My stepbrother hated my guts. But that never stopped me from clinging to him. He paid me two thousand dollars to walk home from school without him. Thirty thousand to transfer out of his class. Each time, though, I’d eventually find my way back to him. After graduation, he wired a huge sum of money into my account. His voice was cold as ice. “That’s five million dollars. Go study abroad. And don’t ever show your face in my family’s house again.” My eyes welled up. I lowered my head and whispered, “Okay.” Yes. He finally took the bait. 1. I walked in on Glenn and the scholarship girl almost kissing. In the dim light of the private room, he was slumped wearily in a corner sofa, his eyes closed. The shadows obscured the sharp, handsome lines of his face. A girl in a white dress stood over him, her hands braced on either side of his head. She leaned in tentatively, her face getting closer and closer to his. That’s when I pushed the door open. She jumped, whirling around to face me with a panicked look. Her eyes were wide and glistening, like a startled fawn. “Alicia, I…” I walked right past her, straight to Glenn. “The driver’s here for me. Dad told me to bring you home, too.” He grabbed his jacket from the sofa, threw it on, and followed me out. The hallway was mostly empty at this hour. He pulled the door shut behind him but didn't move. He just leaned against it, his posture lazy and loose. “She was about to kiss me.” “…” I said nothing. A note of annoyance crept into his voice. “She’s shy. It took a lot of courage for her to do that.” I unlocked my phone and showed him the time, along with the text from my stepfather. “Dad really did tell me to come get you,” I explained in a small voice. He glanced at the screen and gave a dismissive grunt. “Oh.” “I’m an adult now. I’ve graduated. He can’t control me anymore. Tattling to him won’t do you any good.” The swirling, multicolored lights from the club swept over us, illuminating his face. His cheeks were flushed. He was drunk. I clenched the fabric of my sleeves, my voice barely a whisper. “But…” He cut me off. “Just go home by yourself.” “And one more thing—” His thumbs tapped rapidly on his phone screen. “That’s five million dollars. Go study abroad. Don’t ever show your face in my family’s house again.” “Let’s just not see each other anymore.” “Alicia, I really, truly hate you.” He never wanted to see me again. My eyes instantly turned red. I ducked my head, choking back a sob. “Okay.” Glenn turned, walked back into the private room, and slammed the door shut behind him. I opened my banking app and checked the balance. The number was correct. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I squatted down, clamping a hand over my mouth to stifle a laugh that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Yes. He finally took the bait. 2. Glenn had hated me for a long time. He was convinced that my mother and I were just gold diggers, after his family’s money. He wasn’t wrong. When I was fourteen, he put two lizards in my bed, trying to scare me into leaving. It worked. I burst into tears. To comfort me, my stepfather gave me some extra allowance. The sight of the money cheered me right up. When I was sixteen, Glenn and I were placed in the same high school, in the same homeroom. He couldn’t stand the thought of it, but he also didn’t want our father to punish him and then console me. So, he skipped a few steps. “Thirty thousand dollars.” “Transfer out of this class.” Freshman year, I left. Sophomore year, I came back. He never specified a time limit. When I walked back into the classroom with my backpack on, Glenn’s face was thunderous. The boy sitting in front of him grinned. “Dude, your stepsister is persistent.” Glenn’s voice was frigid. “She is not my sister.” A few people snickered knowingly. Glenn’s glare found me, his brow furrowed. “What will it take for you to just disappear?” My eyes welled with tears. “Do you really hate me that much?” He held up a number of fingers. I bit my lip. “Sorry, wrong classroom.” 3. I had discovered a gold mine. Glenn was loaded. His mother, who lived abroad, had already paved his entire future for him. When he played golf, I’d tag along as his personal hype squad, holding his water and his jacket. He’d confront me. I’d just look up at him with stars in my eyes. “I just admire my big brother. Is that so wrong?” He’d send me money. “If you have nothing better to do, go shopping. Just stop bothering me.” I was more than happy to oblige. I spent over a year sticking to Glenn like glue. Everyone knew about his clingy stepsister. They even made jokes about our… complicated family dynamic. After a while, Glenn couldn't even be bothered to explain anymore. He just kept throwing money at me to get lost. But I would never abandon my personal ATM. On his eighteenth birthday, he got drunk. When he stumbled home from the hotel, I was waiting with a cup of sobering tea in one hand, ready to support him with the other. I was hoping he’d be so drunk he’d add an extra zero to his next transfer. He squinted, his eyes drifting down to me. “Alicia,” he slurred, a hint