My mom was the quintessential 90s rebel girl. When she gave birth to me at 19, she didn't even know who my father was. Always concerned with her image, she took one look at my dark, wrinkled newborn face and decided I embarrassed her. So, she secretly threw me away. And while she was at it, she threw away her new boyfriend's son, too. Five-year-old Lucas took my hand and led me into a life of wandering. He resented me, yet he spent half his life desperately protecting me. 1 I wasn't a cool baby. Five pounds, dark, skinny, and wrinkled like a prune. My mom took one look and recoiled like she'd seen a ghost. She was a rebellious teen in the 90s, barely 19 when I was born. She didn't even know who the father was. The guy who came with her to the hospital was her current boyfriend. He wore bell-bottoms, had a perm, and dragged along a dirty little boy. "Dump it," my mom said with a giggle, deciding my fate as easily as flicking ash off a cigarette. Pointing to the little boy, she added, "Might as well dump him too." When I was placed in the wooden basin, five-year-old Lucas was still tickling me, blowing warm breath on my tiny hands, making me gurgle with laughter. Innocent laughter that couldn't melt the rusted hearts of two adults. 2 Maybe fate decided we weren't meant to die. Lucas and I were fished out. Back then, abandoned babies were common; people were numb to it. Everyone was poor, and everyone had too many kids. No one wanted two more mouths to feed. I cried until my face turned purple. But five-year-old Lucas didn't cry. He stood there, picking at his dirty fingernails, staring wide-eyed at the circle of adults pointing and whispering. The little boy looked around until his gaze landed on the Blind Granny. He shouted at her, "You can't see! Take us home, and I'll be your eyes!" The Blind Granny was kind-hearted and felt pity, but she was destitute and could barely feed herself. Seeing her hesitation, Lucas walked over and tugged on her clothes. "Granny, I'm a hard worker. Please take me and my sister home, okay?" That sentence made the Blind Granny pick me up. When she held tiny me in her arms, the crowd laughed. "A blind old woman with two kids? They'll starve in five days!" Lucas got angry. He grabbed a handful of mud and threw it at the man who spoke. "I won't starve!" 3 The Blind Granny could endure hunger. Even Lucas could tighten his tattered belt and go days without food. But I didn't understand hunger, and I couldn't endure it. My wails turned into weak, kitten-like whimpers. The Blind Granny couldn't bear it. She went out to borrow grain. Before leaving, she told Lucas a thousand times to watch me. Lucas kept putting his little hand under my nose to check if I was still breathing. Once he felt air, he ran off to play. The moment the room went quiet, I started crying again. I cried until my voice was gone. Finally, the Blind Granny returned with a handful of rice. She couldn't find Lucas and started cursing. "Damn brat! Big ideas for a small kid, dumping the burden on an old woman and running off! If I catch him, I'll beat him!" She made a thick rice porridge and fed me. It tasted sweet. Just as my belly got round and full, Lucas came back. Hearing his voice, the Blind Granny raised her cane and swung. Being blind, she swung with all her might, assuming he would dodge. But Lucas didn't move. Thwack. The cane hit him square on the forehead. A huge bump swelled up instantly. He stumbled and fell, but he still didn't cry. He said, "Granny, I went to catch fish to make soup for my sister. She won't go hungry anymore." The Blind Granny froze. She reached out her hands, feeling the air. "You foolish child! Why didn't you say something? You're so small, what if you drowned? Did you expect me to raise your sister for you?" Finally touching Lucas, she asked, "Does it hurt?" "No. Look, Granny! Fish!" Lucas held up a fish the size of a palm. The Blind Granny touched it and started to cry. Her empty eyes seemed to fill with hope. "Good. My little grandson can catch fish." She gripped that fish tightly, as if holding onto our future. 4 The three of us survived on small fish and shrimp. I grew slowly. Lucas grew tough, acting like a little man. No kid in the village could catch fish like him. But talent breeds jealousy. Fatty, the village bully, always picked on Lucas. He’d snatch the fish Lucas caught and throw them back in the river, taunting him. "Go catch more, big shot! I'll throw them back every time!" They didn't know those fish were just toys to them, but they were our lives. Lucas fought like a furious lion, beating them until they ran home crying to their moms. When the parents came knocking, Lucas stood his ground. "Come on! I'm not scared!" A few adults slapped him around. He tried to fight back with a stick, but a ten-year-old is no match for grown men. He was knocked down quickly, glaring at them with hatred in his eyes. I was five then, timid by nature. I hid behind the Blind Granny. She couldn't see, and her limbs were slow. She could only cry and beg them not to beat her grandson. But no one cared about a helpless family with no backing. Mrs. Niu, our neighbor, even threatened, "If you touch my Fatty again, I'll bury you alive!" Uncle Huang, usually a quiet man, spoke up for us. "Mrs. Niu, don't be so vicious. Kids fight, they don't know their own strength. Just scold them and move on." Mrs. Niu snapped back, "You're so noble, why don't you be their daddy and teach them?" She cracked her long cattle whip against a haystack. Crack! Crack! I was terrified and started crying. Uncle Huang shook his head, walked over to me, and pulled a piece of candy from his pocket. "Don't cry, Cassie. Uncle will give you candy." At five, I was a glutton. The sight of candy stopped my tears instantly. Just as I reached for it, Lucas dashed over, snatched the candy, and threw it far away. He shouted at Uncle Huang, "Who wants your candy? Stay away from my sister!" Uncle Huang didn't get mad. He just laughed. "Ungrateful brat." But I wasn't happy. My candy was gone. I sat on the ground and wailed. I hated Lucas in that moment.
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