On the final day to submit college applications, my childhood sweetheart suddenly changed his top choice to the same university as the prom queen. His friends teased him: "What about your little shadow?" "Didn't you two promise six years ago to go to MIT together?" My childhood sweetheart seemed to just remember this. He paused, then answered carelessly: "Oh, Maya? It's fine. She has my account login." "When she realizes I changed my application, she'll just change hers to follow me. It's not like she can live without me anyway." I stood in silence for a long time. Then I quietly walked away, pretending I hadn't heard a thing. That day, I never logged back into the application portal to check, and I didn't change my top choice to follow him. What he didn't know was... He could cross mountains and seas for the prom queen, but I also had a sky I wanted to fly towards. Even that dream I had desperately tried to achieve through countless days and nights—it was never just for him. 01 Liam's words froze me in place, making me almost forget to breathe. Working hard together to get into MIT—that was a promise we made back in seventh grade. During the two days the application portal was open, our families even sat down together and spent a long time discussing it before solemnly finalizing our choices. But now, he had suddenly changed his. And he didn't even say a word to me about it. Inside the private room of the restaurant, his friend asked curiously: "How do you know Maya will log back into your account to check?" "What if she doesn't even notice..." Liam acted like he had just heard a joke, casually scoffing: "More than just check. I know her too well." "She'd log in eight hundred times a day to double-check if she could, terrified of putting in the wrong info and ending up in a different major than me." He sounded a bit exasperated as he said this. "You wouldn't understand. If you had a little shadow clinging to you every day since childhood that you couldn't shake off, you'd get it." A wave of laughter erupted around him. His friends seemed to understand, but one still argued: "Even if she finds out, are you that sure Maya will change her application at the last minute just to follow you?" Liam looked up from the game on his phone, letting out a short, derisive laugh. "Get out of here." "Maya hasn't been apart from me for more than a week since the day she was born. If she doesn't go to college with me, who else is she going to go with?" Another friend couldn't help but interject: "Liam, not gonna lie, what you did was a bit messed up." "Couldn't you have just told her directly that you changed your application?" Liam's finger paused on his screen, a look of annoyance crossing his face: "I honestly forgot. It's annoying, and I couldn't be bothered to explain everything to her." "If she knew I changed it for Chloe, she'd throw another fit." "And it's not like I changed it for no reason. Chloe said she was scared to go to college down South all by herself, and that having a familiar friend there would make her feel safer." The friends all paused, then sighed in unspoken agreement: "True. Chloe is so gorgeous, and with her family situation... it really makes you want to protect her." "Unlike your little lapdog, Maya. Always looking like a mess, only caring about studying. Compared to the prom queen, she's definitely lacking." "Tsk, tsk. To think you'd give up the aerospace engineering major you loved so much just to play the white knight for her, Liam." ... The joking and gaming sounds continued inside. Outside the door, I felt like I had plunged into an icy cavern. I clenched my fists tight. I wanted so badly to burst through that door, grab Liam, and scream at him. But my feet felt like lead; I couldn't take a single step. I stood there in silence for who knows how long. In the end, I couldn't muster the courage. I just turned around wordlessly. And walked away from the restaurant in a daze. 02 It was only when I locked myself in my room that the tears I had been holding back finally broke the dam. In my mind, Liam's words echoed, word for word. I still couldn't understand it. How could he change the aerospace major he had loved since he was a kid at the very last minute? We had clearly promised to work hard together for so many years, and we had finally gotten the scores we needed for our dream program. Even a second before I walked toward that private room, I was still foolishly happy that we were going to achieve our dreams together. But I never would have imagined... That the future for the two of us, which I had fought tooth and nail for... He would casually throw it away just because of one sentence from someone else. But even if he was going to change it, why couldn't he even manage to tell me? Was he really that afraid I would cling to him? If he was so afraid of me clinging to him, then under the starry sky on his eighteenth birthday... That proactive yet careful kiss from him, that heart-pounding moment for both of us—what was that? Was it just a spur-of-the-moment thing when he was tipsy, which I foolishly misinterpreted as something serious? A string in my heart seemed to suddenly snap. Actually, I didn't have to follow him. Since kindergarten, I had attended the same elementary, middle, and high schools as Liam. Everyone, even Liam himself, assumed I would always be with him and that we would never separate. But no one knew that, aside from relying on him, I had another reason for wanting to go to that university. And it had nothing to do with Liam. Even if he didn't go, I would go by myself. I closed the laptop I had unconsciously opened earlier. I didn't want to look at that application portal for another second. And I had absolutely