I slept with my boss, Julian Vance. On Liam’s birthday, of all days. It happened after a work dinner. I got totally wasted, and Vance took me back to his hotel room. He laid me on the bed, took off my shoes, and then, after a few seconds of silence, he suddenly leaned over me. Through my drunken haze, I saw his face close up, usually so cool and aloof. In that moment, all his usual authority and chill vanished, leaving only eyes softened by desire. He undid my belt, his hand slipping inside my clothes. Instinctively, I tried to push his wrist away, my eyes wide with shock. He licked his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he breathed shallowly. "You can say no," he murmured. I didn't say no. Not only that, I pulled him down and kissed him back, hard. Wildly. My kiss left him breathless, pushing him over the edge. Raw need radiated off him. He muttered something about never expecting someone with an innocent face like mine could be so wild in bed. Seeing that playful look in his eyes snuffed out my own burst of raw abandon. An indescribable weight settled in my chest, making it hard to breathe. It became unbearable, and tears started streaming down my face. 2 The morning alarm jolted me awake. My phone screen showed dozens of missed calls. From Liam. He hadn't slept all night. He'd called from 8 PM to 8 AM. Probably worried he’d disturb me if I was busy, so he called once every hour. My battery was almost dead. Thinking of him reminded me: yesterday was his birthday. Ever since freshman year of high school, I’d been there for his birthday. Every single year. Even when he clearly didn’t want me there, I’d shamelessly stick around. I remember senior year, that summer right after graduation, when everyone was about to scatter to different colleges across the country. He planned to confess his feelings for Sarah Miller at his birthday party. And guess who planned the whole surprise confession setup, paying for it out of her own pocket? Me. — Absolutely no self-respect. Liam was crazy about Sarah. He’d adored her for three solid years. However low I stooped for him, that’s how much lower he stooped for Sarah. But his love for her felt… nobler than mine for him. Mine was relentless chasing; his was quiet support from the sidelines. In the last month of senior year, Sarah started dating the class valedictorian. I skipped class with Liam, got drunk with him, and together we risked bombing the SATs and screwing up our whole lives by running away to some unfamiliar city – Austin, I think it was. I had these boundless dreams about our future together. I thought, even if his life went completely off the rails, I'd stick by him. Even if the whole world turned its back on him, I wouldn't leave. I was lost in my infatuation with him, but one sentence from him snapped me back to reality. He said, "She doesn't have to be with me. All I want is for her to be happy." He said it so calmly, just like those devoted supporting male characters in books and movies, the ones who silently protect the heroine, willing to give everything, always ready to step in, just hoping she might notice him, spare him a glance. In that instant, my world shattered. The person I loved so much, the one I was willing to give up everything for, was willing to be less than dust for someone else. He wouldn't even spare me a kind look, yet he’d let his heart be pulverized for her. I became the dust beneath the dust. For the first time, I felt utterly worthless. Looking at myself in the mirror, suddenly nothing seemed to matter. Being pretty, getting good grades, coming from a good family – none of it meant anything to him. He didn’t see it. He didn’t see me. His indifference cast a shadow over my entire life. But I still chased him for three more years. It wasn't until we were about to graduate from college that he finally agreed to be with me. When that moment came, I felt no joy, no thrill of finally getting what I wanted. Just exhaustion and forced endurance. I knew deep down that the constant care I showed him in the years that followed wasn't love anymore. It was obsession. A stubborn refusal to let go. I was holding onto this bitter grudge. Because of that grudge, I had to see it through to the end. An end that no longer held any meaning for me. It was like settling a score for my neglected, long-dead feelings. Like those women who find out their husbands cheated after decades of marriage, when they're old and faded, but refuse to divorce. She's already lost everything of herself, unable to accept ending up with nothing, unable to watch the bastard live happily ever after with someone else. So, it becomes scorched earth. Even if there's no love left, even if it's pure hate, they stay bound together. Mutual destruction. Shared ruin. That was my mindset being with him. I knew it from the start. "Where were you last night?" When I got home, breakfast was already on the table. Liam really knew how to live. He loved tending to plants, decorating his place, knew all the little life hacks