At dinner, my husband suddenly asked me, "What would you do if I met someone... better than you?" I was quiet for a moment. "Then you should be with her. We can get a divorce." What he didn't know was that I had already seen him. I had already watched him frantically comfort that other girl, her eyes red from crying. I had already heard him say, "Don't cry. I'll give you a future." 1 He put his fork down, his face suddenly pale. He struggled to produce a laugh. "Tessa, I was just kidding." It wasn't a joke. I knew. I had lived in the warmth of his love for eight years. I knew what it looked like. And I knew that what he felt for that girl was real. Earlier that day, at the hospital, the doctor's bored expression softened when he read my chart. He leaned in. "Don't be scared. It's not late-stage. With aggressive treatment, this is manageable." I was walking out with the diagnosis in my hand when I saw them. My husband, Liam. His arm was bandaged. The girl was looking at it, her eyes filling with tears. "Why did I meet you so late?" she whispered. "I don't even have the right to take care of you." Liam looked frantic. "Annie, don't cry..." He reached for her, and blood seeped through his new bandage. "Don't cry," he said. "I'll give you a future." The words hung in the air. He froze, as if he'd surprised himself. But the girl believed him. She looked up, her nose red. "Really?" Liam just frowned, and said nothing. I didn't stay to watch the rest. I know Liam. As long as we were married, he wouldn't physically cheat. But his heart? I can't control his heart. I was two months pregnant. He made me give blood to his childhood sweetheart. Because I was already anemic, I refused, my eyes red. But his friends all ganged up on me. ["Annie's in surgery, Tessa! You're the only one with her blood type! What's the big deal? It's just a little blood!"] They grabbed me. They physically dragged me into the room. Liam looked away, a flicker of guilt in his eyes. But he still held the door. ["It's just blood, Tess. The baby will be fine."] I stopped struggling. A single tear slid down my temple. After the transfusion, I dragged my weak body to the OB/GYN floor and scheduled an abortion. 2 I spent three days in the hospital, alone. Liam, I knew, was at Annie's bedside, doting on her. My stomach was empty. But it was my heart that ached. When I was discharged, I ran right into them. Liam, Annie, and their whole group of friends. I was carrying my single, small backpack. Annie was being held up by Liam, as if she might break. When he saw me, Liam froze. "Tessa? You're still here?" "I'm fine," I said. I couldn't tell him. I just started walking. "We'll go together." He grabbed my arm, his voice firm. At the car, Annie slipped past him and got into the front passenger seat. She looked at me, her big, innocent eyes pleading. "Tessa, I just had surgery. I get really carsick. Do you mind?" I wasn't going to fight. I opened the back door. But Liam's friends—Ben, Josh, and Mike—all piled in, three grown men squeezing into the backseat, leaving no room. They stared at me, their expressions hostile. "Sorry, 'Mrs. L,'" Ben said, not sounding sorry at all. "Annie's still really weak. We're all gonna crash at your place for a bit, make sure she's okay." I looked at Liam. He was staring straight ahead, his jaw tight. He said nothing. I almost laughed. The sound of the cicadas was deafening. Why was I still expecting anything from this man? His friends had always hated me. In their story, I was the villain. I was the bitch who had trapped their golden boy, Liam, and kept him from his "true love," Annie. When they were at our house, they treated me like the help. And Liam... Liam never said a word. Even after I gave my blood for her. My blood, while I was carrying his child. Not one "thank you." Just: ["You're lucky you got to help."] I shut the car door. "It's fine," I said. "I'll find my own way." It was rush hour. I couldn't get a cab. It was the peak of a Denver summer. Ninety-eight degrees. I had just had an abortion. I walked home. It took an hour. The moment I opened the door, the accusations started. "Tessa, what took you so long? We've been here for ages!" "We're starving, Tessa. Can you whip something up?" I looked at Liam. He was sitting on the sofa, fanning Annie. The AC was off. They were afraid she'd "catch a chill." Liam's own forehead was beaded with sweat, but he just kept fanning her. "Liam," Ben called out. "We're hungry. Can you get your wife to make some food?" Liam finally looked up. He didn't seem to notice my pale face, or the sweat plastering my hair to my skin. "Tessa, be good. Just make us something simple." His eyes drifted to Annie. "And maybe make some soup for Annie. It's good for her recovery." The dull ache in my chest became a sharp, twisting knife. I couldn't breathe. I went into the kitchen, shutting the door on their laughter. I was the outsider. I used to fight back. I used to scream and cry, trying to make them see. I thought it was defending my dignity. But all it did was make them double down. My "hysteria" only made Annie look sweeter, calmer, and more reasonable. I wasn't going to fight anymore. When I brought the food out, I was drenched in sweat. Annie reached for the soup tureen. "Let me help, Tessa." The second my fingers left the bowl, her hands flew back. It shattered on the tile floor. "Watch out!" Liam yelled, diving to pull Annie away from the spill. Scalding hot broth splashed across my bare legs. "Tessa! I know you don't like me, but you didn't have to throw it at me!" Not a drop had touched her. But she was already in Liam's arms, sobbing, as if she'd been assaulted. "Tessa, what the hell?" "That's going too far, man!" "It's not Annie's fault! Why are you always attacking her?" "She let go," I said, my voice flat, staring at the men yelling at me. Liam cut them all off. His voice was like ice. "Tessa. Apologize." "This is too much. You scared her, and she just got out of the hospital." In the middle of summer, I was freezing. My shins were burning, but the pain was nothing. This man. My husband. My protector. He was my executioner. The last thread holding me together just... snapped. "Okay," I whispered, a hysterical little laugh bubbling in my throat. "I'm sorry." Liam stared, surprised by my quick surrender. He started to reach for me, but I flinched away.
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