Since we got married, my husband Julian only earned $3,000 a month. So I always scrimped and saved, even with a fever of 104°F, still stayed up late working, just to subsidize household expenses. Until I died of Cardiac Arrest in bed, my soul floated out of my body. Accidentally saw, Julian was signing a property purchase contract with a woman at a luxury condo sales office. Turns out, in these few years of marriage, he earned millions. But kept pretending to be poor in front of me. Also kept a mistress outside. However, when Julian returned home and saw my corpse. He collapsed on the spot. Chapter 1 When working overtime, I forced myself to sit straight, raised hand touched forehead, felt burning hot. Fever not light. And heart position came waves of tightening dull pain, very uncomfortable. "You look terrible, Jane." "Hands also so cold, still shaking! You must have high fever, hurry go home rest!" Colleague Sarah walked over, concerned touched my hand. I barely smiled at her, shook head: "It's okay, Sarah, I can hold on. Wait I finish this proposal then leave." "Still do what proposal! Health important!" Sarah tone became serious. "I heard people say, fever especially high fever, easy trigger Myocarditis, even precursor of heart attack! This is not joking!" Heart attack? This word made my heart skip a beat. But soon, I threw it behind head. Too exaggerated, I still so young, how possible. "Really okay, maybe just common cold." I persisted, gaze back to screen. "This proposal due tomorrow, boss said, if done well, this month can get $1,000 bonus." This money very important to me. $1,000 bonus, can let Julian no longer worry so much about next month rent. Thinking can share a bit for him, I feel this fever can be endured. Me and Julian married three years. These three years, our life very hard. He just an ordinary employee in a small company, income not high. Every month budget carefully, can barely save a little money. But, Julian treats me very good, very very good. Although he earns not much, but gave all considerateness and gentleness to me. So money less a bit what relation? As long as our hearts together, days will always slowly get better. I always believe this point. Therefore, I willing fight all strength. Time slowly passed in fever and discomfort. When I finally typed last word, office only left me alone. Strong exhaustion like tide drowned me, I almost propped up from chair. Heart dull pain became continuous and clear, accompanying every breath, bringing a burst of slight sting. Good thing back home, moment push door, a wave warmth came to face. Julian haven't slept, sitting on sofa watching TV waiting me. "Wifey, you back!" He immediately stood up welcome, seeing my pale face, brows tightly frowned, "What happened to you? Face so ugly!" "Nothing, just a bit fever, maybe too tired." I squeezed a smile, didn't want him worry. He reached hand probed my forehead, exclaimed: "So hot! Definitely high fever." He involuntarily pressed me on sofa, turned went kitchen, "You don't move, I make you a cup honey water." Looking his busy back, my heart filled with a kind of sour happiness. Body discomfort seemed also reduced some. He soon brought a cup warm honey water, watched me drink mouthful by mouthful. Then, he sat beside me, holding my hand, tone carrying apology and reluctance: "Wifey, sorry, company temporarily arranged me business trip tomorrow morning, go New York for a week." "So long?" My heart sank, sudden separation made me somewhat lost, and is when I body uncomfortable. "Mm, a quite urgent project." He hugged me in arms, "I will miss you." I leaned on his warm chest, listening his steady heartbeat, felt relieved a lot. "I will also miss you." I softly said. "Just because want leave a week..." His voice suddenly lowered, carrying a trace of acting spoiled meaning, hand also started restless gently rubbing on my back. "Wifey, tonight... okay?" I immediately understood his meaning. If usual, I naturally would enthusiastically respond. But now, I whole body weak, heart that disturbing dull pain also never disappeared, I really want immediately lie down rest. I opened mouth, wanted tell him my body very uncomfortable. But words to mouth, swallowed back again. He tomorrow want business trip, a week can't meet, I don't want spoil his fun. Besides, he work so hard, this bit small request, how can I refuse? So, I suppressed body discomfort, tried hard let my voice sound normal even carrying point expectation. "Okay." Got my permission, he happily kissed my forehead, then picked me up, walked to bedroom. In process of intimacy, my consciousness sometimes clear, sometimes blurred. High fever made my body burning, but more terrifying me is, heart load seemed rapidly increasing. Every heartbeat heavy and loud, that tightening pain feeling more and more clear, even brought bursts of slight suffocation feeling. I