To keep myself fed, I posted a thread online: [Private Investigator. Can provide all kinds of tracking services. Price: Just 10 bags of cookies.] Soon, I received my very first order as a cockroach. A girl contacted me, wanting me to secretly investigate her boyfriend. I replied enthusiastically: [Rest assured, client. My tracking skills are top-notch.] The other side seemed a bit worried: [He has a lot of social events outside of work. You'd better get a few more people to tail him.] [Don't worry, I'll bring my sisters along to track him.] [Oh? How many sisters are you bringing?] [A hundred and thirty thousand!] 1 The apartment was covered in dust. I had been crawling up and down for half a month and still hadn't found a single bite to eat. Roach Bro Two was lying flat inside an empty cracker tin. He said weakly: "Stop wasting your energy. No one lives in this apartment. There's not going to be any food." "We're all going to starve to death eventually." "Oh, mama, I've only been alive for two weeks. I really don't want to die." I rolled my eyes at him. When other people die, they turn into cats or dogs. Me? I turned into a cockroach. And a cockroach on the verge of starving to death, at that. I sighed at the ceiling. Even turning into a slightly larger bug would have been fine! At least then I wouldn't have lost so miserably in a fight with that spider in the corner last night. I had forgotten how I died. All I knew was that I was living in a small, unoccupied studio apartment. Hiding in the dark during the day, and hiding in the darker dark at night. In this empty apartment, the only thing left was a smartphone plugged into a charger. In an apartment with no water or electricity shut off, the phone's battery remained fully charged. Even though I forgot the circumstances of my death. The instinct to hustle and grind for money... That was carved into my very soul. The other cockroaches affectionately called me "Hustle Roach." I crawled back and forth on the phone a few times. With a tap of my antennae, I successfully traced the unlock pattern. The phone glowed faintly in the darkness. I logged onto Reddit. I rubbed my antennae hard, and a spark of genius hit my tiny, rice-grain-sized brain. I could earn food through the internet! As a top-tier hustler, even if I turned into a cockroach, I still had to work hard to earn my keep, right? Poke, poke, poke went my antennae on the screen. I published a post on a local subreddit: [Private Investigator. Can provide all kinds of tracking services. Price: Just 10 bags of cookies.] Half an hour later, the phone chimed. My first business deal had arrived! 2 I was so excited my antennae were dancing. They flew across the phone screen, a blur of motion. [Throwaway123: Hi, I just met my boyfriend two months ago, but I always feel like he's hiding something from me. Could you secretly investigate him for me?] [InnocentMamaRoach: No problem! Leave it to me. My tracking skills are top-notch.] [Throwaway123: But... he has a lot of social events, and his social circle is complicated. You'd better get a few more people to tail him.] [InnocentMamaRoach: Don't worry, I'll bring my sisters along to track him.] [Throwaway123: Oh? How many sisters are you bringing?] [InnocentMamaRoach: We'll start with 130,000. If that's not enough, I'll call for backup.] The other side went silent. After a long while, a message popped up: [Throwaway123: Bringing that many people... it must be really expensive, right? I... I don't have much money on me...] [InnocentMamaRoach: It's not expensive. The price is just ten bags of cookies. Chocolate and strawberry flavors are preferred.] [Throwaway123: That cheap? Thank you so much! How should I address you?] [InnocentMamaRoach: My last name is Roach.] [Throwaway123: ??] [InnocentMamaRoach: Sorry, typo. My last name is Rose.] End of chat. Even though Roach Bro Two was dizzy with hunger, he still wobbled out of the cracker tin. Full of energy: "Let's go now while it's the middle of the night! The sooner we finish the investigation for the client, the sooner we get the cookies." "I'm a roach with refined tastes. I only eat fresh food. I absolutely refuse to look at anything from the garbage can." A group of cockroaches nodded in agreement. They looked at me with hopeful eyes. Throwaway123 had sent over the address and a photo of the guy. The guy in the photo looked familiar. But I couldn't remember where I had seen him before. I shook my head. I quickly rallied the troops: "There's a hole in the window over there. Don't panic, everyone, crawl out one by one. Tonight, we're pulling off a big heist!" 