Night before engagement, I found signed Adoption Papers in Julian Vance's pocket. Adoptee column wrote his fallen comrade's widow's name, he became that child's father. I didn't choose pretend generous, threw papers in front of him asking for explanation. Julian smoked all night on balcony, early morning walked into living room said to me: "I admit, I owe Walker, I have to give that child a home." Loved him eight years, now for other's child let me give up, I not reconciled. I put on dress, let Engagement Party proceed as usual. His brother however halfway suddenly rushed out said to Julian: "Captain, Scarlett took child on roof threatening jump, said child no dad can't live!" That glass of celebratory wine hung in mid-air, fiercely fell on ground. Julian like lightning rushed towards door. I red eyes, shouted behind him: "Julian Vance, today if you step out here one step, I treat you dead!" His steps paused, still left engagement party. ... Chapter 1 I stood in place, hand still holding wine prepared to toast my parents. Banquet hall music stopped. Everyone's eyes fell on me. Julian's parents face pale, walked over held my hand. "Quinn, this beast! We go tie him back!" I shook head, put wine glass back on tray. "Uncle Auntie, let him go." My parents walked over, my mom's tears spinning in eye sockets. "What is this? Where put our Carter family face?" I walked down stage, said to my parents: "I send you back." Whole scene messy a ball. Julian's brother Cole, face full guilt standing. "Sister Quinn, I not intentional, Scarlett side really want life." I looked at him, didn't speak. Cole and Julian grew up wearing one pair pants, also knew sacrificed comrade, Walker. They treated Walker's widow Scarlett as relative need protection. But relative won't pick other's engagement party time jump building. I picked up coat, left this place. Phone in pocket vibrated, again and again. I didn't look. I knew is Julian. He will explain, will apologize, will tell me Scarlett mother son emotion how unstable, he must go. Love eight years, I too understand him. He treat brotherhood bigger than sky. Walker was for cover his jet then crashed. This guilt like a mountain, pressed him three years. I past also thought, he take care Scarlett mother son is should be. Until he want put that child under his name. Until today, I then understood. Some responsibility, long crossed line. Back home, I took off dress, changed into white coat. I am Naval Medical Center surgeon, Scarlett want jump building, sent definitely is our hospital. I took car key, drove to hospital. On roof, cordon already pulled up. Julian holding that child called Leo, Scarlett sat aside, wrapped in blanket, eyes red swollen. Julian saw me, holding child stood up. His eyes had apology. "Quinn, you came, today matter, sorry." "How is person." I interrupted him, looking at Scarlett. "Fine, just shocked, child also scared." I nodded: "That good." I finished, turned leave. Julian pulled me. "Quinn, you don't like this, Walker died for me, I can't ignore them mother son, they too pitiful." I threw off his hand: "Julian, I not angry, I just feel, our engagement party, seems not as important as a sister-in-law known three years and her child." "No! Quinn, in my heart you most important! But they want die!" "Police said they can't die." I calmly looked at him. Julian lips moved, didn't say words. This time, Scarlett holding blanket walked over, timidly looking me. "Dr. Carter, sorry, all my bad, I not inten... intentional, I just saw you guys engagement, I then thought of me and Walker, I at once collapsed." She cried whole body trembling, whole person crumbling. "I ruined your engagement party, I sorry you." Julian immediately stuffed child into Cole arms, supported her. "Don't say, all passed, your body important." Look me eyes, brought a trace blame: "You look her like this, you can't understand a bit?" I didn't speak, turned left. Walked out hospital gate, night wind blew on face. I then found, my hand always trembling. Chapter 2 Next day, Julian brought breakfast find me. I opened door, person blocked at door. He handed breakfast to me: "Quinn, I apologize to you for Scarlett, she yesterday was mental breakdown, not intentional." "She herself can't apologize?" Julian stunned a bit. "Her state very bad, Leo also fever." "Julian, we don't talk her, talk us. Engagement party what do? Relatives friends how explain?" He silent. After a while he said: "Wait limelight pass, we make up." "Make up?" I looked him: "You feel, this is thing can make up?" "Then what do? Thing happened. Quinn, I know you aggrieved, but Scarlett she just lost husband, now alone bring child, we more understanding, okay?" Again understanding. I took breakfast, put on cabinet at door. "I knew, you go back, they mother son need people take care." Julian sighed relief, thought I conceded. "I knew you soft heart. You rest assured, wait they stabilize, I definitely good compensate you." He left. I threw that breakfast intact into trash can. Then I went work. At Pediatrics door, I saw Julian holding Leo, Scarlett