very afraid, want push him away, want shout stop. But, looking his devoted and satisfied expression above me. Feeling his desire and attachment to me, I retreated again. Chapter 2 Everything finally ended. Julian satisfied lay beside me, soon emitted even snoring. I however no sleepiness. Body exhaustion reached peak, but heart that abnormal feeling more and more strong. I struggled prop up body, pushed Julian beside, "Julian, you wake up..." He confusedly "Mm"ed, half open eyes, mumbled asked: "What wrong, wifey?" "My heart... special uncomfortable..." I difficultly organized language. "Can't breathe... can we... go hospital look?" Hearing "Hospital" two words, Julian seemed awake some. He turned over, turned on bedside lamp, rubbed eyes, didn't first care my condition, instead yawned, carrying complaining tone said: "Hospital? This middle of night go hospital for what?" He reached hand touched my forehead. "Still burn very high? Eat some Tylenol sleep a sleep fine. Go hospital is just blind toss." "I tell you, our company that Little Wang, few days ago also felt self here uncomfortable there uncomfortable, insist run hospital, result you guess what?" "Checked a big pile, nothing wrong, wasted over thousand dollars for nothing! Hospitals now ah, heart too black, just thinking ways take money from your pocket!" His words, like a basin cold water, extinguished courage I just mustered. Our budget this month already very tight. If I go hospital, really like Little Wang checked a circle but fine, isn't it wasting Julian hard earned money for nothing. He knew definitely will heartache, will pressure bigger. Under weighing, that bit weak help seeking thought, by worry of wasting money and fluke psychology of maybe fine thoroughly overwhelmed. However, Grim Reaper didn't give me chance wait till dawn. Around 2 AM, a burst unprecedented severe pain fierce tore my chest! That feeling indescribable, as if whole chest cavity instantly exploded, all air pumped empty. I couldn't even emit a shout. Extreme pain only lasted short few seconds. Then, my consciousness became light floating, detached from that heavy and painful shell. I "saw" myself still lying on bed, face under weak moonlight showed a kind of terrible blue grey. And Julian, knew nothing about this, still sleeping sweet. Chapter 3 I died? Just died like this?! No! Impossible! I crazy pounced to Julian, used all strength beat his face. "Julian! Wake up! Quick wake up! Send me hospital! Beg you! Save me!" But, my palm directly passed through his body. My screaming also dissipated in air, didn't stir a trace ripple. He just smacked lips in sleep, turned over, continued sleeping. Huge despair instantly swallowed me. Just in this extreme despair moment, those happy moments belong to me and Julian, uncontrollably surged into my mind. Remember when we just married, family no money, he yet always could live ordinary days full of poetry. He would use wild flowers weave wreath put on my head, would under moonlight read clumsy love poems he wrote for me. Once, we poor only left last bowl instant noodle. He lied to me said he ate, insist pushed all noodle to me, watching me eat. Later I then found, he hungry stomach drank plain water whole night. These bits and drops, not involve money, but full of love details, constituted our marriage most solid happiness cornerstone. He although money earn not much, but he gave me his all, gave me most precious romance and considerateness. These memories more sweet, current reality more cruel. Slideshow like happiness pictures flashed fast before my eyes, finally froze on his sleeping face. My soul just dry sat by bed, whole night, my gaze almost didn't leave Julian's face. I how hope he can suddenly wake up, find my abnormality. Even only a trace tiny chance. Morning 6 AM, on bedside table that phone set vibration to not wake me up, emitted slight buzzing sound. Julian almost immediately woke. He quickly pressed off alarm, then first reaction is turn head look me. However, seeing I still "sleeping", face showed relieved expression, movement became more gentle. He carefully lifted quilt, tiptoed off bed, afraid make a bit sound. He dressed neatly, then back to bed side, leaned down, printed a gentle and warm kiss on my forehead. But, skin he touched a piece ice cold, this strange touch made him slightly frown. He low voice talk to self, carrying doting blame. "So cold, must be kicked quilt last night." Finished, he carefully helped me tuck quilt corner, pulled quilt till my chin. As if this can drive away that death coldness. I aside watched heart like knife twisted, used all strength scream: "Not cold! Julian! You touch my pulse! You try my breathing! Quick call 911 ah!" But he completely couldn't hear. He gazed my face, eyes gentle can drip water: "Honey, wait I back from this business trip, give you a surprise." Surprise? My