Five years I’d been with Alistair Finch, and I finally mentioned marriage. He was propped against the headboard, smoking a post-coital cigarette. Hearing my words, a careless smile played on his lips. “Nora, that’s what I like about you. You’re so sensible.” “I’ve told you before. You want to leave, you can walk away anytime. I won’t stop you.” With that, he stubbed out his cigarette, even thoughtfully pulling the collar of my pajamas closed and wiping a tear from the corner of my eye. He knew with perfect clarity that the moment he deployed his ultimate weapon—those four words, “walk away anytime”—I would, like every time before, back down, surrender, and never mention it again. But he didn’t know that this time, things had changed. I’d made a bet with someone. The wager was whether Alistair Finch would be willing to marry me. If I lost, I would disappear for good. 1 On the third night of my business trip to London, my mother called, ignoring the time difference completely. I didn’t bother mentioning how expensive international roaming was; I just listened to her ramble. After a long, winding preamble, she finally got to the point. “It’s not that I’m trying to pressure you, dear, but you always praise that boyfriend of yours to the high heavens. You’re pushing thirty now. If he really cared about you, how come there’s not even a whisper of marriage?” I’d always thought London was a perfect city for romance, its rainy days made for kissing under the covers. But it was a terrible place for a breakup. Too cold, too lonely. Alistair pushed open the bathroom door, his hair still damp, the belt of his robe tied loosely. A few red marks, souvenirs from our earlier passion, were still visible on his chest. He sat down beside me, the sofa cushion sinking under his weight. Seeing me staring blankly at my phone, he reached out and brushed a finger against my cheek. “The future mother-in-law checking in? Trouble?” I turned to look at him. Alistair Finch was, objectively, a stunning man. His mother was a famous socialite from the Hong Kong scene, of mixed heritage, and he had perfectly inherited that touch of the exotic. High brow bones, deep-set eyes, but with the soft, refined features of the East. The clash was deadly. I caught his hand and held it, pretending to be casual. “My mom is on my case about blind dates, says there’s a guy back home with great prospects.” “She doesn’t even believe I have a boyfriend, thinks I’m making it all up. I told her I was just too busy with work to take you home for the official inspection.” I tried to give him an out, pausing before I continued. “Once this busy spell is over, maybe you could come back with me for the New Year, and we could…” “Nora.” Alistair cut me off with a smile. His handsome eyes curved, but they held no warmth. “Don’t test me. You know that doesn’t work on me.” He crossed his legs, looking at me in the dim glow of the floor lamp, his voice light and airy. “I’ve said it before. If you want to end this relationship, you can, at any time.” I stared at him for a long moment, a strange calm settling over me. The first time he’d said that, I had been devastated. I’d dared to throw a fit, to fight with him. I wouldn’t let him off so easily. “What do you mean, ‘this relationship’?” I’d yelled. “Alistair, have you lost your memory? I’m your girlfriend! The one you actually pursued and who said yes!” “Don’t talk to me like you’re shooing away a beggar!” Back then, he was quick to apologize, showering me with sweet words. I had a temper then, but I ended up crying and begging him never to say such hurtful things again. But hearing those words now, I felt no pain. No anger. Alistair leaned in, his touch gentle as he brushed my cheek. “See? You can’t bear to leave, yet you insist on making trouble. Crying like this… it breaks my heart to see it.” I touched my face and realized tears were streaming down without me even noticing. So this is all that’s left. Just sorrow. “But you made promises before,” I whispered. “You said we would get married.” The tears flowed along the lines of his palm. He sighed, as if dealing with a petulant child. His words were blunt, stabbing into me like knives. “Isn’t what we have now good enough? We don’t have to compromise over petty domestic things. Haven’t you been happy these past few years?” “And if you’ve been happy, why do you need a piece of paper? This spot next to me… I haven’t let anyone else have it.” He’d said all that needed to be said. The meaning was crystal clear. In his mind, I had no reason to complain anymore. Seeing that I had fallen silent, he slipped back into his lazy, lord-of-the-manor persona. “Hungry? You’ve been picking at Western food like it’s medicine. There’s a decent Chinese place in Chinatown. Hot pot, Szechuan… what are you craving?” “Not hungry? Then I’ll make you a bowl of noodles. You just rest.” He stood up, a cigarette dangling from his lips, and ruffled my hair. I don’t know when it started, but Alistair had perfected a killer move against me. It was exactly this: to brush past the issue as if it were nothing, ignoring all my pain and struggle. Because he was certain that as soon as he uttered the words “end this relationship,” I would panic, I would be terrified, and in the end, I would have no choice but to swallow all my grievances. This wasn’t the first time I had tested Alistair. But it was the last. And the result was the same. The wind outside was turning damp. It was going to rain again in London tonight. The space between Alistair and me was just like this wretched weather—damp, cold, and hidden from the light. When we first got together, I’d even considered sacrificing my career for a proper title. I was naive enough to think he kept our relationship secret to avoid office gossip, since he was the big boss and I was a junior employee. I was so head-over-heels back then. “I can resign,” I’d declared. “I’ll leave Apex Group. Once we’re not boss and subordinate, we can be open about it, right?” I was truly crazy then, willing to throw everything away just for the right to stand by his side. I had studied for over twenty years, fighting tooth and nail to land a job at Apex Group. My resume was impeccable, my skills top-notch. With time, I knew I could make a name for myself. Any sane person would never dream of leaving Apex. So when I said it, even Alistair, who had seen it all, was taken aback for a second. He quickly composed himself and started to reason with me. “Nora, your work is important. Don’t be impulsive.” I was younger then, and my feelings for him were tangled with a humble insecurity. His words were enough to extinguish my fire. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Your career is more important than mine.” Alistair was the heir to the Finch fortune; his time at Apex was just for show, a bit of training. Hearing me, he first looked surprised, then shook his head with a smile. “Not my career. Yours.” He began to lecture me, trying to save a young woman lost in the throes of a consuming love. “It’s not easy for a woman to make it in the corporate world. Never, ever joke about your future, not even for a boyfriend.” “I hope that one day, when you make it big at Apex, it will be because of your talent, not because you’re the boss’s rumored girlfriend.” I rarely stopped to wonder how much of what he said that day was genuine. But later, in the dead of many nights, after I’d landed one major project after another, my bonuses piling up, I was always grateful that Alistair had stopped my younger, crazier self. After that, my tests became more subtle. Like inventing a few non-existent “suitors.” I wanted to see a flicker of jealousy on Alistair’s face. But his wealth and talent were the source of his arrogance. No matter how outstanding my supposed suitors were, he dismissed them all as “idiots.” He wouldn’t stoop to competing with idiots, and he didn’t believe I would be foolish enough to trade a diamond for a pebble. From beginning to end, he stood on high ground, utterly secure in his position. I stood on the balcony, watching the housekeeper lock up and leave. Truthfully, setting aside our emotional mess, Alistair was generous, whether as a boyfriend or a patron. I had once casually complained that staying in hotels was inconvenient, and he immediately bought me this apartment near Hyde Park, a place to stay during business trips. Of course, I could continue to play dumb, to cling to the small comforts he provided. I could let logic slowly devour my emotions, staying with him, never asking about the future. But I knew better than anyone that it was a dead end. My phone screen lit up and went dark, then lit up again. On the third buzz, I answered. After a moment of silence, my best friend Jenna’s voice came through. “I told you, a guy like that would never marry you.” “Sometimes you have to hit the same wall a few times before you finally see sense.” She was still talking, but I didn’t say anything. I turned and looked inside through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Alistair was standing at the dining table, watching me. He had just hung up a call. Seeing me look at him, he tapped the table, signaling for me to come back and eat my noodles. I stared at him for a long, long time, until my eyes began to ache. Then I spoke softly into the phone. “A bet’s a bet. I don’t go back on my word. As soon as the paperwork is done, I’ll come find you.” Was the bet that valuable? Was it absolutely necessary to follow through? Not really. It was just that it was time for the show to end. Alistair stood inside, never stepping through the door. He just watched her silhouette, knowing he didn't need to go out and coax her. She would come back on her own. A moment ago, his mother had called from Zurich. After some small talk, she’d asked about me. “So, are you two planning a wedding? When are you going to bring her home for me to see? You can’t just keep stringing her along.” He had laughed carelessly. “What wedding? When did I ever say I was getting married?” His beautiful mother sounded a little indignant on my behalf. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, darling. Playing with a young woman’s heart comes with consequences.” “That’s what my last competitor said right before he lost to me.” Alistair sprinkled chopped scallions over the noodles, his patience endless. “And what happened? My business just got bigger and bigger.” “That’s different. I always tell your father, your life has been too easy. You found a girl who adores you completely. You deserve to suffer a little.” Alistair raised an eyebrow, not taking her seriously at all. “Who’s going to make me suffer? Her? She wouldn’t have the heart.” He offered a few more platitudes and hung up, his eyes lifting to the balcony. He met my gaze as I turned to look at him, even through the dark night. He could imagine the devotion in my eyes. How could she possibly have the heart to leave him? In the following days, neither of us mentioned what happened that night. A working girl has no time for heartbreak. I had to reply to client emails while tears streamed down my face. The business trip ended, and I rushed back to the office. I walked through the halls, delegating tasks as I went. “Chris, can you check Mr. Davies’s schedule for me? If possible, book a meeting for three tomorrow afternoon. I need to sync up with him on the European progress.” “And have Alex come to my office in ten minutes.” Deciding to leave was one thing, but I liked clean breaks. Apex was the first stop in my career. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be to disentangle myself. A few days later, news broke about a new smart factory project, with the lead position still undecided. While the rumors were flying, Mr. Davies called me into a meeting room. Besides me, there was one other person in the room. I gave her a nod. Sabrina was proud and had never liked me. She didn’t even bother to lift her eyes, launching straight into her attack. “Whether it’s the technical proposal or past experience, my team is the best fit. I’ve been following this from the start. Why is some outsider suddenly sticking their nose in?” Mr. Davies looked at me. “Nora, what are your thoughts?” In the past, I would have fought her for it, tooth and nail. But this time, I didn’t rush to speak. After a moment, I stood up. Sabrina slammed her file on the table, her tone mocking. “You really have to compete with me for everything, don’t you? We’ve done extensive preliminary research on this project. You can’t win this one.” I looked at her, and for a second, my mind drifted. When we were new hires, we weren’t always at each other’s throats. We had joined in the same recruitment batch, comrades in arms. There was a time when we even shared a sense of mutual respect. But then I started landing major deals one after another, my promotions coming so fast it was like I was on a rocket ship, leaving her far behind. The way she looked at me changed. It became wary and competitive. She had to best me in everything. Just as I was about to speak, someone pushed the door open. Sabrina’s eyes lit up. She pushed her proposal in front of the newcomer. “Mr. Finch, for this upgrade project, our team has prepared detailed calculations. I’m confident we can secure this contract.” I had used work as an excuse to avoid Alistair for days. He scanned the room with a professional air, then picked up Sabrina’s proposal. After flipping through a few pages, he made his decision. “Send it to my office.” “Thank you, Mr. Finch!” Alistair didn’t spare me a single glance. Not that it would have mattered if he had. Who would ever guess that the aloof Mr. Finch from the boardroom would be tumbling into bed with a regular employee like me at night? Sabrina shot me a triumphant look and followed Alistair out the door. Mr. Davies patted my shoulder. I gave him an “OK” sign. Alistair was always like this at work—completely impartial. He would never pull strings for me just because of our secret relationship. He only cared about the company’s bottom line. If my work was subpar, he would tear into me just as mercilessly as anyone else. At first, it hurt. But later I understood: he looked down on everyone equally. Back then, if he berated me during the day, I wouldn’t dare talk back. But at night, unable to stand my sullen face, he would patiently walk me through my mistakes, teaching me how to solve the problem. Even if I couldn’t see a shred of affection in his eyes now, I had to admit that the Alistair of the past had been a generous teacher. In these past few years, I had been broken down and rebuilt in his hands, growing at an astonishing rate. Before leaving work, I sat in my office for a long time, until almost all the lights on the floor had gone out. Only then did I click “submit” on the company’s internal portal. Seeing “Resignation Application Submitted” on the screen, I closed my laptop. Just then, my phone buzzed. A message from Alistair. “There’s a party tomorrow night. I had a gown sent over.” “I thought you’d refuse, like you always do. The dress suits you.” Alistair leaned over to buckle my seatbelt, a hint of surprise in his voice. In the past, to avoid suspicion, I would have turned down any invitation like this. We had to be careful not only of our colleagues, but also of the paparazzi outside. They had been tailing Alistair for a solid year, trying to dig up some dirt. But the photos they got were always of him working late, or at the racetrack, on the ski slopes, or on his yacht. Once or twice, they caught a shot of my back. But before the tabloids could even run the story, Alistair’s PR team had quashed it. When he wanted to keep a secret, no one could uncover it. I watched the city lights streak past the window. He was holding my hand. I shifted my fingers but didn’t pull away. The gown and his suit were a perfect match. This would probably be the last time we looked like a couple. When we arrived, I realized it was a wedding reception. The top-floor ballroom had floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the entire Victoria Harbour. The host had to be one of Alistair’s closest friends to get him to show up. A few people came over to chat. Their eyes lit up when they saw me. “Well now, what a beautiful young lady. Puts the pageant winners to shame. Mr. Finch’s girlfriend?” Before Alistair could speak, I stepped in, my tone detached. “You’ve misunderstood, sir. I’m an employee at Apex. Mr. Finch’s secretary had a prior engagement, so I’m just filling in.” Alistair didn’t say anything. He just turned and gave me a long, deep look, his expression unreadable. For the rest of the evening, no one dared to gossip about us. When it was time for the bride to toss the bouquet, I was pushed into the crowd by a few playful guests. As the bouquet sailed directly towards me, I instinctively sidestepped. The person next to me snatched it out of the air. After I regained my footing, I looked down at the tables. The faint smile that had been playing on Alistair’s lips slowly vanished the moment he saw me dodge the flowers. “Why didn’t you catch it?” On the way back, Alistair suddenly broke the silence. It took me a second to realize he was talking about the bouquet. “The one who catches the bouquet is supposed to get married next.” I turned to him, my voice even. “If I’d caught it, what would you have done when I started pressuring you to marry me? Weren’t you afraid?” Alistair probably hadn’t expected me to be so direct. His face was a shifting canvas of light and shadow from the passing streetlights. Over the low hum of the engine, he deftly deflected. “The newlyweds were lucky tonight. It’s always good to catch a bit of good fortune. It’ll bring you luck.” I turned back to the window, my nails digging into my palms until it hurt. I almost wanted to laugh at myself. Even now, at this final stage, I couldn’t resist testing him one last time. The result was the same. No surprises.
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