no desire to change my own application for him. He could cross mountains and seas for the prom queen, but I also had a sky I wanted to fly towards. Since we had different paths ahead, there was no need to dwell on the past. 03 Once I thought it through, everything suddenly felt clear. It wasn't a big deal. My mom was right; people always have to learn to grow up on their own. As for that kiss... I'll just pretend I got bitten by a stray dog on the street. Just as I splashed cold water on my face and calmed down, Liam sent me a FaceTime request. My brain was still hesitating, but my finger reflexively hit accept. "Maya, why aren't you here yet? "Everyone is here, we're just waiting for you to start eating. Why are you getting slower and slower, princess?" After high school graduation, Liam and his close group of friends agreed to take turns hosting a dinner every day to relax. Today it was Liam's turn to treat. But I didn't want to go anymore. "I'm not going, you guys eat without..." Before I could finish, I heard a deliberately lowered, whiny voice coming from next to Liam. "Liam, Maya won't come. Is she unhappy that I came to your little friend group's dinner?" Before Liam could reply, several male voices nearby rushed to reassure her. "No way! We're thrilled the prom queen graced us with her presence." "Maya is just a bit petty. She throws a fit whenever any girl gets too close to Liam. We're used to it." A small portion of Chloe's profile casually appeared in Liam's camera frame, leaning extremely close to him. She used a breathy voice to explain to him, playing the understanding victim: "Liam, maybe I should just go. I don't want to make things difficult for you..." Liam's expression changed instantly. He turned and reached out to grab her: "Chloe, you don't need to go. "I don't know what's wrong with Maya today. If she doesn't want to come, then she shouldn't. "We're not waiting for her anymore. Let's eat." After snapping at me coldly, Liam ended the FaceTime call before I could respond. My anger flared, and I immediately blocked Liam's number. From childhood until now, this was the first time we had fought and I had blocked him. And it was over Chloe again. 04 Ever since Chloe transferred to our school in junior year. I've lost count of how many times Liam broke his own rules for her. Maybe boys just like pure, pretty girls like that. During the days when I looked my worst, burying my head in my studies... Chloe seemed to never settle for less. She always woke up early to do her perfect "no-makeup" makeup, always looking so exquisite and beautiful. Because of Chloe, we fought countless times and had countless cold wars. I even thought he liked Chloe and decided to give up on him, intentionally distancing myself from him a few times in silence. But every time, Liam would find me and repeatedly assure me. "What are you imagining? Chloe and I are just normal classmates. I don't have any other intentions, don't overthink it. "I just think she has it rough and want to help her out. Her family situation is complicated. The other students praise her looks to her face, but behind her back, they judge her." I believed Liam's words. Chloe did have a complicated family, so I didn't make too much of a fuss about her getting closer and closer to him. Besides, growing up, Liam had never lied to me. He personally said he didn't like her, so I believed him. But later, without me realizing it, Liam gradually started doing many, many things with her that I didn't know about. And now. He had even casually changed his college application for Chloe. It made me look even more ridiculous. I thought about a lot of messy things until my thoughts were gathered by a text notification. [Maya, you've got some nerve, blocking me? You better be waiting for me when I get home.] (Angry Emoji) Liam used his friend's phone to text me. I immediately blocked his friend's number too. I checked the time, quickly got ready, and headed to school. It was the last day for college applications, and our homeroom teacher had called us in for one final meeting with some instructions. Traffic was a bit heavy. By the time I arrived, Liam and Chloe were already in the classroom. Chloe was sitting firmly in the seat next to Liam—my seat. Seeing me approach, she made no move to get up and let me in, her eyes full of smugness. Liam acted like he didn't notice. His expression was cold, and he deliberately turned his head away to avoid looking at me. He seemed to be waiting for me to lower my head and beg. But I wouldn't. Perfect. I didn't want to sit next to Liam anymore anyway. I looked around and sat in an empty seat next to my best friend, Lily. Far, far away from them. "Class, there's only half a day left for the college applications. Please be cautious and double-check everything carefully. "For those who still haven't finalized their choices, you can come to me individually for advice." The teacher gave a few brief instructions and let us have free time. I was listening to Lily share some celebrity gossip when I felt a tap on the top of my head. "Maya, come outside for a second." I turned my head and met Liam's eyes. I looked away, not wanting to engage with him. I turned back to continue chatting with Lily. Liam grabbed my shoulders and forcibly turned me to face him. "Maya, what are you throwing a fit about this time? "I'm really tired of this. Every time we fight and give each other the silent treatment like this. We're about to go to college, isn't this childish?" Forced to look at him, I snapped back in annoyance: "It is childish, and it's boring. So stop coming to me and begging." After staring each other down for a moment, Liam lost his patience. "Whatever, I'm too lazy to argue with someone so petty. "Keep acting if you want, just don't cry about it alone in your room tonight." I kept my face cold and refused to look at him. A moment later, I thought he had left. But Liam grabbed my face with both hands again, looked me straight in the eyes, and said seriously: "Today is the last day for applications. Check it over carefully again, don't make any mistakes..." He wanted to say more, but Chloe suddenly appeared in front of him, holding a laptop. "Liam, I have a little problem with my application here. Could you help me look at it?" Liam nodded. Before leaving, he pinched my cheek like he always used to, and gave me one last reminder. "Why didn't you bring your laptop? Remember to go to the school computer lab later and check your application one last time. "You can't be careless with something this important." 