After postpartum depression, I wanted to kill myself every day. Sean Hayes hugged me as I tried to jump off the building, tears streaming down: "I will definitely cure you. No matter what you become, you are my wife." He chased criminals during the day, fed the baby at night, and took me to see doctors in the morning. His spirited eyes became sunken, but he never gave up. Another time after getting off work, the baby was crying from hunger. I was holding a knife cutting my arm on the side. He slapped me hard on the face: "If you can't be a mother, why did you give birth to him? "Others are fine after giving birth, why are you so special playing postpartum depression! "Don't you want to die? Here, use this!" He stuffed his service weapon into my hand and pressed it against my chin. I didn't cry or fuss, obediently waiting for him to pull the trigger. Until the baby cried for "Mama". Only then did I realize I should go hug him. A woman snatched him before me: "Mentor, look at yourself, stop harming the child, okay?" Only then did I know, Sean accepted a small apprentice. Lively, healthy. And very good at taking care of children. The way Sean looked at her was the same as he looked at me in the beginning. They looked more like a family. I, could go die. Chapter 1 The baby had a fever. My mental state was terrible all day. I didn't even cover him properly with the quilt. I wanted to check on him, but was pushed away by Sean: "Take care of yourself." One of them dressed the baby, the other picked him up. Perfect cooperation. I became an outsider. Standing aside watching them go out, go downstairs, drive away. Sean had no hostility when working with Willow. And Willow was really better at taking care of children than me. If I died, could Sean be with her? Would he feel better? I remember there was a whole bottle of sleeping pills left. Sean was afraid I would take them all when alone, locked them in the highest part of the cabinet. I stepped on a stool to try the password. Vaguely remember it was a birthday sequence. Mine. No. Sean's. No. Baby's. Also no. Hesitated for a moment. Entered Willow's. Opened. Inside was not sleeping pills. It was a bottle of poison. Beside was his friend's handwriting: "Death within three minutes after taking, cause of death easily determined as overdose of sleeping pills, but sister-in-law will be very painful, think carefully before using." I smiled. Turns out... Sean long had the thought of killing his wife. But... why can't I blame him? In the half year after giving birth, wasn't I also feeling sorry for him? An ace detective, fighting wits and courage with murderers, also taking care of baby's eating, drinking, and sleeping. Also guarding against wife's suicide. I also wanted to help him share the burden. But no matter how hard I tried, couldn't resist the impulse brought by this illness. The reasons keeping me alive besides his tearful begging not to die, was the baby's "Mama". Now, he didn't want me to live. The baby didn't cry when picked up by his little apprentice. I could die放心. Sean, wish you well. Swallowed the medicine, I lay on the bed. Only remembered dying here would scare them. Wanted to climb up to change place, but couldn't anymore. I covered my mouth not to let blood vomit on the bed. Dazed, heard Willow opening the door again: "I came back to get baby's change of clothes, Mentor you just focus on the case." Muscles completely softened down. Chapter 2 Sean only came back the next day. Holding my favorite small cake in hand. He called me while changing shoes. No response after calling a few times. Detective's sharpness made him remember something. Rushed to the cabinet fiercely, saw the unlocked lock. "Nora..." His hand opening the cabinet was trembling: "No... I beg you no..." Cabinet opened. Sleeping pill bottle placed well inside. Floating in mid-air I froze— How could it be sleeping pill bottle? What I took was clearly poison. He poured out the pills and counted. Missing two. Came to the bedroom. He saw the quilt bulging. Heaved a sigh of relief. Put the small cake into the refrigerator. Watching him fall on the sofa exhausted, I suddenly smiled. Maybe Sean really wanted to kill me. But at least, later he regretted. Swapped back the sleeping pills. Poison, might be swapped by Willow. While coming back to get clothes