After my boyfriend stormed out over the litter box (again), I didn’t chase him. This time, I just stood there— —until text flooded my vision: 【He’s waiting right outside!】 【Open the door and he’ll cook for you】 【He’s insecure! Just say ‘I love you’ and he’d die for you】 【Hurry! He’s digging nails into his palms!】 My hand hovered over the knob... Then my phone buzzed: "We’re done. Be gone when I’m back." "Okay." 1 I put my phone down, wiped my tears, and pulled out my suitcase. 【Oh, he’s just being difficult. He’s dying to come back and make up with her, but he’s too proud to admit it. Is this what insecurity looks like?】 【Yeah, his parents divorced when he was a kid and they both remarried right away. He was basically abandoned. Chloe knows all this! Why is she actually packing? Honey, don’t! He loves you so much, how will he live without you?】 【Don’t listen to a word he says when he’s angry! If you just open the door, he’ll come back wagging his tail. Don’t really pack your things! What will he do if you leave?】 【There is no one on this earth who loves you more than him! You were together through high school, all four years of college, you were supposed to get married! Don’t do this, you’re his whole world! What about him? What about Jellybean?】 I ignored the floating text and started packing. I’d lost count of how many times this had happened. Every time he broke up with me, he told me to move out. And every time we made up, he’d cling to me, all sweet and clingy, and tell me he didn’t mean it. I remember the first time Chad told me to leave. I was terrified. We were supposed to go on a trip the next day, so I’d stayed late at work to make sure everything was handled. I wanted to be able to relax and enjoy our vacation. But to Chad, my working late meant I didn’t care about our trip. He wouldn’t listen to my explanations. He didn’t care that I’d gotten home at eleven and hadn’t even had dinner. He just shoved my suitcase at me and slammed the door in my face. No matter how much I begged and explained through the door, he wouldn’t open it. I stood outside in the hallway all night, starving. It was the middle of winter, and he’d pushed me out without even letting me grab a coat. I shivered uncontrollably, but he never once came out to check on me. If my neighbor hadn’t found me passed out from low blood sugar and pounded on the door until Chad finally came out, who knows what would have happened. That time, Chad had been scared to death. When I woke up, he swore up and down, promising me, “Chloe, I love you so much.” “If I say things when I’m angry, you can’t take them seriously, okay?” “You know how insecure I am. If you just give me that sense of security, I’ll be fine.” And I believed him. So, every time we fought after that and he told me to leave, I knew he was just saying it out of anger. I knew he was difficult. I knew he was insecure. I made my entire life revolve around him. But now… I was just so tired. Eight years. Eight years of me always being the one to give in, of being kicked out every time he got mad. I was done. 2 It didn’t take long to pack. I made myself a cup of instant noodles. I felt a tug at my ankle and looked down. It was Jellybean. The moment I knelt, she jumped into my lap. Jellybean originally belonged to one of Chad’s junior classmates in college. The girl had gotten bored of her after two weeks. Chad brought her home, and she became my responsibility. Cleaning the litter box, taking her for baths, shots, deworming—it was all on me. And if I was ever late with any of it, Chad would give me a cold look and say, “I only brought her home because you said you liked her. When did you become so irresponsible, Chloe?” This time, the fight had started because I hadn’t changed her litter box and the apartment smelled. As I ate my noodles, I scrolled through my phone and saw that his old classmate had posted on her feed. 【QAQ, my poor, homeless senior. I guess I can take you in for a bit. (๑>ᴗ<๑)】 The picture was a half-shot of Chad in a bar, holding a drink. 【Poor guy. See? He’s drunk, but his eyes are glued to his phone. He’s still thinking about her!!】 【Don’t be mad, Chloe! He’s just trying to make you jealous by having her over. He doesn’t like her at all, she’s just a pawn!】 【Yeah, look at him, he’s about to burn a hole through his phone with his eyes. Just send him one text and he’ll come running back like a puppy.】 