"Everyone else can finish, why can't you?" Ms. Miller's voice echoed in the conference room. Dozens of pairs of eyes looked at me. I looked down at the report in my hand. Monthly Quota completion rate: 32%. Lily: 115%. Josh: 108%. Even the intern who just came three months ago had 95%. Only me, 32%. "If it's like this again next month, you should consider your options." I didn't speak. Three years, every month was like this. I thought it was my inability. Until the day I resigned, I finally saw that Quota Allocation Sheet. Chapter 1 The AC in the conference room was full blast, but my back was covered in sweat. Ms. Miller threw the report on the table, voice not loud, but every word nailed into my ears like a spike. "Grace, tell us, why are you last again?" I stood up, palms sweating. "This month the clients——" "Clients?" Ms. Miller interrupted me, "Lily's clients have no problem? Josh's clients have no problem?" I opened my mouth, couldn't speak. "Sit down." Ms. Miller waved her hand, "Same excuse every month, I'm tired of listening." I sat down. Conference room very quiet. I could feel colleagues' gazes, some watching the show, some sympathetic, and some——gloating. "Alright, meeting adjourned." Ms. Miller stood up, "Grace, you stay." Others left one after another. Lily passed by me, whispered "Good luck". I didn't know if she was sincere or polite. Door closed. Only me and Ms. Miller left in the conference room. "Grace." Ms. Miller sat opposite me, tone softened, "I'm not targeting you, you know that." I nodded. "But your performance, really can't be justified." "Ms. Miller, I visited twenty-three clients this month——" "Result?" I silent. "Signed how many?" "Two." "Two." Ms. Miller repeated, "Lily visited fifteen, signed eight. You tell me, where is the problem?" I wanted to say, Lily's clients are all old accounts, renewals, easy to talk. My clients? All new developments, never closed before, furthest in neighboring city, four hours round trip. But I didn't say. Useless to say. "Grace, I'm doing this for your own good." Ms. Miller stood up, patted my shoulder, "Young people need more grinding, understand?" "Understood." "Work hard next month." "Okay." I walked out of the conference room. Voices came from the break room. "Scolded again?" "Yeah, dead last every month." "Why hasn't she left yet?" "Maybe thick-skinned." Laughter. I stopped. That was Lily's voice. Lily who just said "Good luck". I didn't go in. Turned back to my cubicle. Opened computer, screen showed this month's client visit record. Twenty-three. Twenty-three all cold calls. Some companies I went three times, they wouldn't even look at the quote. Some companies I just finished opening, they said "No need". Also some companies, I took two hours bus there, arrived found they moved. I wasn't not trying. I just didn't understand, why others finished easily, I tried my life but couldn't. Phone rang. It's Mom. "Grace, did this month's bonus come?" I held phone, didn't speak. "Grace?" "Mom, I'm busy, call you later." Hung up phone. I looked at computer screen, next month's client list. Ms. Miller just sent over. Twenty-eight. All new clients. I clicked open Lily's list. Twelve. Eight renewals, three referrals from old clients, only one new client. I put two lists side by side, looked for a long time. Then closed the page. Forget it. Maybe it's really my inability. Off work, receptionist Katie stopped me. "Grace, package for you." I took it, mom sent it. Opened to see, a Puffer Jacket. Inside a note: Cold weather, keep warm. Don't work too tired, health important. I stood at company door, looking at that jacket. Mom doesn't know I'm last every month. Mom doesn't know I haven't had a raise in three years. Mom doesn't know I'm called "waste" in company. I stuffed jacket back into bag, walked out company door. Raining outside. I didn't bring umbrella. Just walked to subway station in rain. Chapter 2 Year end. Company started issuing Year-End Bonus. I didn't hold hope. But still couldn't help calculating secretly. Joined three years, base salary $4,000. According to company rules, bonus based on annual performance. My annual completion rate average 35%. Proportionally, should get one month base salary right? Four thousand. Not much, but at least can buy mom new clothes. That afternoon, Finance sent message in group chat. "Year-End Bonus issued, please check." I opened bank app. Balance: $4,273.66. Didn't change. I refreshed. Still didn't change. I went to ask Finance. "Grace right? You have no bonus this year." "Why?" "Performance not up to standard." Finance looked down at computer, didn't lift head, "Your annual average completion rate less than 40%, according to rules no bonus." "But——" "This is decided by Ms. Miller, any problem find her." I stood at Finance office door, stunned for long time. People queuing behind. "Make way please." I moved aside. Lily passed by me, holding a stack of checks (or symbolic envelope). "Grace? Why standing here?" I shook head, "Nothing." Lily smiled, "Bonus not bad this year, five months salary." Five months. Her monthly salary ten thousand. Five months is fifty thousand. I have not a cent. "Congrats." I said. "Thanks." Lily walked far, "We dinner tonight, you coming?" "No, I have things." I returned