During the year of our purest hatred, our families had a joint dinner. My childhood frenemy sneaked into the kitchen behind everyone's back and cooked a pot of wild mushroom soup, purely to poison me so I'd lose my voice. But my mom enthusiastically served him a bowl too, and we both ended up in the ICU. The exact second we regained our strength, we went into combat mode. The hospital room door pushed open, and a cute little cupcake of a girl wearing a princess dress walked in. "Daddy, why are you calling Mommy a pig?" "Mommy, why did you tell Daddy to go die?" "What does 'may your future son be born without an asshole' mean? I'm a girl." 1 The very first second I opened my eyes, I turned my head to look at Mason, who was waking up at the exact same time. "Idiot. How did that not kill you?" Mason hadn't even fully opened his eyes before he instinctively snapped back. "If you're so smart, how come you drank as much as a pig and can still talk?" My chest heaved violently with anger. I stared at the IV drip ticking away beside me. "This is attempted murder! Mason, you son of a bitch, you intentionally tried to kill me! I curse your future son to be born without an asshole!" Mason's face went pale. He let out a weak cough. "Tyler gave me those mushrooms. He said they'd just mess up your vocal cords for a while. You're so loud every day, you give me a migraine." "It's not like it wouldn't heal. Damn Tyler, this mushroom soup is completely useless. How can you still yell at me?" "You drank it yourself! What are you barking at?" Seeing his genuinely regretful expression, I forced my arm out to grab the vase next to me, fully intending to smash this moron to death. The moment the vase shattered, the door opened. We both looked toward the door simultaneously. A little girl with her hair in space buns timidly poked her head into the room. "Mommy..." The second our eyes met, the little girl's eyes suddenly welled up with tears. I sat up, feeling weak, and gave a dry chuckle. "Hey kiddo, you got the wrong room." Mason gloated. "Riley, you had a kid this big at 18?" I glared at him. What kind of garbage is he spewing in front of a kid? But the little girl didn't leave. Instead, she walked all the way in. She was wearing a fluffy pink and white tutu, her eyes blurry with tears. "Daddy, why are you calling Mommy a pig?" "Mommy, why did you tell Daddy to go die?" "What does 'may your future son be born without an asshole' mean? I'm a girl." I calmly turned my head to look at Mason. "Where did you hire this child actor? This prank is actually kind of creative." Mason’s pranks usually consisted of putting disgusting things in my bed, my shoes, or my clothes. Plus, this idiot always couldn't help but stare when he pulled a prank, so it was always obvious it was him. I really didn't expect a prank this advanced could come out of his pig-brain. Mason looked completely bewildered. "Little brat, what are you babbling about? Who's your daddy? I'm only 18, I'm still a pure, innocent virgin boy..." Before he could finish, the little girl burst into loud sobs, opening her arms and throwing herself into my embrace. "Daddy is so mean..." I was completely numb. I instinctively raised my arms to hold her. Her crying was so loud that someone rushed into the room in a panic. "Mom..." I called out dryly, awkwardly trying to push the crying child in my arms away. "Whose kid is this running around?" My mom had clearly marched in ready to breathe fire, but hearing my words, she froze completely. "That's your kid!" Before I could even open my mouth, Mason let out a screech that sounded like a dying donkey. "Mrs. Miller, you must be mistaken! This kid looks at least three or four. What kind of monster would do something like that to Riley at our age?!" 2 The air went dead silent. My mom slowly turned her head. "What did you just call me?" Mason swallowed hard. "M-Mrs. Miller... you're scaring me a little right now." My mom looked at me in horror, then looked at Mason. Her resulting scream nearly blew the roof off the hospital. After a chaotic flurry of doctors and nurses, the attending physician pushed his glasses up his nose. "It's possible that the toxins in the mushrooms did affect some neural pathways. These two... currently believe they are still 18." After hearing the whole explanation, my face was full of disbelief. "So you're saying, not only have I already graduated from college, but I'm married and have a kid this big?" Mason shook his head like a rattle drum. "Don't believe it." My mom stayed silent for two seconds. She pulled up the security camera footage on her phone and shoved it into my hands. Mason ripped out his IV tube and crawled onto my hospital bed to watch