of mockery in his voice, “you’re really something else. So calculating.” My foot froze on the step. Insults cost extra. Suddenly, he grabbed my waist, flicked off the lights, and pinned me against the railing of the spiral staircase. My world went dark. All I could see was his face, impossibly close. His breath was a storm, hot and fierce, as his lips crashed down on mine. Shocked, I shoved him away. The bowl in my hand clattered to the floor, rolling down the stairs with a series of loud thuds. From the top of the stairs, my stepfather called out, “Alicia, what’s wrong?” I suppressed the tremor in my voice and put on my usual wounded act. “It’s Glenn! He’s drunk and throwing a tantrum. He smashed my bowl.” In the darkness, Glenn leaned against the railing, silent. My stepfather sighed. “That’s just how he is. He gets crazy when he drinks. Don’t mind him. You go on to bed. I’ll help him up.” I fled to my room. At 3 a.m., I got a text from Glenn. [Sorry.] [I wasn't thinking straight. I thought you were someone else.] It was the first time he’d ever apologized to me. And it was a complete humiliation. It came with a money transfer. I didn’t accept it. I didn't reply. 4. Later, I found out who that “someone else” was. One of Glenn’s many admirers: Lila, a scholarship student who was consistently in the top ten of our year. She was timid and insecure, content to worship him from afar. And for some reason, Glenn noticed her. “She’s just like Alicia,” he’d said once. “Always putting on that pathetic, pitiful act.” “Who does she think she’s fooling?” He hated it in me, but he seemed to enjoy seeing it in Lila. One day, after school, I was waiting in the car for him. I saw him walk out, followed by a girl in a school uniform. The car door opened. He didn’t get in. He was holding her backpack. He just raised an eyebrow at me and said, “Get out.” I froze. Lila gently tugged on his arm, her voice soft. “It’s fine, Glenn. I can get home by myself.” He didn’t budge, his tone turning colder. “I’m taking her home.” “I’ve sent you the money. Take a cab.” Why not send enough for me to buy my own car? Whatever. I knew when to quit while I was ahead. I gave a humiliated nod, bit my lip, and clutched my backpack straps as I climbed out of the car. The evening rush had faded. I stood alone on the sidewalk, staring at my shoes as tears dripped onto the pavement, one by one. Only after the car had disappeared in the opposite direction did I finally wipe my eyes and check the notification from Glenn. $2,000? Good thing I didn’t check that in front of him. I wouldn’t have been able to cry. 5. Glenn’s five million dollars came too late for me to apply properly for the fall semester. I hadn’t prepared for the GMAT or anything. I had to cancel most of my summer plans and lock myself in my room to study vocabulary. Meanwhile, Glenn was downstairs, throwing a party with his friends. The music was blasting. I took off my headphones and went downstairs. “Could you guys turn it down a little?” One of Glenn’s friends patted the empty spot next to him on the sofa. “Alicia, you’re home! Why don’t you join us?” I smiled shyly. “I’m studying upstairs.” “Studying?” Someone finally turned off the music. “I thought people who grind this hard only existed online.” “Even Lila’s here. Come on, take a break.” Glenn didn’t even look up. Lila was sitting next to him. She gave me a gentle smile, then looked at me with faux concern. “Alicia, you’re not planning to retake the year, are you?” I didn’t know her that well. Her using my first name so casually meant things were probably getting serious with Glenn. “It’s okay if you didn’t do well,” she continued. “Your dad is so rich, I’m sure you have plenty of other options.” The room went quiet as everyone sensed the tension. I kept my voice even. “You’re right. My family is rich. It doesn’t matter how I do on some test.” I looked at her. “Lila, are you worried you didn’t do well?” Her face went pale. Glenn finally looked up and patted the back of her hand reassuringly. “Alicia, that’s out of line.” I nodded. “You’re right.” “I’m going back to my room. Please keep it down.” I put my headphones back on and walked up the stairs, feeling several pairs of eyes burning into my back. 6. On the day the exam results were released, Lila was at our house again. This time, her excuse was that her family’s ancient computer had broken down. Even though Glenn knew our province sent results via text, he indulged her and brought her home. Around three in the afternoon, I heard sobbing coming from his study. I couldn’t tell if they were tears of sorrow or joy. The text message didn’t show the total score. Glenn was sitting there with a calculator, adding up her scores subject by subject. I was heading out for a class and walked past his study. The door was open. He was leaning against a bookshelf, reading out the number. “Six seventy-two.” He said it just loud enough for me to hear. He knew I was walking by. He didn’t even look up. “What about you?” he asked, though he wasn't looking at me. Lila was confused. “What?” I paused at the bottom of the stairs, pulling on my shoes, and called back casually, “Six eighty.” I’d done better than expected. I just waited for him to ask. There was a sudden, sharp clatter from the study, as if something had been dropped. 