The New Year's Eve bell just rang, I timed it perfectly to send a message to Julian Brooks: "Dr. Brooks, when can we go public with our relationship?" But before he could reply, my dad suddenly raised his hand, pointing at a street lamp not far away, tone full of surprise: "Hey, isn't that Julian? Holding hands with a young girl, looks like their relationship is unusual." My heart skipped a beat, subconsciously following their gaze. Next second, blood all over my body seemed to freeze. In the warm yellow halo of the street lamp, Julian leaned slightly, kissing the girl in his arms. I recognized that girl, she was the newcomer the department head mentioned a few days ago, coming to start work next week. Perhaps my gaze was too burning, Julian suddenly looked up. At the moment our eyes met, his pupils shrank, Adam's apple rolled quickly twice. Few seconds later he let go of the person in his arms, walking towards us. "Professor, Mrs. Song, let me formally introduce, this is my fiancée Sarah." When it was my turn, his eyes hid a trace of evasion, didn't even dare to look at me for too long, just hurriedly swept over my face, introducing to the person beside him: "This is Professor and Mrs. Song's child Chloe, counts as my half-sister." Hearing his words, I smiled self-mockingly. Turns out, the person who shared bed and pillow for 365 days and nights, is actually just his half-sister. Chapter 1 Sarah turned to smile at me: "Sister Chloe, later when I start working in the hospital, I will trouble you a lot." She leaned closer to Julian, holding his hand tighter, eyes curved adding: "After all Dr. Brooks is too busy, department matters are enough to make him scorched head and rotten forehead (busy and anxious), where does he have energy to care about me." I looked at the matching rings shining on their ring fingers, only felt my eye sockets burning. Julian is indeed busy. Busy lying to me about consultation on New Year's Eve, busy holding another girl's hand to cross the year, busy kissing another person while I was full of expectation for his reply. Julian's ear tips turned red, he looked down at Sarah, with a coaxing tone: "What nonsense? Even if I'm busy, I won't ignore you." "Which time you needed me, I didn't appear in front of you first time?" Words out, sourness instantly spread from heart to throat. I remembered last week I had a fever of 102 degrees, messaged him asking to bring a box of fever medicine, he said department busy feet not touching ground, replied let me order delivery myself, then no follow-up. Turns out, he didn't lack time, just his time, never belonged to me. Just then, my dad suddenly patted Julian's shoulder, face full of gratified smile, tone carrying a few points of emotion: "So good, I watched you two grow up together since childhood, now you both have people you like, we elders are also happy." He said, turning to look at me again, eyes carrying some smile: "Speaking of which, Chloe also has a boyfriend, heard dated for a year, but never told us who he is." "Your Mrs. Song and I guessed secretly at first, thought it was you and our Chloe together, after all you two are childhood sweethearts, later worked in same hospital, seeing each other every day." My dad laughed heartily: "Result seeing your girlfriend today, realized we made a big misunderstanding!" Fireworks around exploded instantly, reflecting on my pale face. Julian almost immediately took the words, tone calm without a flaw, even carrying a meaning of crying and laughing. "How possible Professor, I always just treat Chloe as sister, she has straight personality, in department I also took care of her a bit more, didn't expect let you misunderstand." I stared tightly at Julian's smiling face, suddenly felt surrounding noise like drowning, a silent suffocation wrapped me, making me unable to escape no matter how. One year of underground romance, three hundred sixty-five days and nights of sneakiness, in his light sentence of sister, shattered not even dregs left. I took a deep breath, forced a smile, actively stepped forward, held my dad's arm: "Mom, Dad, don't worry, wait till Chinese New Year, I will bring my boyfriend back for you to see." My dad stunned, then eyes lit up, patting back of my hand happily: "Good ah, that time must let me look carefully, exactly which handsome lad made you spend so much effort hiding for a year." My mom also followed laughing, pulling my hand carefully instructing: "Right, that time say in advance, we good prepare meal, can't slight people." Julian seemed not listening to what we were saying here, just holding Sarah's hand looking at her. I looked at the unconcealed happiness on Julian's face, that dense pain in heart suddenly