Before I could finish reading, a video came through from an unknown number. In the video, Chad was leaning against a woman’s chest, his eyes closed. “Chad,” the woman cooed, “if you spend the night at my place, do you think your girlfriend will finally leave you?” Chad scoffed. “Give her a couple of days. She’ll be begging me to come back.” The woman giggled. “So she’s a clingy one, huh? The kind you can’t get rid of?” I held my breath. And then I heard Chad’s low murmur. “Yeah.” The video ended there. I stared at the noodles in front of me, but I couldn’t take another bite. So that’s what it was. All my concessions, all my attempts to understand him… to him, and to everyone else, I was just a pathetic girl who would come running whenever he called. A doormat. I looked at the noodles, now cold, a layer of grease congealing on the surface. It was disgusting. 3 Eight years of my life, and all that was left was one small suitcase. “Meow, meow…” Jellybean seemed to sense something was wrong and latched onto my pant leg. I hesitated. But I had been the one taking care of her for the past year. Chad clearly didn’t want the responsibility. I scooped her up and took her with me. It was two in the morning by the time I checked into a hotel. The next morning, I was already browsing apartment listings. Within an hour, I found a small studio near my office. It was tiny, but it would cut my commute by almost an hour each way. When we first graduated, we lived somewhere else. But Chad was a heavy sleeper. I could never wake him up in the morning, and he’d been reprimanded at work twice for being late. I was the one who suggested we move closer to his office. Back then, I thought love could conquer all. An extra hour on the train didn’t matter, as long as it made his life easier. Later, when his startup took off, he bought a condo near his new office. We’d been there for three years. Now, all that time I spent commuting would be mine again. I moved into the new apartment that day. “Chloe, you’re still here? You’re going to miss the last train,” a coworker reminded me as I was working late. I shook my head, my eyes on the unfinished report. “It’s okay, I moved closer to the office. I’ll go home when I’m done.” “Wow! Chloe, you finally did it?” My coworkers had been telling me for ages that wasting two hours a day on a train was insane. After work, a few of us went out for a late dinner to celebrate my new place. I got home exhausted and fell straight into bed. The next day, just as I was leaving the office, I got a text from one of Chad’s friends. 【Hey, did you and Chad have a fight? He’s at my place, completely wasted.】 I hesitated for a moment. 【We didn’t fight. We broke up.】 He immediately replied with a voice message, his tone lecturing. 4 “Come on, Chloe, that’s not fair. You know what he’s like. How many times has he said you were breaking up? How many times did he actually mean it?” “You used to be so understanding. Why are you being so stubborn this time?” “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you come over now and say a few nice words, he’ll probably cool down and go home with you.” “But if you don’t, and he actually decides to end things for real, you’ll be the one crying.” It was laughable. After all these years, even his friends were convinced I couldn’t live without him. Before I could reply, he hung up. Then, he sent an address. I blocked the number. They were Chad’s friends, not mine. Now that we were broken up, there was no reason to keep them in my life. 【Is she really angry? He was just giving her an out by having his friend call. Couples shouldn’t stay mad at each other.】 【Yeah, that’s just his personality. He’s difficult, but he’s crazy about her. He even gave up his dream college to go to the same one as her. She’s just upset right now. He’s already thrown up three times, he’s going to hurt himself.】 【Is it just me, or is he being a total drama queen? Why is it that when a girl acts like this, she’s being dramatic, but when a guy does it, he’s just ‘difficult’ and ‘insecure’? It’s just as annoying.】 