heart because this sentence full of hope violently twitched painful. But, I can't wait anymore. Finished, he last nostalgically looked me once, lifted already packed luggage, light hand light foot opened door, then gently closed. Then, my soul also followed him floated out. However, arrived Amtrak station, a fashionably dressed young woman waiting him. My soul instantly stiffened in place. They all way talking laughing, relationship looked very intimate. Julian even actively helped that woman carry bag. My uneasy feeling also at this moment, became more and more strong. Chapter 4 Boarded train, found seat sat down, already noon. Attendant pushed food cart over ask if need lunch. Julian picked up menu, unhesitatingly pointed most expensive two sets on it, ordered two. I again shocked. Julian always frugal, when we train together, he never willing buy expensive lunch on train, always prepared bread and water in advance. I thought this time because company reimburse. However, when that woman looked food in tray, charming voice said to Julian: "Brother Feng, you treat me so good every time, so happy." This words like a poison quenched sword, fierce pierced my soul! Turns out, his generous and willing, never was for me! He cried poor to me, calculated to me, but to another woman so generous! Huge betrayal feeling and absurdity feeling let me almost soul fly spirit scatter. Lunch ended in an atmosphere suffocating me. That woman used napkin elegantly wiped mouth corner, then leaned close Julian, carrying spoiled nasal sound whispered: "Brother Feng, tonight... can we only open one room? Like this... can save some money." I dead stared Julian, waiting his reaction. Soul trembling. Good thing after short silence, Julian voice sounded: "No need, travel standard enough. Rooms already booked, two rooms." Luckily... he pushed away. That woman obviously stunned a bit, smile on face somewhat stiff, but soon recovered soft charm: "Brother Feng, you really are... gentleman." Julian didn't take words again, just picked up phone, started handle work messages. Following few days, my soul like an invisible shackle, tightly followed Julian. I saw that female colleague called Lyla, almost pervasive trying approach him. After an informal dinner with client, slightly drunk Lyla again leaned to Julian side, half complain half spoil. "Brother Feng, you treat yourself too harsh. Earned so much money, still fight life for what?" "You are our department big hero, these years earned not less than Five Million right? Heard headquarter want promote you be department manager, is it true?" Julian brows slight frown, seemed not like her talk these, only faintly hummed, count as admitted. Five million? Department manager? These few words like thunder exploded in my soul! How possible? He clearly told me, he only has $3,000 salary every month, performance bad even deducted money! We for hundred dollars electricity bill calculated, for a pair hundred dollars sneakers hesitated half year. He everyday home complain work tired, make money hard, pressure big to insomnia... If these all fake, then why? Why hide from me like this? That night, back to hotel. Julian just finished shower, wearing bathrobe sitting on sofa reading contract. Knock sound rang. Outside door stood Lyla. She changed daytime business suit, only wearing an almost transparent black silk slip nightdress. She said nothing, moment door opened, like a soft water snake, directly pounced into Julian arms, arms tightly circled his waist. "Lyla! What you doing!" Julian low shouted, body fierce stiff, immediately force, almost roughly tore her from body, pushed away one step outside. His face iron green, bathrobe belt pulled loose. Lyla pushed stumble a bit. Stand firm, deliberate created charm on face disappeared. "Julian! You pretend what gentleman! You these years earned so much money, a cent not tell your home that yellow face woman, not just long not loved her, want change a wife?" "You secretly bought that large flat in South City 'Lake Shore Drive', decorated so luxurious, not just for living with other woman?" "Based on what can't be me? Where am I worse than her? Since you not love her, why not divorce? Guarding that broken marriage acting, you not tired?" "Shut up!" Julian finally exploded. "Lyla, I warn you, don't insult my wife!" "My this life, only love her one person." "Everything I hide from her, only because a vow I once gave her!" Lyla face instantly became pale. Then she fierce glared Julian once, fierce turned, slammed door left. Room fell into dead silence. Just then, his phone rang. He looked caller ID, is my mom. However once answered phone, came my mom anxious million parts voice. "Julian! Where is Jane? Her phone why always off? I called three days!" "I went your home knock door, knocked half day also no one answer!"

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