to cubicle, sat down. Opposite Josh counting money (digitally checking). "Eighteen thousand, not bad not bad." Beside Wendy leaned over, "Me too, seventeen thousand." Everyone discussing how to spend bonus. Some say change phone, some say travel, some say buy bag for wife. No one asked me. Maybe they knew I had none. 5:30 PM, Ms. Miller came out of office. "Grace, come in." I followed her into office. Ms. Miller sat down, signaled me sit too. "Finance told you about bonus?" "Told." "Any thoughts?" I looked at her, didn't know what she wanted to hear. "No thoughts." "Grace." Ms. Miller sighed, "Not that I don't want to give, your performance really not good. Company looks at results, understand?" "Understand." "Look at Lily, exceeds quota every month. Look at Josh, rookie can do 100%. You?" I lowered head, didn't speak. "You been here three years, performance always bottom. Honestly, other companies would have fired you long ago." "......" "I always protected you, you know? Every time boss asked, I said you are improving, you are trying. But you?" Ms. Miller voice raised. "Do you deserve me?" I raised head, looked at her. Her expression was disappointment. I didn't know if that was real disappointment, or acted disappointment. "Ms. Miller, I..." "Forget it." Ms. Miller waved hand, "Go back reflect well. Next year like this again, I can't keep you either." "Okay." I stood up, walked out. "Grace." I stopped. "I am for your own good." "I know." I walked out office, back to cubicle. Computer screen lit, next January client list. Thirty-five. All new clients. I scrolled down, wanted to see Lily's list. Permission not enough, can't see. I closed page, started packing. Mom still waiting for my call. She asked how much bonus issued. I thought, said: "Five thousand, not too much." "Enough enough, keep for yourself." Mom very happy, "Dad and I don't lack money." "Mm." "Grace, work smooth?" "Smooth." "That's good, that's good." Hung up phone, I sat on subway, looking at pitch black tunnel outside window. Five thousand. I don't even have five hundred. Back home, roommate Jenna already cooking. "Back? Ate yet?" "No." "Just right, cooked more, eat together." I put down bag, sat at dining table. Jenna brought two dishes out, "What wrong? Face so bad." "Bonus didn't issue." "Huh?" Jenna stunned, "Why?" "Performance not up to standard." "But you overtime every day." Jenna frowned, "Remember you visited twenty plus clients last month?" "Twenty-three." "Still didn't issue?" "No." I picked a bite of vegetable, "Colleagues got five months salary, I not a cent." Jenna put down chopsticks, looked at me. "Grace, do you feel something wrong?" "What wrong?" "You arrive earlier than others, leave later, visit more clients, why performance worse than others?" I silent. "Have you thought, problem not on you?" "But... indeed my completion rate low." "Completion rate low?" Jenna sneered, "Do you know what clients others assigned?" I stunned. "You assigned all new clients, they assigned all old clients. How high can new client signing rate be? 20% is good. Old client renewal? Above 80%." I held chopsticks, didn't speak. "Grace, don't be silly." Jenna sighed, "Are you being targeted?" "No way..." "No way?" Jenna looked at me, "Then tell me, why hardest clients always give you? Why furthest areas you run?" I wanted to refute, but couldn't speak. Because she spoke facts. "I advise you, check." Jenna said, "See how your company's Quota is allocated." "How to check?" "Find a way." That night, I insomnia. Lying in bed, brain full of Jenna's words. Targeted? No way. I have no enmity with Ms. Miller. Why she target me? But... Why hardest clients always give me? Why my completion rate always bottom? Why joined three years, never got bonus once? I took out phone, opened company intranet. Where is Quota Allocation Sheet? Searched long time, couldn't find. Permission not enough. I dug out client list Ms. Miller sent me, looked carefully once. Thirty-five. All new clients. One in neighboring city, bus three hours. One famously difficult, last sales rep ran half year, signed none. Another one, just signed by competitor last year, now let me snatch back. I flipped previous emails again, found Lily's client list last month. She accidentally mass sent, intended for Ms. Miller, sent to group. Twelve. Eight renewals, three referrals, one new client. That one new client, affiliate of company's biggest old client. I stared at these two lists, looked for long time. She 12, I 35. She 8 renewals, I 0. She run half hour arrive, I run three hours. I suddenly wanted to laugh a bit. So it's like this. So it's always been like this. Chapter 3 After New Year's, I returned to company. Carrying an indescribable mood. Jenna was right. I want to check clear. First day back, Ms. Miller held a meeting. "New year new look, hope everyone exceed quota this year." She looked at me, "Grace, you need to push harder this year." "Okay." "Last year's matter not mention, strive get bonus home this year." "Okay." I didn't say much. After meeting, I found Katie from Admin. Katie came a year earlier than me, nice person, relationship okay. "Katie, want ask you something." "What?" "Company's Quota Allocation Sheet, where can see?" Katie stunned, "Why ask this?" "Just... want