the footage with me. In the video, I was in the kitchen wearing a pink apron, cooking something. Mason had the little girl in one arm and wrapped his other arm around my waist. "Babe, it's our five-year anniversary, we should just go out to eat. Why do you insist on cooking yourself?" I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. "I just wanted to be a good, traditional wife for once." He affectionately patted my butt. I leaned into his chest all lovey-dovey, and the little girl hugged my head, giggling. I picked up a spoon and brought it to Mason's mouth. "Hubby, try this. Is it too salty?" Mason very obligingly took a big gulp, then leaned in to kiss me. "Wifey, this is your first time making wild mushroom stew and it's this good. I'm so lucky..." Then, his arm went slack, and the little girl thudded onto the floor. As Mason and I were kissing, we both tipped backward and fell straight down like chopped trees. Our little cupcake landed on her butt. She was just about to cry when she realized her dad's massive body was falling toward her, so she quickly scrambled out of the way, sticking her butt in the air. Mason's head smacked solidly against the floor. The toddler cried and called for Mommy and Daddy, but got no response. She stood up, trotted to the living room, and pulled out her little Gizmo Watch. "Grandma, waaaah, Mommy and Daddy kissed each other to death, waaaah..." The security footage abruptly ended. The entire hospital room plunged into a deathly silence. I looked at Mason, whose arm was still half-wrapped around my waist on the bed. I screamed and kicked him off the bed. Mason's head had already taken a hard hit in the video, and now he hit the floor again. He lay there for a long time without getting up. I looked like I'd seen a ghost, pointing a trembling finger at the security footage. "Mom, you're messing with me, right? That's an AI deepfake!" Our little cupcake was terrified by my screaming. She hugged my arm and cried non-stop. "Mommy, you can't hit Daddy, waaaah." My mom gritted her teeth and glared at me. "Stop scaring the child!" Honestly, that was the most terrifying horror movie I'd seen all year. How could I possibly be married to Mason?! Mason and I grew up together, but you couldn't call us childhood sweethearts. Everyone called us the Twin Terrors of the neighborhood. We fought from the time we were toddlers. I replaced the lemonade his mom made him with hot sauce water; he cut off my hair to make a hacky sack. At 18, the year of our purest hatred, I stuffed a dead mouse in Mason's bed, and he put cockroaches in my shoes. During a joint family dinner, he secretly sneaked into the kitchen and made poisonous mushroom soup just to ruin my vocal cords. I only found out the damn soup was made by Mason after I collapsed on the floor. But he didn't expect my mom to drink the soup too. So Mason snatched my mom's bowl and downed it in one gulp. That's how we both ended up in the ICU. But when we open our eyes, we're actually married? And we have a four-year-old daughter! Mason clearly didn't believe it either. He scrambled up from the floor. "How could I ever marry Riley? I'd rather eat dirt!" I slapped him across the face. "You were just kissing me in that video! If you ate dirt, wouldn't there be dirt in my mouth too?!" My mom looked like her head was about to explode. My daughter's soft, timid voice was thick with tears. "Daddy, Mommy, what's wrong? Are you going to get a divorce?" Mason and I froze simultaneously. Even though I had no memory of this child's existence, seeing her nose red from crying made my heart ache. Mason's heart ached even more than mine. His head was wrapped in bandages, but he stepped forward and scooped the child into his arms, gently patting her back. "Don't cry, sweetie. Daddy and Mommy are just playing around." Me: ... He got into character really fast. 3 Lily was terrified all day, and finally cried herself to sleep in Mason's arms. Once the hospital room quieted down, my mom frowned and asked me. "What are you two going to do?" I sighed. I felt like I was going crazy. "Divorce." There was no way I could live in the same house as Mason. We'd tear the place apart! Before my mom could even speak, Mason panicked. He immediately rejected the idea. "No way!" His voice spiked sharply. Lily let out a sleepy hiccup in his arms, and he quickly lowered his voice. "Riley, you have to take responsibility for your actions! You have to take responsibility for me and our daughter!" My eyes widened. This bastard! Did he even hear what he was saying?! My mom didn't agree either. "Riley, you and Mason were definitely a handful when you were younger, but you were very much in love after you got