7. “My dad wants you to apply to NYU.” That evening, Glenn was standing outside my bedroom door. My stepfather was traditional. He valued education and believed his children attending top universities was a reflection on him. I gripped the doorknob, wanting to shut the door in his face. “But you told me to go abroad.” “…” Glenn was silent for a moment, then he smirked. “So you’re actually going to listen to me for once?” I took the money, didn’t I? Though, in the past, I usually only listened halfway. He’d tell me to get lost, I’d get lost for an hour, and then I’d come right back. But this time was different. Five million dollars. I promised myself I’d take it and disappear for good. My mom and I could even have holiday dinners at a separate table. “So you’re not going to listen to my dad?” he pressed. I’d spent years playing the part of the good, obedient daughter at home. I lowered my head, bit my lip, and fidgeted with the hem of my skirt, feigning meekness. “Give me your password,” he said. “I’ll fill out your applications for you.” I looked up at him weakly. “Don’t exile me to some college in Alaska.” Glenn let out a soft chuckle. “You know I wouldn’t.” I didn’t know that. And I didn’t care. I was already planning to accept an offer from a university in the UK. 8. To be safe, Glenn applied to NYU’s agricultural science program for himself. For Lila, he chose mechanical engineering. His mother had more than enough money and connections to sort out his career. He just needed the degree from a prestigious school; the major was irrelevant. As for my applications, he filled out all eighty slots with universities in or around New York City. I had to go back and delete every single one. He and Lila were both accepted. He really didn’t seem to care about her future either. My stepfather was thrilled and started planning a celebration dinner. At the table, he opened a bottle of expensive red wine and toasted my mom. Glenn came downstairs, mentioning casually, “Is Alicia having her party with me?” We’d had a joint celebration after middle school, too. My stepfather smiled. “Not yet for Alicia.” “She’s decided to study abroad. To make sure she didn’t take a spot from another student, she deleted all her domestic applications.” “We’ll celebrate for her next year.” The faint smile on Glenn’s lips vanished. His expression turned dark. “Abroad?” I kept my head down, quietly eating and occasionally taking a sip of the ten-thousand-dollar wine. It wasn’t to my taste, but every sip was money in the bank. I’d certainly never buy it for myself. My stepfather frowned. “Yes. It was a bit of a sudden decision, but I fully support her.” He looked at Glenn. “Why the long face on such a happy day?” Glenn’s eyes were downcast. “I’m not happy.” My stepfather was baffled. “You’re the one who said you wanted to go to the same university as the person you like. You got in, and it’s NYU. What’s there to be unhappy about?” “The major isn’t great, but you can always transfer. It’s not like we’re actually going to make you a farmer.” “Your mother is thrilled, too. She wants you to visit her for a month this summer.” “Which country?” Glenn asked. My stepfather slammed his chopsticks down. “You don’t even know which country your own mother lives in?” Glenn’s gaze shifted to me. “I was asking Alicia.” My stepfather quietly picked his chopsticks back up. I set down my wine glass and cautiously met his eyes. “I haven’t decided yet.” 9. That night, Glenn sat in my room, using my computer to look up information. His was broken. When the acceptance letters came out, Lila had gotten so excited she’d knocked a glass of water all over it. Honestly. A grown woman, playing with water in a study. He was in my desk chair, so I had to sit on my bed. The room was silent except for the clicking of the keyboard and mouse. “Go to the US,” he said suddenly. “Why?” He paused. “It’s far away from me.” But it was where his own mother lived. “…” I glanced at him, then scooted further away on my bed. He shot me a look, and the corner of his mouth twitched in what might have been a ghost of a smile. “Come look at this university.” He was playing the big brother again. So unpredictable. The AC was on high. I stepped onto the cold floor, then immediately pulled my foot back, looking for my slippers. Glenn casually tossed the jacket that was draped over his chair onto the floor. “Step on that.” “…” He was starting his nonsense without even being drunk today. I ignored him, tiptoeing around it to get to the desk. His expression didn’t change as he moved the mouse. “What do you think?” “It’s fine,” I said. He clicked through a few different web pages. I just kept repeating myself. “It’s fine.” “They’re all fine.” Glenn stopped clicking. He leaned back in the chair and stared at me. The truth was, I had already made my choice. I just didn’t want to tell him.
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