surged up, forcing me to birth a few points of almost masochistic prank thought. I hooked lips looking at him: "Speaking of coincidence, my boyfriend is also a doctor, and works in the same hospital as Dr. Brooks." Words out, air around instantly solidified. Smile on Julian's face froze instantly, he couldn't care about Sarah, eyes locked dead on me, lips moved silently, that mouth shape clearly saying "Don't make trouble". Like exactly when we secretly kissed in his office before, someone knocked, he panic pushed me away, also afraid I aggrieved, secretly winked at me begging for mercy. But now, panic in his eyes, is afraid I ruin his good match with Sarah, afraid I expose his dirty act of stepping on two boats. I looked at his familiar eyes, heart like grabbed fiercely by an invisible hand, painful making my fingertips tremble. I pulled corner of mouth, withdrew gaze, didn't look at him again: "But well, he is relatively low-key, wait till brought back during Spring Festival, you will know." Julian obviously sighed relief, tightness on back faded a lot, only ears still red piercing, don't know if guilty conscience, or lingering fear. Just then, my dad's phone suddenly rang, he answered, smilingly responded few times, hung up then waved at us: "Old Wang and them 2 missing 2, urging me and your mom to go make up numbers, already past 12, just right catch an all-nighter." My mom also echoed: "Then we go first, you young people have fun." She turned to look at me, eyes carrying a few points uneasiness: "Chloe, so late, you alone go home not safe, let Little Julian send you." Sarah immediately held Julian's arm, smiling obediently: "Uncle Auntie rest assured, me and Julian send Sister Chloe back together, guarantee send her home safely." My heart burst of nausea, hurriedly waved hand refuse: "No need, Uber I called already arrived, just at intersection." I said about to turn, wrist was grabbed by Julian. His force very big, like deliberately doing for my parents to see, also like warning me: "Professor and Mrs. Song handed you to me, I must send you home safely." Voice just fell, he dragged my wrist, pulled me into back seat. Moment car door closed, I saw Julian go around to other side, bent down to fasten seat belt for Sarah. His movement very light, fingertips brushed Sarah's hair tip, didn't forget to lower head instruct "Sit steady". Sarah looked up smiling at him, reached arms around his neck, printed a kiss on his cheek, coquettishly said: "Knew it, you drive slow." I sat in back seat, gaze swept inside car, heart like fiercely grabbed, painful breathless. Before, this passenger seat was my exclusive position, car hung Lucky Cat charm I ran three streets to buy, dashboard placed photo of us first time went amusement park, even car fragrance was my favorite citrus scent. But now, Lucky Cat charm missing, photo changed to side face of him and Sarah hugging, fragrance also changed to rose scent Sarah prefers. Even cartoon cushion I forced to him, changed to lace style same color system as Sarah's dress. Turns out, he long pulled my traces from his life, by the roots. I turned head away, dead staring scenery retreating fast outside window, eye sockets sore and swollen terrible, but forced back tears about to roll down. Silence all way, car stopped downstairs my home, Julian first pushed door get off, went around to back open my door: "I send you upstairs." He turned to smile at Sarah in passenger seat: "Sarah, you wait me in car a while, I come down soon." Sarah obediently nodded, waved at me. I ignored her, walked straight to community. Julian silently followed behind me, street lamp pulled our shadows very long, one front one back, separated by not far not near distance, like exactly our relationship unable to see light in this year. Until walked to unit building door, Julian finally opened mouth: "Your things I already packed, all put at doorman." "That apartment, Sarah wants to live, letting her know not good..." My hand pinching key paused, fingertips ice cold. That apartment we secretly lived for small a year, wall still pasted wallpaper I bought, fridge still stuffed food he loves, wardrobe still hung our couple pajamas, turns out in his eyes, that is just a place can't let Sarah know, hiding secrets. I didn't speak, didn't turn back, just lowered head, staring at keyhole. Julian behind silent few seconds, low voice spoke again, tone carrying a trace of guilt: "Chloe, sorry." I finally turned around, looking at him. Stairway light fell on his face, reflecting panic flashed in his eyes. I pulled corner of mouth, revealed an extremely faint, sarcastic smile: "No need apologize, after all we never together, just Friends with Benefits