I saw that last comment and couldn’t help but smile bitterly. They were right. Chad was a drama queen. It wasn’t so bad when we first started dating. But after he gave up his dream school for me, he became more and more demanding. Every time we fought, if I didn’t immediately grovel, one of his friends would call. They’d remind me of his great sacrifice, and ask me how I could be so cruel. How could I live with myself? But when we were applying to college, I told him over and over that I was fine with a long-distance relationship. That no matter how far apart we were, he would always be the most important person in my life. But he insisted on applying to the same school as me. When I saw his application, I asked him again and again if he was sure, if this was what he really wanted. He didn’t say a word. The day after the application deadline, he got blackout drunk. His friends called me, accusing me of forcing him to go to the same school as me. That’s when I found out that our university hadn’t been his first choice. But by then, I was so moved by his gesture. I rushed over and took him home. But for years after that, every time he was unhappy, every time he acted out, his friends would blame me. They’d list all the things he’d given up for me. After a while, I got tired of hearing it. It was like I was forever indebted to him for that one decision. “Chloe, come on, let’s go eat.” 5 It was a late night at the office, and everyone was too tired to order in. So, we decided to go out for a late dinner. In the past, I rarely joined them because I lived so far away and was afraid of missing the last train. But now that they knew I lived nearby, they insisted I come. I figured I had nothing better to do, so I went along. There were five or six of us. We went to a popular restaurant, and then to a bar. As soon as we sat down, I noticed a noisy group at the table next to ours. I glanced over and saw Chad and his friends. And of course, his little shadow, Lila, was there too. “Chad, you lost! Kiss someone in the bar for three minutes! Go, go, go!” They were playing truth or dare. My eyes met Chad’s for a split second. I looked away without a second thought. Chad seemed to pause for a moment before he drawled, “Fine.” A cheer went up from his table. “Wow, Chad’s actually playing along tonight! Who are you gonna pick? Hahahaha!” Someone teased, “We’re all guys here. He’s obviously gonna pick Lila. Unless you want a turn?!” “Oh, you guys!” Lila said, covering her face shyly. “Come on, Chad, you lost! Pick someone now, or I’m gonna have to volunteer!” “Hahahahaha, Chad, your virtue is at stake!” The noise from their table was getting louder. And the text in my vision started up again. 【What is she doing? Can’t she see he’s looking at her? He doesn’t want to kiss anyone else, he’s only thinking about her!】 【Yeah, he still hasn’t been home, he has no idea she’s moved out. He’s waiting for her to give in. Don’t be stubborn now! What if he actually kisses the other girl?】 【He’s not saying anything because he’s waiting for her to react. If she just looks at him, she doesn’t even have to go over, just one look, and he’ll come over and kiss her. He won’t even look at anyone else.】 I took a sip of my drink. As I put the glass down, it slipped and tipped over. “Oh, Chloe, are you okay? It spilled!” a coworker said, flagging down a waiter. Our commotion caught the attention of the next table. The noisy group fell silent. Several people looked over at me. Lila stood up and marched over to our table. 6 “Chloe, he’s just out with his friends. Do you have to be so clingy?” My coworkers, who had never met Chad or Lila, looked at me, confused. “Chloe, do you know her?” I smiled. “Nope.” Lila’s face fell. “You…” “Lila, get back here!” Chad’s cold voice cut across the room. Lila shot me a disdainful look, huffed, and stomped back to her table. It was quiet for a moment. Then, Chad’s voice rang out again. “What? Are we not playing anymore?” That seemed to snap everyone out of their trance. “Hahaha, forget it, Chad, just take a shot…” “Holy shit!” “No way!” “Oh, Chad, you’re actually doing it…” I heard a series of gasps and exclamations from the next table and couldn't help but look over. Chad had one hand on the back of Lila’s head, and they were kissing. At first, it might have just been for show. But then Lila wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer. And Chad, he seemed to get into it. When they finally broke apart, a thin string of saliva connected their lips. My face went pale. I looked away. Even though we were broken up, even though I had told myself to move on, seeing him with Lila still felt like a punch to the gut. Like a hand squeezing my heart. It was a sharp, piercing pain. I excused myself, saying I wasn’t feeling well, and left the bar. I know it was pathetic. I know I was a coward. But seeing that, all I wanted to do was run. I guess my withdrawal period wasn’t over yet. But I knew, with absolute certainty, that Chad and I were done for good. They say it only takes seven days to break a habit. I would get through this.
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