For five years, my husband gave up his dream of becoming a researcher for my sake, struggling with my depression. And today, his childhood sweetheart won the Nobel Prize. The woman on the TV screen was radiant and spirited, while Arthur had dark circles under his eyes and looked utterly haggard. To take care of me, since I could be suicidal at any moment, he could only do night-shift package sorting after I fell asleep. Even when he came back, he couldn't sleep well, terrified that I might do something drastic while he wasn't watching. The trophy on the TV was glittering gold. I knew that was the very thing Arthur had dreamed of. He pressed his lips together tightly, saying nothing, as he padded the room with soft cushions to ensure there were no sharp edges. The ever-present guilt surged up again. Uncontrollably, I started feeling short of breath, my whole body aching. I unconsciously began looking for sharp objects. "It hurts, Arthur, I feel so terrible." Arthur's face, tense all night, finally showed anger. His usually gentle eyes were instantly dyed with an almost frantic agitation. He took out a knife hidden on a high shelf and handed it to me. "Terrible? If it's terrible, then go die! You make a scene every day, but I haven't seen you actually do it." "Mia won the big prize, and you just have to ruin the mood, don't you? Must you torture me like this?!" He pressed the sharp blade against my wildly pulsing carotid artery. "Didn't you say you feel terrible? Come on, one slice and you'll be free. Stop torturing people with just your words!" Looking at his bloodshot eyes, I froze entirely, unable to say a single word. Just then, a cheerful ringtone sounded. I knew that was Mia's exclusive ringtone—joyful, bright, just like her. Arthur seemed to snap back to reality. He immediately put down the knife, answered her call, and the gentleness returned to his eyes. Suppressing the sourness in my heart, I picked up the knife he had tossed aside and returned to the room he had meticulously padded. I've dragged you down for five years. It's been too long. Arthur, I wish you freedom. ... From outside the door came the hearty laughter of Arthur and Mia chatting. I hadn't heard that laugh from Arthur in a very long time. For five whole years, he gave up his research dreams, gave up his social life. He exhausted years of savings, guarding a burden, a dead weight like me. Once a golden boy, now he could only huddle in a rented apartment every day, ghostwriting papers for others. Looking at the room full of certificates and awards belonging to him that Mia had just brought from their old institute... I had never realized as clearly as I did at this moment... That I was the unshakable gloom in Arthur's bright future. The only stain on his perfect life. My existence to him was nothing but pain and a mistake. He was right. Why did I have to lose control and have an episode again, knowing full well he was already suffering? I really deserved to die. My body unconsciously began to move. Like I had mentally rehearsed countless times over the past five years. First, line the bathtub with plastic film. That way, it would be easier for Arthur to clean up my blood. The carotid artery needed to be cut vertically. This way, the blood would flow fast, but it wouldn't spray everywhere and scare people. And it wouldn't result in what Arthur said—failing to die completely and just torturing others. As the sharp knife was about to pierce down... I felt an unprecedented sense of excitement. Over five years, Arthur had pulled me back from the brink of death countless times. He'd said: "Chloe, what more do you want me to do? Are you trying to drive me to my grave?" "Please, stop this. Stop torturing me, okay? If you leave me all alone, how am I supposed to live?" Arthur, after today, I really won't torture you anymore. From outside the door came Mia's gentle, melodious voice. "Arthur, are you really going to give up your dreams and guard her for the rest of your life?" After a long silence, Arthur's exhausted voice sounded. "You know what? I've even thought about euthanasia for her. But Mia... I can't do it. I really can't." I smiled genuinely, a smile of relief. Arthur, we really are a couple in sync. I can finally be free. I can finally stop being your burden. Arthur, you are free. The sharp knife pierced down, and bright red blood began to surge out. Everything was exactly as I had envisioned. Perfect. As the blood continuously flowed out, my body began to lose strength little by little, and I felt a coldness I had never known before. The metallic smell of blood filled my nose. So this is what death is like—damp, sticky. Like walking into a rusty, pitch-black, freezing little box. It was a bit scary, but I remained resolute. My parents wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore for making Arthur marry me. My in-laws wouldn't have to fight with Arthur anymore over whether we should divorce. And Arthur could finally embrace Mia without any reservations. That sunny, cheerful girl who was his perfect match. 