Six months into marriage with my best friend's brother, and we still haven't consummated the relationship. In a fit of rage, I called my best friend. "I can't do this anymore. I'm divorcing your brother." To my shock, she wailed back from the other end: "I can't do this either! I'm divorcing your brother tomorrow!" 1 I froze. I almost forgot—my best friend and I married each other’s brothers. Thinking about it, her situation might be even more tragic than mine. Married six months, and she hasn't even seen her husband shirtless. At least I've seen the goods. I sighed, feeling a deep sense of camaraderie with my fellow sufferer. "Babe, meet me at The Velvet Rope. Let's go look at some hot bartenders." ... I arrived before Chloe and got a booth. I ordered a bottle of tequila and waited. Five minutes later, Chloe strutted in wearing four-inch heels and a full-on "revenge makeup" look. She waved her hand and downed a shot immediately. I leaned in for the gossip. "What happened with my brother?" That's the thing about best friends. As soon as I asked, she raised an eyebrow at me. "What about you? What happened with my brother?" Neither of us was backing down. I sighed deeply. "He won't sleep with me!" Chloe and I got our marriage licenses one day apart. Initially, I only knew she had a doctor brother; I didn't know what he looked like. Until my boss gave me a panic attack that felt like a heart attack, and I went to the ER. Chloe, afraid I'd get a creepy old doctor, specifically called her "young, hot" brother. I was skeptical about how hot he could be. Then reality slapped me in the face. When I saw Dr. Ethan Vance, my heart raced like a teenager’s. Even with a mask on, revealing only a pair of cold, beautiful eyes, I knew every inch under that white coat was dancing on my aesthetic preferences. After the checkup, I demanded his number from Chloe. She warned me he was "high-maintenance" and "aloof." I confidently declared that no man could resist my charm. Then, reality slapped me again. During the "chase," I texted him flirtatiously: [Dr. Vance, what did you have for dinner?] He replied a day later: [Steak.] Me: [...] Frustrated, I moved to an offline offensive. I made Chloe set up a movie date. In the theater, watching a horror movie, Ethan watched calmly while I "accidentally" shrieked and buried myself in his chest. When he looked down, I blinked, my voice dripping with vulnerability: "My chest still hurts a little. Dr. Vance, could you check it for me?" I thought my tone was perfect—soft, helpless, irresistible. But he just stared at me. Behind his silver-rimmed glasses, his eyes were deep pools that made my heart flutter. The atmosphere was perfect. I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he stiffly pushed me away. His Adam's apple bobbed. "Ms. Hart, watch the movie. Don't waste your money." "..." 2 How do I describe my expression at that moment? Total defeat. I never thought I’d strike out this hard! "I can't do it. I really can't. Your brother is either asexual or... broken!" I poured myself a drink, planning to get wasted. Chloe howled, clinking her glass against mine in frustration. "I can't deal with your brother either! A handsome face wasted on a toxic mouth!" "I bought that dress the other day, the one you said looked great? I sent him a photo, and he said it was so tight it looked like it was made for a praying mantis! Has he ever seen a mantis with curves like this?!" I snorted with laughter. Chloe is also superficial. She fell for my brother at first sight. We basically forced them together. We thought married life would be sweet. Instead, it’s blander than a monk's diet. "And I don't get it. Is your brother really that busy as a lawyer? He lives in his study! We talk more on WeChat than in person. I suspect he's seeing someone else!" Chloe's voice rose. I stared at the swirling liquor and nodded in agreement. "I think your brother has someone too. I walk around in skimpy lingerie, and he doesn't even flinch! Last time, I asked him what flavor of... protection... he liked, and he seriously said, 'No rush'!" "If a man has no desire for a woman, he's just not interested. I hate it! Married and still starving!" "Two dog men." Chloe slapped my shoulder with conviction. "Divorce. I'm filing tomorrow, you file the day after. We'll take half their assets and go live our best lives." My thoughts exactly. 3 Chloe and I are women of action. The next day, we went to get the family registry books (Hukou). Since she was filing first, I went with her to the Vance family estate in the neighboring city. We didn't tell anyone we were coming. We expected an empty house, but walked in on a group of wealthy housewives playing Mahjong. I whispered to Chloe, "Didn't you say your mom was traveling?" She looked confused. "She posted from Paris yesterday! Crap, what if she catches us?" Me: "Be sneaky. Do you know where the book is?" "Yes!" She swore she did. Mrs. Vance noticed us, her eyes lighting up. "Haley! What a surprise!" Chloe nervously mumbled an excuse and dragged me into the elevator. However, after searching for ages, we couldn't find the book. I couldn't sit still, so I got up to help her look. Just then, Ethan texted me. [Mom said you're at the estate?] I thought about it and sent a "Yeah" sticker. Ethan: [Have fun. I'll pick you up after work. I told the chef to make your favorite sweet and sour ribs.] I stared at the message. What the hell? Ethan is in a good mood today? But last night, he rejected me again... Thinking about it made me angry. Last night, Chloe and I got drunk. He and my brother came to pick us up. One for each. Chloe was screaming and crying; I was quiet as a mouse. I wanted to bring up divorce, but I fell asleep in the car. I woke up to Ethan removing my makeup. His face is a huge plus for me. In my drunken state, I was dazzled by his long, pale fingers. I grabbed his hand and put it on my chest, trying my old trick. "Dr. Vance, my heart beats so fast when I see you. Can you soothe it?" I mumbled, leaning into his arms. His breath hitched. He told me to lie down; he'd be done soon. His warm breath on my ear made my heart tingle. So I started stripping. He pulled off my coat, leaving me in a slip dress, one shoulder strap falling down. Water droplets from my face rolled down my collarbone, soaking the silk. I didn't care. I felt free. I looked at him with hazy eyes and pounced. "Dr. Vance, did we skip the wedding night?" We were close enough to burn. Ethan was sitting on the carpet. I straddled his waist, thinking this was it. