I started dating a student from a poor family. A month after we became a couple, he told me he had cancelled his poverty assistance. "Then how are you going to get your living expenses next month?" "Isn't that what I'm looking for? You're so rich anyway, let's give this spot to someone who needs it more." Ha, so I wasn't here to date, I was here to help the poor. 1 “Babe, this new sushi place has insane ratings on Yelp, and the aesthetic is perfect for your Insta. I’m taking you this weekend.” I stared at the link my new boyfriend, Alex, had just sent me. A little confused. Wasn’t his family struggling? I knew for a fact he was on a full-ride scholarship that barely covered his living expenses. Why was he suggesting a place where the Omakase started at $200 a person? Maybe he just wants our first real date to be special, I thought. Doesn’t want to seem cheap. “It looks cute,” I typed back, “but honestly, places like that are more for the pictures than the food. We don’t have to go somewhere so expensive. I’m totally down for just getting some tacos or a pizza.” His reply was instant. “No way. This is our first official date since I finally landed you. It’s gotta be special. Plus, the reviews are amazing. It’ll be good, I promise.” Okay, fine. I’d actually been there a couple of times. The food was legitimately good. I was just trying to be considerate of his budget. “Alright,” I replied. “So, are you coming to my dorm, or should I meet you there?” “I’ll come to you. You just call the Uber when it’s time. I can’t have my girl trekking all the way across campus to see me.” A little flutter went through my chest. That was sweet. Alex and I had just made it official last week. We’re in different schools within the university, but we met at a startup competition. He was our team lead. Super dedicated, totally responsible. He didn’t have much, but he was a hustler. His leadership skills were off the charts, and he led our team all the way to first place. Somewhere between all the late-night brainstorming sessions, he asked me out. I said no at first. But he was persistent. And me, a girl who’s been single since, well, forever, eventually caved. There were no flowers, no grand romantic gesture. We were in the campus dining hall. It was the tenth time he’d told me, “Hailey, I really like you. And I’m not giving up.” I looked into his earnest brown eyes and finally sighed. “Okay. Let’s… give it a try?” He whooped and pulled me into a hug right there in front of the salad bar. And that was that. We were a couple. 2 Our dorms were on opposite ends of campus. I was in the South Quad, he was all the way up in North. It was a good fifteen-minute bike ride. So him offering to come all the way to me? It felt nice. Like he was making a real effort. The next day, I called the Uber a few minutes before our agreed-upon time. I watched the little car on the map get closer and closer, but there was no sign of Alex. “Where are you?” I texted. “Almost there! Just passing the football stadium.” “The stadium? The driver is almost here. You’d better bike fast.” “Oh, I’m walking.” “What? We were supposed to meet at nine. It’s 9:05, and you’re still at the stadium? Walking?” “Babe, just tell the driver to wait, it’s fine. I’ll run. Ten minutes, tops.” “Alex, they charge extra for wait time, and I ordered an Uber Black. It’s not cool to make the driver wait. Just grab one of those campus scooters, you’ll make it.” “Ugh, those things are such a rip-off. It’s like, a dollar-fifty for ten minutes!” I felt a flash of annoyance. How was I supposed to respond to that? Tell him he couldn’t afford $1.50? Ask him why he didn’t just leave ten minutes earlier? I took a deep breath. First date. Don’t make it weird. I Venmo’d him $15. “Just get a scooter over here.” The money was accepted instantly. “Thx sugar mama ;) Let me be your boy toy [cat with heart eyes emoji]” I frowned at the message. It left a weird, sour taste in my mouth, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. Two minutes later, Alex on a scooter and the sleek black SUV pulled up at the exact same time. I gave him a look. I was still a little pissed about him being late. 3 Then he did something that melted me, just a little. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a slightly squashed breakfast taco. “I know you probably didn’t have time for breakfast,” he said, holding it out. “I brought you this.” The annoyance from a moment ago vanished. I took the taco. It was still warm. “See? Good, right?” he beamed. “It’s the bacon, egg, and cheese. Two bucks each.” Okay. So maybe he was cheap about the $1.50 scooter, but he’d spent two dollars on a taco for me. I decided to let the lateness slide. “Why’d you get an Uber Black, though?” he asked as we got in the car. “It’s like, three times the price of a regular one. We could’ve used that money for something else.” “I just prefer it. They’re cleaner and more comfortable.” “Wow,” he said, sinking into the leather seat. “My first time in one of these. Guess I’m getting a taste of the good life with you.” I just smiled and didn’t answer. 4 We had some time to kill before our reservation, so we decided to pop into a Whole Foods. I started grabbing my usual stuff—some snacks I liked, a big container of pre-cut watermelon. Alex’s eyes were wide as he watched me fill the cart. “Babe, what’s your monthly allowance? You’re buying a lot.” I thought for a second. “Well, my mom gives me four thousand, and then my dad usually slips me another two. And my clothing budget is separate.” “Whoa,” he whistled. “You really are a sugar mama. My parents give me four hundred a month, and I get another four hundred from my scholarship. You get ten times what I do.” Hearing him lay it out like that made me feel a little awkward. “Hey, you know what?” I said. “We could just go to that new ramen place I was telling you about. It’s super good and way cheaper.