3 The man in front of me was currently drinking and boasting with his friends. A massive pile of empty beer bottles covered the table. I squinted, carefully recalling the photo Throwaway123 had given me. I confirmed the man in front of me, Mark Sullivan, was her boyfriend. The room reeked of alcohol. It was a sweltering summer night, and a few shirtless men were flattering him: "Mark, you're the man! Just a few sweet words and you coaxed your girlfriend into marrying you." "I wonder how much the engagement ring is going to cost?" Mark downed a glass of beer. A greasy look of triumph spread across his face. "Pfft, what engagement ring? Tomorrow I'll call her out, and once we sleep together and I get her pregnant, she'll have to marry me whether she wants to or not." "By then, not only do I save money on the ring, but I'll also have someone to pay off my hundred grand gambling debt." Someone asked doubtfully: "What if she doesn't agree?" "We're already officially dating, why wouldn't she agree? If she doesn't, I'll just force it. We're boyfriend and girlfriend anyway, it's perfectly natural for that to happen." "Even if she posts about it online, the bros will still support me." A second round of flattery erupted. No one noticed the balcony. Roach Bro Two was directing a few large cockroaches carrying a voice recorder. They were crawling inside, panting heavily. "A little to the left... right, right... carefully, everyone. Boss Roach said this thing is super expensive." I had found this voice recorder in the empty apartment. It was fully charged. I used all my strength to press the record button. It started recording normally. Roach Bro Two looked at me with admiration: "Boss Roach, the first time I saw you, I knew you were different from the other roaches." "How did you learn to use this high-tech human stuff?" I pinched his mouth shut hard with my antennae: "Shut up and focus on the recording." "This is the first order we got online. We absolutely cannot mess this up!" The voice recorder was dropped in an inconspicuous corner of the living room. A glowing red light indicated it was working hard. Mark was clearly drunk. The more he talked, the more excited he got. "Once she has the kid, I've got to set some strict rules for her. Let me tell you guys, right after a woman has a baby is the best time to train her to be obedient." "..." The voice recorder worked continuously until the early hours of the morning. After the men in the room had all passed out drunk. Roach Bro Two first crawled onto the dining table, casting a disgusted glance at the leftover food. Then he complained to me: "This stuff is gross. I still think snacks taste the best." The other cockroaches nodded in agreement. Hopeful eyes all turned towards me. The voice recorder was carried away. I patted my chest with my antennae, guaranteeing: "Don't worry, once we finish this job, we'll have cookies to eat immediately." That night, after I crawled back to our place. I immediately opened the phone and sent all the recordings to Throwaway123. 4 Throwaway123 cried all night. Early the next morning, she sent me a message. [Throwaway123: Rose, thank you for letting me see his true colors. I just broke up with him. By the way, I bought the cookies you wanted. Where should I send them?] [InnocentMamaRoach: Riverside Apartments, Unit 1, Apt 405. Just leave them at the door. Remember to tear open all the packaging.] The packaging nowadays is made too tough. My teeth couldn't bite through it at all. Around noon. Footsteps sounded at the door. A young woman appeared at the door and knocked gently. Roach Bro Two was so scared he hid back in the empty cracker tin. She knocked on the door for a long time. There was no sound from inside. From the door came the rustling sound of packaging being torn open. Then, the footsteps faded away. Everyone cheered excitedly. They all crawled to the door, working hard to carry the cookies inside the apartment. Roach Bro Two was working especially hard. Finally, he took a huge bite of a strawberry-flavored Oreo. His two antennae stood straight up, as if he'd been electrocuted. "This is the exact flavor! It's so authentic!" I also nibbled on a cookie. It was so good I squinted my eyes. But after eating my fill, I started to worry again. I was clearly a human, how did I turn into a cockroach? More importantly, how could I change back? I thought about this problem all afternoon but couldn't figure it out. Around dusk, the phone chimed. I crawled over and