At seven years old, my parents were taken from me in a carefully orchestrated car crash. My older brother, steeling his heart against my desperate cries, sent me to an orphanage. He told me, “Aurora, it’s too dangerous to be with me. Once I’ve taken care of everything, I’ll come back and bring you home.” What my brother didn’t know was that he had sent me to a place of nightmares, a corrupt orphanage where I struggled to survive, where I often wished for death. But the thought of my brother, alone and grieving, was the only thing that kept me going. I couldn't bear to cause him more pain. On my eighteenth birthday, he finally came for me, bringing his adopted sister, Cici, with him. He held Cici’s hand, his face etched with guilt as he looked at me. “Aurora, Cici has been through so much with me, wandering from place to place. She hasn’t had a stable, comfortable life like you have these past years. Please, be more understanding with her.” I smiled and nodded, but inside, a single thought echoed: My brother has someone to keep him company now. I can finally die in peace. Later, my brother would weep until his voice was gone at my hospital bedside, begging me to just look at him. But by then, I could no longer open my eyes. 1 The year I turned eighteen, I finally received the news I had been waiting for: my brother was coming to take me home. I was so excited I couldn't sleep a wink. The next morning, I stood in front of the mirror for what felt like hours, scrutinizing every detail of my appearance. The clothes I wore were new and beautiful, without a single hole or patch—a luxury I had never known. The director, a woman with a fleshy, cruel face, waddled over, her smile never reaching her eyes. She placed a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Our little Aurora is so pretty.” My body began to tremble reflexively, my pupils constricting. I instinctively moved to curl into a ball and cover my head. Her grip tightened on my wrist, a drilling pain shooting up my arm, stopping my movement. “You know what to say and what not to say, don't you, Aurora? You know the consequences…” I nodded, my heart pounding with terror. Only then did she release me, humming a cheerful tune as she turned and left. I bit my lip, the joy I’d felt in my new clothes completely gone. I was standing at the orphanage gates before seven in the morning, craning my neck in anticipation. My brother had said he would be there at eight. But the clock ticked past nine, and there was still no sign of him. A look of smug satisfaction spread across the director’s face. “Just as I expected. The brother you’ve been dreaming of all these years doesn’t seem to care about you that much, does he?” I was terrified of the director, but on this one subject, my stubbornness was absolute. “You’re wrong. My brother loves me more than anyone. He’ll come.” The sun grew hotter. Just as the clock was about to strike noon, a fleet of sleek, black cars pulled up to the orphanage. The door of the second car opened, and a man stepped out. He had sharp features, a cold expression, and a tiny, crimson mole just beside his lips. His face was both familiar and strange, but my gut told me this was him—my brother, Matt, whom I hadn't seen in a decade. My only family in the entire world. My legs moved on their own, first in a brisk walk, then breaking into a run. “Matt…” The smile had barely bloomed on my face when I saw the man, who had looked so aloof a moment ago, bend down. His expression softened into one of doting affection as he reached into the back seat and helped a young woman out. She seemed to be pouting. He gently stroked her hair, a helpless, loving smile on his face. The scene was so warm, so perfect. “…Matt?” I stared, frozen, at the tender moment. The hopeful lilt in my voice fell flat. I was rooted to the spot, unsure whether to step forward or retreat. The girl who was now clinging to my brother’s arm was beautiful, dressed in clothes that looked like they were made of sunshine. A butterfly clip sparkled in her hair, and gold-leaf earrings danced in the breeze. She was a princess from one of the fairytales my brother used to tell me. I looked down at myself, a wave of shame washing over me. I felt like an ugly duckling who had stolen a princess’s dress. “Aurora?” A magnetic, beautiful voice called my name. I snapped my head up and saw my brother’s eyes, now red-rimmed, fixed on me. As if confirming it was really me, his voice trembled as he said my name again. “Aurora.” A lump formed in my throat, and my eyes began to sting. All my complicated thoughts vanished. “Matt,” I whispered. The next second, I was pulled into a powerful embrace. I heard my brother’s choked voice in my ear. “Aurora. My Aurora. I’ve finally found you.” I couldn’t hold back any longer. I clung to him and wept. “I… I missed you so, so much, Matt…” In that moment, my heart was overflowing with a bittersweet mix of joy and sorrow. I thought, Thank God for my brother. Thank God he remembers me. Thank God I didn’t give up all those times the abuse pushed me to the brink of death. A clear, feminine voice cut through our embrace. “Alright, alright! Let her go, Matt. You’re going to squeeze the life out of her. It’s embarrassing!” The girl pried at my brother’s arms, and I was released from his warm hug. Her gaze fell