05 I sneered internally. Liam probably thought that since he reminded me, I would definitely go check, and once I found the discrepancy, I would immediately change my choice to NYU to follow him. But he was being awkward about it, refusing to just tell me clearly and directly. And yeah, if he told me directly that he changed his application, he'd have to spend a lot of effort explaining it to a "difficult" person like me. That would be too exhausting. It's a good thing I had already made up my mind and would never turn back. Glancing at Liam, who was busy helping Chloe with her application, I pulled Lily out of the classroom. I was about to order an Uber home, but Lily saw I was unhappy and insisted on dragging me to a birthday party for one of her sorority sisters. Unable to say no, I had to tag along. After dinner, they dragged me to a newly opened club. It was only when we got there that I realized Liam's group was having their party here tonight too. Since there were a lot of people who knew each other between the two groups, we naturally ended up hanging out in the same large VIP booth. Liam looked a bit awkward when he saw me. But he didn't say anything, and he didn't greet me. I treated him like he was invisible too. When I was heading to the restroom, I overheard Liam and his friend talking around the corner. The friend was advising him. "You should just be straight with her. It's pretty tough for a young girl like her to go all the way to Boston [MIT] alone." Liam still didn't seem to care. "Don't worry, I specifically reminded her multiple times. "She definitely already changed it. She's probably just mad at me right now because I didn't discuss it with her beforehand." While I was spacing out, the two of them stepped out from around the corner. Seeing me, Liam signaled his friend to go ahead with his eyes, then turned around and cornered me in the hallway. "Maya, we need to talk." I rolled my eyes at him and turned to leave. I barely took a step before he pulled me back, trapping me in the corner against the wall. The smell of alcohol, slightly tipsy, hit my face. I couldn't help but turn my head away. After staring at me for a moment, Liam couldn't hold it in and laughed softly first: "Still mad? I originally wanted to text you to come to the club together this afternoon. But you blocked me, so the message didn't go through. "And then I was so mad at you in the classroom that I forgot to tell you. "Alright, be good. Stop being mad. I don't even know what you're so angry about today. "By the way, you checked your application, right?" I remained expressionless and didn't want to talk to him. I kept my head down without saying a word. While we were in this standoff and he was about to say something else, Chloe's voice suddenly echoed behind him. "Liam, Brad is looking for you to do a shot. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you guys..." Sometimes I wonder if Chloe installed a tracking device on him. Every time Liam and I talk, she immediately appears. But I didn't want to chat with them. Taking advantage of Liam turning his head, I ducked out from under his arm. But as I passed Chloe, she grabbed me tight. 06 "I'm really sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to interrupt you guys. Liam has been in a bad mood all day because you've been giving him the cold shoulder. "Can I apologize to you? Please don't fight over me anymore." Chloe said, posturing to stand in front of me and bow. I didn't want to deal with her. Her grip on my hand hurt, so I forcefully shook it off. Chloe stumbled, and tears instantly welled up in her eyes. "Liam, is Maya still mad that I went to your little friend group's dinner? "I can apologize to her. Please don't be awkward with each other because of me anymore." Liam instantly got angry and immediately turned around to block Chloe. "It's her own princess temper. Why are you apologizing to her? "Maya, why did you push her? You should apologize to Chloe. "We're all going to be at the same university in the future, we need to look out for each other." "Since you love taking care of people so much, you guys can take care of each other." I threw that sentence at them and stormed off. I didn't care about Liam's dissatisfied warning from behind. "Maya, you're crossing the line." It was a good while before Liam and Chloe came back. Liam's face was stiff, but Chloe seemed fine, looking all shy and blushing. Except for Lily, everyone else started teasing them about being gone so long and definitely having a secret, using Truth or Dare to deliberately create romantic moments for them. Even Liam's closest friends joined in on the teasing, not caring at all if I would feel embarrassed or bothered. Makes sense. In their eyes, I was just Liam's pathetic lapdog. Chloe ended up drawing a dare to do a sexy dance with a guy in the room, and she immediately locked