On the eve of our wedding, I found a spreadsheet on Colin’s laptop. It was filled with details about the girls he had dated. In my column, it read: [Quiet, obedient, the safe choice for marriage.] While in his first love’s column, it read: [You are a free bird, destined to soar proudly into the distance.] He had told her he wouldn't marry her. Because his wife had to manage three meals a day, care for him, raise his children, and wait on his overbearing parents hand and foot. He couldn’t bear to put her through that. I didn't argue, nor did I make a scene. The next day, I went back to the news network. Colin didn't know that I had a spreadsheet, too. It was an application form to transfer to Africa as a war correspondent. The man I truly loved was still there. I had to go find him. 01 "You want to go back to being a war correspondent?!" A shocked exclamation erupted in the newsroom this morning. I had just handed in my transfer application. "Yes," I said. "I want a long-term assignment in the Democratic Republic of the Congo." "Maya..." My station director was speechless for a long time. "You’re an excellent war correspondent. We all saw that three years ago. But you’re right in the middle of preparing for a wedding! Everyone assumes you’re about to go on leave! "Will your fiancé even agree to you going back to such a dangerous place?" I was silent for a fleeting moment. "I’m not getting married." "What??" Under the director's shocked gaze, I spoke with firm certainty. "Yes. The wedding is off." Yesterday, Colin went out to run wedding errands. He asked me to send him the inventory list of things on his computer. I opened the file labeled [Wedding Plan]. But what I found was his relationship record. There were six girls listed. Each entry was a detailed account of their height, appearance, and background. Mine was at the top. [Name: Maya Brooks. [Family: Orphaned. No parents, simple social connections. [Personality: Housewife potential. Quiet and obedient. No ambition. [Remarks: Can manage housework. Good for having kids.] At the bottom, he had highlighted a few words in yellow: [Suitable for marriage.] My heart dropped in an instant. I paused for a few seconds, then continued scrolling. The other girls had similar evaluations. [Extravagant. Not considered.] [Lazy lifestyle. Not considered.] [Has a dependent younger brother. Not considered.] But the last entry. Except for her name and a photo, it was empty. There was only one line written in the remarks: [You are a free bird, destined to soar proudly into the distance.] Her name was Serena Montgomery. 02 I remembered when we were finalizing the guest list. Colin had been hesitant about that name. He added it several times, only to delete it again. I asked him why. He said she was currently traveling the world and probably wouldn't make a special trip back. So... she was the first love. Colin’s iMessage was still logged in on the laptop. I found Serena Montgomery. Their chat history had been wiped clean. But her latest Instagram Story read: [Dammit! The man I love is getting married. I’m going to smash his wedding car and steal the groom!] Colin had replied privately: [Stealing me won't work. I won’t marry you.] [Waaaaah! Fine! So you’ve found true love this time, have you?] [...What are you talking about?] [Humph! Forget it! Your family is so archaic. Marrying you means serving your entire clan like a maid. I won’t do it! My journey is the stars and the sea!] [Yeah, I know. That’s why I'm marrying the person they want me to marry. [I couldn't bear to put you through that.] 03 Couldn't bear to? Hearing that phrase from Colin’s mouth was truly rare. Colin and I met through a blind date. He was young and successful, the youngest deputy chief of surgery at a top-tier hospital, and handsome. But because he had an incredibly traditional and difficult pair of parents, he had never married. They were intensely controlling and demanded a submissive daughter-in-law who had an eye for servitude and would wait on them. The first time I went home with Colin, his mother demanded I kneel on the floor and massage her swollen feet like a hired servant. But I was willing to endure all of it. Because when I first saw Colin… I thought, for a face like his, I would do anything. We dated for two years. His parents were very satisfied with me. And he gradually became accustomed to a perpetually clean and organized home, warm meals always ready, and shirts ironed to a crisp. But his attitude was always lukewarm. Until his birthday this year. I wanted to personally bake him a cake. But