on me, her eyes filled with a practiced guilt. “I’m so sorry, Aurora. We were supposed to be here at eight, but my stomach started hurting on the way. Matt got so worried he insisted we go to the hospital. That’s why we’re so late.” A small smile played on her lips. “When I was little, I had a fever that almost killed me. Ever since then, he gets paranoid whenever I feel even a little sick. He acts like such a baby, it’s ridiculous.” My brother looked flustered at her teasing. He awkwardly ran a hand through his hair, then turned and gently flicked her forehead. “Hey, you’re not supposed to make fun of your big brother.” She giggled, covering her mouth like a cat who had just stolen a treat. My brother’s attention was completely captured by her. When he finally remembered me, he gave me an awkward glance. Then, he took the girl’s hand, his expression softening with affection. “Aurora, this is Cici. She’s our sister. Cici has been through so much hardship with me. She hasn’t had a stable, comfortable life like you have these past years. You need to be more understanding with her.” Sister? I stared blankly at Cici. Sensing my confusion, Matt explained gently, “Cici is my adopted sister. I met her about a month after you went to the orphanage. Her gambler father had beaten her half to death. When I saw her, I thought of you…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but I understood. A month after sending me away, he found Cici, and in her, he saw me. And so, he allowed another sister to stay by his side, to be his constant companion, to never be separated from him. If he could have a sister with him, why didn't he come back for me? I wanted to scream, to demand an answer. But seeing the happy, doting look on his face, the words died in my throat. I forced my stiff lips into a smile. “That’s good. It’s good that you had someone with you, Matt.” When we got into the car, Cici pulled Matt into the back seat. I was about to follow, but the driver stepped in front of me, shutting the rear door. He looked at me with a hard expression, as if he were defending some sacred principle. “Miss, please take the front seat. Miss Cici isn’t comfortable with strangers in the back seat with her and Mr. Lee.” I froze, my eyes searching for my brother, but the heavily tinted windows were like a black mirror, reflecting nothing, sealing the inside world from the out. I lowered my gaze and turned towards the passenger door. “Thank you,” I said softly. The driver glanced at me. “We’ve watched Miss Cici grow up. She’s suffered a lot following the young master. We all feel for her. After all, those hardships… they were meant for someone else.” I understood his meaning perfectly. The suffering Cici endured was meant for me. I should be grateful. I shouldn’t dare to have a single negative thought. Matt wanted to throw a welcome party for me, but Cici’s mood had been sour for days. That afternoon, I followed an online tutorial and, after several failed attempts, managed to make a strawberry cream cake. It used to be my favorite. Matt had said Cici was a lot like me, so I thought she must love sweet cake too. Maybe it would cheer her up. I wanted to tell her that I wouldn't be with Matt for much longer. I had only held on for so long because I was afraid he would be lonely without any family. Now that he had her, I could let go. I just… I just hadn’t seen my brother in so long. I wanted to look at him a little longer. I had no intention of taking her place. That evening, I carried the carefully prepared cake towards Cici’s room. The housekeeper had given me a room on the first floor. Matt and Cici both lived on the second. The housekeeper had explained that the second floor was their private space, off-limits to outsiders. So, she had naturally prepared a guest room for me on the ground floor. At the time, I told myself it was fine. We hadn't seen each other in years. It was normal that he wouldn’t want me invading his territory. But now, in the dead of night, my thoughts drifted back to the brother I knew before I was nine. In the spring, he would share the wishing tree he had planted with me. In the summer, he would place a birthday crown on my head and tell me his only birthday wish was to make all of mine come true. He was the best brother in the world. He never set boundaries with me. The light from the study was warm and inviting. I heard familiar yet distant voices. I stopped, peering through the partially open door. I saw Matt and Cici. He was comforting her, his expression full of remorse. “I know throwing a welcome party for Aurora has upset you. But she is my sister, after all. And I promised her I would come back for her.” The person being comforted had the courage to be petulant. “I know I have no right to be jealous, but you’ve been so busy with her lately, you’ve barely paid any attention to me… Before she came back, you only had eyes for me.” Cici looked so pitiful, her voice so wounded, that Matt relented. I knew how he was. He could never resist anyone he had taken under his protection. It used to be me. Now, it was Cici. “Alright, alright. I’ll take you out tomorrow, just the two of us. How’s that?” “Just you and me. No one else.” Matt couldn’t help but laugh. He reached out and stroked her hair. “Okay, I get it, you little jealous thing.” A drop of