only." Friends with Benefits three words, like a needle, fiercely stabbed him. Julian face instantly changed, he fiercely grabbed my hand, force big making me frown: "Chloe Song, must you speak so ugly?" I looked at him, chill in eyes bit by bit漫 (spread) up. Ugly? Compared to him lying to me overtime on New Year's Eve, turning head holding other girl kissing, compared to him wiping my traces completely from life, turning head taking new love live into our rental, compared to him facing my parents, lightly saying only treat me as sister. This sentence, really not count as ugly. After Julian left, that strength holding up whole night finally collapsed. Tears held too long in eye sockets, finally without warning smashed down, smashed on back of hand, hot making people hurt. I just squatted on ground like that, cried till whole body trembling, cried till night faded, sky light slight bright. Cried tired, I buried myself in quilt, phone off, curtains pulled tight tight, let room fall into a piece darkness. I asked a week leave, didn't tell anyone reason. In these few days, I didn't eat a mouthful rice, didn't step out room door one step, only when thirsty to extreme, would climb up drink a mouthful cold water. Stomach empty, hungry limbs soft, but that hole in heart, how also can't fill. Until 5th day evening, sunset outside window through curtain crack, fell on floor. I stared at that beam light for long time, suddenly felt, seems no need torture myself like this anymore. I slowly climbed up, walked into bathroom. Person in mirror face pale, under eyes hung heavy blue black, lips dry cracked skin, haggard unlike words. I turned on hot water, washed a good bath, then dug out cosmetics, gave myself a good makeup. Draw brows, apply eye shadow, put on a bright lipstick. Looking at myself in mirror re-glowing few points brilliance, I suddenly smiled. I changed into a beautiful dress, stepped on high heels, walked out of home. I came to that private kitchen restaurant I missed for long time, pushed door in, ordered a table of my favorite dishes. Steaming hot Sweet and Sour Ribs, crispy flavorful spicy chicken... When first bite of sweet and sour ribs sour sweet taste melted on tongue tip, my eye sockets somewhat hot, but not because sad. But because I suddenly understood, Julian compared to delicious food, really counts nothing. Those hypocritical sweetness he can give me, far not as solid as a plate of sweet and sour ribs. Eat full drink enough, stomach warm, bringing mood also good a lot. I paid bill, slowly walked along street side, evening wind blew on face, a trace of cool. Passing by hospital, my steps paused, thought, straight walked in. Nurse at duty desk saw me, even smiling greeted: "Chloe, didn't you ask leave? Why came?" I smiled at her, just wanted say process resignation, she step ahead lowered voice: "You don't know right? Department just decided, Attending Position quota given to Sarah, is that girl came last week..." I stunned, immediately reacted. Also, I phone off this week, hiding at home not out, naturally wouldn't know these things. Can't say what mood, not uncomfortable, nor angry, even a bit surprise none. Seemed long expected this result. I pulled corner of mouth, smiled to nurse: "Knew, thanks, I just came to process resignation." Before shuttling in this building, always thinking fast turn regular, thinking can stand beside Julian openly, but now standing here, only feel body relaxed. Procedures went very smooth, signed last name, I put work ID on table, turned out of hospital. Moment walking out hospital gate, I long exhaled a breath, like unloaded thousand pounds burden. I didn't go home, instead directly bought plane ticket to South three days later. Done all this, I then called parents, said resignation and travel things together. Phone other end, parents stunned half day, immediately burst out surprise cheers. With Julian this year underground love, I lived carefully, gain and loss worried. Put all time and energy on Julian, but forgot most should accompany is Mom and Dad. Hung up phone, I hummed song back home, started rummage chests cupboards pack luggage, those things related to Julian, all by me one brain stuffed into trash can, threw clean clean. Three days later, I dragged suitcase, with parents downstairs ready go airport. Just to community gate, a familiar figure suddenly blocked in front of us. Is Julian. Under his eyes green black, hair messy, looked haggard a lot. Seeing suitcase in my hand, his pupils fierce shrank, tone carrying few points urgent question: "Where you going? Why resign? Message I sent you why not reply?" I then suddenly remembered, since that night cried, I never touched WeChat again. I in front of