On the very first day the "real" heiress, Chloe Miller, returned to the family, she threw all my belongings out of my bedroom. "I am Mom and Dad's biological daughter. You're just a fake. You can pack your bags and get out." "Oh, by the way, before you leave, I need you to refund all the money you've spent in our house for the past twenty years. Let's call it $500,000 a year. That's ten million dollars total. Just wire it directly to my account." I silently handed her a QR code for the "Family Reunion Queue." "Understood, Miss Miller. But before we get to that, you need to scan this, join the queue, and wait for your identity verification." Chloe slapped the QR code out of my hand. "Evelyn Vance! Who the hell do you think you are?! How dare you block me from reuniting with my family?!" I sighed helplessly, trying to explain. "I'm not blocking you. You just need to wait in line." But Chloe, desperate to claim her billionaire status, refused to listen. "You think I need to wait in line?! Just wait until I find Mom and Dad! You're going to be kicked out on the street, you imposter!" However, what Chloe didn't know was that before her, exactly 499 other people had shown up claiming to be the long-lost daughter. My parents were so overwhelmed they had long since delegated the entire "Family Reunion" department to me. ... Chloe ambushed my mother by the elevator just as she finished a board meeting. "Mom!" She dropped to her knees right there in the lobby. "I'm your real, biological daughter!" My mother didn't even bat an eyelid. Her assistant, Mark, immediately stepped forward. "Miss, if you are here for a family reunion, please make an appointment online." Tears streamed down Chloe's face on command. "Mom! Look at me! I've suffered so much all these years..." My mother finally looked up. She glanced at her Rolex. "Thirty-six seconds. You started crying five seconds slower than the girl last month. You didn't break the record, kid." Chloe was dumbfounded. "What?" My mother pulled out her iPad and swiped a few times. "Applicant YM-37. Chloe Miller, twenty-two years old. Lives in a low-income housing complex on the East Side. Parents deceased. Finished college on financial aid." Chloe's face paled. "You... you investigated me?" My mother patted her shoulder. "Kid, your acting isn't bad, but your lines are too cliché. I recommend you go watch Season 2 of The Crown. Their dramatic monologues are much better written than yours." With that, she stepped into the elevator and left. At 3:00 PM, my dad went to inspect one of the Vance department stores. Chloe showed up again. This time, she changed her strategy. "Dad!" She held up a photograph. "Look, I looked exactly like you when I was a kid!" My dad took the photo and inspected it. "Nice Photoshop," he said. "But next time, remember to make the ears a little smaller. Nobody in the Vance family has ears that big." Chloe panicked. "This is a real picture of me as a baby!" "Kid, last year we had someone bring in a highly sophisticated AI deepfake video claiming to be my daughter." My dad sighed. "Their tech was way more professional than yours." He handed the photo back to her. "Go find Evelyn. She handles this department." Chloe stomped her foot in frustration. "Dad! How can you be so heartless?!" My dad didn't even look back. "Call me Mr. Vance." At 8:00 PM, my grandmother's private jet landed. Chloe had been squatting in the VIP arrivals lounge all afternoon. "Grandma!" She literally threw herself onto the floor. "I am your real granddaughter!" Grandma Vance had just gotten off a transatlantic flight and was still severely jet-lagged. She squinted at her. "What number is this one for the year?" Her bodyguard replied, "Fifty-seven, Ma'am." Grandma nodded. "Do you have an appointment?" Chloe was stunned. "N-No..." "Then I can't help you." Grandma waved her hand dismissively. "Last year, a girl camped out at the airport for three days before we made an exception and squeezed her in." She gestured for her bodyguard to help Chloe up and shoved a business card into her hand. "This is my granddaughter's contact info. Make an appointment with her first." Chloe looked down at the business card. It read: Evelyn Vance - Director of True Heiress Verification Project. Her face turned a sickly shade of green. The next day, Chloe stormed into our family estate. "I want a DNA test!" She slammed her hands on the table. "Right here! Right now!" My parents exchanged a look, both looking a bit exhausted. "Kid," my