After spending a fortune to get the social media contacts of the Head Cheerleader and the Campus Queen Bee, others might dream of dating them. I was different. I wanted to set them up. Through my relentless efforts… The Campus Queen Bee and the Head Cheerleader started dating. I was there, popcorn in hand, ready for the big reveal. But it turned out to be a disaster, and they both turned on me, dragging me into the spotlight. The Head Cheerleader screamed, “Is this the adorable campus sweetheart you found for me?!” The Campus Queen Bee burst into tears, “You owe me a six-foot-tall, aloof boyfriend!” 01 Beside the club recruitment booth, a guy was mysteriously hawking… “Get the Campus Queen Bee and Head Cheerleader’s contacts! Fifty bucks for both!” No one believed him. Only I stepped forward and asked, “For real?” The guy pulled out his phone and scanned the QR codes for me on the spot. “Guaranteed, bro!” Without thinking twice, I added both accounts. “Added!” “Sweet, bro!” The guy grabbed the money and sprinted off. I stared at the two new contacts on my phone. Had I just been scammed? Head Cheerleader Blair Thompson’s profile picture was an abstract smiley face, and Campus Queen Bee Riley Vance’s was a goofy husky. Was this… legit? 02 Back in my dorm, I told my roommates about it. They didn't believe me. “You totally got scammed.” “I’ve got Blair’s contact on my phone, and her profile picture is clearly an ice-queen goddess.” “Exactly! Riley’s profile picture is an anime character, no way she’d use some funny dog pic!” “Feeling sorry for you for a second there, how could you fall for that and lose fifty bucks!” I sighed, staring at the two profile pictures. “Seriously, I’m done.” My allowance was already tight, and now I’d been fleeced for fifty bucks. What a total chump! Just as I spiraled into endless regret, the husky profile picture sent me a message: Who’s this? I hesitated for a few moments before replying. Classmate. Well, I’d added them. I might as well just imagine this person as the Campus Queen Bee and picture her beautiful face. Husky: Oh. So aloof? I fidgeted, racking my brain until I finally squeezed out a question: Are you from Alistair University too? Husky: Yeah, you too? Yep. After that, another silence. I really sucked at chatting. If only there was an AI auto-reply. 03 The day after I added them, those two contacts lay dormant in my chat list, as silent as the grave. During a boring lecture, I clicked into Blair’s chatbox and poked her. Smiley: ? Hello. Smiley: Something up? So direct? How was I supposed to respond to that? Are you Blair Thompson? Smiley: Yeah, something up? Quite bold, actually. She admitted it. Alright, I’ll tease her. Looking for a relationship? Smiley: Not considering it at the moment. Got someone you like? Smiley: A little interested, but not exactly “like.” Oh, she has someone she’s interested in. I immediately typed: Who? There was a moment of hesitation. Smiley: Who are you? “…” Why did everyone ask who I was? What should I say? Got it! I typed a string of words and, closing my eyes, hit send: I’m setting people up. Interested? Smiley: Setting up what? You know, a boyfriend. No reply for a long time. What was it with her and the husky profile pic? Did they just love disappearing acts? I just sent over the Campus Queen Bee’s contact. With a caption: A cute campus sweetheart, great at gaming, super handsome, and a killer voice! These two were meant to be. I turned off my phone and focused on the lecture. 04 Smiley: ? To ensure Smiley didn’t sit around, I sent the Head Cheerleader’s contact to the Campus Queen Bee. With a caption: A six-foot-tall, aloof hunk, great at gaming, and a straight-A student! Husky: ? What did those question marks mean? Not interested? I messaged Husky: The guy I set you up with. If he’s not good, return him to me. Husky: Guaranteed? Watching Husky gradually fall into the trap, I couldn’t hide my excitement any longer. Absolutely guaranteed! Turns out, people never get tired when they're up to no good. I then messaged Smiley: A cute campus sweetheart, return if not pure. Smiley: What kind of scheme is this? A path that leads you to both a successful career and a flourishing love life! … Ah, this should seal the deal. 05 Two days later, rumors spread across campus: the Head Cheerleader was in love. She’d spend lectures staring at her phone, giggling like an idiot. In my dorm, everyone except me was crying their eyes out. “I’m heartbroken!” “Who did the Head Cheerleader fall for?” “No news on the forums at all! I’m dying to know! Are they actually dating or not?” “Her roommates said she is, so she must be!” They chattered on, completely absorbed. I listened quietly from the side until someone noticed me. “Alex, why aren’t you sad?” “Yeah, weren’t you Blair’s biggest fan?” Turns out, one lie requires a thousand