follow aside, face full anxiety. Seeing me, Julian expression somewhat unnatural. Scarlett then immediately lowered head, a look of done wrong thing. I didn't care, directly went my office. Afternoon, Dr. Lewis (Chief of Pediatrics) came find me. "Little Carter, Scarlett that child you go look, heart seems have some problem, want do a consultation." I frown: "I am Thoracic Surgery, not Cardiac Surgery." "I know, but you are our hospital best skill, his that situation bit complex, you help look." Dr. Lewis is my teacher, I hard refuse. I went ward. Leo lay on bed, face wax yellow. Scarlett sat bed side, saw me tears came down again. "Dr. Carter, beg you, save Leo, he is Walker only root." I picked up medical record, flip check report. "Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD), defect not big, but position bad, surgery risk very high." Julian stood aside, brows tight locked. "Risk how high?" "30% intraoperative mortality." I closed medical record. Julian face changed. Scarlett directly paralyzed on ground. "How could like this... how could..." Julian helped her up, looking me, tone carrying command: "Quinn Carter, you must do this surgery, and must succeed!" I looked him. "Julian, I am doctor, not God. I can only tell you risk, can't give you guarantee." "I don't care!" His voice loud up; "Walker died for me! His son I must keep! You if no confidence then find military best expert! No matter spend how much money!" Whole ward people looking us. I didn't speak. This time, Scarlett suddenly grabbed my white coat. "Dr. Carter, I beg you, I know you blame me, blame me ruined your engagement party. You if hate me, you aim me, child is innocent, you can't because me, not try best save him ah..." Her words like a knife. Surrounding discussion sound rang up. "Turns out is her ah, just that male pilot ran away on engagement party fiancée." "Tsk tsk, this time hard handle, will this doctor abuse public power for private revenge ah." Julian face iron green. He looked me, word by word said: "Quinn Carter, you if dare take child life joke, I not end with you!" My heart instant cold to bottom. I look him, look again Scarlett, nod. "Good, this surgery, I do." I said: "But, you want sign a Liability Waiver, and, want upgrade surgery risk level, notify hospital all related departments prepare for worst." Julian stunned. Scarlett also stopped crying. "What meaning?" Julian asked. "Meaning is, I want let whole hospital know this surgery risk how high, is you Julian Vance, is you demand I must do. If child die on surgery table, responsibility not me, on you." I every word said very clear. Julian fist clenched tight. He looked me, eyes full disappointment and anger: "Quinn Carter, I didn't expect, you actually this kind person!" I laughed. "You now knew?" I slapped medical record on his chest: "Decided well, then go process formalities." Finished, I turned left ward. My hand in white coat pocket trembling grip not fist. Chapter 3 After that, we fell into cold war. Julian didn't contact me again. I also didn't contact him. He probably busy taking care Scarlett mother son, busy preparing for that surgery. Our unit assigned wedding house long decorated well, after engagement prepared move in. I alone went new house. House very big, also very empty. All furniture were we picked together. I sat on sofa very long. A week later, surgery arranged down. Pre-op talk, me, Dr. Lewis, Julian and Scarlett all there. I said all possible risks once, including post-op complications and worst result. Scarlett listened face pale. Julian signed. Finished sign, he looked up me: "Quinn Carter, I believe you." I didn't care him. Surgery day, Julian and Scarlett guarded outside surgery room. I changed surgery suit, walked into sterile area. When washing hands, I looked self in mirror. Eyes covered bloodshot. This week, I almost didn't sleep. I watched Leo all case materials, imaging films not less hundred times, simulated dozen surgery plans. This not for Julian, but for white coat on my body. Surgery proceeded eight hours. Very difficult. Defect position more tricky than imaging showed, around full important blood vessels and nerves. I every step like walking on knife tip. When I stitched last stitch walked out surgery room, legs all soft. Dr. Lewis supported me a hand. "Hard work, Little Carter, very successful." I nodded. Julian and Scarlett immediately rushed up. "How is it?" "Surgery very successful, child already transferred ICU." I said. Scarlett joy extreme weep, hugging Julian cry and laugh. Julian looked me, eyes very complex. "Quinn, thank you." He walked over, wanted hug me. I retreated step, dodged: "No need thank me, this is my job." I took off surgery cap, voice very tired: "Julian, I today come want tell you, that house, I don't want." He stunned. "What meaning?" "Our unit assigned house, before marriage property right under your name, now, I don't want." "Why? Surgery not successful? This is our home!" "I afraid one day, Ms. Scarlett's child midnight fever again, you will feel she more need a home than me." Julian face