2 I died. My soul floated in the air, looking at the pale-faced me in the bathtub. So ugly. It's probably going to scare Arthur. The doorbell rang, followed by a burst of joyful laughter from outside. I floated out the door. It was Mia, bringing Arthur's parents. Only then did I remember that tonight was New Year's Eve. My mother-in-law was elated. "Today is such a happy day! Mia won the big prize, and our family can even celebrate New Year's Eve together." "Mia is so thoughtful. She figured Arthur would be lonely spending New Year's Eve alone with Chloe, so she suggested we all come over." Ever since I got sick, Arthur hadn't spent New Year's Eve with his family for four years. It wasn't that he hadn't thought about bringing me home for New Year's Eve. But every time, right when everyone was at their happiest, I would have an episode and ruin the mood. In the end, everyone left unhappy, and relatives and friends complained endlessly. "Life is so good now, and she's still depressed? So many people have it worse than her and they aren't depressed. I don't know what she's being so dramatic about." "The most pitiful one is Arthur. Such an outstanding boy, completely dragged down. This is why you really have to keep your eyes open when choosing a wife." "She's selfish enough, too. Arthur is almost thirty-five and doesn't even have a child, yet she still clings to him and won't let go." Arthur had heard them and had a huge fight with them. Since then, he had never taken me to a New Year's Eve family gathering again. Mia noticed Arthur's awkwardness and gently pulled his hand. "Alright, Auntie, let's not talk about this. Hurry and have Arthur help me prep these vegetables, or we'll miss New Year's Eve dinner." Mia always managed to easily diffuse the tension between Arthur and his mother. In the kitchen, Arthur looked at the two large bags Mia had brought, full of his favorite things, and his eyes grew red. "You know what, Mia? Only by your side can I take a brief breath." Mia's eyes also grew red as she gently hugged Arthur to comfort him. "Arthur, if no one else's heart aches for you, mine does. No matter how hard or difficult the road is, I'll walk it with you." Watching this scene, I felt a little sourness in my heart, but I was genuinely happy for him. Arthur had suffered too much these past few years; he deserved someone to truly care for him. This is what a family should look like. This liveliness is the true atmosphere of the New Year. Not like when I was around, and everyone had to walk on eggshells. "Hey? Where's Chloe?" My father-in-law suddenly asked. "I scolded her a bit this afternoon, so she's throwing a tantrum in her room. I'll go get her," Arthur replied. The smiles on everyone's faces cooled. My mother-in-law grabbed Arthur, saying irritably, "Why call her? Are you only happy if she ruins the mood on Mia's big day?" "Making a scene about dying every single day. If you ask me, she's living better than anyone, while she tortures us all half to death!" I looked at this contorted face, feeling somewhat helpless. "I didn't mean to torture everyone on purpose. Plus, I really am dead." But my voice dissipated in the wind; no one could hear it. My father-in-law sighed and chimed in: "What sins did our Sterling family commit to marry such a daughter-in-law? If she wants to throw a tantrum, let her. Don't indulge her." I felt a bit wronged. I remembered when I first married into the Sterling family, my father-in-law was the most proud of me. Mia and I both graduated from Columbia. In fact, my grades in school were much higher than Mia's. I was considered to have a limitless future. It was only because I suddenly developed depression that my advisor gave the position at the research institute meant for me to Mia. Arthur looked toward the room where I was, wanting to say something else. But Mia pulled him back, her face clearly showing unwillingness. Arthur looked at her, struggled for a moment, and finally nodded in agreement. "Alright, Chloe really does need to rein in her temper." My heart felt like it was being ruthlessly squeezed by an invisible hand. An indescribable pain. So in Arthur's heart too, he thought I was just being unreasonable. I thought at least he was different. 