married. The doctor also said that once your bodies metabolize the mushroom toxins, you might get your memories back." Mason, holding the child like a wronged little wife, nodded emphatically. "Exactly. What if we get our memories back? Wouldn't we just have to get remarried?" I gritted my teeth and glared at him. "You just want to sleep with me, don't you, you bastard?!" Mason's face instantly turned beet red, and my mom smacked me on the back of the head. "You brat, your mother is standing right here!" I rubbed my head, puffing my cheeks out as I glared at Mason. He looked down at Lily in his arms. "The child is innocent. Even if it's just for her sake, let's just pretend for a while, Riley." My knuckles cracked as I clenched my fists. Don't think I didn't see the smirk this deadbeat couldn't hide. He didn't want a divorce; he was definitely plotting something! But my mom said she had already hidden our marriage certificate and our IDs. "You two have been so nauseatingly in love for five years, it makes people sick. I'm afraid you'll regret it if you divorce now." She turned to Mason. "You two just need to adapt for a bit and see if you can get your memories back soon. If you really can't live together anymore, at least don't fight in front of the kid." I took a deep breath. My mom turned and vanished before I could argue. When Mason and I were discharged and went home, I opened my phone. Seeing that Mason and I had matching couples' profile pictures made me physically nauseous. Our entire chat history was voice messages. I clicked on a random one. From the screen, Mason's voice let out a disgusting, cutesy pig snort. "Wifey, wifey, I'm getting off work soon! Do you want me to bring my little baby something to eat~" I almost threw my phone across the room. Mason's face was red all the way to the tips of his ears. "Why are you only clicking on my messages? Yours are probably way more disgusting!" I stiffened my neck. "Impossible! I'm an iron-willed woman..." He reached out and tapped on my reply. "Hubby, mwah! Little baby says she wants to eat durian, but I want to eat my hubby..." Mason covered Lily's ears, looking at me in absolute horror. I shoved my phone into my purse, practically grinding my teeth to dust. I'm throwing this phone in the washing machine the second I get home! I'll wash it eight hundred times!!!!! It's contaminated! 4 I followed the address my mom gave me and arrived at Mason and my house. Our daughter held my hand on the left and Mason's hand on the right. It was a beautiful suburban house. From the flowers on the fence and the green lawn in the yard, you could tell it was a very happy home. When I opened the door, I was almost blinded. Who can tell me! Why is there a massive! MASSIVE! MASSIVE wedding photo hanging right facing the front door?! Personally, I thought it completely clashed with the entire aesthetic of the house. Mason frowned too. "Who came up with such a garbage design?" I shot him a look of disgust. "Definitely you." Lily gently swung our hands. "It was Mommy's idea, and Daddy hung it up the very next day! Daddy even said Mommy is the smartest baby..." Mason and I both fell silent. If the other person had done something this tacky, we would have ruthlessly mocked them. But it was a joint effort. It was truly an unprecedented masterpiece of bad taste! Lily skipped off to get the photo albums. She had already called Grandma, and Grandma said looking at photos together might help Mommy and Daddy get their memories back. I watched the little girl run off. "I'm making this clear right now. Don't come into my room tonight." Mason clicked his tongue. "That's my room too!" "Besides, if we sleep in separate rooms, the kid is definitely gonna think we're getting a divorce. We can't." My eyes went wide. "You really do want to sleep with me!" Mason's face flushed red again, and he gritted his teeth. "Riley! Can you watch what you say? What if the kid hears you?" "We can sleep in the same room, but separate beds. You sleep on the floor." I raised my foot to kick him. "Are you even a man? Why aren't you volunteering to sleep on the floor?" Mason didn't back down an inch. "You were just talking about gender equality the day before yesterday! And look at my neck, look what you did to it! Are you even a woman?" I gritted my teeth. "Then let's fight! Winner gets the bed!" Mason looked utterly dismissive. "If our daughter wasn't here today, I would've pinned you to the ground a long time ago! You actually think you can take me in a fight?" Actions speak louder than words! The two of us immediately started brawling like two aggressive roosters. I threw a left hook, Mason countered with a judo throw, and we both tumbled onto the