At 29, my seven-year marriage with Caleb Sterling finally shattered. On the way to divorce, I cried and cursed him: "I've been with you since I was 17, and now you cheat?! Caleb, are you cheap?" He sneered: "Aren't you cheap? Sleeping with a man at seventeen." I trembled all over, next second, a big truck rushed straight at us! When I woke up again, I found myself back in the rental apartment I lived in at 17. That rental apartment I dropped out of school to live in with Caleb. Chapter 1 Dust floated in the sunlight. Surroundings cramped and narrow, with a unique moldy smell. The full-size bed was covered with a teddy bear sheet bought from the wholesale market, washed white. I froze for a while, touching my face in the mirror. I actually went back to 17. Strange, obviously didn't feel bitter before. Looking back now, curious how I persisted those years. Caleb lost both parents since childhood, grew up with grandma. After grandma left, he grew up roaring like wild grass alone. But he could fight, bold, soon became the famous bad boy in our district. My parents are both university professors. Although family not very rich, but considered well-off. Parents planned a stable and proper life for me long ago. Logically, Caleb and I shouldn't have any intersection. Until once I went home, passed by him fighting with a group of hooligans. I still remember the boy lying in the snow frowning eyes closed panting heavily, only wearing a black hoodie, blood spots under body. I should have left immediately pretending not seeing, but seeing his school uniform pants realizing we were schoolmates, I softened. Called 911, hesitated a moment, squatted beside him, took off my white down jacket covering him. "Hey... are you okay?" Fair-skinned boy lifted eyelids looked at me. "You not afraid?" I whispered: "I am also from High School No. 3, we are schoolmates." Paused, I gathered courage: "Fighting is wrong, don't fight anymore." He pulled corner of mouth, sneered, then moved fingers. I thought he would throw my clothes away, didn't expect he closed eyes soon, didn't move or speak again. That day I squatted like this helping him block snow, until ambulance came, and paid $280 ambulance fee for him. This matter passed quickly. Just when I almost forgot that day, Caleb came to class looking for me. Amidst exclamations, he ignored all teachers and classmates, strode to me, put $300 on my desk, raised eyebrow: "Money from that day, return you." "Also, thanks." After he left, good friends reminded me one after another: "How do you know Caleb? He mixes with society, heard watches scene in night club, my brother said he chopped people, be careful!" Also girls excitedly leaned over: "You know Caleb? He so handsome, can you introduce us?!" I was confused until school over. On way home suddenly stopped by a roaring motorcycle. I was startled. Black helmet taken off by a pair of slender hands, revealing boy's beautiful phoenix eyes. Caleb showed me a cynical smile: "Hey, good student, get on." "Take you to play." Behind him followed a group of brothers, showing meaningful smiles one after another. "Brother Caleb, this one too good, boring." "Yeah, vocational school flower is exciting, that small leather skirt, small butt twisting!" I was scared bad, dared not speak, lowered head quickly bypassed him trotting away. Behind came group laughter. ... At that time, I really annoyed Caleb, felt he was a hooligan, not same way with me. But he kept coming to find me endlessly, every day after school followed me sending me home. Until once I on duty went back late, met a drunk man harassing me in alley, Caleb suddenly came out smashed a fist on that man's face, coldly said: "Roll." I soul not settled, he took off jacket on body wrapped me: "Don't fear, I'm here." That night he sent me home all way, until I went upstairs looked back. Under street lamp, Caleb stood there looking at me all along. Chapter 2 Teenagers' feelings come faster and hotter than midsummer rain. Caleb and I naturally fell in love, also naturally discovered puppy love by teacher called parents. Always loving parents furious, forced me kneel on ground break up with him, locked me at home not letting out. But I loved Caleb. First seventeen years of life, parents always strict with me. Still remember once I scored 98, happily took paper home. Waiting for me not praise, but questioning why that 2 points lost where, and punishment kneeling. These years I walked step by step under parents' high pressure, being a so-called good girl. Caleb was someone never appeared in my world, broke my life's shell, pulled me out, saw this bizarre and colorful world. He took me skipping class, taught me mixing drinks in midnight bar, laughed at me when I coughed face red, then bought me hot milk. I don't know if I loved him, or loved that never experienced world. Anyway, to be with Caleb, I jumped from second floor window, ran away with Caleb. I still remember him waiting for me at train station, seeing me hugged me into arms. Boy's heartbeat deafening, he asked me: "Nora, are you afraid?" I loud voice: "I not afraid!" "Good, then I take you go, relax, later I definitely treat you well!" ... Caleb indeed as he said, treated me very well. We no money, could only live in cheapest rental apartment, dripping water into ice winter, even rats in room froze shivering. Caleb would give me last egg in instant noodles, then put my cold feet on his stomach warming. Young, love drinks water full, really not afraid of bitterness. Bitter days passed few years, Caleb still capable, he partnered with people earned first