more to cover it. When I first moved into this dorm, to get along with them, I’d claimed to be a fan of Blair. That’s how I found common ground with them. I forced out two fake tears. “I’m heartbroken inside. I’m going to lie down.” “We know you’re hit the hardest. Go rest.” Only after I got into bed did I let out a sigh of relief. My phone suddenly exploded with notifications. Smiley: Thanks for setting me up. Here’s a little token of my appreciation. Followed by a digital red envelope. Husky: This aloof hunk is truly amazing! Here’s a little token of my appreciation! Followed by a digital red envelope. I shot up, wide-eyed. Holy smokes! This actually worked! I was a matchmaker now? 06 “Alex, are you okay?” My sudden movement was too loud, and my roommate asked with concern. I coughed, feigning composure. “I’m fine.” Then I quietly accepted both red envelopes. Smiley sent a generous $388, and Husky sent $1000. I’d made back the fifty bucks I’d been scammed out of and then some! This was awesome! I truly had the potential to be a matchmaker! I sent both of them a message: Wishing you two the best! When I logged into my game, I saw both their accounts were online. Just as I was about to start a match, they simultaneously pulled me into a private room. Smiley: You join too. We need a support. Wait. What was happening? Before I could decline, the game instantly started. A social media message popped up. Husky: He’s too good! I’m playing a bit poorly, and it’s awkward with him around! Was I just part of their game? What do you mean? Husky: You’re worse than me. Distract him. My blood pressure spiked, but remembering that thousand bucks, I forced it down. Okay. Smiley: He’s playing really cute, but he seems shy. He might not open up as much if you’re there. Me: … $388 is still money. I had to endure. 07 The game started. Smiley was jungle, Husky was mid-lane. And I, because I was replying to their messages, was forced to pick a healer! Early game, Husky: Go support the carry lane. Mid-game, Smiley: Go protect mid-lane. Late game, Husky: Go protect the jungler. By the end of the game, my in-game shoes were practically falling apart. After we finished, I immediately left the private room. I was just about to start my own game to relax. Husky: Are you his friend? What does he like? I want to get him a gift. Smiley: He’s your friend, right? I want to know what he likes, I want to get him a gift. Dude! Are you two really playing this Campus Queen Bee and Head Cheerleader dating game? Again, money’s hard to earn, and some things are just tough to stomach. What else could I do? I had an idea. I asked Husky: Is there anything you particularly like? I sent the same question to Smiley. Husky: I like collecting sneakers. I’m pretty athletic. Smiley: Nothing specific, just cute things. Isn’t this perfect? What were they so shy about? Did they really have to act so convincingly? I copied and pasted their exact words to each other. Not long after, Husky sent two pictures: Which one should I choose, do you think? They both looked the same, damn it. I just casually picked one. The second one. Husky: Exactly what I thought. Heh. At midnight, just as I was getting ready to sleep, Smiley: Are you asleep? Not asleep, but I'm about to break. What's up, honey? Smiley: I want to ask him his shoe size. I sent the question to Husky. Husky: Nine. I replied to Smiley: Nine. Smiley: That… that small? I was so tired I typed with my eyes closed. Why don’t you ask him yourself? …No need. Seriously, this was annoying! 08 In the morning, I opened social media and nearly fainted. Messages: 99+. Had I committed some divine offense? These two lunatics! If they wanted to date, they should do it privately! I scrolled through and gathered they’d had a fight. Smiley thought Husky wasn’t ambitious enough, and Husky thought Smiley was too serious. They’d debated right and wrong all night, even creating a special group chat for it. The group kept tagging me, asking who was right and who was wrong. I swear, if it weren’t for the post-sales service, I’d block them both right now. “Alex, are you up?” “Yeah, what’s up?” “Nothing, we just didn’t want our crying to bother you.” My mouth twitched. “What happened now?” “You don’t know? Blair posted on the campus forum, basically making it official!” “I still don’t know who the guy is! Who could have landed the ice-queen Head Cheerleader?!” “Holy sh*t! I can’t live anymore!” I looked at my roommate, who had just sprung out of bed. “What’s wrong with you?” “The Campus Queen Bee is dating too! I’m crying my eyes out!” Damn, I almost forgot, this dorm also had a Campus Queen Bee fanboy. “What’s going on? Are all the pretty girls suddenly dating?” “They’re all taken. What pretty girls am I supposed to look at now?” “My emotional support isn’t working!” The dorm echoed with wails and lamentations before everyone finally headed to their 8 AM class. 