couch. I brought my knee up hard, and Mason sucked in a sharp breath of cold air. He curled up on the couch, shivering in pain, cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, his teeth chattering. I jumped in fright. I had been straddling him, fully intending to slap his face silly, but now I was completely paralyzed. "Mason, what's wrong? Don't scare me!" He forced a sentence out between his teeth. "Riley, you're trying to murder your own husband... We're really only ever gonna have Lily as our only child..." I instantly realized what I had just kneed, drawing in a sharp breath. "No way, really? Is it really that fragile?" Mason ignored me, which made me panic even more. I reached out my hand toward his crotch. "Mason, stop scaring me, let's go to the hospital!" Mason's voice was hoarse. He swatted my hand away. "And say what? Say we got into a fight and you kicked my balls into pieces?" My face instantly exploded into a fiery red. "Can you watch what you say? That sounds horrible!" "Is what you did any less horrible?" His forehead was covered in cold sweat. After a long silence, I sniffled. "So what do we do?" He struggled to grab his phone from nearby. "Take a look for me. Is it bleeding? Is it broken?" I felt like I'd been struck by lightning. "Are you insane?! You want me to look there?" Mason looked utterly defeated by life. "Then just let me die. Let me die of the pain." I gritted my teeth. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Mason didn't even have the strength to sit up. He tossed the phone to the side. "You vicious woman. You will be the sinner of our family line." I really couldn't stand his whining, so I got up, grabbed the phone, and turned on the flashlight. Fine, whatever. Even though I currently only had the memories of an 18-year-old, Mason and I had genuinely created a child together. I've probably seen everything there is to see anyway. I took the phone and slowly knelt down. I knelt between his legs. Gently pulling down his underwear... The door was suddenly pushed open. My mom's voice carried a hint of panic. "You guys stopped fighting, did one of you kill the other?" The air went completely dead. I stiffly turned my head. Mason and my position was, frankly, far from elegant. He lay weakly on the bed with his legs spread, and I was kneeling between them with a flashlight, my entire head hovering over his... I let out a shriek and frantically grabbed the nearby blanket to cover Mason's body. My mom really was a woman who had seen the world. She was silent for three seconds, then silently turned and left. As she left, I distinctly heard her muttering, "Youth is so uninhibited. I thought you two wanted to kill each other, but it turns out..." Mason's voice carried a hint of a laugh. Between grimacing in pain and laughing, he was practically convulsing. "Our image in your mom's eyes is completely destroyed." "Shut up!" I kicked his shin hard. In the end, seeing that I was genuinely furious, Mason went to make a bed on the floor. 5 Early the next morning, my mom knocked on our bedroom door. "You guys promised Lily you'd take her to the amusement park this Tuesday. The kid has been looking forward to it since last night. As parents, you can't break a promise." I sighed. "Being a mom is so hard. Can I just stuff her back in?" Mason, who was getting dressed, glared at me fiercely. "Don't say things like that in front of the kid!" He really was a good dad. I couldn't understand Mason's enthusiasm at all. In the past, Mason's morning crankiness was terrifying. You could even say that aside from me, no one dared to wake him up. And it wasn't that he wouldn't get mad if I woke him up; it was just that I was the only one who could fight him to a draw. Mason frowned at my outfit. "We're going to an amusement park today, not walking the red carpet. Why are you wearing heels?" I glared at him. "Mind your own business!" The truth was, the 18-year-old Riley never had the chance to wear high heels. Seeing a whole closet full of them, I was itching to try, so I picked the prettiest pair. Our daughter held my hand in one hand and Mason's in the other. "Did Daddy and Mommy sleep well last night?" Thinking of the chaotic events of last night, I turned to look at Mason. "Are your balls okay?" Mason raised a hand to cover my mouth. "Can you please watch what you say in front of our daughter?!" But he was overthinking it, because our daughter didn't understand at all. "Daddy, what balls?" Mason took a deep breath. "Kinder Joy surprise eggs! Daddy will buy you one later!" I couldn't hold it in anymore and stood to the side, laughing until tears came to my eyes. I hadn't been to an amusement park since elementary school. Our