3 The New Year's Eve dinner table was filled with the aroma of delicious food, including my favorite strawberry cake. When I was doing well, I had mentioned a few times that I wanted to eat it. Because it wasn't good for my recovery, Arthur had kept putting off buying it for me. I didn't expect him to actually buy it today. And it was from my favorite place, the one that required a three-hour wait in line. I involuntarily walked over to the cream cake and sniffed it hard. But the next second, a slender, pale hand reached over and took the cake. It was Mia. She naturally prepared to start eating it. Arthur hesitated, and Mia put the cake down. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," Arthur swallowed the words that had reached his lips. "Was this cake meant for Chloe?" Mia asked awkwardly. Seeing Mia's cautious demeanor, Arthur's eyes filled with heartache. "No, she doesn't like this stuff. I bought the cake for you." Only then did Mia smile happily and eat the cake sweetly. Watching her happy expression as she ate, the corners of Arthur's mouth also unconsciously turned up. "No, I love it too." I wanted to reach out and grab the torn cake wrapper, but only grabbed a handful of air. So sad. I couldn't even lick the cream off the edges anymore. Unlike my sadness, the atmosphere at the New Year's Eve table grew increasingly lively. Mia was a little bundle of joy, always making everyone laugh until they leaned forward and backward. After the meal and drinks, Mia and Arthur brought out their New Year's gifts for his parents. Arthur pulled out a pair of couple rings with a "Distant Mountains" theme. Mia gifted a pair of brooches with an "Ocean Waves" theme. Coincidentally, they formed the phrase "An Oath as Enduring as Mountains and Oceans." The two exchanged a knowing glance. The look was so scorching it seemed to burn, pulling away as quickly as it touched. Mia fanned her flushed cheeks with her hand, saying somewhat shyly, "Arthur must have stolen my idea. But since Auntie likes it, I won't argue with him." Arthur rubbed his nose, his eyes smiling, silently accepting this explanation. His parents looked at the two of them, smiling from ear to ear. As she laughed, my mother-in-law suddenly grew somewhat sentimental: "I always thought Mia and Arthur were the best match. If an outsider hadn't messed things up, you two might have a son and a daughter by now." In the past, whenever this happened, Arthur would resolutely object. But today, he remained silent, just focusing on his food. My mother-in-law opportunely pulled out a divorce agreement that I had signed. I was a bit dazed, then remembered the document my mother had asked me to sign a few days ago. She said it was a property transfer agreement to avoid any accidents. I signed it without looking closely. So that document was a divorce agreement. My heart felt a little stuffy, not exactly sad. I just felt they really didn't need to do it this way. If they had given it to me openly, I would have signed it. Arthur looked at the document for a long time before muttering, "Chloe would never agree to sign this. How did you get this?" My mother-in-law guiltily avoided his gaze. "Don't worry about how we got it. In short, just sign your name, and you'll be free." "Look at yourself! In just five years, what have you let yourself become? You insist on getting her the best medicine. Not only have you spent all your savings, but you're also deeply in debt. You used to be such a proud person, yet for her, you swallow your pride and go around begging for money. Do you know how much it hurts me as a mother to see this?" "Mia asked the leadership at the institute for you. As long as you're willing, the institute welcomes you back anytime, and you can immediately join the latest research project. Isn't this what you're most interested in? You're only thirty-five. Are you really going to ruin your whole life for this woman?" Mia saw Arthur's inner conflict and comforted him: "Arthur, we aren't asking you to completely abandon Chloe. I can use all the prize money I just won, and all my savings from over the years, to pay for Chloe's treatment. We just hope you stop tying your life to hers. You're too tired." Arthur seemed surprised that Mia would say this, staring at her blankly. Mia pressed the pen into his hand, and my heart clenched along with it. My thoughts were incredibly contradictory. I hoped Arthur would forget our past and look forward, yet I was terrified he would truly forget me. Arthur seemed just as conflicted as I was. He lifted the pen several times, but the name was never signed. After that interlude, Arthur's mind seemed to wander. Before 8 PM, he asked everyone to leave. He silently cleaned up everything by himself. Compared to four years ago, he was very proficient now. When he picked up the divorce agreement again, he didn't throw it away. Instead, he silently locked it deep inside a drawer.
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