the oven exploded during preheating. By the time he rushed to the hospital, he found my arm full of glass fragments. For the first time, he lost his composure, panicking as he held my face, his voice trembling. "You don't need to do this for me... You can do without..." But even then, he never said he couldn’t bear to. Later, he proposed. I had assumed he did it out of a sliver of true emotion, willing to commit to me. I never imagined he only did it to appease his parents. Serena was the one he cherished, so much so that he was willing to let her go. The moment I saw their conversation, I knew this relationship should end. He was putting on a show for his parents; I was putting on a show for myself. But no matter how good the acting was, it was still a play. 04 Returning home from the news bureau, I dug out several camera bags from the deep recesses of the bookshelf. They held my deeply buried memories of the past. The feel of the camera casing was now unfamiliar, and the batteries had long since dried up. While waiting for the battery charger to do its work, I inserted the memory card into my computer. I opened those long-buried photos. The first was of a Black woman in a refugee camp waiting for cholera medicine. The second was of a five-year-old child soldier who was barely taller than his rifle. The third was of refugees in North Kivu living in shattered tents. … The smell of smoke and dust seemed to pierce through time and space. My heart felt gripped by a pair of sharp claws. I lay back in my chair, calming my soaring heart rate, and let out a light, self-deprecating laugh. I didn't know if Colin would still put the words [Quiet and obedient] in my remarks column if he saw these. As I was thinking, my phone vibrated twice. It was a text from him. He sent the location of a restaurant. I suddenly remembered that he invited the bridesmaids and groomsmen for a small gathering tonight. I had no close family, so they were all Colin’s friends. However, I knew clearly that this was just an excuse for an invitation. Because today. Serena was back in the country. 05 I arrived at the restaurant. They had already finished ordering. Serena was sitting right next to Colin. There was no seat for me. When Serena saw me, she sized me up with keen interest. Then she directed me. "Go pull up a chair and sit anywhere!" I sat in the farthest position from them. Throughout the meal, Colin only watched everything indifferently. He didn't say a single word. Someone asked: "Serena, we thought you wouldn't make it back this time!" "Are you kidding? This is Colin getting married! I would return even if I had to crawl, just to see what kind of option he finally picked!" Several people exchanged meaningful glances. "That’s true. The relationship between you two is definitely not ordinary." After that, they began asking Serena about her travels. By the time the main course arrived, she had finished telling stories about yellowfin tuna fishing in the Mediterranean, hiking the Camino de Santiago, and climbing the Uluru monolith in Australia. Their eyes were all shining. "Serena, you’re a girl! You actually dared to go to so many places!" "Humph! I’m not the kind of woman whose world consists only of groceries, a husband, and kids! "The brave enjoy the world first!" 06 Amidst the joyful and boisterous atmosphere, she was the center of attention. Colin sat beside her, rarely interjecting. However, his occasional side glances at her grew so tender that they seemed to drip with water. I silently downed half a shot of liquor. The back of my tongue was bitter with spiciness. Everything felt utterly meaningless. Serena had already moved on to the story of her recent dealings with scammers in Egypt. She suddenly turned her head and asked Colin. "Do you want to know how to say ‘dear’ in Arabic?" Colin paused and shook his head. "I’ll teach you!" Serena leaned against his shoulder, blowing air against his ear. "Habibi~" Colin helplessly straightened her up, his earlobes turning pink. "Sit properly…" "Hurry up and say it with me!" Unable to resist Serena’s persistence, he let out a sigh and obediently spoke. "Habibi…" "Bingo!" "Correct, you are my Habibi~" Her eyes swiveled, and she suddenly looked at me. "Have you ever been to Africa?" 