her face, took out phone unlock, click open WeChat. Top pinned chat box, densely packed all his messages, from initial "Where are you" "Why didn't come up", to later "Are you still blaming me" "Don't make trouble", to finally carrying anger "Chloe Song, then what exactly you want" "Attending quota will have again, next time I give you okay?". Looking these messages, I quickly screenshot, then look at Julian: "$100,000, hush money, otherwise I send these messages to Sarah." Words out, Julian face instantly sank, brows dead frowned: "Chloe Song, everyone is adult, each take what need that's all." I pulled corner of mouth, didn't take his words, just steadily looked at him, eyes carrying few points mockery. Julian stared at me few seconds, like judging true fake in my words. Anger in his eyes gradually faded, gradually, a wipe annoyance and fear climbed on cheek. He probably really afraid I make thing big, afraid Sarah know all this, ruin his carefully maintained deep affection image. Silent for half day, he took out phone from pocket, fingers flying tapping on screen, tone impatient but carrying few points compromise: "Fine, I transfer you, don't make thing to unmanageable step, not good for you me." Transfer notification sound soon rang, phone screen jumped out 100k arrival notification. Julian put away phone, face still ugly, but still forced suppressing emotion, tone eased few points, like comforting: "Money transferred, you good follow Professor Mrs. Song go out play play also fine, treat as relax." "Hospital position I keep for you, when want come back work, anytime tell me." He probably still thinks, I do all this is playing temper, thinks I sooner later will turn back, thinks I can't without him. I looked at his self-righteous look, heart only felt a burst nausea. I didn't look him one more glance, turned smile to parents: "Mom Dad, let's go, don't delay plane." Julian stood in place, didn't chase up again, but I could feel a gaze staring dead at me behind my back. But these, all irrelevant to me. 100k, counts as his compensation to me for this year absurd underground love, from today, he owe me nothing, I also owe him nothing. Chapter 2 Plane shuttled above clouds, outside window is large large soft cloud sea. Sunlight shone in through window, shining on body warm. I leaned on seat back, just wanted close eyes rest mind. Dad beside suddenly gently patted back of my hand: "Chloe, tell Dad truth, that boyfriend you dated before, is it Julian?" I fiercely opened eyes, heart missed a beat, subconsciously wanted deny: "Dad, what you saying, no..." Words not finished, Mom held my other hand: "Silly child, you are our precious daughter, your every move can't hide from us." "New Year's Day when we met Sarah and Julian, I saw your face poor scary." She paused, sighed: "You locked yourself at home seven days, me and your Dad also didn't dare go back disturb you, just wanted give you some space, let yourself slowly recover." "We know you suffered grievance, also know you don't want let us worry." I originally didn't want cry, but this moment, poked through all disguise by parents, those emotions forced down, finally couldn't hold anymore. Tears like broken line beads, rolled down without warning. I turned head, wanted avoid their gaze, but gently cupped face by Mom: "Cry ba cry ba." My Dad voice carrying few points choke: "Aggrieved just cry out, don't hold in heart, have Mom Dad here." I couldn't hold anymore, pounced into Mom's arms, shoulders violently trembling, suppressed long crying finally intermittently overflowed. I choked, incoherent: "Mom, I so silly ah, I dated him one year underground love, just want wait day he public our identity." "But... but he with someone else, also said only treat me as sister." My Mom gently patting my back, saying again and again: "Not silly not silly, our Chloe just too serious, so spared no effort pay all." "Is Julian that bastard not worthy our Chloe." I nestled in Mom's arms, cried long time. Until cried all grievance clean, then gradually stopped tears. Trance, memory uncontrolled surged up. High school Julian, was poor student in class. My Dad his head teacher, saw his grades top but family poor, not only helped him actively apply financial aid, also often brought him home eat. I was at that time, slowly moved heart to this boy three years older than me. He would red face thank my Mom, would when I couldn't solve math problem, patiently lie on table explain to me, fingertip occasionally touched my finger, would bounce away like electric shock. Later he admitted famous medical university, I fought life chase his steps, college application filled same city medical school as him. University graduation year, he