yesterday, swapped back sleeping pills again. But... Why don't I blame her? I know I am not a qualified mother. Not a responsible wife. I only bring trouble to others. If someone can help me take good care of the people I love, I only thank her. Only hope after they have new child later, don't forget my child. Chapter 3 Sean slept for a short while and was called to the unit by a phone call. By the time he finished the case and returned, it was already 8 PM. Mrs. Gable, who sells vegetables, was walking around downstairs with a vegetable basket. "Mrs. Gable?" He spoke. Mrs. Gable seemed to grasp a life-saving straw: "Oh my, you are finally back! Nora didn't come to my vegetable stall today, doesn't answer phone, doesn't reply text. "Is she having another episode? I can't enter this building door, you quickly go up and see!" "Mrs. Gable." Sean smiled relaxedly: "She is not sick at all. "Her depression, is all fake." "What?" I looked at him in disbelief. Mrs. Gable clenched the vegetable basket even tighter: "But she said, she would come to buy things from me every day, if one day she didn't come, trouble me to go upstairs to check on her." Sean took the vegetable basket, paid her: "Mrs. Gable, we were all deceived by her, her medical record is forged. "If not for my apprentice discovering the original document while handling a case, I really thought her depression was severe. "She just doesn't want to take care of the child, later, you just don't care about her." I suddenly smiled. Tears fell. I finally know why Sean used such hurtful words to say me. As if I deliberately left the child, as if depression is my fault. Turns out... He thought I was faking it. Sean, can't you see the wounds on my body? Can't you see how desperately I cried? But... I closed my eyes. Doesn't matter anymore. Willow's purpose is just a Sean. And I, will only drag him down. Just treat me as faking it, it's okay. Sean, as long as you can live well. As long as you take good care of the child. Mrs. Gable still hesitated: "But I look at her not like..." "That's because we had a little awkwardness recently, I accepted a small apprentice, she is jealous and sulking." Mrs. Gable sighed in relief. After instructing the young couple to live well, she left. Sean entered the door: "Mrs. Gable sent today's vegetables, what do you want to eat?" No response. "Baby is in hospital, condition good, you don't need worry too." Still no response. "Nora." His tone was a bit bad. "Can you stop faking? You don't want to take care of child I take care, you want do what go do what, I don't stop, don't fake depression torturing me and child every day okay!" Still no response. Vegetable basket tightly clenched in his hand: "You rest assured, as long as you are not going out to meet lover privately, whatever you do I don't stop!" A piece of silence. "Nora you endless is it!" Bedroom door pushed open. I shrunk in quilt. He seemed to just remember I took sleeping pills. "Bang!" slammed the door. Accompanied by a cold snort. Phone rang. This time, it's Willow. "Mentor, power outage at my home, I am a bit scared..." Hostility on Sean's face disappeared. Smiled gently: "A detective still afraid of dark?" That gentle tone was exactly like towards me back then. I was also afraid of dark. Power outage needed him accompany me. Willow's voice slightly trembled: "Not really afraid of dark... "Just I fear Mentor's wife like last time sabotage my home circuit, come in hurt me..." I froze. When did I do such thing? I looked at Sean. He should know. Even when I wasn't sick, wouldn't do such thing. But the action of him clenching the phone told me. He believed. "Relax, she took sleeping pills and fell asleep, I won't let her hurt you again." "But..." Willow somewhat shy: "I also a bit afraid of dark, Mentor can you... come find me?" Sean smiled: "With such reason, of course can." Sean went to change clothes. I smiled bitterly. It's okay. I know I am just a person who only brings trouble to others. Willow said these, nothing more than to let me vacate the position. I vacated. Just Sean didn't discover temporarily. As long as after they marry, don't ignore my child. Then I didn't suffer grievance in vain. Sean came back again. Holding a bowl of corn porridge in hand. Bedroom lights off. He placed on bedside table. Turns out... afraid I wake up with no