When I was seventeen, I had a secret crush. My family was poor, so to buy him a birthday gift, I saved money for a whole year. The day my mom had her accident, I left school early. Just in time to hear him laughing and saying to his friend: "This thing? Even the third prize at a restaurant is better than this." His friend laughed loudly and said: "I know you don't care for it, Ethan, so give it to me. I can sell it and pay for a few internet cafe sessions." "You want it? Then take it." Ethan Vance threw it to him with disgust, and his gaze met mine. Later, at a class reunion, I heard that Ethan Vance had been looking for me for eight years. 1 When my eyes met Ethan's, his expression stiffened slightly. The male classmate holding the watch scratched his head awkwardly and said, "Do... do you want it back?" I looked at the watch in his hand, which was mishandled and obviously not cherished. The watch wasn't great, costing around a hundred dollars, but I had saved for nearly a year. It was saved dollar by dollar from my lunch money. My gaze fell on Ethan's wrist; he was wearing a watch today. I couldn't recognize the brand, but I was certain that the watch on his wrist was much better than the one I gave him. I silently took the watch from Ethan's friend, looked at Ethan, and said slowly, "Sorry, I'll handle it myself." Ethan lowered his eyes, pursed his lips, and remained silent. I rubbed the watch in my hand in embarrassment, turned around, and walked away. Passing the first trash can at the school gate, I hardened my heart and threw the watch directly into the trash can. I turned back and glanced at him. He lifted his eyelids nonchalantly, a smile on his lips, his eyes full of mockery. I was stunned and lowered my eyes. It was humiliating, my secret crush. At that time, I didn't know that this look from Ethan would become my nightmare. 2 When I got home, my dad was sitting at the door, a cheap cigarette in his mouth, his face full of sorrow. My mom wasn't there. He handed me a report saying my mom had breast cancer. My dad took a hard drag on his cigarette and said, "The treatment for breast cancer costs tens of thousands. Your mom and I discussed it... we won't treat it." "Your mom said she wants to eat the braised ribs I make. You go buy some, and I'll pick your mom up later." I didn't believe it. I flipped through the report repeatedly, my voice trembling, "Is it confirmed? There are many misdiagnoses for this kind of thing. I'll take mom to check again tomorrow. This must be a misdiagnosis..." I looked at my dad stubbornly. My dad's eyes were red. He just looked at me and didn't speak. At that moment, my tears flowed down uncontrollably. Finally, I cried and said, "I won't go to school anymore. Let's treat mom's illness." My dad lowered his head. I knew my dad was no less sad than I was. My dad was disabled in his right leg. At that time, only my mom was willing to be with him, didn't despise him, and always encouraged him. Although our family was poor, my dad and mom were very loving. In middle school, classmates started to have their own beliefs. I asked my dad, "Dad, what's your belief?" My dad didn't understand what belief meant, so I explained it to him briefly. He scratched his head embarrassedly and said, "My belief is your mom." Later... I also had my belief. I wanted to grow up, make money, and take my dad and mom to see the world. Now my dad's belief has collapsed. So has mine. I held my dad's hand and said to myself, "I won't study anymore. I'll go to work. Let's go to the big city to treat mom's illness." My dad smoked and didn't speak. But I had already decided. I asked my dad to pick up my mom, then packed up to go to the city. I went back to school myself. 3 It started to rain halfway. Pedestrians on the road were rushing, trying to avoid the heavy rain. Only then did I dare to cry, rain and tears mixing together. When I arrived at school, there was almost no one there. I reached out towards the dirty trash can. The foul and pungent smell kept surging up. I searched several times, but the watch I threw away wasn't there. I bit my lip, wanting to slap myself for throwing the watch away. Selling it could have gotten me some money! I searched for several hours, turning over every piece of trash in the can, but there was no watch. I walked home in despair. At this time, there were no people on the street. The rain was heavy, hitting my body painfully. When I got home, my dad hadn't come back yet. The usually warm home now felt cold to me. I waited and waited... Finally, I only waited for someone rushing to tell me: "Your dad and your mom jumped into the river!" That year, I was a senior in high school, lost both parents, and became an orphan. 