09 During class, as I dozed off, my phone suddenly vibrated. Husky: Forgot to ask, what’s your name? I typed with my eyes half-closed and sent: Alex Quinn. Two minutes later, I shot my eyes open and grabbed my phone. Damn it, undo! Undo! Crap, why did I just give away my name? I’m screwed, totally screwed! My roommate asked, “What’s wrong with you?” “I’m kind of dying.” “Well, hurry up, class is almost over.” Husky: That’s a nice name. I’ll call you Alex from now on. I—was—DOOMED. 10. After playing dead for two days, I saw both of them post on social media simultaneously. The real Blair Thompson, the Head Cheerleader, posted a selfie. In her hand, she held a doll that Riley Vance had given her. Blair: See this, see me. And the real Riley Vance, the Campus Queen Bee, posted a mirror selfie wearing shoes Blair had given her. Riley: Never thought my first online romance would be true love. You gotta be kidding me! These are real people?! I’m truly in trouble now! My head spun. I felt like the rest of my life was going to be a disaster. Right, right, I need to break them up first. I messaged Husky: Forgot to tell you, I introduced you to the wrong person. I don’t even know that person. In my panic, I accidentally forwarded the same message directly to Smiley. Smiley: ? Smiley: What do you mean? Trying to stir trouble? Damn it! How could a person make the same mistake twice in a row?! I’m being framed! I also forgot to tell you, I introduced you to the wrong person. I don’t know anyone named him. Smiley: It’s fine, we get along, and we’re about to meet in person. Meet… meet in person?! Holy crap, are two girls dating in fast-forward? Meeting so quickly! No, no, if I get exposed, Riley Vance, the Campus Queen Bee, won’t let me off the hook. I might not get into Harvard, but I definitely don’t want to get beaten up! 11. So, I harassed them both morning, noon, and night. I became the person I once hated most. Even an outsider like me can see you two aren’t a good match! If you stay together for long, you’ll definitely argue all the time! Blair: It’s fine, I’ll be accommodating. You’ll accommodate my foot! During the debate competition, I was pushed in as a last-minute replacement for my club and Blair absolutely shredded me. I couldn’t get a single word in. Blair’s mouth was like it was coated in poison. One lick and I’d poison myself. Riley: I have a good temper. You have a good temper my butt! I still remember when Riley got into a conflict on the basketball court freshman year and, in a fit of pique, threw the ball, hitting me. I’ve had a fear of basketball courts ever since. Seeing I couldn’t argue with them, I could only say: Log on! Let’s play a game! They say gaming can make feelings fade. I didn’t believe it. I was going to mess things up so badly they’d have to break up! Blair: What are we playing? Me: Ranked! Okay. As soon as the game started, I deliberately sabotaged Riley. She immediately typed a furious message to me: What’s wrong with you?! Why didn’t you block that skill for me?! Me: I didn’t buy boots, I couldn’t move fast enough. Wasn’t it because you’re bad that you died? Riley: You were clearly standing still! All the enemy damage went straight to me! Me: Say whatever you want. I think I played pretty well. I went to follow Blair. After a few kills, Blair typed: He’s playing pretty well. Riley: Why are you defending him? Blair: I watched his plays, they really were fine. Riley: So it’s my fault then?! Blair: No, no, it has nothing to do with you. Riley: Right, right, it has nothing to do with me! Blair: I didn’t… mean it like that. My mouth was practically splitting from smiling. Argue, argue, more fiercely! I refuse to believe they won’t break up after this! 12. Just one game, and these two were already arguing offline. As I was happily drifting off to sleep, Riley messaged: Oh right, we’re meeting up in two days. You should come too. I shot up, wide awake. No way… What did you say? Meeting up? Riley: Yeah, we’re in the same school anyway, it’s not hard to meet. No way! You don’t even know who they are, and you’re just going to meet them? What if it’s… Riley: Well, you’ll be there, right? You were the matchmaker, you have to help me vet them carefully. Was it too late to give the money back? I’m not going. I have plans in two days. Riley: What plans are more important than us meeting? Oh, and I got you a gift. She sent a photo. Cartier!? Holy smokes! I’m there! I’m there! You shouldn’t have bothered with a gift. I’ll treat you all to dinner depending on how things go. I wondered if they'd even have dinner after they met. Anyway, it felt like I could save some money. At most, I'd just get beaten up, and I've been tough since childhood. I'll be fine!
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