He dumped me again, all because I couldn't get him the limited-edition sneakers he wanted for his birthday. "Not enough cash? Why didn't you just pick up a few extra shifts? Don't make excuses for being lazy!" "Is this cheap crap all you think I'm worth?" "You never really cared about my birthday, did you?" "We're done!" He took a pair of scissors and shredded the sneakers I'd spent three months working three part-time jobs for, sleeping only four hours a night. Then he threw the mangled pieces at me. The flying laces whipped across my face, leaving a stinging, hot welt. A wave of exhaustion, deeper than anything I'd ever felt, washed over me. "Fine," I said. "We're done." And just like that, the comments popped into my vision again, scrolling across the air like a live feed only I could see. `OMG, babe, don't break up with him! You're his whole world! Look at him, he's totally falling apart just hearing you say that!` `He's just deeply insecure!!! He needs you to prove you love him through your actions! I bet you anything he's gonna sneak back later and pick up those shredded shoes and treasure them forever!` `Yeah, he threw them at you, but trust me, his heart is bleeding. The pain he feels inside is a million times worse than the sting on your cheek!` 1 Right. He was always so insecure. That's why he had to test me, over and over, just to prove to himself that my love was real. He loved watching me sacrifice for him. My family isn't wealthy. To afford those sneakers he "had to have," I was either in class, at a job, or on my way to another job. Four hours of sleep was a luxury. The moment my eyes opened, it was time to work again. I was so tired I felt like I could fall asleep standing up. To save every penny, I lived on practically nothing. A cheap granola bar for breakfast. For lunch, I'd get a cup of instant ramen from the campus store and use the free hot water from the dining hall. I couldn't even bring myself to splurge on a ten-dollar jar of peanut butter to make the ramen taste less like cardboard. Asher would sit across from me in the bustling dining hall, his tray loaded with a gourmet burger from the grill, a side of sweet potato fries, and a vibrant kale salad. He'd even have a fancy bottled iced tea. The first time he saw me slurping my bland, watery noodles, he frowned. "God, why are you eating like you're homeless?" But then a slow, pleased smile spread across his face as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Actually, this is good. Girls look better when they're thin anyway. Keep it up." I thought he'd at least show a little pity. But hearing that, a chill went down my spine. That's when the comments first appeared. `Don't be sad, sweetie! He's hurting for you on the inside! He's just addicted to the feeling of being loved and sacrificed for.` `Don't blame him! He never had any love growing up, so he's forcing himself to watch you suffer just to feel your love a little longer. You have no idea how hard this is for him. Aww, my poor baby, I just want to give him a hug.` So, during lunch, Asher would meticulously eat his three-course meal while watching me, with a look of pure contentment, choke down my ramen. The savory smell of his burger drifted over, making my mouth water uncontrollably. I'd have to swallow hard to keep from drooling. He never offered me a single fry. `OMG, I'm living for this!!! The angst! His girl is eating ramen every day just to save up for his birthday gift. Who's shipping this as hard as I am?!` 2 There was another time. I worked late every night, coming home to the small off-campus apartment we shared. To save on bus fare, I got a cheap monthly pass for the city's bike-share program. Rain or shine, I was on that bike. One night, my shift didn't end until 2 AM. I was dragging myself home, completely exhausted. I was so tired, I felt like I could literally fall asleep while pedaling. And then, I did. One moment I was yawning, the next, I was flying over the handlebars and into a ditch on the side of the road. I was a mess of scrapes, bruises, and torn clothes. A couple of drivers saw it happen and pulled over. They were horrified and called 911 for me. While we waited for the ambulance, they kept me calm. "Hey, kiddo, you okay? My God, what are you doing out on a bike this late? It's not safe for a young woman to be out alone." It hit me then that I was usually terrified of the dark. The first night I had to bike home that late, with only the occasional car and my own shadow for company, I was shaking. But the thought of getting Asher that gift had somehow pushed the fear away. When I tried to get up, they stopped me. "Don't move, don't move! You could have a fracture. Just wait for the paramedics." "You look like you're just a college kid," one of the women said kindly. "Should we call your parents?" The kindness of these strangers made my eyes well up. But when Asher finally arrived at the hospital and saw me, patched up with gauze and antiseptic cream, a flicker of concern crossed his face before it was replaced by pure anger. He lit into me immediately. "Can you stop causing trouble for one second? Is that all you know how to do, make my life harder?" "Do you have any idea that I have a midterm tomorrow? If I fail because of this, are you going to take responsibility?" "If you can't handle the job, then just quit!" Strangers gave me comfort. My boyfriend gave me blame. The unfairness of it all was overwhelming, and tears started streaming down my face. And then, the comments were back. `Don't cry, baby girl! He's just saying the opposite of what he means! He's super worried about you! Using the exam is just an excuse because he's so scared for you. In his heart, you're more important than any test!