changed. "Quinn Carter, you must speak like this? Must stab me at this time?" "What I said not fact?" "That different! That is human life!" "My parents face on engagement party, not dignity? My eight years feeling, not sincere heart?" He asked by me speechless. Finally, he took deep breath: "Good, Quinn Carter, since you think so, then I do for you see!" He looked me, word by word said: "From today, I let Scarlett move in live, I let them live guest room." My brain instant became blank. "What you said?" "I said, I let Scarlett move in live!" He raised voice, like persuading me, also like persuading himself. "She alone bring child, I not relieved! Child just finished big surgery, need people take care! Let her live under our eyelids, I can watch them, also can let you relieved! Like this fine right!" I looked him, like looking a madman. "Julian, you crazy!" "I not crazy! I very sober! I can't let Walker's son displaced!" He every word smashed on my heart. I suddenly felt very tired. A kind exhaustion permeated from bones. "Good." I said. "You let them move in ba." Julian probably didn't expect I would agree, stunned. I took out key from pocket, put on chair in front him. "This key return you." "Later, here is you and your comrade widow home." "Wish you live happy." I stood up, walked out this corridor I once full expectation. Moment closed ICU isolation door, I seem heard him smashed chair inside. My tears, finally fell down. Eight years. Ended. Chapter 4 Me and Julian broke up. Didn't tell anyone, including my parents. I moved back hospital single dorm. Julian didn't come find me again. Maybe, he just busy moving house for Scarlett mother son. In his eyes, I probably just throwing temper, few days I myself will return. Days passed, work worked. Leo recovered very well, a week later transferred from ICU to ordinary ward. This is hospital, look up not see look down see, always can bump. Julian supported Scarlett, Scarlett holding child, walking in corridor. They looked like family of three. Every time saw me, Julian eyes dodge, lips moved, again nothing said out, finally just twisted brow center together, turned head away. Scarlett then buried head lower, a look of guilt uneasy. Our department people look me eyes all carry sympathy. Dr. Lewis find me talk. "Little Carter, you and Julian exactly what happened?" "Broke up." Dr. Lewis sighed: "I know you aggrieved. But Julian that child nature not bad, just too value righteousness, you tolerate a bit more." I didn't speak. Everyone let me tolerate. But who come tolerate me? That day, I finished a big surgery, already late night. I tired even finger can't lift. Walked out surgery room, my hand suddenly started uncontrollable tremble. I dead pressed, but how also can't stop. This is long term high intensity work and mental pressure excessive caused Neurological Tremor. For a surgeon, what this means, I clearer than anyone. I leaned wall, body slowly slide down. This time, a pair leather shoes stopped in front me. Is Julian. He probably came see Leo. He looked me, eyes had a trace panic. "What wrong with you?" He reached hand want support me. I slapped away his hand. "Don't touch me." My voice all shaking. He saw my trembling hand, face changed. "Your hand..." "Thanks to you." I looked him, word by word said. He stiffened. "I... I didn't know would be like this." "You now know." I supported wall, stood up, step by step walked out. He didn't chase up. Back dorm, I took a Valium, hand then slowly stopped. I looked my hand. This pair hands once was my biggest pride. It can precise cut skin, separate tissue, suture vessel. It can pull people back from death line. Now, it useless. I submitted resignation letter to Director. Reason is, health reason, apply transfer clinical post. Director very shocked, repeatedly retain. I refused. Day finish procedures, I packed things, ready leave this place I worked six years. In hospital lobby, I met Scarlett. She holding Leo, complexion very good. Seeing me, she stunned a bit, immediately walked over. "Dr. Carter, you want go?" I nodded. "Heard you resigned, is it because... because me and Julian?" She bit lip, eye rims red again: "Sorry, all my fault. If you stay, I can take Leo go, go far far." I looked her. "No need. Wish you happiness." I pulled luggage, walked pass her side. "Quinn Carter!" Julian voice came. He chased from behind, grabbed my luggage. "Where you go?" "No relation with you." "Is it because I let Scarlett move new house? I let her move! I now let her move! You come back, okay?" He almost begging. "Julian, late." I force threw off his hand. "From moment you for her gave up our engagement party, late." "From moment you forced me do that high risk surgery, even doubt my character, late." "From moment you for take care them mother son, turned our home into your home, late." "Now, my this pair hands useless, can't do surgery, you satisfied?" I raised my still slightly trembling hand, show her. His pupils fierce shrank. Whole person like hit by lightning, dumb stood in place.
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