4 Eight years have passed, and I still can't forget what happened that day. I sat up from the bed, turned on my phone, and found it was only 4 a.m. I called out softly and aggrievedly to the empty room: "Dad, Mom..." As usual, there was no response. I lowered my head. For eight years... They refused to come see me even once. In my dreams, there was only Ethan with a smile on his lips and mockery in his eyes, asking me with a laugh: "Have you no shame? Hannah." Every time I shouted loudly that I had shame, the dream ended. I couldn't sleep anymore, so I got up to pack. After numbly handling my parents' funeral back then, I left that place. Went to a new city, working while studying. Studying and working at the same time was really bitter. But I didn't dare let myself stop. Once I stopped, I wanted to cry. I went to the hospital. The doctor said I had moderate depression and needed someone to lead me out of that day. But there was no such person... Leaving for 8 years, in recent years I wanted to go back more and more, to see the river where my parents jumped. I wanted to jump down and ask why they were so cruel. I was really tired... Since I was going back anyway, I didn't reject those classmates from back then anymore. So when the class monitor asked if I was going to the class reunion, I was the first to say yes. I haven't spoken in the group chat for 8 years. Classmates were also deleted cleanly. Including Ethan Vance. 5 Buying the earliest high-speed train ticket, my mood was very relaxed. For eight years, not a single day was more relaxed than now. I admired the scenery outside the window and smiled while talking to the young couple in the seat next to me. The girl said: "Sister, you don't know, it was so hard for me to pursue him back then. He had many girls chasing him, but I persisted for two years. Now I'm taking him to meet my parents!" "Sister, are you so happy because you're going home too? I feel the wind on the way to see parents is sweet." I was silent for a moment, then forced a smile and said, "Mm, I'm going home too." "Going home... to see parents." I said the latter words very quietly, only I could hear them. But this sentence pleased me. I would soon... be able to see my parents. I hummed a song all the way. Getting off the high-speed train, I went directly to the place booked by the class monitor. 6 When I arrived, almost everyone was there. As soon as I entered, it became instantly quiet inside. I sat down by myself at the place closest to the door. I put away the smile on my face. The class monitor pushed his glasses and broke the silence: "Hannah, you're here?" I nodded. Zoe, a girl who didn't get along with me before, tutted eccentrically and said: "Yo, isn't this the hardest-to-invite top student Hannah? Seeing your face makes me eat one less bowl of rice. Someone remind Ethan not to come today..." No one knew the reason why I dropped out back then. But the fact that I liked Ethan and gave him gifts, they all knew. The girl sitting next to Zoe pulled her. The class monitor also frowned and said: "Say less. Ethan has been looking for Hannah for eight years. Tell him, and he will only be happy." Zoe chuckled and said: "Ethan is kind. Who knew he had to apologize for not liking someone..." "Looking for eight years was just to apologize to Hannah." "Is it wrong not to like someone? Who doesn't know Hannah transferred schools because Ethan embarrassed her? You make it sound like Ethan likes her." "Doesn't Ethan have someone he likes? Heard she's a rich and beautiful girl. Besides being good-looking, what is worth remembering about Hannah? A disabled dad? A family poor as church mice?" "Come on..." Zoe said more and more excessively, and others frowned. I stood up, my expression not angry, "I won't eat. You don't have to worry about not being able to eat. I just came to see everyone. Now that I've seen you, I'm leaving." After saying this, I opened the door and walked out. The class monitor chased out. He grabbed my hand, his expression serious: "Ethan really looked for you for eight years. Won't you wait for him?" Ethan's appearance appeared in my mind. Very handsome, nice eyes. But when looking at me, his eyes had no emotion, and his mouth held a mocking smile. I shook my head and said with a smile: "I'm in a hurry. When you see him, help me say sorry. Really... very sorry." The class monitor froze in place.
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