daughter pointed at the rollercoaster, screaming in excitement. "Daddy, Mommy, I want to ride that!" I snapped my head around to look at Mason, and sure enough, the man's face had gone ghostly pale. If there was one thing I knew Mason was terrified of in his first eighteen years, it was heights. When we were kids, Mason's mom was away for a while, so he came to play at my grandparents' house with me. My older cousin suggested we play hide-and-seek. I was the seeker, and he took Mason to hide. But I searched until noon and couldn't find them. My mom called me in for lunch, and my cousin skipped in happily. It wasn't until it was almost dark that I suddenly remembered Mason was missing. My cousin's eyes widened in horror. "I put him up in the branches of a tree!" My cousin, the genius, in order to win the game, had hung Mason up in a tree while he sat in another one. And then he just forgot about him. By the time we got Mason down, his legs were shaking for over an hour. With a hint of sadistic glee, I kept my mouth shut. Lily didn't notice her dad was about to pass out from fear. "Mommy, let's go ride that, okay?" I smiled brightly. "Okay!" "Daddy, can we?" She turned to look at Mason. I thought Mason wouldn't agree, that he'd make an excuse about not feeling well, or just tell our daughter straight up that he was scared of heights. But to my surprise, after a long pause, I heard Mason's voice sounding like a martyr heading to the execution grounds: "Okay!" My heart gave a sharp jolt, and I looked at him in surprise. I had never seen this self-sacrificing side of Mason before. We paid the entrance fee and slowly moved forward with the crowd. The closer we got, the more violently Mason's legs shook. I was holding back my laughter so hard I thought I might rupture an organ. Finally, right before it was our turn, I suddenly clutched my stomach. "Baby, Mommy's tummy hurts a little. Can we ride this another day? Let's go ride the Ferris wheel." I pointed to the Ferris wheel not too far away. Our daughter had glanced at it several times while we were in line. Sure enough, little kids don't overthink things. She nodded excitedly immediately. "Okay! Mommy, go to the bathroom first." Mason turned his head, looked at me deeply, and mouthed two words silently. "My hero!" The corner of my mouth twitched. This idiot deserved to be single, calling his own wife "my hero." I should have just made him get on the ride. 6 Little kids just have too much energy. Our old, twenty-something bodies simply couldn't handle the wear and tear. Especially since I was wearing 4-inch stilettos. To avoid being a buzzkill mom, I gritted my teeth and pushed through. When I came out of the restroom, I saw Mason holding our daughter, sitting quietly on a bench waiting. Lily was holding a giant Kinder Joy egg. I found it a bit funny. He actually kept his promise. The next second, he stood up, walked toward me, and shoved a giant... pair of plush slippers into my hands? I threw them away. "Are you crazy?! Giving me plush slippers in this heat?" Mason gave me a sideways glance. "What plush slippers? They're cartoon slippers. Donald Duck. What kind of amusement park sells regular slippers? It's merchandise!" "I am not wearing those!" He forcefully pushed me down onto the bench. "Stubborn! Fine, suffer the pain! You're an idiot!" He helped me put the slipper on my left foot, and I kicked it off with my right. He put it on my right foot, and I kicked it off with my left. "Who wears such stupid slippers to an amusement park?!" A soft touch came from my other foot, and I looked down. I saw our daughter mimicking her dad, kneeling on one knee, helping me put on the other slipper. Father and daughter, each holding one of my feet. Lily tilted her head, her eyes sparkling. "Mommy, Daddy and I are helping you put them on together, so it's not stupid!" Mason froze. Our daughter stood up. "I want to wear slippers like Mommy's too! If our whole family wears them, it won't be stupid! It'll be so cute!" A warm feeling flowed through my heart, and I resignedly slipped my feet in. "You don't need to..." But before I could finish my sentence, I saw Mason had already taken Lily's hand and was walking back toward the gift shop. "Mason, don't we look really stupid doing this?" The three of us walked along in giant plush slippers, receiving stares from a crowd of people. My cheeks felt hot, but I didn't feel ashamed. Mason shrugged casually. "So what? They're probably jealous." "Jealous of what?" I looked at him sideways. "You have such a handsome husband and such a cute daughter. Who wouldn't be jealous?" The corner of my mouth twitched. Narcissist.
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