pot of gold, then founded our company. He very smart, also very hardworking, worked no day no night. I heartached him, desperately learned, from beginning ignorant know nothing to later ease handling every business, effort finally had result, few years made company big. We moved from rental to apartment, then from big flat to mid-level detached villa. When proposing, he gave me grandest wedding, fireworks half city could see. Successful so many years, friends around him had mistresses, only he always guarded me, phone let me check, daily video calls constant, off work inseparable with me. That time, I really thought, we would grow old together like this. Until 28 years old, I found he cheated with fresh graduate intern Sophie in his company. We started quarreling, big quarrel, things at home smashed changed, changed smashed. I cried, angry, finally only numbness left. Lovers once willing give life for each other, finally actually turned enemies, said most hurtful words. I closed dry eyes, opened again. In photo on bedside, eighteen year old Caleb hugging seventeen year old Nora, smiling brilliantly to camera. Chapter 3 I sat dazed, door pushed open. Eighteen year old Caleb looked at me, eyes familiar stranger. Sharing bed so many years, we just need one look know, each other came back. In room once full of sweetness, we two awkward and unfamiliar, also carrying resentment. "Sorry," Caleb spoke first, "Just now I spoke without thinking, I was also anxious, shouldn't say that." I looked at him, suddenly felt want to laugh. Seventeen years old in this small rental, we two froze hugging sleep together, he sandwiched my feet warming while red eyes: "Wifey, is me useless, let you suffer." "Relax, I absolutely won't fail you, I definitely love you forever." That time I really believed. Just didn't expect, forever actually so short. Just short thirteen years later, he pointed my nose scolded: "Aren't you cheap, sleeping with man at seventeen." In small room, we sat each side, no one spoke. "You—" Caleb opened mouth, interrupted by urgent knocking. I went open door, but pupils shrank fiercely when seeing person outside! Outside my mom dusty, once carefully cared curly hair already frizzy deformed, she who makeup daily now skin sallow, bottom of eyes red, grabbed me: "Go, go with me!" I stunned, memory flooded like tide! Yes, previous life mom also like this, she didn't know how found out me and Caleb's residence, came thousand miles take me home. I refused go home dead or alive, said I love Caleb, I want be with him. Mom crying gave me a slap: "I raised you for nothing so many years, could it be for a man, you don't even want parents!" What did I say then? Don't remember. Only remember mom finally disappointed look, choked said: "Later, I treat you dead, treat as never gave birth to you this daughter, you also don't have me this mom!" After that, me and parents never met again. Until Caleb startup successful, we took things want go back ease relationship, but things thrown out by parents. Kinship cut by my own hands, became eternal pain in my heart. Mom voice difficult: "You go back with me now, I treat this matter never happened, we family of three live well——or else, you just treat I never gave birth to you, you also don't have me this mom..." She still talking, I heard nothing clearly, just looking at mom's familiar strange face, eyes sore blurry. How long? How long haven't seen such mom? Mom still talking, I reached out held her, soft voice: "Okay, mom, I go back with you." "You not go back just treat I raised you for nothing so many years——what?" Mom stopped abruptly, eyes wide. "I said, I go back with you." I left so decisively back then, mom obviously didn't expect I would agree so readily now. Caleb sitting aside turned head fiercely! Mom saw him, expression sank, but still kept basic politeness. "Little Jiang ah, you don't blame auntie insist separating you, look at place you live, what can you give Nora?" "My Nora since small not say thousand pampers hundred loves, me and her dad also give whatever want, if not you, she lifetime no need suffer this sin." "She can't persist, by then you sooner or later break up, early separate good, you don't delay each other." Saying mom whole body relaxed, even things didn't want, pulling me want go. I pulled corner of mouth. Mom not wrong, if not Caleb, actually I lifetime no need suffer this sin. But she also wrong, because previous life, I really persisted. Person who couldn't persist, was Caleb. Peripheral vision swept mirror, Caleb face inch by inch pale. Don't know if because mom said those words, or because I want go. Together these years no matter how bitter, I never thought leaving him, even final divorce was forced by him. He probably didn't expect, I would also leave. I wanted say something goodbye, thought, again said nothing. What to say? Should say, shouldn't say, good bad, said all in previous life. I closed door left. Chapter 4 Dad also didn't expect I would come back with mom so obediently. He originally wanted hit me, raised palm then own eyes red first, long sigh put down hand: "Good back, good back, later be good at home." "Me and your mom... not force you." That night, mom cooked many dishes, she seemed want say many words, but finally just put ribs into my bowl: "Suffered outside this period right, eat more." ... This night, half dream half awake, I returned to previous life. In dream still that office, I pushed door in, saw Sophie sitting on Caleb's leg. For a time sky spin earth turn, I stunned on spot, forgot anger. More uncomfortable was, that girl startled looked up, eyebrows clearly similar to once me few points, innocent romantic, know nothing of world. Previous me also like that, but startup with Caleb so many years, innocence in eyes long disappeared completely. Caleb first guilty apologize, promise compensate me, but being betrayed not forgive him once, but every time think of this matter have to forgive him. Soon his guilt consumed completely, then endless quarrel. I fired Sophie, he hired her back as personal secretary, also bought a villa outside for her, not go home whole night. Love accumulated thirteen years, in nights crying to ceiling one by one, in countless verbal abuse completely consumed. Rare couple is young, actually can walk to day wishing other die. Woke up sky still dark, alarm clock on bedside table emit faint blue light. 