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose. His large hands stopped me from unbuttoning his shirt. "Haley, you're drunk. Be good. Stay here, I'll go make you some hangover soup, okay?" I froze. I didn't register the gentleness in his voice. I only saw those deep, clear eyes, devoid of any lust. Ethan really feels nothing for me. I burst into tears. "..." Thinking of that humiliating scene, and seeing his text now, I angrily turned off my phone. Just then, the door opened. Mrs. Vance poked her head in. "What are you looking for?" Chloe, frustrated and frantic, blurted out: "The family registry book!" "..." 4 Chaos. The Mahjong game ended. The guests left. In the living room, Mrs. Vance sat us down and looked at Chloe warily. "You want a divorce?" Chloe knew the jig was up. She nodded with the resignation of a martyr. "Yes. It's pointless." Mrs. Vance gritted her teeth, looking at her daughter with disappointment. "Who was it that cried and screamed she couldn't live without Liam? What is this nonsense now?" I felt a pang of guilt. Technically, I also pursued Ethan aggressively. Who knew he was a monk? I wished I was a man so I could just marry Chloe! "Mom, you can't force love," Chloe said, pouting. "Liam doesn't love me." "I'm staying in Shanghai. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the models here are way better than that dog Liam!" As she spoke, a tall figure appeared. My brother, Liam, the elite lawyer who is usually meticulous, rushed in with his tie askew, looking panicked. "Chloe." He walked to her, his voice stiff. "You want a divorce?" "Why? Out of nowhere?" The family group chat blew up. Everyone rushed over. Seeing Ethan stride in, I pursed my lips. He looked cold. He walked to my side, and I subtly moved away. "Not feeling well?" Seeing my face, he leaned down to ask. I didn't speak. Seeing you makes me unwell! The atmosphere was tense. Liam frowned, trying to hug Chloe, but she shook him off. "Save it. I've made my decision." She glared at Liam. "Go spend your life with your case files! Toxic lawyer!" She grabbed the registry book and tried to drag me away. Ethan caught my arm, his voice deep. "Chloe, marriage isn't a game." "And don't drag Haley into your mess." Chloe looked at her brother, speechless. "Why are you advising me? You're getting divorced too." "..." Silence. Everyone turned to stare at me. ... 5 "He... he doesn't love me." Facing the barrage of questions, I could only bury my head and twist the hem of my shirt, whispering. Damn it. I couldn't exactly say, Ethan has a delicious body but won't let me taste it, and my vibrator is more fun than him, could I? It would make me sound desperate. As soon as I explained, Mrs. Vance produced a cane from nowhere and whacked Ethan on the back. Thwack! It sounded painful. She yelled at him: "What did I tell you? I told you to be proactive, you straight-laced idiot! Now look, your wife is leaving!" Mrs. Vance scolded Ethan thoroughly, then came over to comfort me. She insisted Ethan had never dated before, that there wasn't even a female mosquito around him before me, and begged me to reconsider. If the brat didn't change, she'd introduce me to other men herself. Chloe wasn't having it. "Mom, your son doesn't act like he's never dated; he acts like a cold robot! He's living like an eighty-year-old man. Our Haley is suffering!" I silently gave my bestie a thumbs up. Ethan's thin lips pressed together. A look of guilt I'd never seen before appeared on his aloof face. He tried to take my hand to say something, but I dodged. No touching without payment! The room fell silent again. Liam couldn't help but cough. I glared at him. "Bro, honestly, if Chloe doesn't want you, you need to reflect! With your sharp tongue, you'd kick a passing dog. You're destined to be single." "..." Chloe secretly gave me a thumbs up. Mrs. Vance clutched her chest, sighing. "Ethan, it was a blessing that Haley even looked at you, and you treated her so harshly. Too much!" My mom was also on the phone, screaming at Liam. "..." An hour later, Ethan and Liam were still standing there, getting scolded. Dignity? Male pride? Shattered on the floor. I thought they had compromised. But they both decided that even a divorce needed a 30-day cooling-off period. They pulled out black cards, asking us to give them a month to make amends. Ethan pushed his glasses up his nose, walked up to me, and said seriously: "Haley, I neglected you because of work. That's my fault. I promise to correct my mistakes this month and treat you well." "That Hermès Himalayan bag you liked will be delivered soon. Take this card. Use it at the Bulgari jewelry salon next week." I blinked. Before I could process Ethan's flawless speech. My brother straightened his tie and looked at Chloe: "Ahem, Chloe. I admit I have some occupational hazards. I'm used to being sharp-tongued, but I didn't mean it. I'm just bad at expressing myself." "Take this card for pocket money. Didn't you post about wanting a Steinway piano? I'll arrange it. Just please, calm down." "..." Then. They looked at us with deep affection, as if pouring a lifetime of love into this moment. "We absolutely do not agree to a divorce!" "..." Those two cards gleamed with temptation right in front of us. Chloe and I looked at each other. We saw the gold reflection in each other's eyes. Everyone was waiting for our reaction. My heart itched. Not wanting to lose the upper hand, I spun my brain and snatched my brother's card. "You think Chloe cares about this little compensation?" Chloe instantly understood and snatched Ethan's card. "This little money isn't even enough to fill Haley's teeth!" Clutching the cards like they might be revoked, we linked arms and speed-walked out. We walked in sync, turning back every two steps to maintain our stance. "Heh, we can't be bought with a few bucks!"
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