` `That's just how guys like him are, all tough talk and a soft heart. The meaner he sounds, the more he cares! It's a fact!` `You don't even know, babe. Every night you come home late, he stays awake, waiting. He can't sleep until he knows you're home safe. When you see him 'sleeping,' he's just pretending so you don't feel bad.` `He loves you so, so much. He just doesn't know how to show it.` But I really didn't get it. If he was so worried about me biking home alone, why didn't he ever offer to pick me up? And if I was the person he loved most in the world, why did he get so much pleasure from seeing me suffer for him, as if my pain was the ultimate proof of my love? 3 After the breakup, I moved back into my dorm. I never wanted to move in with him in the first place. When I'd initially hesitated... His face had darkened, his lips thinning into a hard line. "Why not? You don't want to be with me every day?" I tried to explain. "No, it's not that, I just think it's... not a good idea right now." "So being with me is a 'bad idea'? Fine. If that's how you feel, let's just break up." He just stood there, his fists clenched, his face pale, looking like he might shatter into a million pieces. I remembered when we first started dating. He'd held me tight and told me about his past. "When I was a kid, my mom had an affair. She divorced my dad to be with the other guy, and she didn't want me." "My dad, he saw her in me. It soured things. Then he remarried, had other kids. His new wife hated me, which just made him hate me more." "I've never really been loved," he'd whispered. "So I'm insecure, I'm awkward, I'm sensitive. I don't know how to love someone properly. If we fight, I might say things I don't mean. I hope you can be patient with me then. Just... be the one to make up with me. I'm easy to win over, I promise." Back then, my heart ached for him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, looked him straight in the eye, and said with all the sincerity I had, "It's okay. No one loved you before, but I'm here to love you now." Slowly, he got used to being loved. But he never learned how to love back. The days without Asher felt… light. Unbelievably light. No more juggling school and three jobs. I could sleep a full eight hours. I could focus on my studies, hang out with my roommates, go to the mall. The only downside was how often I ran into Asher and his crew on campus. And the fact that seeing him still sent a pang through my chest. I'd remember the way he'd tilt his umbrella over me in the rain, or the time I woke up from a nap in the library with his jacket draped over my shoulders... 4 One afternoon, his friend Leo called me, his voice frantic. "Summer! Asher wrecked his bike! We're at the bottom of the canyon roads, you need to get here now!" He hung up before I could ask anything. I knew Asher loved his custom motorcycle. I also knew he loved the adrenaline rush of racing people on dangerous roads. My mind instantly flooded with images of him, bleeding out on the asphalt. The string of logic in my brain just snapped. I ran out, desperate to get to the canyons. On my way, I was so frantic I almost got hit by a car. The bumper was inches from me—inches from death. The driver laid on the horn and cursed at me. I'd fallen, and the rough pavement scraped my hands and knees raw, embedding bits of gravel into my skin. The sting was sharp, but I barely felt it. I just picked myself up, mumbled an apology to the driver, and flagged down a cab. When I finally got there, I realized I was a complete joke. Asher was standing there without a scratch on him. His friend Leo was smirking. "See? Told you. The second she hears you're hurt, she comes running." "Whoa, looks like you took a tumble on your way here. See, Asher? I told you she's not over you." Asher's eyes drifted to the bloody scrapes on my knees. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards—his telltale sign of a good mood. Leo nudged me. "Look, since you obviously still love him, just apologize and get back together. Stop playing games before you lose him for good." "Asher's a hot commodity," another guy chimed in. "If you keep up this drama, some other girl is gonna snatch him up." The comments were going crazy. `Babe, just apologize to him! You know his pride will never let him do it first. You have no idea how that psycho Diana has been all over him since you two broke up.` My eyes instinctively flicked to Diana, who was standing next to Asher. His childhood friend. It was common knowledge in their circle that she'd asked him out 99 times and been rejected every single time. Her 100th attempt was cut short because Asher and I had just started dating. The deafening roar of a motorcycle engine cut through the tension. I noticed another group of guys there, a rival crew. The leader, a guy with streaks of electric blue in his hair, looked at us impatiently. "Asher, you done with your little soap opera? I don't have all day. We racing or what?" But as his eyes scanned the crowd, they landed on me, his gaze aggressive and unsettling. Asher snapped back to the moment, swinging a long leg over a sleek, powerful-looking bike. "Let's go!" The blue-haired guy's eyes glinted with malice. "How 'bout we make this interesting? That your girl?" He jerked his chin at me. "For this race, we each take a passenger. You take your girlfriend, I'll take mine. If I win…" he pointed a finger at me, a sleazy grin spreading across his face, "...your girl spends the night with me." He shrugged. "Of course, if you're too scared to play, just say so." Without a moment's hesitation, Asher agreed, his voice dripping with arrogant confidence. "You're on. Let's see you try." He turned to me, his eyes shining. "Trust me," he said. "I won't lose." My blood ran cold. It took me a long moment to find my voice. When I did, it was firm. "I'm not doing it." The comments exploded. `Summer, what are you doing?! He's definitely going to win! How can you not trust him? Ugh, now you're just gonna hurt his feelings.