When I was eighteen, Leo and I had our first time in a shabby motel room. Back then, he was driven by a wild, untamed passion, leaving me so swept away that I lost all sense of direction in the rush of first love. But when I was twenty-five, he sent me into the abortion clinic himself, all because of a Truth or Dare game with his female friend, Eve. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I was playing Truth or Dare with Eve last night, and I lost the baby as a forfeit.” “A baby can be conceived again, but a bet between guys can’t be reneged on. Just bear with it for a bit, okay?” His words made me tremble with horror: “You’d actually kill our baby for another woman? What kind of spell has she cast on you?” Leo’s face darkened, angered by my outburst. “You have the nerve to bring up Eve? Do you have any shame? Who in this world is more despicable than you?” “You’re like a slut, climbing into my bed willingly. You frequented that cheap motel more often than anyone else. What right do you, a woman of insatiable desire, have to criticize her!” That sentence shattered the last bit of my dignity. I gave up all resistance and walked into the operating room. Twenty-five-year-old Leo, I don't love you anymore...
“Rachel.” Just as I was about to enter the operating room, Leo suddenly called out to me. He hung his head, his voice a little hoarse: “I didn’t mean to hit a nerve. I just couldn’t stand you targeting Eve. My words just slipped out.” As he draped a coat over me, Leo earnestly promised: “I’m a big businessman. If I lose my word, who will dare to work with me in the future? I don’t want to lose this baby either, but I can’t help it.” “I promise you, we’ll have another baby very soon.” Another baby? This was already my third child with Leo. To get pregnant with it, I’d had countless fertility shots; the dense needle marks on my waist hadn’t faded yet. The doctor had warned me many times that this baby might be the last one I could ever conceive. How could there be another? I opened my mouth, but my throat felt like it was blocked by a razor blade. It hurt too much to utter a single word. Leo’s phone rang. On the other end, Eve impatiently urged: “Getting an abortion is taking forever. You’re not trying to back out, are you?” “Rachel’s not a newbie, why’s she being so dramatic? Hurry up and finish the dare, all of us guys are waiting for you to drink!” Eager to keep his appointment, Leo’s last shred of patience with me vanished. He perfunctorily kissed the back of my hand: “I have a business dinner, so I can’t stay for your surgery.” “Anyway, it’s not your first time, you know the drill. You got this, I’m sure you’ll be fine on your own.” Leo practically flew out the door, quickly slipping away. I clutched my stomach, swaying as I walked into the abortion room. The doctor pushed up her glasses, her gaze a mix of pity and contempt. “Your uterine wall is paper-thin. If you have another abortion, you really won’t be able to get pregnant again.” “If you don’t respect yourself, why should anyone else respect you?” My face flushed, too ashamed to meet the doctor’s eyes. Digging my nails into my palms, I forced myself to calmly tell the doctor: “Go ahead, I’ll take full responsibility for all consequences.” After signing the waiver, I stripped naked and was pushed into the operating room, utterly stripped of my dignity. A thick, long needle pierced my body without warning. The pain made me break out in a cold sweat, and I couldn't help but let out a soft whimper. Faintly, I heard the nurse’s dissatisfied grumbling: “This is her third time. Why act so fragile? Where was all this delicacy when she was having fun?” My consciousness began to fade. Along with the nurse's voice, I seemed to see three adorable babies, holding hands, vanishing completely from my life… When I woke up, the surgery was over. No surprises, no miracles. This time, I had completely lost my ability to conceive. I numbly stuffed the surgical report into my bag, not a trace of sadness on my face. This heart, which had beaten countless times for Leo, and ached countless times, was finally dead. “Leo, we—” Back home, I pushed open the door. Before I could even suggest divorce, I was choked by a strong smell of smoke. I coughed violently, tears streaming down my face. Inside, a group of people were playing Truth or Dare. Leo had promised me he’d never bring his drinking parties home.