07 Someone immediately sneered. "Look at her. Does she look like it? "Africa? She barely leaves the state line!" Even Colin had a mocking look, shaking his head. Serena narrowed her eyes, a victorious expression on her face. "That’s true. I asked the wrong person! "I should ask which nearby grocery store has the cheapest vegetables, or which brand of toilet bowl cleaner works best!" An outburst of laughter erupted from the table. She turned her head and started the next topic. I slowly clenched my fist. I think I was also somewhat drunk. Otherwise, how could I feel angry because of such clumsy provocation? "I have been," I said softly. The voices at the dinner table quieted a bit. Serena tilted her head. "What?" "I have been to Africa." A fleeting look of astonishment passed her face. But it quickly turned disdainful. "Oh, no need to be so vain, right? If you haven’t been, you haven’t been! "Lying is a bad look. It’s easily exposed." "I’m not lying." "Then tell us, where did you go? "Kenya? Morocco? Could it be South Africa?" She held her head high, seemingly certain I couldn't answer. I stared at her. "Democratic Republic of the Congo." 08 The air suddenly quieted. "...Where? Congo? What kind of place is that?" "Drank too much, right? Making up places now, haha!" "What normal person would go there? It's a war zone..." The fire in my heart burned brighter. Besides me, there were many other people there! Doctors Without Borders, UN peacekeeping forces, aid construction teams… Are all of them not normal people? "I have not only been there, but I stayed there for an entire year. "I have seen them fighting for mineral resources, I have been to Ebola treatment centers, distributed relief food with UN personnel… "I was even shot!" The room was in dead silence. Everyone opened their mouths wide. "Also." I swirled my drink in my hand. "There are no yellowfin tuna in the Mediterranean; they prefer tropical waters. The Camino de Santiago is not in Portugal; it starts in France to Spain. And the Uluru monolith has been forbidden to climb since 2019." I narrowed my eyes. "Serena, lying is a bad look. It’s easily exposed." 09 Her face instantly turned ghostly white. The puzzled and blank gazes of everyone swiped back and forth between us. Serena suddenly stood up, pretending to be brave. "She’s an orphan with no background! How could she have been to those places! "She’s lying!" I leaned on my hand and smiled. "Then show everyone your photos? "You went to so many places, you must have taken a few pictures, right?" "I… I…" "You wouldn't happen to have zero photos, would you?" She became increasingly panicked and turned to Colin. "Colin! What’s wrong with your wife!! "Isn't today my welcome banquet! How could you let her bully me like this! "Forget it. Since I’m so unwelcome, I’ll leave!" Saying so, she wiped her eyes and actually ran out. The scene immediately descended into turmoil. Others were so anxious that they pushed Colin. "Hurry up and chase her! What if she gets lost in the middle of the night!" Colin’s face turned black, he glared at me fiercely, and quickly walked out. Others also left their seats one after another. "Maya, we’ll leave first." Someone lowered their voice. "How does she have the nerve to target Serena like this? Doesn't she know she’s just taking up space?" "Jealousy! Serena is beautiful and worldly. What does Maya have?" "She made Serena mad, and in the end, her own fiancé ran out to comfort the other woman. Truly stupid!" They sneered as they walked away. The massive private room was instantly left with just me. I let out a silent scoff. Poured another shot for myself. Tilted my head and downed it. 10 Actually, Serena was right. I indeed haven’t been to those tourist spots. But the reason I knew she was lying was because of my mother. I wasn’t an orphan from birth. She was an international news correspondent, and later began to be stationed in war zones. In that era, women working abroad in combat zones while men raised children at home was considered outrageous. Neighbors always ridiculed me. "Your mother doesn’t want you anymore!" I clenched my fists to beat them, fiercely defending my dignity as a child, but I was only laughed at more relentlessly. When I was little, it was hard to see her even once. But she often sent letters bearing postmarks from all over the world. Writing about her life in great detail, with attached photos. My happiest childhood moments were sitting on my father’s knee and listening to him read her letters. Then I would outline the image of that dynamic woman correspondent in my heart. She said: [Maya, most women’s world is small, but the real world is vast. Wait until you grow up, you must see it personally. Only by seeing the world can you know what you truly want.] She was my eyes. At an age when I hadn’t even read many books, I got a glimpse of the world through her. But when I