and details. Most importantly, he loved to cook and watch people enjoy his food. In the years we'd been together, he’d definitely fattened me up. Sarah Miller was blind. A guy like him – stable, domestic, good inside and out – marrying him would be any woman's blessing. I didn't love him, but that didn't stop me from appreciating him. I always thought he was a great guy. No flaws, really, except for how he failed me emotionally. Though honestly, I didn't have much ground to stand on, saying he failed anyone. From the beginning, his stance was crystal clear. He tried hard to reject me. I was the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. I brought this on myself. "I was at a work dinner with Mr. Vance. Got a little drunk, figured it wasn't safe to go home alone so late, so I got a room at a hotel." Guilt made me keep my eyes down while I answered, focusing on eating. He was quiet for a moment, then said, "I told you I could pick you up." "I didn't need you to." My reply was sharp, almost cold. His expression faltered, eyes dropping with a hint of disappointment as he picked up the carton to pour me some milk. I was constantly forcing myself to be independent. Terrified of getting used to his thoughtfulness. Because what if Sarah came back someday, snapped her fingers, and he ran right back to her? What would I do then? I refused to be that pitiful girl ever again. "Have some warm milk first, it'll settle your stomach." He placed the glass near my hand. I didn't reach for it. He sat across the table, just watching me. Feeling his gaze, I frowned, trying hard to look like I was just hungover, not like I'd spent his birthday night cheating on him, passionately servicing another man. "Anna, are you short on cash?" He pulled out a bank card and slid it across the table towards me. "There's fifty thousand in here. It's money I was saving for a down payment on a house, for when we get married. If you need it, take it for now. If it's not enough, I can borrow more." I was confused about why he thought I needed money when my phone buzzed twice on the table. A Venmo notification popped up. "Received $100,000." Liam's face suddenly turned ugly. He was usually so polite; in all our years together, he rarely pried into my affairs. But now, he snatched my phone before I could react. Ignoring my struggles, he held it high out of reach, walked away, and opened Venmo with a cold expression to see who sent the money. I scrambled onto a chair trying to grab it back, but it was too late. "Why did Julian Vance send you money?" His eyes were so cold they could freeze water. My heart hammered against my ribs. I avoided his gaze. Furious, he scooped me up, carried me into the living room, and dumped me on the sofa. He pinned me down, trying to lift my skirt to check… something? I fought back hard, and he dropped the pretense. "I was outside your hotel room last night." "You didn't come out all night." 3 His words felt like a bomb detonating in my chest. My mouth fell open. I was stunned, unable to form any defense. My heart pounded wildly, threatening to burst out of my chest. I tried to speak again, still nothing. I gave up. It was just an accident. Before I could get the words out, Liam's eyes reddened with fury. He looked both angry and devastated, like someone who just found out a person they trusted their whole life had been lying all along. "Selling yourself for money? Anna, you're college-educated, for crying out loud! What kind of trouble are you in? Why can't you tell me so we can solve it together? Do you think I'm useless?!" Surprisingly, his first reaction wasn't anger about the cheating itself, but concern about what desperation drove me to sell my body. He couldn't comprehend it. I have to admit, his sincerity softened me again. If he had yelled at me, accused me right then, I might have found the courage to end things. Too bad. He wasn't blaming, just… bewildered and hurt. "I don't need money. It… it was an accident." My answer didn't seem to surprise Liam at all. He'd been unhappy for days when he first learned I was going to be Julian Vance's assistant. Vance's playboy reputation was legendary. From A-list celebrities down to wannabe actresses, anyone remotely attractive seemed to end up photographed by his side, swapped out almost weekly. How could Liam possibly feel okay about me working closely with someone like that? In the past, if he'd acted moody about it, I would have been secretly thrilled, imagining my dear Liam was finally getting possessive, showing a tiny bit of interest in me. But he wasn't the Liam I longed for anymore. So when he objected, I ignored him completely. Eventually, he gave up arguing and just started monitoring my curfew. If I was late, even by a little, he'd show up immediately. Sometimes at the office, sometimes waiting outside a restaurant. How could I have forgotten that? No, wait. Last night, I had wanted to leave. It was Vance who insisted on taking me to his room. He must have planned it all along. "This is sexual