mom said, "It's not that we don't want to..." "You're guilty, aren't you?!" Chloe sneered. "You're afraid the test will prove I'm the real one!" My dad rubbed his temples. "Last year, I had blood drawn thirty times. It's only the beginning of the year, and I've already had blood drawn fifteen times. My doctor told me if I give any more blood, I'm going to become severely anemic." Chloe choked on her words. I walked over, carrying a cup of tea. "Actually, there's another way." "What way?" She looked at me suspiciously. "We can use hair or nail clippings," I said. "The technology is very advanced now; we don't strictly need a blood draw." Chloe's eyes lit up. "Then let's do it right now!" I smiled. "Sure, but you still have to wait in line." "Wait in what line?!" "My parents only have a limited quota of hair and nail clippings to give out each month, and this month's quota is already maxed out. There are over two hundred samples ahead of yours waiting for lab results. The earliest we can get to yours is next month." Chloe exploded. "Evelyn Vance! You're doing this on purpose!" I shrugged. "Just following protocol." Chloe couldn't wait a single second. She paid a scalper twenty thousand dollars to buy an expedited VIP queue ticket. Then, she was escorted to the third floor, into the "Heirloom Authentication Room." She strutted in, chest puffed out like a proud peacock. "I have an heirloom!" She pulled out half of a jade pendant. "The nurse at the hospital gave this to me back then! It's one of a kind!" The authentication clerk, Sarah, took the pendant and scanned the barcode on Chloe's VIP ticket. "Applicant YM-37, Chloe Miller. Heirloom Category: Jade Pendant." Sarah read from her screen, "Currently, there are 287 jade pendants registered in our database." Chloe's smile froze. "How many?" "287." Sarah pulled up the data visualizer. "Among them, 143 are half-pendants, and 144 are complete pendants." Chloe flipped out. "That's impossible!" Sarah smiled politely. "In the beginning, it was just two halves that could fit together. Later, people started bringing in quarter-pieces." She clicked open a web browser. "Now there's even a 'Jade Pendant Fragment Puzzle' service on Amazon. Only $9.99, free shipping." Chloe looked like she was going to be sick. I spoke to her through the intercom from the surveillance room. "Miss Miller, your pendant is a standard mass-produced model. Retail value is about thirty-eight bucks at the flea market." Chloe looked up, searching for the camera. "Evelyn! You set me up!" I laughed. "It's called market research." Chloe refused to give up. "I have a birthmark!" She aggressively pulled her collar down. "A butterfly shape on my left shoulder! One of a kind!" Sarah sighed and opened another database. "Out of the 500 'heiresses' who applied this year, 108 claimed to have a butterfly-shaped birthmark." Chloe's eyes widened. "How many?!" "108." Sarah zoomed in on the pie chart. "76 on the left shoulder, 32 on the right shoulder." Chloe panicked. "My birthmark is different! It has a unique shape!" Sarah nodded. "Yes, Applicants #43, #87, and #201 said the exact same thing." She clicked open a photo gallery. "Number 43's butterfly has polka dots. Number 87's has tiger stripes. Number 201's is a 3D optical illusion." Chloe's lips trembled. "Impossible..." I delivered the final blow over the intercom. "Miss Miller, maybe you should try getting a tattoo? Tattoos are accepted as heirlooms now too." Furious, Chloe grabbed the teacup off the table and smashed it on the floor. "That'll be a damage fee," Sarah immediately printed an invoice. "Custom imported porcelain. Two hundred and eighty dollars." Chloe still wasn't dead yet. "I look exactly like Mrs. Vance when she was young!" She pointed at a vintage family portrait on the wall. "Look!" Sarah sighed heavily and turned on the projector. "Please observe this 'heiress.'" A photo of a girl appeared on the massive screen. She didn't just look like my mom. She looked like my dad, and she even looked like my grandma. "We call her the 'Family Portrait Chimera,'" Sarah said. "She won the 'Most Resembling the Vance Family' award last year." Chloe stayed quiet for three days. But I knew she wasn't just sitting around twiddling her thumbs. Sure enough, she showed up at the Vance Family's quarterly gala. Halfway through the banquet, Chloe suddenly let out a piercing scream. "My necklace is missing!" She covered her face and sobbed loudly. "That was the birthday present my adoptive