pleading eyes on Liam. Liam subtly glanced at me, as if provoking me, and gladly agreed to cooperate with her. If it had been in the past, I would definitely have jumped out in anger and stopped it. But now, I had no reaction. Chloe had joined the hip-hop dance club at school, and she had a really hot body, so she was great to watch. I quietly downed a can of beer. I calmly watched Chloe, accompanied by a sexy K-pop track, grinding and dancing closely around Liam. Liam had a faint smile playing on his lips. At first, he kept glancing over at me, seemingly waiting for me to call it off at any moment. As Chloe got closer and more intimate, he stopped caring about his surroundings. He sat up straight, his gaze entirely focused on Chloe's figure. Sparks were practically flying between the two of them. As the song ended, Chloe 'accidentally' fell into Liam's lap. She was wearing a tight pencil skirt tonight, and she fell face-first into Liam's lap. They hugged tightly, their seating position undeniably intimate. The crowd's cheers were deafening, almost blowing the roof off. Chloe's face instantly turned bright red, looking like she wanted to find a place to hide. Liam cursed at everyone, telling them not to take the joke too far. But his hand firmly pressed Chloe's face into his chest, shielding her from the crowd's gaze. That kind of natural intimacy and familiarity used to be exclusive to me. Even though I had already decided to give up, actually seeing it still made my heart ache uncontrollably. I couldn't watch it anymore. I finished the last sip of my drink and silently left the booth. Lily couldn't take it either. She followed me out and accompanied me as I cursed him out on the sidewalk for a long time. She had held it in all night, almost snapping at them right then and there several times, but I had stopped her. Why ruin the mood? From now on, we were just strangers anyway. I didn't know how things ended up inside; I just felt exhausted and didn't care about anything anymore. When I got home, it was exactly 11:55 PM. There were only five minutes left until the college application deadline. I was completely drained. I closed my eyes and lay on my bed. It would be a lie to say I wasn't disappointed in my heart. Over a decade of feelings, you can't just let them go. While I was feeling sad, my phone suddenly rang. Unknown number. When I answered, it was a drunk Liam. His tone carried a rare, coaxing quality: "Maya, stop being stubborn, be good. Remember to change your application. "NYU is pretty great too. We can go to the Hamptons on the weekends, I'll take photos of you by the ocean." 07 Maybe it was the alcohol, but Liam's attitude was unusually gentle. In the past, when I threw tantrums, even when he was the first to apologize, it was always with a half-threatening tone— "Maya, stop it. If you keep this up, don't expect me to take you to Disneyland." And then I would obediently take the out and forgive him. When you truly like someone, how can you bear to really fall out with them? But this time. The more out of character he was, the worse I felt inside. "Say something, Maya... Maya papaya... how about it? "Haven't you always been whining about wanting to go on a beach vacation... I heard the new campus is right by the water, you'll definitely love it. "Honestly, Boston is a bit too far, and the winters are so freezing. You hate the cold so much, you'd definitely cry... Or if you really want to go, I can take you to ski in Vermont during winter break, okay..." Liam rambled on and on, as if trying to convince himself, or maybe trying to convince me. As if changing to go to NYU was all for my sake. I listened in silence for a while, and finally couldn't help but ask him: "Liam, isn't there something you need to tell me?" My tone carried a sob that even I hadn't noticed. I thought, if he could just be honest about his own issues right now, then maybe in the future... we could still be normal friends. If he still chose not to address it clearly now, then really, there was no need to stay in touch anymore. He paused for a few seconds on the other end, then mumbled evasively: "...You already know, what's there to ask. "You've been mad at me all day over this, you're such a petty princess. "Alright, alright, they're both good schools anyway. You chose the major you liked, as long as we're together, it's the same no matter what college we go to..." Liam went on and on about a lot of things, but he just wouldn't address the core issue. I couldn't be bothered to listen anymore. The last chance. Was gone. I didn't wait for him to finish; I just hung up and turned off my phone. I glanced at the clock. The second hand had just crossed midnight. There was no room for regret anymore. That's fine. I chose this path myself. We both got what we wanted. I turned off the light, lay flat, and forced myself to sleep. But when I closed my eyes, my mind was full of Liam. Happy, sad, funny, angry—all the different versions of Liam. We grew up together from kids to adults, keeping each other company. Every memory I had held his shadow. I never thought it would end like this. People are always especially fragile late at night. Even though I told myself to be strong during the day, my tears unknowingly soaked my pillowcase. In my haze, I didn't know when I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already noon the next day. I turned on my phone and found a bunch of missed calls and messages from an unknown number. All from Liam. I ignored them. WeChat was also blowing up. In a group chat with my close girlfriends that Lily had added me to, people were constantly tagging everyone to "spill the tea."
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