposed to be their chance to persuade Holden to reconcile with me. Ben pulled me down to sit across from Holden. "Holden, even if you want to rebel against your family, don't treat Elara like this." "We've all watched Elara grow up. Just talk to her nicely. Don't let your sharp tongue cause misunderstandings." From the moment I entered the room, Holden hadn't looked up once. But the veins on the back of the hand gripping his glass were bulging. Carter followed us in, shaking his head and signaling with his eyes to Ben. Before Carter could pull me back up, Holden finally spoke. "Elara Vance, why won’t you listen to me?" "Didn't I say that until my grandfather and parents change their minds, we shouldn't meet?" "Why are you so selfish?" I lowered my head, not knowing what to say. The atmosphere in the room stagnated. The last time Holden was this angry was when an older student he was on good terms with confessed his feelings to me. Carter sighed, walked over, and patted my head. Then he motioned for the other guys in the room to leave, letting Holden and me talk alone. 2 Holden distractedly took a sip of his drink. "Elara, can't you have a little self-respect?" "I told you I'm not interested in you. I've never looked at you as a woman." "Instead of clinging to me all the time, couldn’t you go improve yourself?" "All day long, you just revolve around men..." "Are you pathetic?" "When I fully take over the company later, I'll be traveling for meetings constantly. I can't just drag you around with me." I felt like I was sinking into the icy depths of the ocean. My whole body went cold, drained of the strength to speak. So, for all these years, this is how he saw me. "So be a good girl and stay away from me. Grandfather will probably give up on the engagement soon anyway." "I understand." "You won't pester Carter and the others to help you find me anymore?" "I won't." Images from my childhood flashed through my mind like a revolving lantern. I used to treat these memories as my most precious treasures. Now, it seemed I was just ridiculous. I had ignored Holden's increasingly impatient attitude toward me since high school. I ignored his undisguised disdain for how I dressed. I ignored the subconscious comment he made when he found out his senior liked me: "Someone actually likes her?" ... I looked up and gazed at Holden earnestly. "Holden, I am very grateful that you saved me when I was small." "From now on, I’ll learn my lesson. I will never bother you again." I stood up and left without looking back. 3 Back at the mansion, I turned on the lights. The entire house was, as usual, familiarly empty. My parents were rarely home, and Grandfather lived in the mountains focusing on his wellness. I heard from Holden’s mother that since I was born, only a nanny had taken care of me. When I was three, the nanny went out to buy groceries and forgot to close the door. I ran out of the mansion and fell in the middle of the road. Holden, who was playing in his yard, heard crying and brought me back to the Sterling house. For the next decade or so, I grew up trailing behind Holden. I went to the same elementary school, middle school, and even university as him. When I was bullied for being withdrawn, it was Holden who stood up for me. He taught me how to protect myself. Calculating it out, Holden had spent far more time in my life than my so-called parents. I was too dependent on him. So when he first started hiding from me, I panicked and searched everywhere for him, feeling like the whole world was terribly empty. A year isn't long. But it was harder to endure than the previous dozen years combined. I sat in front of my computer, staring blankly at the acceptance email for my exchange student application. My therapist suggested a change of environment and cultivating new hobbies to shift my focus. I had originally wanted to tell Holden... Thinking of this, I let out a self-deprecating laugh. He was probably desperate for me to stay far away from him. When I left, I only sent a text message to my parents, even though they wouldn't really care. ... Touching down in Italy, I stumbled through the various procedures and renting an apartment. It wasn't as difficult as I imagined. While waiting for school to start, I traveled to nearby cities to sketch. It was just as the therapist said. Getting out and walking around really does change your mindset. Habits change too. After being pickpocketed three times and harassed countless times, I decided to learn self-defense. No one would protect me in the future; I had to learn to protect myself. 4 Two months into the semester in Italy, I suddenly received a call from Carter. "Elara, why didn't you tell us you went to Italy? We only found out because we bumped into a classmate of yours." "Yeah, I just came abroad to study and clear my head. I'll be back in a few months, don't worry." "How is your daily life there? Is the place you're living safe?" "Everything is fine, very safe." "That's good. Shouldn't you tell Holden? He has friends over there." "No need. I'm doing great, I don't need to trouble anyone else." "Alright, well, if anything comes up, contact me... uh, or Holden immediately." In the Sterling Corporation office, Carter waited until the call ended before locking his phone screen. "She’s growing up." Holden twirled a lighter, his face dark. "Come on, man. You were the one who told her not to find you." Carter sat slouched on the sofa, looking at Elara Vance’s exchange student application form. "Not finding me doesn't mean she can't make a call or send a text." "Oh my god, look at your blocked list." "You said you had to make it look real, so bam, you blocked her. How was she supposed to tell you?" "If it were me, I wouldn't bother with you either." Carter rolled his eyes. He was Holden's childhood friend and had also watched Elara grow up. He knew a bit about the Vance family's situation. Unloved by her dad, unloved by her mom, didn't talk much, but just clung to Holden. But Holden didn't have romantic feelings for her. Now that she was far away, he was clearly worried, but too stubborn to admit it. This whole mess... Let them figure it out themselves! After Carter left, Holden rubbed his temples. There was a frustration in his chest that wouldn't settle. It was worse than when he saw all those portraits of himself in Elara’s art studio. Both grandfathers were applying combined pressure, wanting him and Elara to get engaged. Elara was just a junior in college, a kid who had never dated anyone. What could she possibly know? Holden swiped at his phone screen. After hesitating for a moment, he pulled the contact "Elara" out of the blocked list. Then he dialed the internal line for Ms. Davis, his secretary. "Mr. Sterling, you wanted to see me." "Elara ran off to Italy on her own." The corner of Ms. Davis’s mouth lifted, a smug look appearing for an instant before being suppressed. "This shows that the 'tough love' approach I suggested is working." "Miss Vance grew up with no discipline; no one corrected her when she did wrong." "She's a junior in college and still only knows how to revolve around you all day. What kind of future could she have?" "For a girl with no sense of self like that, if you don't speak harshly to her, she'll never grow a backbone and walk independently." Ms. Davis explained with a smile. "Besides, Miss Vance going abroad doesn't necessarily mean progress. She might just be playing hard to get, learning tricks from romance novels." "I'm a woman too; I understand these little games." "To correct her obsession with relationships, you must maintain your distance." Holden looked thoughtful. "But she's never traveled far on her own before..." "Miss Vance is a junior in college; what could she possibly not know? When I graduated high school, I was younger than she is now, and I ran to a strange city for college. It's not that difficult. Girls don't need to be coddled so much." Holden thought about it and realized she made sense. Elara had probably seen too few men, confusing her familial affection for him with love. It was time to let her fend for herself out there. He told Ms. Davis to cancel the flight to Italy he had just booked, and turned back to dealing with company affairs.
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