entered Best Hospital in City, I sharpened head also squeezed into that hospital. He just on day I started work blocked me in fire escape. He said: "Chloe, I like you." "But I now just started, can't public, wait I stand firm heel, definitely give you a title." Secret crush so many years person, personally confess to me. Where I still care what underground love, full heart all joy, didn't think agreed nodding. Those days, we kissed on duty room sofa, hugged in unmanned stairwell, said goodnight in late night WeChat. I thought as long as I wait, wait him turn regular, wait him promotion, can wait him hold my hand, stand under sun openly. Now think, really naive laughable. Got off plane, parents didn't rush go hotel, instead pulled me straight run city most famous steak house. Tender steak roasted sizzling sound, rich aroma came to face. Dad also ordered me a cup sweet fruit wine, smiling said: "Adult, drink a bit no matter." Start from this day, we started our travel. Parents seemed more excited than me, holding camera snapping non-stop. A while pull me take group photo, a while squat roadside take a unknown small wild flower. Those annoying things once happened, those bits and drops about Julian, seem really in this journey scenery, slowly washed light. Days passed fast, we walked one after another city, tasted one after another food, took full an album photos. Until street red lanterns gradually hung, mall rang familiar New Year song, I then reacted, turns out we already out playing more than a month. New Year footsteps closer and closer, every family started prepare New Year goods, air floating faint fireworks smell. Parents looked calendar, smiling said to me: "Time go home, we have to go back paste couplets, wrap dumplings, have a lively New Year." Just then, Dad suddenly thought of something, patted my shoulder: "Right, before go back take you see someone, is Dad's proud student, you childhood also saw." I heart mumbled, besides Julian, who else is Dad's proud student? When we carried luggage walked out airport arrival exit, far saw a figure standing by pickup sign. Man wearing simple camel coat, posture tall and straight, waving towards our direction. I stared him few seconds, only felt between brows revealed inexplicable familiarity, but just can't remember where seen. "Caleb, here." My Dad smiling welcomed up, patted man's arm. Man called Caleb walked fast over, politely greet parents: "Teacher Song, Mrs. Song, long time no see." His gaze turned to me, smile deeper a bit: "Chloe, long time no see, remember me?" Dad aside smiling explained: "This is Caleb ah, high school always came our home eat, grades special good, later he went abroad didn't have time come back, this year just back country, said first time wanted come see us." I finally remembered. These years he changed lot, faded youth green, added few points mature steady bearing. I somewhat shy smiled: "Long time no see, you became handsome, just now didn't recognize." Caleb ears instantly red thorough, he scratched head: "You don't tease me, so many years no see, you instead didn't change a bit, still same as childhood, like tease people." This words amused parents laugh loud, good while later Dad then lifted my suitcase, waved hand to us: "Okay okay, don't stand here blow wind, hurry home." Caleb hurriedly took suitcase in Dad's hand put into trunk, also thoughtfully helped me open car door. Parents in back seat chatting travel funny things, also said wait New Year start want go abroad. Me and Caleb sat front row, occasionally chat two sentences. Suddenly, Caleb turned head look Dad in rearview mirror, tone serious: "Teacher Song, matter you let me handle before, I all done." I stunned, somewhat puzzled look my Dad: "What matter ah?" My Dad leaned on seat back, cold snort: "Julian that bastard bullied my daughter so, I can just let go?" "I just asked Caleb, poke news he step two boats, to their hospital department group and leaders that's all." Dad looking my astonished look, tone sank: "He occupied our family support finish study, turn head spoil you so, really treat our Song family easy bully?" Caleb aside echoing nod, added: "After news sent out, their hospital all exploded." "Heard Julian promotion quota revoked, also called by leader scolded." "Sarah knew truth, on spot broke with him, now whole hospital up down everyone knows what virtue he is." I looked scenery retreating fast outside window, heart couldn't say what taste. Turns out parents long vented this anger for me, but why I don't have imagined pleasure? Probably that relationship, along with those unwillingness and resentment, long thrown behind head by me.
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