“Oh, your belly’s flat! Leo, you’re a real man, you honored the bet and actually got rid of your own child!” Eve excitedly touched my stomach, dramatically giving Leo a thumbs-up. Leo glanced at Eve triumphantly: “A bet’s a bet. When have I ever cheated you?” To ease the awkward atmosphere, one of Leo’s friends pulled me down to sit, trying to smooth things over: “Rachel, you’re such a good sport!” “Rachel, it’s rare for us to get together with you. Why don’t you join us today?” Leo frowned, instinctively moving to decline the invitation for me, but I cut him off coldly: “Sure, I’ll play.” I really wanted to see what kind of thrilling game would make Leo abandon his own flesh and blood. My luck was terrible; Eve and I played rock-paper-scissors multiple times, and I lost every round. Leo, fearing Eve would propose an overly extreme dare, volunteered to drink three penalty shots in my place. He gulped down shot after shot, stiffening his neck as he swallowed: “Rachel just had a miscarriage, I’ll drink for her.” Amidst chants of ‘Leo really cares for Rachel,’ Eve’s face grew increasingly sour. Finally, after I lost another round of rock-paper-scissors, Eve impatiently cursed: “What’s the damn point if you keep drinking for her? Women are just so slow. How many times have I said no women at our guys’ gatherings!” Leo, tipsy, tried to appease Eve with a smile, but I spoke first: “I choose truth.” Eve’s eyes lit up, her complaints vanishing instantly, replaced by a glint of excitement. She sneered, raising an eyebrow at me, both contemptuous and playfully venomous: “Alright, then I’ll start asking.” “Rachel’s had three abortions, so she must have been examined by plenty of male doctors. Why don’t you tell us guys which male doctor had the ‘best bedside manner’ and made you ‘most comfortable’? Hahahaha!” I clutched the wine glass tightly, my heart seizing up. Those two previous children were a lifelong pain, a secret between Leo and me. How did Eve know? “Tsk, no wonder Leo doesn’t want to sleep with you. You’ve been ‘inspected down there’ by a bunch of men. What normal man wouldn’t find that dirty? Even I, a woman, find it disgusting.” Eve’s grating laughter was like a sharp knife, stabbing my heart over and over. I could no longer suppress my anger and grief. I picked up the wine glass and splashed it on Eve’s face. It wasn’t enough to vent my fury, so I added a slap: “It definitely feels best when I’m slapping you.” Eve, mortified and furious, covered her face, her eyes wide as she glared at me. The sudden outburst stunned everyone in the room. Realizing what had happened, Leo furiously grabbed the back of my neck. *Smack! Smack! Smack!* He slapped me repeatedly, left and right. “Rachel, are you f**king crazy? It’s just a game, what right do you have to lay a hand on Eve!” “If you can’t take a joke, then don’t play! Besides, Eve was just telling the truth…”
Leo’s eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of alcohol. He went over to Eve, carefully blowing on her swollen half-face, his eyes filled with undisguised tenderness. As if to spite me, Leo hooked an arm around Eve’s shoulders and said, loud enough for everyone to hear: “Eve, you wanted to know which doctor Rachel enjoyed the most, right?” “I’ll tell you. The answer is the one today.” “Because – Rachel has only had one proper abortion. The first two children she aborted herself!” The room erupted in a collective gasp. Eve gasped, covering her mouth, her grin so wide it almost reached her ears: “You’re not kidding me, are you? Rachel is crazy, she actually aborted herself!” “You’re so rich, why would she abort herself? Is she a psychopath, or just seeking thrills? She really knows how to play!” Eyes fell on me, some with shock, some with contempt. “She’s had three abortions, her uterus must be completely ruined. Do you think Rachel can still have kids?” “If she can’t, there’s always our Eve! Leo can have kids with Eve. Eve’s probably still a virgin. What can that slut compare to?” Eve bounced over to the man who spoke, playfully punching him twice: “Oh, stop it! Leo and I are just buddies, okay? No kids!” “But you’re right about one thing, I am pure…” Eve rarely showed such shyness. Leo ruffled her hair, smiling dotingly, and everyone else burst into laughter. Looking at their disgusting, laughing faces, I nearly threw up. Tears touched my swollen skin, sending waves of sharp, stinging pain through me. I shook my head frantically, trying to dislodge those painful memories. But memories, like a tidal wave, engulfed me. When I was eighteen, I got into college. The orphanage couldn’t pay my tuition, so I had to work at a auto repair shop. But the meager wages couldn’t cover my tuition and living expenses, and I started thinking about dropping out. Leo, who was also an apprentice at the repair shop, cornered me against a wall, his eyes red as he promised: “Keep studying, I’ll support you.” From then on, Leo repaired cars during the day, hauled bricks at night, and did manual labor late into the night. In the prime of his youth, he almost burned himself out for me. Every time we met, besides giving me money, he only told me to study hard, never once complaining. When he heard I was being bullied by classmates, Leo rushed into the school with a knife and stabbed himself three times in front of everyone, blood splattering everywhere. He said: “Anyone who dares to bully Rachel again, this is what happens. I’d even stab myself, what else wouldn’t I dare to do?” From then on, even the flies in the school avoided me. I grew up in an orphanage, starved for love since childhood. Meeting a man like that, it was truly hard not to fall in love. To cling to that bit of warmth, I was willing to give everything. In that thirty-dollar rundown motel, I confessed my feelings to Leo, clinging to him and trying again and again. Later, that became our regular spot. He was like a wild wolf, always fiercely breaking through the cheap condoms. Because of that, I got pregnant twice. Without money for a proper hospital, I had to find a way to abort myself. I blindly swallowed expired abortion pills, then deliberately tumbled down the stairs. Once wasn't enough, so twice, then three times. This method was incredibly cruel to both me and the baby. Leo hated himself for it. To avoid harming me again, he even underwent a vasectomy at a black market clinic, almost losing his ability to conceive altogether. He said he owed me for life. He would work twice as hard, pushing himself to the limit. He would make me happier than anyone else, ensuring I’d never live through such hardship again. Life did get better, but Leo’s heart changed. The lifelong pain I dared not touch had now become his talking point. As long as it made Eve smile, he didn’t mind stabbing me again and again in my most vulnerable spot. I furiously grabbed a wine bottle and smashed it over Leo’s head: “Game over.” “Get out, all of you, get out!” Leo’s friends tactfully dispersed, and Eve was reluctantly pulled away.