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Nah. Ramen’s whatever. I’ve never had real, high-end sushi before. Our first date has to be memorable.” If he was so insistent, who was I to argue? I made a mental note to discreetly help him out with his expenses back on campus. Plus, his birthday was coming up. I could get him a really nice gift. I noticed he hadn’t put a single thing in the cart for himself. “Aren’t you getting anything?” I asked. “Me? Oh, okay. Well, thank you, sugar mama.” Huh? Thank me for what? I was about to find out. 5 It was like a switch flipped. Alex went into what I can only describe as a supermarket sweep mode. Protein bars, Red Bull, instant noodles, bags of chips, fancy imported fruit—he was tossing things into the cart like it was the apocalypse and this was the last grocery store on Earth. “Okay, let’s go,” he said finally, looking pleased with his haul. “Time for sushi.” At the checkout, the cashier asked, “All together?” I was about to say separate, but Alex beat me to it. “Yep, all together. Can we get two of the big reusable bags, please?” “That’ll be $286.50,” the cashier said. I glanced over at Alex, who was busily bagging up his groceries. I sighed. “I’ve got it.” “Would you like delivery?” “Yes, please,” I said. “Oh, no, no, we can carry it,” Alex said quickly. I tugged on his sleeve, confused. “Why not just have it delivered?” “It costs extra,” he said, hoisting the two heavy bags. “Besides, they only deliver to the campus mailroom. You can just give me the delivery fee, and I’ll carry it straight to your dorm room for you.” I just… laughed. It was easier than arguing. We could take an Uber back; it wouldn’t be that bad. At the restaurant, I wasn't that hungry after the greasy breakfast taco. Plus, I figured if I ordered light, it would be less of a hit to his wallet. I ordered a small appetizer and a couple of pieces of nigiri. “Is that all you’re getting?” Alex asked, looking concerned. “Are you on a diet? You’re already so skinny. You don’t need to lose weight. I’ll still like you even if you gain a few pounds.” I took a sip of water, not wanting to get into it. Then I watched as Alex proceeded to order half the menu. Toro, uni, wagyu beef, caviar. It was a spectacle. I put a hand on his arm. “Don’t order so much. We’ll never finish it all.” He puffed out his chest. “Don’t worry. I have a big appetite. Nothing will go to waste.” And he kept ordering. I just shrugged. His money, his choice. 6 My appetizer, a delicate pumpkin panna cotta, arrived first. Before I could even pick up my spoon, Alex had dug his own spoon in and taken a huge bite. “Eh, it’s okay,” he said, chewing with his mouth open. “Not as good as I expected.” I silently pulled the rest of my appetizer closer to me. We were still new. I wasn’t ready for the shared-saliva stage of the relationship. Next, he attacked the sushi platter I’d ordered for myself. He didn’t even finish a single piece. He’d take one bite of each, then move on to the next. “Just taste-testing for you,” he explained. “They’re all different.” He chomped down on a piece of tuna. “Mmm, this one’s good. I only took a little bite, you can have the rest.” A piece of rice flew out of his mouth and landed on my panna cotta. I felt my stomach turn. “You know what?” I said, pushing the plate away. “I’m not really feeling rice right now. You can have it. I’ll just order something else.” “See, this is what I’m talking about. You order food and don’t eat it. Good thing I’m here, or it would all go to waste. A boyfriend is basically a human garbage disposal. But you shouldn’t be so wasteful when I’m not around. Or you could just pack it up and bring it back for me.” He kept talking, and eating, and occasionally spraying food particles in my direction. “How are you?” he asked, seeing my expression. “Fine,” I mumbled. “Just going to the restroom.” 7 I hid in the bathroom for a solid ten minutes, texting my best friend a long, incoherent rant about everything that was wrong with the date. When I came back out, the table looked like a war zone. I just sat there and watched him eat. “You should eat something,” he said, gesturing with a piece of shrimp tempura. “Here, have some of mine.” I shook my head. “I’m good. Not hungry.” He shrugged and continued his monologue. “You know, for how expensive this place is, it’s really not that special… You really shouldn’t skip meals like this, it’s bad for you… Look at all this food you ordered that you didn’t even touch. You really need to thank me for being here to finish it.” “You’re right,” I said, my voice flat, inching my chair away from the splash zone. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he was done. “Alright, let’s pay and head back,” he said, standing up. “Sounds good,” I replied. “You go ahead, I just need to use the restroom again.” “Waiter!” he called out, flagging someone down. “Check, please!” Then he turned and headed for the men’s room. A server appeared at my table. “Your total is $562. How would you like to pay?” Even for a relationship newbie like me, the red flags were now a full-blown marching band parade. Who goes to the bathroom the exact moment the check arrives? And the grocery bill… I did a quick mental calculation. My stuff was probably only about a hundred bucks. This meal, I’d had exactly one bite of. I was so stupid. I’d told him we could go somewhere cheaper. Just then, my phone buzzed. A text from Alex. “My stomach is killing me. Might be a while. You can just wait for me at a boba shop or something.” I didn’t reply. I turned to the server. “Actually, I’m still hungry. Can I get a new table and order some more food? And then you can just add it all to the same check.” “Of course,” she said. I thought for a moment. “On second thought, can I just make it a to-go order?” I ordered all my favorite dishes. By the time the server brought out the neatly packed bags, the Postmates driver I’d summoned was waiting outside. “Can you take all of this, plus those two grocery bags, to this address?” I said, handing him everything. “No problem,” he said. As I was about to walk out, the server stopped me. “Ma’am, with the new order, your total is now $831.” I smiled sweetly. “The gentleman I was with is paying. He’s in the restroom.” I walked toward the bathroom and called out, loud enough for him to hear. “Alex! I’m thirsty, I’m gonna go grab a boba tea!” His voice came back, muffled. “Okay, babe! I’ll be out in a minute!” I gave the server a little wave. She nodded, understanding perfectly. “Right this way, ma’am.” And she escorted me to the door.
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