unlocked it. It was a message from Throwaway123. But the tone didn't sound like her at all. [Throwaway123: Motherf***er, you're the one who stirred the pot and made my girlfriend break up with me, aren't you? I hate you nosy best friends causing trouble behind my back! Good thing I remembered her Reddit password, otherwise I wouldn't have found you! I've already memorized your address, you just wait for me tonight!] Roach Bro Two couldn't read. He burped and crawled next to me. "Boss Roach, do we have another order? This time I want to try mango-flavored cookies." "It's an enemy coming to seek revenge." "Huh? Is it the cat next door or that dead rat in the sewer?" "It's a human." As soon as I finished speaking. Violent pounding sounded on the door outside. 5 BAM! CRASH! It shook so hard my two antennae trembled. Even Spider Bro, who had been lying motionless in the corner all day, started cursing: "What the hell are you knocking for?! The web I worked so hard to spin just broke in several places." "Piss me off, and I'll crawl on his face tonight and spin a web right there." Roach Bro Two let out another burp: "Should have said so earlier! What's there to be afraid of with humans? Obviously, they are more afraid of us." Inside the cabinets, countless cockroaches poked their little heads out. Listening in confusion to the commotion outside. Mark's furious voice rang out from outside the door: "Open the door! I know you're in there!" "Won't open it, huh? I have my ways of getting in!" The sound of a power drill started up. To break down the door, Mark actually brought a power drill. The noise was deafening, making my ears ring. Spider Bro fell from the corner to the floor. Roach Bro Two covered his ears with his antennae: "Boss Roach, what do we do?" Tens of thousands of heads popped out from the corners, waiting for my command. I called out: "When the door opens, everyone fly right at his face." Tens of thousands of cockroaches nodded in unison. I also gave my wings a shake. I'm a proud Southern cockroach. I can crawl and I can fly, and I'm much bigger and stronger than those tiny Northern ones. The door lock was finally drilled through. Mark kicked the door open. He stood in the darkness, looking like a demon. I furrowed my brow and yelled: "Everyone, get ready—" Mark reached out to feel for the light switch in the entryway. While yelling: "Dead bitch, get the hell out here!" 6 Overwhelming. Airtight. Tens of thousands of cockroaches flapped their tiny wings, crashing into Mark's face as if their lives depended on it. The arrogance on Mark's face instantly turned into terror. His throat felt like it was stuffed with a wad of wet cotton. His mouth was wide open. But he couldn't let out a single word. It wasn't until the brave leader, Roach Bro Two, landed squarely on the tip of his nose. They made eye contact. Behind Roach Bro Two, there were tens of thousands more eyes. Mark couldn't hold it in any longer. A blood-curdling scream pierced the quiet night sky. He stumbled and rushed out the door. He tumbled down the stairs. And broke a leg on the spot. Roach Bro Two proudly straightened his antennae: "What did I tell you? Clearly, humans are more afraid of us." Behind him, the swarm of cockroaches also followed suit, giving their antennae a shake. In the stairwell. Dragging his broken leg, Mark desperately shrank into a corner. While continuously swatting at the cockroaches crawling on his body, his voice practically broke: "Get off! Get off me!" "Ah! Help!" Cockroaches fell to the floor in droves. But a fresh batch of cockroaches continued to crawl on him. There were even a few cockroaches that got crushed by his flailing. And from their bellies crawled out a bunch of even tinier cockroaches. In the end. Dragging his broken leg, Mark limped away and escaped this apartment building. The phone on the table rang. It was sent by my first client, Sarah. [Throwaway123: Rose, Mark logged into my Reddit account, is he going to go cause trouble for you?] [InnocentMamaRoach: He already came by, just escaped dragging a broken leg.] [Throwaway123: ? Wow, Rose, you are so badass!] [InnocentMamaRoach: Thanks for the compliment. If you have any future tracking missions, remember to find me again! Great quality, low prices, and you don't have to worry about my personal safety.] The cookies Throwaway123 brought were enough for us to eat for a month. Just as I was eager to continue sending messages online to take a second order. Sarah contacted me anxiously again.
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