Leo was knocked unconscious by my blow and didn't wake up until noon the next day. He clutched his head in pain, dimly recalling what happened yesterday. Leo took my hand and hit his own face with it: “Honey, drunks don’t know what they’re doing.” “Slap me back, I promise I won’t fight back. As for the abortion thing… I’ll go clarify it for you right away. With me around, let’s see whose dead mouth dares to spread rumors.” Looking at Leo’s shameless demeanor, I calmly said: “Let’s get a divorce.” Leo smiled helplessly, his pinky finger lightly hooking my strands of hair. He thought I was just throwing a tantrum, wanting to be intimate with me and coax me into forgiving him, just like before. His phone rang. Leo glanced at the caller ID, quickly pulled his hand away, and answered. “Eve, what’s wrong?” “What else? I lost a dare. I tell you, I’m pretty unlucky this time, the punishment is to get a room with one of the guys, and we have to go all the way!” “They’re all laughing, saying I wouldn’t dare, but you know me, I always honor a bet! I choose you to get the room with.” Leo’s breathing hitched. He looked up, observing my expression, then quickly refused: “Don’t be reckless, you idiot. Just forfeit.” “You don’t want to? Humph, then I’ll find someone else~” Leo panicked, immediately agreeing without thinking: “Eve, I dare you! Send me the hotel location, I’ll be right there.” Leo anxiously slipped on his shoes, not even bothering to look at me: “Eve is naive and overly competitive. If I don’t go, she’ll definitely be taken advantage of by some other guy.” “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll go talk some sense into her, I’ll definitely convince her not to do it!” I followed Leo’s car, tailing him all the way to the hotel. Posing as his wife, I got a room key, then burst in, phone in hand. *Click! Click!* I captured both of them, faces flushed and stark naked. When she saw me taking pictures, Eve shrieked: “Rachel, delete those photos right now! Leo and I were just doing a Truth or Dare punishment. Can’t you be less petty?!” Leo, his face red, pulled the blanket to cover his lower body, stammering an explanation to me: “Eve is too stubborn, she insisted on completing the dare. I couldn’t help it…” “But don’t worry, I only see her as a buddy. This is a one-time thing, absolutely no next time.” “Listen, Rachel, delete the photos. Eve is still a girl, how will she ever get married if these get out?” I couldn't help but laugh. Caught red-handed in bed, and he's still calling them ‘good buddies.’ I calmly tucked my phone into my pocket. Seeing I was unmoved, Leo’s face gradually darkened. He pulled out his phone and started playing a blurry video. It was the video of me falling down the stairs to abort myself when I was eighteen. Leo had secretly kept this video on his phone, captioned ‘Lifelong Regret.’ Whenever he got too tired from working hard, he'd watch it once to motivate himself. Watching it always gave him the drive to keep going. Now, that former regret had become a bargaining chip to threaten me. “Rachel, if you dare to spread those photos, I’ll post this video online! Everyone will see your ugly state of secretly getting an abortion, how you killed your own flesh and blood!” Through my tears, I smiled calmly: “Don’t worry, I won’t spread it.” “I’m not here to fight the other woman, nor am I here to break up you two loving ‘besties’.” “I just want to keep some evidence. In court, it might help with our asset division.” With that, I turned and walked away without a trace of hesitation. In the empty, themed suite, Eve pouted, rolling her eyes as she asked: “Hey, is she really serious this time?” Leo instinctively shook his head: “No way! She’s an orphan, no family, no home. Where could she go without me?” “I’ll contact the hospital right away to arrange the next IVF. Rachel loves children so much, she’ll calm down immediately.” Leo called the hospital, but the nurse on the other end responded with confusion: “Don’t you know? After the last abortion surgery, Rachel completely lost her ability to conceive.”
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