was five years old, she passed away in the line of duty. She was killed while exposing the massacre of civilians during the Kosovo War. The news bureau only recovered her camera. Inside, besides the precious video materials she swore to protect, there was also a photo of me. I don't know when she took it. At that time, I didn’t understand what "killed" meant. But the neighbors who used to gossip at our door gloated. "See? Women who run off to seek glory never meet a good end!" After that, I was motherless, but I always remembered her advice. To see personally, to record personally this world. Only then do you know what you want. … This afternoon, I dug out my cameras. The oldest and most worn-out one was hers. The heat rushed to my brain, making me dizzy. I buried my face in my palms. "Mom, I miss you so much…" 11 The next morning. I was awakened by a splitting headache. I pried my eyes open, confused for a while, before realizing I was staring at the ceiling of my apartment. I didn't even know how I got home yesterday. I got up to pour a glass of warm water. Colin was sitting in the living room, his face gloomy. "Is this how you act as a hostess?" I didn't want to talk to him at all. I turned and walked toward the study. However, the desk was empty. I asked in a hoarse voice: "Where is my camera?" "I gave it to Serena." I whipped around. He crossed his arms and sneered: "Didn't you tell her to take a few more photos?" My brain struggled to process every word coming out of Colin’s mouth. He... he actually gave my mom’s camera to Serena? I suddenly smashed the water glass on the floor. I grabbed his collar. "How dare you touch my camera?! "HOW DARE YOU!!" Colin was startled. "Where is Serena now???" "Maya! Let go!" "WHERE IS SHE?!!" I hysterically ripped at his collar. The alcohol I drank last night all rushed out of my eyes in tears at this moment. Colin was suddenly stunned. "...At the Grand Plaza Hotel." "Room number!!" "1103..." I shoved him away and rushed out the door. I drove like a maniac to the hotel. I ran directly to the 11th floor and kicked the door hard. "Get out here!!" After a moment, Serena furiously opened the door. "What kind of crazy are you pulling this early in the morning!" I rushed in. Sure enough, the camera was placed on the TV cabinet. I picked it up and prepared to leave, but Serena grabbed my arm. "That’s a gift Colin gave me! You have no right to take it back!" I turned around and slapped her across the face. "This is MINE! What gives you the right to take it!!" She was slapped into a daze. After a long second, she screamed: "You dare hit me!!" She lunged at me, crying and scratching. "You cheap bitch!! "You already stole my man! Now you want to steal the things he gives me too!!" During the scuffle, the fragile, old camera strap snapped in Serena's grip. She grabbed the body of the camera and hurled it hard against the hardwood floor. CRACK. My brain instantly went blank. That camera. It shattered into several pieces right in front of my eyes. 12 Serena's eyes held a ruthless triumph. "If I can't have it, neither can you!!" A tsunami of despair and rage hit me. I grabbed Serena by her hair and used all my strength to slam her against the wall. Just one hit, and she bled. She screamed: "Help! Murder!!" The hotel room door was violently thrown open. Colin rushed in. Seeing Serena bleeding, his eyes widened with fury. He shoved me hard against the wall. "Maya! You're crazy!!" Serena trembled behind him, touching her forehead, her legs shaking uncontrollably. "...Colin, I'm so scared." I pushed him away and knelt on the ground. With trembling hands, I tried in vain to piece those fragments together. I didn't care that the shattered glass was cutting my fingertips. But no matter how I tried, it wouldn't fit. Colin grabbed my hand. "Calm down! "It’s broken! It can't be fixed!" I shook violently, silently weeping tears of absolute devastation. He gritted his teeth. "It’s just a broken camera! I’ll buy you a new one! "Do you have to act like a lunatic over this?!" I bit through my lip. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. A broken camera. This was my mother’s only remaining relic in the world, and he called it a broken camera. I looked up, unable to restrain the towering hatred in my eyes. I abruptly slapped Colin across the face. The blood from my fingertips smeared across his cheek. "Colin, get out! "GET OUT!!!" Under his horrified gaze. I took off the engagement ring from my hand. And threw it hard into the trash can.
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