My boyfriend was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. When he "switched," a new personality would take over and date other women. But every time he "woke up," he'd be consumed with guilt, threatening self-harm or suicide because he felt so sorry for hurting me. My heart broke for his trauma, so I forgave him every time. I worked three jobs, saving every penny to afford the best psychiatrists for him. Until one day, I ran into him at a hotpot restaurant. From the private room next door, I heard his voice loud and clear, laughing. "I should go to Hollywood, honestly. Get myself an Oscar." "My acting was too real. Hazel is such an idiot, she actually believes I have DID. Do you know how hard it is not to laugh in her face?" It turns out he wasn't the sick one. I was. I was blind. It took me five years to realize I was loving a monster. 1 The hotpot place was packed on the weekend. I rubbed my aching back, just catching my breath when my manager, Sarah, told me we were short-staffed and needed help in the front. I agreed and pushed through the curtain. Immediately, I heard familiar male voices. "Caleb, does your girlfriend actually buy that crap?" "Bro, we saw it with our own eyes! Caleb just puts on that sad puppy face, maybe cuts his finger a little, and that woman loses her mind. She'd practically die for him!" "Dating his first love while keeping the girlfriend on the hook... we all need to take notes from Caleb." I hid around the corner, unconsciously rubbing my wrinkled, water-logged hands. My heart plummeted. Amidst the laughter, I heard his voice. "I should go to Hollywood, honestly. Get myself an Oscar." "My acting was too real. Hazel is such an idiot, she actually believes I have DID. Do you know how hard it is not to laugh in her face?" His tone was pure, unadulterated smugness. In front of me, he was always insecure, sensitive, and fragile. I never imagined he had this side. "You're ruthless, man. Hazel really loves you." "Oh, what do you know! If it wasn't for her, Caleb and Luna wouldn't have wasted so many years apart due to a misunderstanding. Now that the true queen is back, we gotta support our boy!" Caleb's face was obscured by the steam from the pot. After a pause, I heard his low chuckle. "Whatever you say." A customer nearby needed the bill. I led them to the counter. When I returned, there was a woman at their table. Big waves, off-the-shoulder sweater, fashionable and dazzling. I recognized her instantly. Caleb's first love. Luna. She was standing in front of him, greeting everyone with a smile. When the guys called her "Sister-in-law," Luna blushed and looked at the man beside her. Her tone was half-annoyed, half-shy: "Caleb, aren't you going to correct them? They're just calling me whatever they want." Caleb smirked. "Their mouths are on their faces. I can't control them." Seeing Luna's shyness, someone teased, "Caleb gave us the green light, so just accept it, sis!" "Yeah, Caleb even got a fake psych eval for you. If that's not love, what is?" Under the cheers, the two locked eyes. Luna lifted her delicate face. "What about her? What are you going to do?" Caleb gently tied her hair back with a hair tie, raising an eyebrow. "You know where my heart is." "Yes, she stayed by my side when my family fell apart, but that doesn't mean anything. You can't confuse gratitude with love." "And I was selfish. We missed out on so many years because of her." "So, I planned to break up with her on her birthday. Let her hit rock bottom and really feel what it's like to lose everything." "You're so bad." Luna laughed, playfully hitting his chest before leaning into his embrace. The atmosphere was thick with flirtation. And I stood in the middle of the bustling hall, staring at their backs, feeling cold to my bones. 2 "But I can't wait. I came to find you the moment I got back to the States. You want me to wait until her birthday?" "I don't care. Call her and dump her right now." Caleb laughed, pinching the cheek of the whining woman, utterly doting. "I know you're anxious, but what if she keeps clinging to me? I need to make her give up completely. Only then can I properly visit your parents." Luna pushed his hand away, suspicious. "What if she keeps clinging? You won't go soft, will you?" "After all, she suffered with you. Don't they say men never forget the woman who was there at rock bottom?" Caleb tapped her forehead lightly. "Silly. Has anyone ever told you that most men don't want their beloved to see them at their most pathetic?" "Really?" "Of course. I worked hard to build my career just so I could get your family's approval when you came back." "I heard you say the food abroad sucked, so I picked this hotpot place specially. You love spicy food, right? I can't bear to see you hungry. Here, eat first. I'll agree to anything you want later." Caleb thoughtfully served food onto Luna's plate. A guy at the table dropped his chopsticks and yelled, "Waiter! Need new chopsticks!" Everyone else was busy, so Sarah shouted my name. "Hazel! Go handle Table 10!" The guy's face changed when he saw me. He winked frantically at the person across from him. When I walked over with the chopsticks, everyone froze. Caleb reacted first. He looked at me with confusion. "Why are you staring at me? Do we know each other?" Old trick. Every time he "switched," he pretended not to know me. I tried to stay calm, but my eyes grew hot. "I heard everything." "Is it fun, pretending to be sick to trick me?" The man in front of me darkened, pursing his lips into silence. Luna, on the other hand, looked me up and down and sneered. "Five years, and you haven't improved at all. He even made up such a ridiculous lie to fool you, and you were stupid enough to believe it." I glanced at my uniform, stained with water from washing dishes. My throat burned. "What right do you have to judge me? I made money to treat his illness. You were the one who abandoned him back then." Hearing this, Caleb pulled a pale Luna behind him. He narrowed his eyes at me. "Get this straight, Hazel. I never asked you to be nice to me. You did all that because you wanted to." "Do you really think my breakup with Luna had nothing to do with you?" "You thought you were protecting me, but you made me lose what mattered most. You forced Luna away." "You stole five years from us." I stood frozen, the chopsticks slipping from my hand and clattering to the floor. Caleb avoided my gaze, his tone flat. "I'll pay you back for everything you spent. As for your birthday, I'll still..." I