My husband was out of town. I had just finished indulging in some spicy romance fiction when I scrolled past a post that nearly made my heart stop. 【On a business trip. Bought my wife a "replacement husband" to keep her company. How should I send him to her so she’ll love me a little more?】 Still riding the high from my reading, I typed out a reply without thinking: 【You know the "rugged blue-collar" look? Get him a tight tank top. Tell him to do some push-ups before he knocks so his muscles are pumped. Say he’s there to fix the plumbing.】 I sat back, waiting for the OP to ask for links. Instead, he just replied: 【Thank you.】 A second later, a text from my husband—who had been gone for a week on a business trip—popped up: 【There’s a problem with the bathroom pipes. I called someone to come fix them. Remember to open the door.】 1 I scrolled through the thread right before bed. 【On a business trip. Bought my wife a "replacement husband"...】 I had just finished a particularly steamy romance novel. My face was flushed, my heart was racing, and I was in a state of high-octane excitement. My first thought seeing the post? Is this bait? I clicked in immediately. Of course, the midnight crowd on this forum was full of wild imaginations. The comments were piling up by the hundreds. 【Oh, she’ll love it. Pick someone who looks innocent but wears as little as possible. That’s our type.】 【The best pacifier in the world is a man’s chest. PS: Needs to be the sensitive type. Just a suggestion.】 【Worried your wife’s bed is getting cold? Don't be. Action tonight! Hot skin contact incoming.】 The OP specifically tagged that last one and replied: 【That sounds perfect.】 I smelled something unusual. I typed: 【Just curious, what exactly did your wife do to make you think she’s "missing" a husband?】 A few seconds later, the OP replied to me: 【She did nothing. I’m the one who failed her.】 I was ready to launch into a rant about toxic relationships, but the OP continued: 【When I was younger, I was in a car accident. My legs can’t support my weight for long, so I’m mostly in a wheelchair. Luckily, everything "works," but she always has to be the active one. Watching her get exhausted and then having to walk to the shower on shaky legs herself... I hate myself for it.】 【Plus, I’m always busy with work and traveling. She’s home alone. She’s young and has needs. There are too many temptations out there. I decided it was better to find someone I trust to look after her.】 2 The comment section was in shock. 【I’ll believe this "insecure saint" exists when I believe I’m the reincarnation of Elvis.】 【Long live the King!】 【Seriously, I thought I’d read every trope, but this is a new level of "down bad."】 【Look at that IP address. Is this guy a billionaire CEO or something?】 The OP replied: 【Close enough. I’m here closing a merger and checking on a branch office. Things are going well, we’re in an expansion phase, so I’ll be here a while.】 【I bought her some sapphire necklaces, clothes, shoes, and a few of the latest designer bags. But it doesn't feel like enough.】 【Money can’t replace companionship. I thought it over and picked the person I’m most satisfied with to send to her.】 The thread was boiling over. Only I was starting to feel a chill. This sounded way too much like me and my husband, Silas. I’m not usually the type to overthink things. I sent a link to the thread to Silas. I sent a testing text: 【Can you bring me back some of the "pastries" they’re talking about in these comments?】 It was morning where he was. Silas replied almost instantly. 【One sec. I don’t have that app downloaded. I can’t see the comments.】 I let out a breath. I felt a mix of relief and a strange, deflating disappointment as I lay back on the bed. Right. Of course. How could Silas be secretly obsessed with me? Let alone love me with that kind of desperate humility? I thought of him in the boardroom—cold, calculating, powerful. I swiped through our chat. It was dry and formal. "Good morning," "Good night," "Have you eaten?" Not exactly the talk of newlyweds. While I was being sentimental, the internet had added another hundred layers to the thread. 【If a man doesn't love me to this level of insanity, I don't want it!】 【Is this real life? Can I have the money AND the obsessive love?】 【I finally get why insecurity is a man’s best accessory. Where do I find a guy like this?】 【Drop the tutorial, sis. How did you train him?】 The OP replied to that one quite seriously: 【I just searched that term. For the record, she didn't "train" me. She just likes to rest her head on my lap and kiss the scars on my legs. I told her they were ugly; she told me I was brave.】 3 【...Is it possible your wife actually loves you? Bro, please stop looking for rivals. I’m begging you.】 【I usually hate sharing plots, but I actually want these two to be monogamous.】 【Is this a "Golden Girl" meets "Stern Daddy" dynamic? That’s adorable.】 Wait. That thing about the leg scars? I actually did that. Was it just a coincidence? The OP didn't reply for a long time. I was getting anxious. I went to get a glass of water, and when I came back, there was an update: 【Everyone, don't misunderstand. My wife is just too kind. She doesn't love me; our marriage was something I forced. I don't deserve her.】 【I’m already selfish enough. I have a broken body, yet I used my influence to bind her to me. I don’t expect to be lucky enough to actually have her love.】 Then, he got back to the point. 【I just got a call. He’s asking when he can see his "sister-in-law." I realized we got off track. Does anyone have advice on how to introduce him?】 The internet caught the keyword immediately. 【Sister-in-law? I have a feeling the "replacement" isn't a stranger.】 【A "brother" dynamic? This just got spicy.】 【I bet it’s a cousin. The kind who sees his brother and sister-in-law fighting and sneaks in to "clean up."】 The OP clarified: 【He’s my cousin. I don’t trust strangers near her.】 【There is no sharing. My wife only has one legal husband—me.】 【We don’t fight. But he really likes that one song.】 4 The thread spiraled into chaos after that. The OP kept asking for advice, but no one was taking him seriously anymore. By this point, my initial shock had turned into amusement. I figured this was just a clever new way for a web novel author to promote their work. The "immersion" was top-tier. As a fan of the genre, I decided to contribute. I used my alt account to tag the OP: 【You know the "rugged blue-collar" look? Get him a cheap, thin tank top—easy to tear, tight enough to show everything. Have him do fifty push-ups to get his muscles pumped, then have him show up saying he’s there to fix the pipes. When he gets inside, have him "accidentally" splash water over his abs.】 The moment I posted, a string of replies came in asking for "sauce." I smiled, feeling proud of my contribution, until I saw two words from the OP. 【Thank you.】 Thank me for what? Before I could process it, my phone buzzed. I put down my iPad and unlocked my phone. It was Silas. 【There’s a problem with the bathroom pipes. I called someone to come fix them. Remember to open the door.】
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