mother gave me! Sob!" The entire ballroom went dead silent. Everyone turned to look at her. Chloe sniffled and hiccuped. "It was just here a minute ago..." Her gaze swept across the room and landed perfectly on me. "Miss Vance," she said timidly. "You went to the restroom just now, didn't you?" I raised an eyebrow. "I did." "Then..." She hesitated dramatically. "Could I please look inside your purse?" The crowd erupted in shocked murmurs. My mother frowned. "Young lady, what are you implying?" Tears streamed down Chloe's face perfectly on cue. "Mom, I don't mean anything by it! I just want to find it..." I laughed. "Sure." I handed her my purse. "Look all you want." Chloe took the purse and pretended to rummage through it. Then, she "accidentally" dumped the entire contents onto the floor. Clatter— Lipstick, keys, and my phone scattered across the marble. And sitting right in the middle was a diamond necklace. "I found it!" Chloe gasped in shock. "This is it!" She snatched the necklace up, looking at me with tear-filled, betrayed eyes. "Miss Vance... why would you..." I cut her off. "Miss Miller. Do you know why the Vance family banquet hall is equipped with 128 high-definition security cameras?" Chloe froze. "What?" I pulled out my phone and cast the security feed to the massive screens around the room. The footage clearly showed Chloe sneaking up behind me and slipping the necklace into my open purse. "Over the past three years," I scrolled through the incident database, "exactly 47 'heiresses' have tried this exact trick." My assistant chimed in through the PA system: "This is the 48th time. Can we please get some new material?" I bent down and picked up the necklace. "Also... I bought this necklace last week at Cartier. I still have the receipt." I looked at her. "Where's yours?" Chloe's face turned green. "Is this how the Vance family treats its biological daughter?!" Grandma Vance let out a cold laugh. "The last person who said that to me is currently serving three to five in federal prison." Chloe fled the ballroom in absolute humiliation. The next day, Twitter exploded. #VanceHeiressSecretMidnightRendezvousWithRivalCEO# The post included a blurry photo of me helping a man into a car. The angle was incredibly deceptive; it looked exactly like we were kissing. I checked the account that posted it. A notorious paparazzi blog. I clicked into the comments. "Here we go again. Which number is this one for the year?" "The last guy who spread rumors about her got sued for five million dollars." "Sis, delete the post. The Vance family's cease-and-desist letters arrive faster than Amazon Prime." I posted a tweet of my own: "Thank you, Miss Miller, for helping me promote our new clean energy project, and for helping me break my personal record for 'Fastest Defamation Lawsuit Filed.'" Attached was a photo of the filed court documents. Chloe panicked and immediately deleted her post and deactivated her account. On the third day, Chloe somehow managed to forge a security pass and infiltrated the corporate headquarters. She walked into my office carrying a cup of coffee. "Miss Vance," she said, looking down submissively. "I'm so sorry about yesterday..." I didn't take the cup. "Put it on the desk." She set the coffee down but didn't leave. "Did you need something else?" I asked. She bit her lip. "Can you ever forgive me?" I smiled. "You can leave now." She turned to leave, clearly unwilling. I picked up the coffee, sniffed it, and pressed a button under my desk. "Miss Miller is suspected of attempted poisoning," I said into the intercom. "Please escort her to security for questioning." Chloe exploded. "You're making baseless accusations!" I pointed at the coffee mug. "Did you know that all the mugs in the Vance executive suites are custom-engineered?" She froze. "The bottom of the mug has a built-in chemical detection sensor." I showed her the notification on my phone. "It can identify common drugs and toxins." The screen read: Laxative compounds detected. Incident #23 of the fiscal year. Chloe went ghost pale. "Y-You're lying!" Security guards burst into the room. "You have no right to arrest me!" she shrieked. I pulled out a thick binder of legal files. "Based on this," I said calmly. "Over the past five years, exactly 89 people have tried to drug me. Every single one of them went to jail." As the guards dragged her away, she was still screaming: "Evelyn Vance! Just you wait! I'll be back!"
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