cut him off. "Do it early." Caleb paused, looking confused. "Do what early?" "I know what you planned for my birthday. Break up early. Today." Caleb stared at me for a long time, then chuckled. "You said it. Don't regret it tomorrow." There was a hint of anger in his voice. I blinked away the tears to see his face clearly. "Yeah. That's it." I turned around, briefly explained the situation to Sarah, and fled the scene. I didn't notice the gaze glued to my back as I left. 3 Actually, I should have noticed sooner. His premeditated departure was evident everywhere. While packing, I found a pile of empty picture frames in the closet. Some were dusty, some moldy. After five years together, Caleb and I didn't have a single photo together. I was a photographer. Cameras were everywhere. But he never gave me the chance. "I hate photos. I'm just not photogenic." "Babe, I want our first photo to be our wedding photo." He had so many excuses. Back then, overwhelmed by love, I never questioned the truth behind them. Not worth it. Not necessary. I remembered our graduation photo from years ago. Caleb blushing, squeezing next to Luna. Love and indifference are so obvious. Suffocation clawed at my chest. I stumbled to the living room, grabbed a bottle of pills from the coffee table, and swallowed a fluoxetine with trembling hands. I slid down to the carpet. Soon, the side effects hit. I rushed to the bathroom and vomited until I was weak. Standing up, I looked in the mirror. Pale, haggard, tear-stained. No different from years ago. I was born into an unhappy family. Parents divorced early, dad left for work, and I lived with my aunt and uncle. Living under someone else's roof, I survived by reading people's moods. But I remembered my grandma's words: education changes fate. So I endured until high school. I consistently ranked in the top ten, but secretly, I envied one person. Luna, from Class 8. She taught me how different destinies could be. Beautiful, rich, with tutors for every subject. It seemed she could have anything she wanted with a wave of her hand. Two people from different worlds. But in our senior year, we intersected. Because of Caleb. I first met him in a secluded corner of our complex's garden. A thin boy sitting under a flower bed, covered in bruises, face swollen. Yet he smiled and said: "This is my turf. You gotta pay the toll to stay." I searched my pockets and found a pack of band-aids. He looked up at me, eyes black as ink. After a long pause, he took them. After that, whenever I ran away to hide there, I'd find Caleb. I learned he was like me. Maybe even worse. Alcoholic dad, gambling mom. Full debuff build. "We're really brothers in misery." I froze, then held his bony hand. The warmth stayed with me. I thought we were just similar souls. I never thought he'd save me. One weekend, my uncle picked me up. As soon as we got out of the car, he dragged me into the woods. When he yanked my pants down, I screamed. Caleb appeared out of nowhere, tackling my uncle and beating him bloody. After returning from the police station, he got beaten by his dad and ended up in the hospital. After that, we bonded. He told me to protect myself, at least until graduation. But four months before the entrance exams, something happened to him. The teacher thought he and Luna were dating and called the parents. It blew up. Luna was taken home by her family and never came back. That night, police and ambulances swarmed our complex. Caleb's mom was carried out covered in blood. His dad was arrested. When I found him the next day, he was lying in bed next to an empty pill bottle. After he survived, I hugged him and cried. "If you want, I'll be your family from now on." He agreed. As my boyfriend. I thought two broken hearts could heal each other. But now I realize: during all those years I looked forward to our future, he was counting down the days until he could leave me. 4 But Luna was wrong about one thing. I didn't believe Caleb's lies because I was stupid. I believed him because I was sick too. So I could empathize with the mental torture. It wasn't strange for someone like Caleb, with his traumatic childhood, to develop mental illness after witnessing his parents destroy each other. The first time he "switched," his acting wasn't even good. Thinking back, the woman I saw him meeting looked a lot like Luna. Probably her sister. When he came back, he rushed into the shower like he'd just woken up from a nightmare. He stayed in there forever. When I went in, his wrists were covered in scratches. He knelt on the floor, face full of panic and pain. "Hazel, am I sick? I don't know why I met that woman." "I don't like anyone else. Don't be mad, don't leave me, okay?" The tears in his eyes and the red water at his feet blurred my vision. My crumbling spirit rebuilt itself into pity. So later, when he used other women as a cover, I forgave him every time. He was actually meeting Luna's sister most of the time. Keeping in touch. Only I was the fool. I believed the fake diagnosis. I read books on DID, researched pathology, worked three jobs to save for his treatment. I wanted him to get better. But now I realize the boy who once stood in front of me has rotted to the core. I washed my face with cold water. The daze faded. Strength returned to my limbs. When the movers arrived, I had packed everything and left it in the hallway. Only his laptop remained in the study. When I moved it, I knocked over the desk calendar. A photo fell out. A yellowed graduation photo, cropped to show only Caleb and Luna smiling. My scalp tingled. The dull ache in my chest slowed. Steadying my trembling hands, I put the photo back. I turned and left the place I once called "home." In my daze, my mind was sharp. I remembered the doctor's words: Humans are social animals. Especially me. You have to save yourself. So I decided to move into my friend's apartment. Reconnecting with people, I forced myself to forget the mess. When my friend Lily heard about the breakup, she encouraged me: "Unlucky in love, lucky in money. Hazel, I believe in you." While helping me move, she saw my portfolio. That night, she invited me to join her company. "I wanted to ask before, but I thought you were too busy. Are you sure you don't need a break?" I smiled. "I'm sure. Say the word, I'll be there tomorrow." Only by staying busy, by exhausting my body, could I stop the depression from drowning me at night. Looking back, I am incredibly grateful for that decision.
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