2:53. I got up walked to window once jumped down run away with Caleb, moonlight like water, lit up night color. Past floating, I couldn't help think, was I really like Caleb then? Or liked freedom he brought, borrowing like him escape parents control. But these all indifferent. Previous life rebellious not sensible, I already paid price. Luckily heaven pity see, I actually have chance rebirth. Meeting Caleb was an accident, this life, I won't derail again. Chapter 5 I went back to school. Luckily I good grades before, although fell some in this half year course, but impact not too big, I still returned to previous class. Parents only said I sick home rest, occasionally some rumors, also passed quickly. I recovered previous calm life. Caleb also didn't appear for long time. I accidentally remembered, previous life this time he had serious illness. Caleb looks body good, muscles beautiful solid, but actually foundation not good. He grew up with grandma since small, after grandma left fed himself, such small child eat bite here there, full hard, let alone nutrition balanced. Previous life this time he sick very serious, many times even coughed blood, was me always inseparable care him finally recovered. After that I always thought ways maintain his body, daily change pattern cook guarantee nutrition. Raised like this several years, Caleb body conditioned by me. This time without me, can he survive? My heart somewhat not taste, again forced myself cruel heart when thinking of sentence he scolded. I wholehearted to him, but in people eyes just cheap, rushing up for what? I owe him nothing. This life, we just well separately. Just when I thought part ways with Caleb like this, didn't expect after month, he actually appeared. School over way home, walking classmate suddenly small voice exclaimed: "Look that man so handsome—hey isn't that Caleb? He seemed suspended before, why back again?" She poking me giggling: "Heard you dated, is he come find you?" I expressionless: "Not dated, don't talk nonsense." Friend "Che" once: "I thought you really dated such top quality, heard girls liking him queued to No. 4 High School, No. 4 High School flower cried shouted want be with him before." "Irrelevant to me." I looked straight forward walked. I don't think Caleb come find me. Just like I completely no feeling for him, his sense for me probably not good either. I once hated him heart dripping blood, I used most vicious language curse him, even compensate own lifetime unwilling divorce fulfill him. That year we every meeting ended in quarrel, he almost daily lived at Sophie side. Finally I tired, heart died, although divorce proposed by me, but I also could see he sighed relief, he even generously gave me 10% shares as so-called compensation. Why would Caleb come find me? We probably people most not want see each other in this world. But didn't expect, Caleb actually really walked straight towards me. Close look, I found he thinner a lot, face still carried pallor and haggardness of recovering from serious illness. He said to my friend: "Sorry, I have something want find Nora." Friend winked at me smiled: "I know I know, then I go first, see you tomorrow!" I frowned: "You find me what matter?" Could it be want divide clear previous life startup project? Then I won't let to him. I already thought, after SAT start own business, with previous life experience, think this time should be much easier. Out of my expectation, Caleb actually not say these. He lowered eyes look me, paused: "...Sorry." I faint said: "I not accept your apology, anything else? Nothing I go." Those hurts not simple sentence sorry can wipe, I also no qualification forgive him for previous life me. "Let's talk Nora," Caleb rubbed hair, appeared somewhat irritable, "Me and Sophie really not what you think—" "Not that?" I couldn't help laugh, "Could it be you daily cover quilt pure chat, discuss company development?" "You don't like this, actually I to Sophie just temporary freshness, I didn't want divorce you. "Together so many years I of course know marriage most important, I also told her I impossible divorce you, finally agreed you I was also angry anxious—" "Irrelevant to me." I interrupted him, "Caleb, later we bridge return bridge, road return road, don't come find me." Caleb face changed, moment later suddenly hooked mouth corner. "Fine Nora, isn't it breakup, make like I will pester you." He restored previous life hanging around, "Then like this we good gather good scatter, wish you happiness later." "Will, because this life I won't be with you again." Caleb mouth corner smile somewhat can't maintain. I turned leave. Until turning corner, peripheral vision swept. He still stood there. Can't see expression.
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