Senior year was the year I hit rock bottom. I tried to pull a move on Leo Vance, thinking I’d finally get a kiss out of him, but his older brother caught us in the act. His brother, Silas, cornered me in a dark alleyway behind the gym. He grabbed me by the hair and leaned in, his voice a low, dangerous growl: "You want to kiss someone so bad? I’ll give you something to kiss." Blood rushing to my head, I fumbled with my belt and smirked. "Bring it." 01 I wasn’t going down easy. I’d been beaten before, and I wasn't scared. I licked the blood from the corner of my mouth and tugged at my waistband, completely ignoring Silas’s thunderous expression. "What are you waiting for? I thought you wanted this," I taunted, tilting my head back with a death-wish level of defiance. "Get on your knees and do it." Silas let out a dark, dry laugh. Then he punched me. Right in the gut. The bastard played dirty. I doubled over, the wind knocked out of me, but my spite only burned hotter. "If you don't want to do it, why did you ask? I wanted Leo. If you’re too much of a coward, I’ll just go find him and make him do it." I knew exactly which buttons to push. Silas lived for his "perfect" little brother. In his eyes, Leo was an angel in a varsity jacket. And me? I was the trash. Silas looked at me like I was a virus that would infect Leo if I got too close. Silas reached into his pocket and pulled out a box cutter. The cold, steel blade slid slowly down my chest toward my stomach. I swallowed hard. Since when did this guy carry a weapon like that? His eyes were hidden behind the glare of his glasses, but his anger was a heavy, suffocating thing. "Tell me again. Who are you going to touch? Where?" I finally shut up. I stood there, frozen, terrified that one slip of his hand would end my bloodline right then and there. He tapped the flat side of the blade against my hip. I shivered, nearly losing it. "Silas... put the knife away," I managed to rasp out, trying to sound tougher than I felt. "I promise. I’ll stay away from Leo." Silas didn't move. He looked at me, his voice dropping to a freezing temperature. "Kiss me." What? The blade moved, a shimmering threat. Silas repeated the command, devoid of any emotion: "Kiss me." I cursed under my breath. Fine. Silas was a good-looking guy; it wasn't like I was losing out. The moment our lips touched, he grabbed me by the throat and shoved me back. "Not like that." His cold gaze swept down. He smirked slightly and whispered, "Get down." My eyes widened. He wanted me to... I clenched my fists, looking for a way to bolt. Silas read my mind instantly. "If you run, I’ll catch you before you hit the end of the block. And then I’ll cut off that restless little part of you that keeps getting you into trouble." He pressed his hand onto the top of my head and forced me down. It wasn't a violent shove, but it was absolute. "If you try to bite, I’ll knock every single tooth out of your head." I knelt at his feet, teeth gritted in a mix of fury and helplessness. He had worked me over pretty good; I couldn't run even if I tried. He tapped the blade against my cheek. Silas’s voice dropped to a whisper. "Zane. Open up." I closed my eyes in total despair. Silas didn't treat me like a person. He was brutal. When it was over, he pinched my chin, staring at my swollen lips. "How does it feel to be forced, Zane?" He was doing this for Leo. To "protect" him by ruining me. My throat burned. My voice came out as a hoarse wreck. "Try it yourself and find out." Silas laughed. Up close, I could see his eyes behind the lenses. They were beautiful, but the pupils were so dark it felt like drowning in an abyss. "With a mouth that soft, you should learn to say softer things." He pulled out a tissue, wiped his hands, and threw the crumpled paper at me as if I were a piece of garbage. "Not a word of this to Leo. I’ll be watching you, Zane." 02 Silas left me there in the dirt. I was curled in the corner of the alley like a pile of trash. It started to rain. I could smell the dumpster nearby, and honestly, I didn't smell much better. I fumbled for a crumpled cigarette, but my hands were shaking so hard I couldn't get the lighter to spark. I threw the lighter against the wall and cursed the world. I limped my way home. From a distance, I saw someone standing perfectly straight at the end of the street. Clean-cut, black-rimmed glasses, a sweater vest over a collared shirt. The picture-perfect student. That was Leo. He heard my footsteps and looked over. He froze, then ran toward me, looking terrified. "Zane? What happened? Did you get into another fight?" I pushed him away. "None of your business." Leo bit his lip. He fumbled through his pockets for a long time and pulled out a wad of crumpled bills. He handed them to me, his eyes pleading. "Here. Take it." I didn't count it. I just grabbed the cash and looked at him. "Get lost, Leo. Stop looking for me." Leo didn't move. "Is it because of the other day? Because I wouldn't kiss you? I wasn't trying to be mean, Zane. I just... I wasn't ready. I’ve never done anything like that before..." His voice softened. "Zane, please don't be mad." Leo seemed to make a decision. He grabbed my shoulders and slowly leaned in, his eyelashes fluttering. He was offering me exactly what I had wanted. I looked at his nervous, desperate face. Then I stepped back and shoved him away. "I’m not mad," I said, pocketing the money. "I never liked you anyway. I only hung around because you’re pretty and your family has money." It was a lie, but it was a necessary one. Leo’s family was wealthy. He was a straight-A student, polite, and soft-spoken. For a delinquent like me, guys like him were the easiest targets. You get money, and you get a sense of power. When I ended up in the same class as Leo, I bullied him constantly, shook him down for "protection money." Leo was a coward; he never told his parents. Then some of the guys started saying Leo was so