food to eat. I smiled bitterly— But I can't wake up. Sean, just need you lift quilt to look. Can see me covered in blood. Forget it. I shook head hard. That too scary. Better he doesn't discover. Chapter 4 I know Sean can't just purely go accompany Willow. After all the way he looks at Willow. Exactly same as looking at me in the beginning. But watching Willow leaning in his arms, my heart still tightened inexplicably. In dim environment, Willow tightly close to his chest: "Mentor, actually... I took exam to enter just for you." Sean who always kept distance with other women placed hands on her waist. Hugged very tight: "Thank you, without you, I still have to be kept in dark by her for lifetime, can't get breathing chance." "Then why Mentor doesn't divorce?" Sean body stiffened. Pushed person away a bit: "I fear she cause harm to you." "I don't care getting hurt." "But I care about you!" In darkness, two looking at each other. Willow cried. Buried in his chest, shoulders slightly trembling. I smiled bitterly— Won't Sean. You two, I agree. Next day Willow left one step earlier. Sent car to pick up child from hospital. But didn't send back to my home. I also understand. After all, how can I take good care of a child? Willow also needs to work. So sent to relative's place. Sean asked a sentence when leaving: "Is baby okay?" "Relax, good in hospital, stay few more days can discharge." I raised head fiercely. Sean chuckled: "Thank you for taking care of him these few days." Wait... Wasn't picked up? I wanted to pull Sean, but how can spirit pull entity! I could only follow behind him in vain: "Sean! Child not in hospital! She picked away! "Sean you go hospital look will know!" Sean looked back, touched Willow's hair: "Recent case a bit tricky, I can't take care of Leo. "Luckily have you, I really rest assured. "Wait this illegal drug manufacturing case solved, I treat you dinner." "Aiya Mentor." Willow patted back of his hand: "I'm not for a meal." Sean breath stagnated. All adults, how possible not understand. But, he didn't refute. I almost cried: "Sean! She lying! You hurry find child!" Car drove away. I saw Willow's smile gradually disappear. Sean arrived office received hospital call. I widened eyes: "Is it about Leo missing? "Sean you hurry pick up! You hurry realize Leo can't be found!" "Hello?" Familiar voice came from phone side: "Mr. Hayes, Ms. Nora already late whole day didn't come for follow-up, her suicide tendency so serious, nothing happened right?" "Doctor, she is faking." Opposite stunned: "Won't be." "Doctor, you don't cooperate with her lie to me okay?" Sean sat before piles of case files: "My people already found your diagnosis original, I don't want pursue your responsibility of accepting bribe, forging diagnosis. "But you also don't cooperate with her come find my trouble okay?" "Mr. Hayes, you misunderstood, our diagnosis all directly given to you, Ms. Nora's illness..." "Do you really think I dare not arrest you!" One sentence, doctor shut up. Hesitated a while then tentatively opened mouth: "Then... Ms. Nora okay right?" "Took sleeping pills, slept." Sean no good temper. Doctor sighed relief: "That's good." I stared at phone anxiously. Waiting for pediatrics doctor call over. But whole day, no movement at all. I was forcibly torn by inexplicable force, couldn't leave Sean. Followed him back home. Door opened, trash still appearance of that day sending Leo to hospital. Already grew maggots. Emitting disgusting smell. Home everywhere dust, no trace of cleaning at all. He angry: "Nora! You not sick at all! Fake what! Even dump trash unwilling!" No one responded. He exasperated packed trash threw to door. I still didn't come out. "Nora, must I throw your real diagnosis on your face you can stop faking?" Bedroom still quiet. "What, you blame me staying out all night? "But you fake illness lie to me, let me like a fool turning around you, still fearful you suicide, even my promotion gave up, I haven't blamed you. "On what ground you blame me!" Still no response. "Nora!" Door pushed open violently. Corn porridge on cabinet dried up. Didn't drink a mouthful. "Nora?" Bad premonition generated in his heart. Quilt lifted violently. His pupils shrunk sharply. I looked at bed, also sucked a breath of cold air.
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