I started dating a guy who was on a full-ride scholarship, the kind for students with serious financial need. A month after we made it official, he told me he’d unenrolled from the university’s financial aid program. I was stunned. "What about your living expenses next month?" My boyfriend, Ben, just grinned. "Well, there's you, right? Your family's loaded. Better to let someone who actually needs the spot have it." Right. So I wasn't here for a relationship. I was his new financial aid package. 1 "Babe, this omakase place has amazing reviews and the pictures look incredible. I'm taking you this weekend." I stared at the link Ben sent me, a little confused. I thought things were tight for his family. As far as I knew, he was still on a work-study program and received grants to cover his costs. Why was he suggesting a sushi place that was easily $200 a person? Was he trying to impress me on our first "real" date? "Honestly, those fancy sushi places are more for the Instagram post than the food," I texted back. "The taste is usually just okay. We don't have to spend that much. We could just grab burgers or tacos somewhere." "No way," he replied instantly. "This is our first official date since I won you over. We can't just do something 'whatever.' We're going. The reviews are great, it can't be bad." Hearing that, I dropped it. I'd actually been to that place a few times, and the food was genuinely good. I only suggested something else because I was worried about the price gap between us. "Okay, then. Should I meet you there, or are you picking me up?" "I'll come to your side of campus. Just call an Uber when it's time and I'll meet you by your dorm. I can't have my girl walking all that way to find me." I won't lie, that made me feel a little warm inside. Ben and I had only gotten together last week. We weren't even in the same college within the university. We met by chance during a university-wide business case competition. He was our team leader—focused, responsible, and a natural leader. Even though he didn't come from money, he worked harder than anyone. He led our team all the way to first place. During that time, he asked me out. I actually said no at first. But after his relentless, charming pursuit, I—a girl who had never even been on a date before—finally caved. That’s how we got together. No flowers, no grand romantic gesture. We were just in the student union food court, and for the tenth time, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Clara, I really like you. And whether you like me back or not, I'm not giving up." I looked into his sincere, intense eyes and finally nodded. "Okay," I said. "Let's give it a try." He broke into a huge grin and pulled me into a hug. And just like that, we were official. 2 Our dorms were on opposite ends of the campus. I was near the south gate, he was by the north. It’s a good fifteen-minute bike ride. The fact that he offered to come all the way to me… I thought, maybe this could really be nice. He seemed so thoughtful. The next day, I called an Uber Black right at our agreed-upon time. I watched the little car icon on my phone get closer and closer, but Ben was nowhere in sight. "How much longer?" I texted. "Almost there! Just got to the athletic fields!" "The fields? Ben, you need to hurry, the driver is almost here." "I'm walking, not biking." "What? We were supposed to meet at nine. It's 9:05, and you're still at the fields? On foot?" "Babe, just have the driver wait for a minute. I'll walk faster, I can be there in ten." "The driver charges extra for wait time, and it's an Uber Black, it’s not cool to make them wait forever. Can you just grab one of those electric scooters? You can still make it." "Ugh, those scooters are such a rip-off. It’s like, three dollars for a ten-minute ride!" I was getting annoyed but didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to call him out over three dollars? Or ask why he couldn't have just left his dorm fifteen minutes earlier? I closed my eyes and sighed. It was our first date. I didn't want to start a fight. I opened Venmo and sent him $5. "Just grab a scooter and get here." Ben accepted the payment instantly. "Thanks, sugar mama! Will work for food ;) (winking cat emoji)" I frowned at the message. It left a weird taste in my mouth, but I couldn't put my finger on why. Two minutes later, Ben on a scooter and my Uber arrived at the exact same time. I gave him a look. He was late, and I was still a little irritated. 3 Then, he pulled a bagel out of his jacket pocket. "Babe, you were up so early, I bet you haven't eaten. Here, I got this for you." Seeing him carefully present the still-warm bagel, my annoyance melted away. I took it and had a bite. "It's good, right?" he said, beaming. "I got you an everything bagel with cream cheese. They're like, three bucks each." Okay. So he wouldn't spend three dollars on a scooter to be on time, but he'd spend three dollars on a bagel for me. Seeing that he was at least thoughtful, I decided to let it go. "Babe, why'd you get an Uber Black?" he asked as we got in the car. "They're so much more expensive than a regular one. You could've saved that money for something else later." "They're cleaner and more comfortable," I said simply. "Wow. My first time in an Uber Black is because of you. What did I ever do to deserve a girlfriend like you?" I just smiled and didn't answer. 4 We had some time before our reservation, so we decided to stop by a Whole Foods nearby. I grabbed a cart and started tossing in my usual snacks. I also got a huge container of pre-cut watermelon. Ben's eyes went wide as he looked at my overflowing cart. "Babe, what's your monthly allowance? You're buying so much stuff." I thought for a second. "My mom gives me two thousand, and my dad usually slips me another grand. And I have a separate card for clothes and stuff." "Whoa, you really are a sugar mama," he said. "My parents send me two hundred bucks a month, and I make another two hundred from my work-study job. You get like, ten times what I do." Hearing that, I felt a pang of guilt. "Hey, maybe we should just get some spicy noodles instead? I know a great place that's super cheap and really good." But he just waved his hand dismissively. "What's the fun in that? I've never had real omakase before. Our first official date has to be special." Since he was so insistent, I gave in. I figured I could just help him out a bit more with his expenses once we were back at school. Plus, his birthday was coming up. I could get him a really nice gift. I noticed that after a full lap of the store, he hadn't picked out anything for himself. "Aren't you getting anything?" I asked. "Me? Oh, okay. Thanks, babe!" Thanks for what? I quickly found out. 5 Ben went into what I