understand." "Allocation Sheet only Dept Manager and HR can see." Katie lowered voice, "Do you feel something wrong?" I didn't speak. Katie looked around, pulled me to corner. "Grace, I tell you, don't spread." "What?" "End of last year, I helped HR organize files." Katie voice lower, "I saw your department's allocation sheet." My heart raced. "Your target... is three times others." "What?" "Your monthly Quota is $300,000, Lily is $100,000, Josh is $120,000." Katie looked at me, "Do you know what this means?" I stood there, brain blank. Three times. My target is three times others. "No wonder you bottom every month." Katie sighed, "300k target, even top sales can't finish." "Why?" My voice trembled, "Why me?" "I don't know." Katie shook head, "But check yourself, don't be pitted and still help count money." I stood in corridor, dazed for long time. Three years. Three years, I overtime latest every day, ran most clients, result? Bottom every month. Scolded every month. Treated as waste every month. Not because my ability bad. Because from beginning, game rules were unfair. Afternoon, I found excuse went to HR. "Lisa, I want see our department's Quota Allocation Sheet." HR Lisa looked up, "Look this for what?" "Want understand, have direction to strive." Lisa hesitated, "This needs Dept Manager approval." "Ms. Miller business trip, back next week." I said, "Just one look, no photo." Lisa thought, clicked open computer. "Look yourself, I go pour water." She left. I quickly walked to computer, opened file. [2024 Sales Dept Quota Allocation] Grace: Monthly Target $300k, Annual $3.6M. Lily: Monthly Target $100k, Annual $1.2M. Josh: Monthly Target $120k, Annual $1.44M. Wendy: Monthly Target $100k, Annual $1.2M. ... I scrolled down. Whole department, only me target is 300k. Others highest Josh, 120k. My target is 2.5 times of highest. 3 times of average. I clicked Client Allocation Sheet again. My clients: All Category D (Never closed), Category E (Lost clients). Lily's clients: 80% Category A (Renewal), 15% Category B (Referral). Josh's clients: 50% A, 30% B. Only me, 100% D and E. I stood there, hands shaking. Three years. Three years, I always thought it was my problem. Ability not enough. Not hard enough. Not smart enough. Turns out from beginning, I was set up. Door sounded. HR Lisa back. "Finished?" "Finished." I turned walk out. "Grace." I stopped. "I let you see nothing." "I know." I walked out HR, back to own cubicle. Sat down. Opened computer. Screen this month client list. Thirty-five. All D and E. I stared at screen, stared long time. Then, I opened LinkedIn. Chapter 4 That night, I told Jenna what I saw. Jenna listened, silent long time. "Three times." She said, "Your target is three times others." "Yes." "No wonder you bottom every month." "Yes." Jenna looked at me, "What you plan?" "I don't know." "Leave." "What?" "Resign." Jenna said, "Wait for what? Wait them treat you bottom for three five years?" I silent. "Grace, listen." Jenna put down chopsticks, "You in this company three years, no raise, no bonus, scolded waste every month. Think stay longer, any change?" "...No." "Then hesitate what?" "I fear..." "Fear what?" "Fear can't find job." I said, "Performance so bad here, how write resume?" Jenna laughed. "Performance bad? Target 300k, completion 30%, that's 90k. Lily target 100k, completion 100%, that's 100k. Where you bad?" I stunned. "Besides." Jenna said, "Your performance data here, calculated by their target. Change company, normal target, don't believe you can't finish?" I thought. Seems so. "Go, Grace." Jenna said, "Don't hang on a crooked tree." That weekend, I updated resume. Wrote company name, wrote position. In performance column, I hesitated long time. Finally wrote: Monthly Average Signing Amount $90,000. This is fact. 300k target, 30% completion, 90k. I applied few companies. Two replied. One competitor in same industry, scale bigger than current. One startup, established two years. Booked interviews for both. First interview, they asked: "You signed 90k monthly at last company, why leave?" I said: "Want change environment." They nodded, "Expectation for target?" "Normal is fine." "Our sales monthly target 80k to 100k, adjustment based on resource. What do you think?" 80k to 100k. Not 300k. I said: "Okay." They asked few more questions, chatted about my client development experience. Finally said: "Our HR will contact you." I walked out that company, mood complex. Turns out normal target is like this. Turns out I'm not waste. Second interview also smooth. Startup boss interviewed personally, questions more direct. "Why leave last company?" I thought, decided tell truth. "Because Quota unfair." He raised eyebrow, "How unfair?" "My target three times colleagues, clients assigned all hardest." He silent a bit, "This kind thing... not rare." "I know." "Can you adapt startup pace?" "Can." "We don't talk twists and turns, good performance take more, bad take less." Boss said, "But target fair, you do how much gets how much." "Okay." "When can you start?" I stunned. "You hired." Boss smiled, "Base salary $6,000, target 80k, accept?" Base 6000. Two thousand more than now. Target 80k. Quarter of now. "Accept." I said.
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