assault. I'm calling Mark." Mark was his childhood friend, a partner at a top law firm. A big-shot lawyer. He'd handled countless major cases, he wouldn't be intimidated by Julian Vance. "Don't…" I grabbed his sleeve to stop him. What Vance did last night… it was taking advantage of me being drunk. But he had said I could refuse. And I hadn't. If this went to court, and a man like Vance, used to navigating these situations, suddenly produced a recording… What shred of dignity would I have left? Seeing me stop him, Liam's expression turned dark, intense. He stared at me, as if trying to see right through me. "You wanted it?" Caught, I quickly turned away, trying to escape his gaze. He gripped my wrist hard, his eyes red, almost bleeding. "Anna, yesterday was my birthday… How could you?" "And you're so innocent?!" Backed into a corner, I dropped all pretense too, coldly shaking off his hand, questioning him with a sneer. "Last year, when Sarah came back, weren't you the one who spent the night with her in a hotel?" His eyes widened slightly in surprise. He thought I didn't know. Because that night, I was away on a business trip. Around 11 PM, I texted him, and he didn't reply. Then, scrolling through social media, I saw a video posted by a classmate. It showed him and Sarah, hugging. That classmate had some nerve. Knowing we were together, even talking about getting married, and still posting a video like that specifically for me to see. The caption read: "Liam finally got his goddess." I can barely remember how I felt at that moment. Maybe I felt nothing. When pain reaches a certain point, you just go numb. I think that was the day I completely gave up on him. If, before that, I still held onto a tiny, hidden hope that time could heal things, that we might reconcile someday… That day shattered even that fragile hope. There was no love left for him. None. "You…" His eyes flickered. He was clearly shocked, probably never imagining I knew he'd seen Sarah. All his earlier fury dissolved into guilt. He couldn't face the fact that he had deceived me. A self-righteous hypocrite exposed – it was almost comical how powerless he looked. I deliberately smirked, patting his cheek condescendingly. "Looks like we're even. Maybe we should just turn a blind eye." "I didn't…" He started to explain, but I cut him off. 4 It took me an hour to pack my things. I could do it so quickly probably because I'd always been mentally prepared for an exit like this. After that incident with Sarah, she became my recurring nightmare. I'd even dream about them, side-by-side, happy together. I dreaded hearing that Sarah was back in town. Every time she came home for summer break or holidays, it put me on high alert. I'd pretend not to care, but secretly, I'd be obsessively trying to find out any news about the two of them, searching for any possibility they might meet up, might get together. Like a crazy person. "Anna, please let me explain." Liam blocked the bedroom door, banging on it, refusing to let me leave, insisting on explaining. "It was a class reunion! A bunch of us stayed over, nothing happened!" I laughed, pulling the door open to look at his face, so earnest and innocent, like he was genuinely wronged. "Really? Am I not your classmate? Why wasn't I invited? Let me guess—oh, right. They wanted to help you get together with your goddess?" That was the most ironic part of the whole thing. — I was basically ostracized by our entire graduating class. He and Sarah were the couple they shipped. In their eyes, I was just the crazy, interfering third wheel who should get lost. No wonder someone deliberately posted that video for me to see. It was only then that I truly saw myself clearly. He looked desperate, still wanting to explain, but I cut him short. "It's not just about that. — Liam, I'm not happy with you." He froze, a wounded look flashing in his anxious eyes, but he quickly composed himself. "Anna, let's stick to the facts. There's no need to be hurtful." "Hurtful?" My eyes welled up, my nose stung, and my voice cracked uncontrollably. "Liam, do you even know what hurt means? Do you know that every single day I spent with you felt utterly pointless? Yes, pointless! Everything I did felt meaningless, my whole existence felt meaningless! That's how you make me feel, Liam! You ruined everything for me, but I can't even blame you, because from the very beginning, you rejected me so completely… It was my own damn fault." Voicing my obsession and the darkness I'd carried, I suddenly felt like the villain in some cheap drama. Falling for someone who didn't love me, insisting on being with them. Planning his crucial birthday party, only to sabotage his confession. That night, pretending to be blackout drunk, collapsing into his arms, monopolizing his entire evening. He never got the chance to escape me and tell Sarah how he felt before she left. When it comes down to it, I was the bad guy all along. It was all my own damn fault.
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