cream slid from the top of the cake in my hands, like a teardrop. I looked down, confused. Does cake cry, too? There was a sound from the study. Like a startled rat in a sewer, I spun around, desperate to hide. But before I could escape, my brother’s voice called out behind me. “Aurora?” I froze, my feet glued to the floor. I turned back, forcing a practiced smile. “Matt. I made a cake for Cici.” His gaze shifted from my face to the cake in my hands. His brow furrowed, and his tone became sharp. “Cici is allergic to strawberries. How many times have I said it? No strawberries are allowed in this house.” I swayed, the world blurring around me. Matt’s tall figure became a hazy outline. “If Aurora likes them, then when I grow up, I’ll build a whole house made of strawberries just for her.” A nine-year-old boy, full of grand promises for his beloved little sister. Ten years later, the same person said, “Cici is allergic. No strawberries in this house.” I hung my head, ashamed, not wanting him to see the tears welling in my eyes. “I-I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Matt. I’ll… I’ll eat it. I won’t let it go to waste…” I reached out, grabbed a handful of cake, and shoved it into my mouth. The cloying sweetness of the cream mixed with the tartness of the strawberries, creating the most bitter taste in the world. I stuffed another piece into my mouth, and another, the bile rising in my throat. But just as I had learned to do at the orphanage, I looked up at him with a bright, placating smile. “See, Matt? I’m eating it all. Please don’t be angry…” As I reached for another piece, my hand was slapped away, hard. The back of my hand, where it was struck, immediately turned red. The familiar scene, the pain that was etched into my bones, triggered my defense mechanism. I instinctively covered my head and dropped to my knees, begging for forgiveness. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Please don’t hit me… Please, have mercy… don’t hit me…” “Aurora… Aurora… calm down. What’s wrong?” A voice pulled me back from the hazy fog of terror. The expected blows never came. The overwhelming fear began to recede. My face was a mess of tears and snot. My clothes were sticky with white cream and red strawberry juice. I was still on my knees, a pathetic, broken figure. In the doorway of the study stood Cici, her eyes wide with a mixture of shock and horror. The warm light bathed her in a golden glow, making her look like a pristine princess in a castle. A wave of shame and self-loathing, more intense than anything I had ever felt, washed over me. I shoved the person holding me away and scrambled to my feet, running blindly down the hall. I heard my brother calling my name, but I couldn’t bear to look back. His childish voice seemed to echo in my ears. “My sister… I’m going to raise her to be the most beautiful and happiest princess in the world.” He had kept his promise, after all. In the past ten years, he had raised Cici very, very well. I hid in my room, in the pitch-black darkness that reminded me of the basement where I was often locked away. My wrist was raw and bloody from where I had been gnawing on it, but I felt no pain. All I could see was the scene from moments ago. Matt knew now. He had seen me break. Would he be disappointed? Disgusted? Would he abandon me again, just like he did ten years ago? The more I thought, the harder I bit down. My eyes scanned the room, and in the faint moonlight, I saw the fruit knife on the nightstand. I had always been afraid that if I died, my brother would be sad. But now… a version of me that caused him so much trouble would be better off dead. If I died, Cici wouldn’t be upset anymore. The people around him wouldn’t have to keep warning me away from her. And Matt wouldn’t have to be bothered with any of it. I pressed the sharp blade against my wrist. Blood began to seep out. Suddenly, the door was kicked open. The knife was snatched from my hand. Blood dripped onto the floor. Not just mine, but my brother’s too. My heart stopped. A suffocating feeling gripped my chest. I scrambled to grab the knife from his hand, my voice frantic with disbelief. “Matt, you’re hurt! Let me see, please…” But he held the knife in a death grip. No matter how hard I pulled, he wouldn’t let go. Tears streamed down my face. I looked up and met his gaze. It was so cold it froze me to the spot. “Aurora Lee, you’ve got some nerve now, haven't you? Daring to hurt yourself?” The familiar words sent a jolt of déjà vu through me. When I was six, I was being mischievous and fell, chipping my front tooth. The dentist said no candy while it healed. But I couldn't resist. I snuck two caramels during the day. That night, the toothache was so bad I cried my eyes out. Matt held me, his heart aching for me, but he was so angry. He had used the exact same words then, his face set in a stern expression. “Aurora Lee, you’ve got some nerve now, haven't you? Daring to sneak candy behind my back!” My wrist was gently lifted, pulling me back to the present. The knife was thrown to the floor with a clatter. Matt brought in the first-aid kit and began to bandage my wound in silence. I tried to smile, to tell him that this kind of pain was nothing to me now. But my mouth felt like it was glued shut. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t speak. A single, crystalline tear fell from my eye, landing on the gauze and spreading into a dark, wet patch. I panicked, trying to comfort him through my own confusion. “Matt, don’t cry. I’m… I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt. It really doesn’t…” The next moment, I was pulled into a warm embrace. “How could it not hurt?” he whispered, his voice breaking. “You used to be so afraid of pain…” I looked at my grieving brother and blinked. But Matt, I thought, I’m used to it now. The person who needed your comfort was the seven-year-old girl who was beaten for the first time. The eighteen-year-old version is already so broken, comfort can’t fix her. Matt didn’t say anything else, just held me silently. My rigid body slowly began to relax in his arms. I closed my eyes, savoring this fleeting moment of warmth. I’ll live a little longer, I thought greedily. Just this once. I knew I had to say a proper goodbye before I left. And there was the orphanage. I was gone, but there were other children still suffering there. I wanted them to have a chance at happiness, a life that wasn’t like mine. I took a breath, full of a fragile hope. “Matt, I…” Before I could finish, the frantic voice of the housekeeper came from the doorway. “Young Master, Miss Cici was frightened. She has a slight fever and is having nightmares. You…” Matt shot to his feet, knocking the first-aid kit to the floor. Its contents scattered everywhere. My unfinished sentence lay shattered among them. He paused at the door for a second but didn't look back. “You get some rest,” he said quickly. “I’ll spend time with you later. I need to check on Cici. Her situation is more urgent.” I watched his back as he left, and in a daze, I was transported back to that rainy night ten years ago, when he had walked away and left me behind. Someone once said that once a crack forms, it can never be truly repaired. Once a lie begins, it never ends. In that moment, ten years ago, my brother had shown me his back for the first time. And it seemed that ever since, all he had ever shown me was his back. Cici’s illness lingered, and the welcome party was postponed again and again. Matt looked at me with guilt in his eyes. “Aurora, just a little longer. Cici can’t handle any stress right now.” I nodded obediently. “It’s okay, Matt. Cici’s health is more important.” Cici was sick for over a month. She only started to feel better a few days before her birthday. And so, my welcome party was transformed into her birthday party. “Aurora,” Matt said, “this is Cici’s birthday. It wouldn’t be right to introduce you then. Just wait a little longer. I’ll introduce you to everyone soon.” I didn’t want to make things difficult for him. I smiled, pretending not to care. “It’s fine, Matt. Just having you bring me home is enough to make me happy. As for the party, let’s just cancel it. It’s not fair to Cici. She suffered so much with you all these years.” I could see the relief wash over his face. He reached out and patted my head, his eyes full of pity. “You’re right. Cici is different from you. I couldn't give her a stable, happy environment. I dragged her into my troubles.” I lowered my head, the bitter sting of tears rushing to my eyes. I still didn’t understand. Why could he take Cici with him, but not me? At least with him, I wouldn’t have been beaten every day. I wouldn't have had to wash clothes in freezing water in the dead of winter until my hands were covered in sores. I wouldn't have had to wear thick winter clothes in the sweltering heat and be sent out onto the streets to beg like a fool, stripped of all my dignity. Everyone said I had lived a comfortable life for ten years. Everyone pitied the wealthy Cici for being kidnapped once. Maybe the director was right. Maybe my life was worthless, so my suffering didn’t count as suffering. I remembered what the director had said to me on my sixteenth birthday. “It’s amazing how different two lives can be. Both are sisters. One is a pampered princess, showered with riches. The other is a timid, worthless creature that anyone can step on.” At the time, I was trembling too much to think about her words, terrified of the beating that was sure to follow. But she had been in a talkative mood. She showed me a photo from a birthday party. In it, a man whose face was hidden was placing a crown on a little princess’s head. The scene was lavish, opulent, filled with the kind of doting love I didn’t dare to even dream of. Just looking at it felt like being burned. I thought, That girl is so lucky. But it’s okay. I have my brother. If he were here, he would do even more for me. The thought of him made me smile. The director’s eyes were full of scorn. “Different. So very different… hahaha…” I didn’t understand her words then. But now, I understood everything. I looked up at my brother, who was rushing off to share the good news with Cici, and my vision blurred with tears again. It really was different. Her sixteenth birthday party, and my eighteenth homecoming party. Matt, are you still my Matt? But then I thought, maybe this is for the best. If he doesn’t care, then when I die, he won’t be sad. When I cut my wrist again, my brother slapped me across the face. “Aurora Lee, what in the world do you want?”
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