pretty he looked like a girl. They told me I should just "date" him so I could have a permanent ATM and a pretty face to look at. I listened. I forced Leo into a relationship. Leo was too scared to say no. He had asked me, trembling, "If I date you, will you stop hitting me?" I thought it was cute. I laughed and said, "Yeah. I won't hit you. I’ll take care of you." He believed me. He became like a loyal dog, giving me every cent he had. "Zane, I’ll give you all my allowance, just please stop fighting people." My crew used to tease him, calling him "the bride." They cheered and told me to kiss him to see if he tasted like money. Leo was terrified. He shook his head and begged me not to. I didn't care. I put out my cigarette, grabbed him by the hair, and slammed him against a wall to force a kiss on him. That was the moment Silas saw us. And that was why I was currently bleeding. Leo’s face went pale. His voice trembled. "You’ve been with me for so long... why won't you even look at me now?" Because your brother will kill me. My throat was raw, but I forced a cruel grin. "Because I realized I like your brother more." 03 Leo gave me $645—enough to eat for two months. When I got home, my mom, Lily, was lying on the couch smoking. Her skin was covered in a rash. Her heart condition was getting worse, but she refused treatment because we had no money. I counted out $500 and put it on the coffee table for her meds and food. I didn't want to come home one day and find a corpse. I couldn't sleep. Everything ached. I dreamed of Silas. He was hitting me, kicking me, grinding his shoe into my face. He looked like he wanted to kill me. I woke up shaking. The day Silas transferred into my class, I was passed out at my desk in the back row. He pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. When the bell rang, he grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head up. I was ready to swing at whoever woke me, but when I saw Silas, I swallowed every curse word in my throat. Hell. Why was this psycho here? Silas flipped through my textbook. He saw the blank pages and laughed. "I've seen a lot of losers, but you're a pure-bred specimen, aren't you?" I was furious, but I was also terrified. My throat still hurt just looking at him. Being insulted was better than being cut. I ignored him and tried to go back to sleep. Silas slammed the book against my head. "Sit up. Pay attention." Even a dog has limits. I rubbed my head and snapped, "Mind your own business! You listen to the lecture, I’ll sleep. If I’m such a problem, change seats!" Silas looked at me sideways. "Leo came home crying the other night. We had a big fight." Not my problem. "He told me you’re in love with me," Silas continued, his voice mocking. I was suddenly wide awake. That kid... why would he tell his brother that?! Silas leaned back, enjoying my panic. "So. You like me?" I swallowed hard. "I was lying to him." Silas acted like he didn't hear me. He pulled his chair closer. "Pay attention to the teacher. I don't like being liked by losers." Damn it. Silas was doing this purely to torture me. He didn't just make me listen; he checked my notes after every class. I didn't understand a word of it, and my notes looked like chicken scratch. Silas frowned, threw his own notebook at me, and told me to copy it. "I need to use the bathroom," I grumbled. Silas smiled thinly. "Hold it." I spent the whole break catching up on notes. By the time the next class started, I was sweating from holding it in. Silas wouldn't let it go. While I was trying to solve a problem, he reached over and pressed his hand against my lower stomach. Gently. Firmly. I shuddered, letting out a muffled groan as I slumped over the desk. From the corner of my eye, I saw Silas’s lips curl into a tiny, satisfied smile. The man was a total freak. 04 The second the bell rang, I bolted for the restroom. I was just finishing up when someone threw an arm around my shoulder. I looked up. It was Brooks. Brooks was the leader of the local gang—the "Alpha" of our school’s delinquents. He didn't look at me. He just stared ahead and said, "Zane. I heard you and Leo broke up." I didn't answer. Brooks loved knowing everything. He probably knew how many times a day I used the bathroom. He zipped up, turned to me, and said, "Since you're done with him, mind if I take a turn? He’s a pretty little thing." "Back when you said he was yours, I gave you a pass. I didn't touch him out of respect for our brotherhood. But now, you can't stand in my way." Brooks was a sadistic prick. When he targeted someone, he didn't stop until they were broken. I’d seen him bully a kid into a total breakdown before. The only reason I had "dated" Leo was to keep Brooks away from him. I had told Brooks I wanted him for myself, and Brooks had backed off. Now, I had no reason to stop him. "Do whatever you want," I said. I was trash anyway, and I had my own problems. Besides, Leo had a brother to protect him now. I skipped the rest of class to go work my shift at the BBQ joint. When I walked back into the neighborhood that night, I saw Brooks in the alley. He had a dozen guys with him. Leo was on his knees in the dirt. His face was bruised and swollen. His glasses had been knocked off, and he was crawling around, frantically searching for them. Brooks was smiling as he raised his foot to stomp on Leo’s hand. I looked for a split second, then turned my head and kept walking. As I stepped out of the alley, I ran into Silas. He was drenched in sweat, looking frantic. Searching. I paused. "He's in the alley." Silas gave me a look of pure hatred. He grabbed a lead pipe from the ground, pushed past me, and charged into the darkness. I took a deep breath of the damp air. Suddenly, a hot, strong hand grabbed my arm and yanked me backward. Silas had the pipe in one hand and me in the other. "You think you can just walk away? Not a chance."
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