I was willing to do anything for my fiancé, simply because he had that face. Finally, our wedding was approaching. One day, I was on his computer looking for the wedding planning document. Instead, I stumbled upon a spreadsheet detailing information about all his ex-girlfriends. In the row dedicated to me, it read: [Obedient, suitable for marriage.] And in the row for his first love, it read: [You are a bird, destined to fly proudly into the distance.] Ethan had once said he wouldn't marry his first love because, in his mind, a wife should manage the household and serve the family. He couldn't bear to let her do that. Knowing this, I felt as calm as a deep, still lake. The next day, I went back to the TV station alone. Ethan didn't know that I also had a document. It was an application for reassignment to Africa as a war correspondent. Because the love of my life was there, in that faraway land. I was going to find him. 1 I handed the transfer application to the station director. "I want to be stationed in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) permanently." "What? You want to go back to being a war correspondent?!" "Jo..." The director was speechless for a moment. "Everyone saw how suitable you were for the job three years ago, but you're about to get married! You're technically on pre-wedding leave right now! Will your husband agree to you going to such a dangerous place?" I paused for a second. "I'm not getting married." "What??" Under the director's shocked gaze, I said firmly, "Yeah, the wedding is off." Yesterday, Ethan went to buy wedding favors and asked me to send him the shopping list from his computer. I opened the file named [Marriage Plan]. But inside, I found a record of his dating history. Six girls, each with detailed notes on their height, appearance, and more. My entry was on the first page. [Name: Josephine 'Jo' Miller. Family Background: Orphan, simple social circle. Personality: Good wife and mother type, obedient, lacks ambition. Notes: Good at housework, capable of breeding offspring.] At the end, he had highlighted a few words in yellow. [Suitable for marriage.] My heart plummeted. After a few seconds, I scrolled down. The other girls had similar evaluations. [Extravagant, not considered.] [Lazy lifestyle, not considered.] [Has a younger brother, not considered.] But the last entry in the table was empty except for a name and a photo. Only the notes section had a line: [You are a bird, destined to fly proudly into the distance.] Her name was Vivian. 2 I remembered that when finalizing the guest list, Ethan hesitated over this name. He added it, then deleted it, several times. I asked him why, and he said she was traveling the world and might not come back just for the wedding. So... she was his first love! Ethan's WeChat was still logged in on the computer. I searched for Vivian. Their chat history was wiped clean. But her latest Moment read: [Damn it! The man I love is getting married. I'm going to shoot out his wedding car's tires and hijack the groom!] Ethan replied below: [Hijacking is useless, I won't marry you.] [Boohoo, fine! You found true love this time, huh?] [...What are you talking about?] [Hmph! Whatever! Marrying into your traditional family means serving your whole clan. I don't want that! My journey is the stars and the sea!] [Yeah, I know. That's why I'm marrying the person they want me to marry. I couldn't bear to make you do those things.] 3 Couldn't bear it? It was rare to hear such words from Ethan. Ethan and I met through a matchmaker. He was young and successful, the youngest associate chief physician at a top hospital, and handsome to boot. But because he had traditional, difficult parents, he hadn't married. They were controlling and demanded a docile, obedient daughter-in-law who was "useful" and could serve others. The first time I went home with Ethan, his mother brought out a basin of water and asked me to wash her feet. I was willing to endure it. Because the first time I saw Ethan... I thought, for that face, I would do anything. We dated for two years. His parents were very satisfied with me. And he gradually got used to a forever clean and tidy home, hot meals always ready, and perfectly ironed clothes... But his attitude was always lukewarm. Until his birthday this year, I wanted to bake him a cake. The oven exploded while preheating. When he rushed to the hospital and saw my arm full of glass shards, he lost his composure for the first time, holding my face with trembling hands. "You don't have to do these things for me... you don't have to..." But even then, he never said he "couldn't bear it." Later, he proposed. I thought he wanted to be with me out of some genuine affection. I didn't expect he was just fulfilling his parents' wishes. Vivian was the one he cherished enough to let go. The moment I saw their conversation, I knew this relationship should end. He was putting on a show for his parents, and I was putting on a show for myself. But no matter how good the acting, it was just an act. 4 Back home from the TV station, I dug out several camera bags from the depths of the bookcase. Those were my buried memories. The texture of the camera bodies felt unfamiliar, and the batteries were long dead. While waiting for the chargers to work, I inserted the memory card into the computer and opened those long-sealed photos. The first one was a black woman waiting for cholera medication on a street corner. The second was a five-year-old child soldier, shorter than his gun. The third was refugees in North Kivu living in tattered tents. ... The smell of gunpowder and dust transcended time. My heart felt gripped by claws. I leaned back in my chair, calming my racing heart, and smiled self-deprecatingly. I wonder if Ethan saw these, would he still write [Obedient] in my notes column? Just then, my phone vibrated twice. It was a message from him. He sent a location for a restaurant. I suddenly remembered he had invited the bridesmaids and groomsmen for a small gathering tonight. I didn't have much family, so they were all Ethan's friends. But I knew this was just an excuse for a dinner. Because today, Vivian was back in the country.
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