` `If you don't go, you know that snake Diana will! He loves YOU, how can you reject him like this?!` `No trust at all! She doesn't deserve his love! Get lost, you idiot!` I could only laugh bitterly. He loves me? So he uses me as a bargaining chip in a race? Isn't the foundation of love supposed to be respect? He wasn't even treating me like a person, just an object to be won or lost. Did he even stop to think about what would happen to me if he lost? Asher's face clouded over. Diana immediately seized the opportunity, shooting me a triumphant look. "She won't? I will! Asher, I trust you completely!" Asher shot me one last, cold glare. "Don't regret this." The prize had been swapped. The blue-haired guy looked Diana up and down, looking less than thrilled. Asher's tone was sharp. "We playing or not? If not, get lost." The guy reluctantly agreed. The second before the race started, Asher looked at me one last time, his eyes full of disappointment. Then, with a thundering roar of engines, they were off. The bikes tore down the winding, treacherous canyon road. Two hundred kilometers an hour, weaving through hairpin turns. The others were watching, thrilled by the danger. I had no desire to see the rest. As I turned to leave, Leo blocked my path. "Where are you going?" he sneered. "Don't tell me you're leaving now." He feigned a look of realization. "Oh, I get it. First, you refuse to ride with him. Now you're jealous seeing Diana's arms wrapped around his waist while they race together? You can't have it both ways, you know." I looked coldly at the arm barring my way. "Move." He just shrugged. "I'll move when Asher's race is over." I nodded slowly. "Okay. You won't move." 5 I pulled out my phone and aimed the camera at Asher's speeding motorcycle. Leo watched me, confused. "What, you gonna tattle on him?" He scoffed. "Oh, I see. You're filming Diana hugging him so you can hold it over his head later. You women are so petty." Seeing that I wasn't trying to leave anymore, he turned his attention back to the race. A few minutes later, Asher screeched back to the starting line, having left his opponent in the dust, executing a perfect, stylish drift. His friends erupted in cheers. Diana clung to him, her face flushed with excitement. "Asher!!! We won!" Over the whoops and hollers, her voice was piercingly loud. "As my prize for winning, can I get a kiss?" "Kiss her! Kiss her!" the crowd chanted. "Kiss her!" Amidst all the chanting, Asher looked directly at me. Then, without hesitation, he lowered his head, tilted Diana's chin up, and kissed her deeply. Diana threw her arms around his neck, kissing him back passionately. It was a hot, messy kiss, and I could have sworn I saw a string of saliva connecting their lips when they finally broke apart. The comments practically leaped off my screen, trying to shield my eyes. `Babe, don't look! It's not real! I swear he has zero feelings for Diana, he's just trying to make you jealous! You're the one he loves!` `You can't really blame him. Diana did help him win. It would have been super embarrassing for her if he rejected her in front of everyone. You have to see it from his side, too.` Seeing him kiss another girl did hurt. A little. A tight, prickly pain in my chest. But mostly, it was clarifying. A man who would kiss another woman right in front of my face, just to spite me? I didn't want him. If he was willing to do this just to make me angry, what would he do if he got even angrier? Sleep with someone else to teach me a lesson? The thought made me sick to my stomach. We were out in the middle of nowhere, miles from campus. Getting a ride-share out here would be nearly impossible. As if to punish me, Leo said, "Hey, Summer, since you don't like motorcycles, looks like we can't give you a ride. Guess you'll have to walk back. Or, hey, if you're not scared anymore, you could ask Asher if he'll take you." Asher's voice was ice. "I won't." Leo grinned. "Well, that's too bad. It's a two, maybe three-hour walk. Good luck." Suddenly, a new voice cut in. "That's alright. She can get a ride with us." Leo whipped his head around, annoyed. "Who the hell are—" He stopped short when he saw several state troopers in their reflective vests walking toward them. "Illegal modification of vehicles, reckless driving, and illegal street racing," the lead trooper said calmly. "You're all coming down to the station." Leo's eyes widened in realization. "Summer! You called them, didn't you! You little—" "You little what?" the trooper interrupted, stepping in front of Leo. "Still trying to threaten people right in front of me? You think I'm invisible?" Leo clammed up immediately. In the end, some of them were detained, and everyone got a hefty fine. I just gave a witness statement and was allowed to leave. Asher was one of the ones they held overnight. The comments were heartbroken. `The heroine is so cruel! She actually got the hero thrown in jail!` `And the idiot is still happy about it! He thinks she only reported him because she was jealous of him and Diana. My poor, poor boy.`
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