can only describe as "supermarket sweep" mode. Instant ramen, energy drinks, snacks, fruit—he was throwing things into the cart like they were free. "Okay, let's go," he finally said. "It's almost time for our reservation. Let's check out." I nodded and followed him to the register. "Is this all together?" the cashier asked. I was about to say we should split it, but Ben spoke first. "Yep, all together! Can we get two large bags, please?" "That'll be $386.50. Who's paying?" I glanced at Ben, who was busy bagging the groceries. I sighed. "I'll get it." "Would you like delivery?" the cashier asked. "Yes, plea—" "No, no, we're good!" Ben cut me off. "We can carry it." He immediately hoisted the two massive bags. I tugged on his sleeve, confused. "Why not get it delivered?" "Delivery costs extra, dude! And they only bring it to the campus gate. It's better if you just Venmo me the delivery fee and I'll carry it straight to your dorm room for you." I just stared at him. Fine. If he wanted to carry it, let him. We were taking an Uber back anyway, it wouldn't be that bad. "Let's just go eat," I said. Because of the heavy bagel I'd had earlier, I wasn't that hungry. And since he was the one who insisted on this place, I figured if I ordered less, the bill wouldn't be as bad for him. So I just picked three small things. "Babe, is that all you're getting? Is that enough?" "I'm not super hungry, it's fine." "Are you trying to lose weight? You're already so skinny, you don't need to. You have to eat more. I won't mind if you gain a little weight." I took a sip of water, not wanting to get into it. Then I watched as Ben started ordering. Toro, uni, wagyu beef, oysters… he was ordering like someone else was paying for it. I frowned and put a hand on his arm to stop him. "Don't order so much. We won't be able to finish it." He just patted his chest. "Don't worry, I have a huge appetite. Nothing will go to waste." He kept ordering. I just shrugged. Whatever. As long as he was happy. 6 My dishes came out first. I had ordered a small appetizer, a sushi plate, and a dessert. I had just picked up my fork to try the appetizer when Ben leaned over and scooped half of it onto his plate. "Mmm… it's okay. Not as good as I expected." I silently pulled the remaining half of my appetizer and my dessert closer to me. We were still in the early stages of dating; I wasn't ready to share saliva yet. Then he started on my sushi plate. He didn't finish a single piece. He just took one bite out of each one. "I'm just testing them for you," he said, chewing loudly. "They're all different flavors." He kept chewing. "Okay, this one's good. I only took a little bite, you can have the rest. This one's mediocre, don't eat it, I'll finish it for you." I watched this horror show, my brows furrowed so deep you could lose a coin in them. "You know what," I said, "you can just have it all. I'm not really in the mood for rice anymore. I'll just order something else." "See, this is what I'm talking about. You order food and then you don't eat it. If I wasn't here, it would all go to waste. A boyfriend's job is basically to be a human garbage disposal. You can't be this wasteful when I'm not around. Or, you could just pack up your leftovers for me." He was still talking while eating my sushi. A single grain of rice flew out of his mouth and landed in my appetizer. I felt my stomach turn. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing. I just need to use the restroom." 7 I stayed in the bathroom for a while, texting my best friend a play-by-play of the disaster date. I wasn't even sure what I was complaining about, but the whole day just felt… off. When I came back, the table in front of Ben was a war zone of empty plates. I sat down and just watched him eat. "Why aren't you eating?" he asked. "Not enough? Here, have some of mine, I ordered a ton." I quickly shook my head. "No, you eat. I'm really not hungry." He nodded and went back to chewing, still talking with his mouth full. "I thought food this expensive would be mind-blowing, but it's just… whatever." "You really need to eat more. You can't just starve yourself to be skinny, you'll ruin your health. It's not worth it." "Look at you. You ordered three things and you only had one bite of that appetizer. If I wasn't here, it would all be wasted. That's not a good habit, you know. My mom always told me food is precious and we can't waste it. You should be grateful to have me." "Haha, you're right," I said, trying to subtly lean away from him so he wouldn't spray food on me. Finally, after another ten agonizing minutes, he was done. "Okay, let's pay and head back to campus." "Sounds good," I said. "You go ahead and get the check, I'm just going to use the restroom." He stood up. "Waiter, check please!" he called out, and then headed for the bathroom. The waiter came over. "Hello, your total is $450.78. How will you be paying?" Even with my complete lack of dating experience, I knew something was very wrong. Who goes on a date and then conveniently has to go to the bathroom the second the bill arrives? I had just spent over three hundred dollars at the grocery store, and this meal, of which I’d had exactly one bite, was even more. I thought about it and got angry. I had told him we could go somewhere cheaper. He was the one who insisted on coming here. And he had the nerve to pull this stunt after I paid for all his groceries. No way was I paying for this meal. A text from Ben popped up on my phone: "My stomach's a mess, might be in here for a while. You can just wait for me at a coffee shop or something." I didn't reply. I turned to the waiter. "Actually, I'm still hungry. Could you move me to a different table? I'd like to order some more things, and then you can bring one check for everything." "Of course," the waiter said. I thought for a second. "You know what, on second thought, can I just get it to go?" I ordered a bunch of my favorite dishes. By the time the waiter brought out the takeout bags, the Uber I’d called for campus delivery was pulling up. "Can you take these bags of food and those two grocery bags to the south campus gate? A campus delivery driver will meet you there." "You got it," the driver said. With everything settled, I clapped my hands together and turned to leave. The waiter hurried over to stop me. "Ma'am, with the takeout order, the new total is $631.24. Uh…" I raised an eyebrow. "The gentleman I was with is paying. He's in the restroom." I then yelled toward the bathroom. "Ben, I'm thirsty, I'm gonna go grab a coffee!" A voice immediately called back from inside. "Go ahead, babe! I'll be right out!" I looked at the waiter. He nodded. "Right this way, ma'am." And I walked out.
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