My hearing is bad. When the campus heartthrob asked me to "run an errand" (pǎo tuǐ), I heard "make out with him" (qīn zuǐ). When he asked me to "swipe my meal card" (dǎ fàn), I heard "be his ride or die" (wéi zhe zhuàn). And just like that, in a haze of confusion, we started dating. Later, I caught him playing poker with his "bro-girl" best friend at a bar. He mocked me: "Dating a deaf girl is torture." I wasn't having it. I pushed open the door and asked him— "Where can I pick up four free male models?" The heartthrob exploded with rage. But I really didn't hear him clearly! Where do I get them? If I'm late, they'll be gone! 1 The moment I pushed open the door, everyone in the VIP booth froze. Sophie slid off Caleb's lap, pulled down her mini-dress, and playfully punched him, her face flushed. "You said this was a guys' night out. Why did you bring a girl?" "Relax, sis-in-law, don't misunderstand. We just lost a game, it was a dare. Just rubbing, didn't go in. We're all bros here, straight as arrows, zero feelings involved, haha." "Ugh, women are so troublesome... Caleb, hurry up and comfort your wifey!" The boy on the sofa lifted his eyelids slightly. He looked at me coldly, as if annoyed by my clinginess. So, I summoned my courage and walked up to him. "Caleb." My voice trembled a little. But I still wanted an answer. "I didn't hear you clearly just now." "Did you say where I can pick up four free male models?" 2 "..." "I said dating a deaf girl is torture! Lana, what did you hear this time?!" "You f*cking dare look for male models?" The air was terrifyingly quiet. Caleb glared at me viciously, his gaze sharp as a knife. He had a phosphorus personality—igniting at the slightest friction—and he spoke fast, a garbled mess I could never catch. Amidst his firing squad, I mumbled aggrievedly, "I really didn't hear where... if I go late, they'll all be taken..." Caleb's lips pressed into a thin line, his face dark and scary. Sophie ran over giggling to mediate: "Sis-in-law, we were really joking, don't overthink it." "I know you're itching, maybe try scratching yourself with a shoe sole?" "...Sis-in-law knows so much, unlike innocent little girls like us who haven't even held a boy's hand." "I know you're broke. Here's fifty bucks, go buy yourself some new underwear." "Yours is washed down to a single string and you still wear it, sticking your butt out at the door like you're yelling 'Welcome!' Aren't you cold? Have some class, girl!" Sophie froze for three seconds, her face turning liver-red, then covered her mouth and ran out. The drinking party was full of Caleb's childhood friends, seven or eight guys watching the show. Humiliated, he started cursing and shooing me out: "Lana, your ears don't work, so stop spouting nonsense! Go back to campus!" "Who I drink and play games with is none of your business! Don't think being my girlfriend gives you special privileges!" Walking out of the bar entrance. Caleb found a quiet spot to talk. He smirked with secret delight: "Lana. You were jealous just now, right?" "Not replying to messages, not picking up calls, not waiting downstairs at the dorm... playing hard to get?" "I find a random chick and look how panicked you get, immediately marking your territory. Male models? With a guy as handsome as me, you wouldn't have the heart to look for models." When it's quiet, my "empty ear" isn't as bad. I lowered my head shyly. As if he had hit the nail on the head. Actually, I really didn't want to deal with Caleb lately. Because I discovered... After dating him for two years, I've saved up $150,000 and invested in a shop. He has no value left. Running into him tonight was a total accident. I treated my roommates to the bar to celebrate my shop opening, and his clique just happened to be there too. Could I afford to be soft-hearted? Caleb lit a cigarette and handed me his credit card: "Those dorm girls dragged you here again, didn't they? Stay away from them, dressing like streetwalkers every day. No better than Sophie." "Pay the bill and go back to sleep." I nodded obediently. Clutching the credit card, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Caleb. The corners of his mouth shot up so high he couldn't hide it, not even noticing his lighter wasn't lighting the cigarette. Turning around, I immediately took out my phone and messaged my roommates. Open the most expensive bottle. The sugar daddy is here to pay! 3 Since I was little, I told myself. Never be a "love brain" like my mom, spending a lifetime sacrificing for a broke man. Even when that man drank, gambled, cheated, beat his daughter until she was disabled and deaf, she forgave him time and time again. Before she died, she wouldn't even buy painkillers, running out of the hospital to make him one last meal of dumplings... I'd rather be a bad woman. Than a stupid woman. ... When I first started college, I was truly poor. Even with financial aid, I could only afford steamed buns and pickles. If my roommates didn't sneak chicken legs into my lunchbox, I would have starved. A girl who walks out of the mountains. Has nothing left but resilience. One hungry night, I met Caleb. It was an elective class open to the whole school. A group of boys sat in the back row gaming. They ordered bubble tea but were too lazy to pick it up, looking for someone to run the errand. Caleb offered me fifty bucks. I thought it was too little. Five hundred. I hesitated. Caleb lost patience and directly transferred five thousand. So, I gently kissed the corner of his mouth. He wanted me to run an errand. I heard "make out." 4 Looking back at that misunderstanding, we were both pretty satisfied. I took the money and treated my whole dorm to a crawfish feast; everyone ate until they were stuffed. He wasn't as handsome as the valedictorian, nor as rich as the top-tier trust fund babies, and his basketball skills were mediocre. But he only said a few words to a girl, and she was so charmed by his charisma she kissed him. His bros said he was the real campus king. He was on cloud nine. ... We met a second time in the cafeteria. I just wanted to smell the food and leave. I turned around. Caleb looked at me with an unreadable expression. "You've been wandering around forever. If you want to talk, just come over. Why pretend?" "Don't even know how to crash my major's classes? Never chased anyone before? Don't tell me you've never dated?" "Take this. Swipe for my meals from now on." My ears were damaged by my biological father—nerve damage, hearing aids don't work. I always mishear. The cafeteria was noisy, making it worse. That meal card had a balance of $3,000, enough to feed me for four semesters. So I thought Caleb said: "Take this. From now on, your world revolves around me." 5 Honestly, Caleb was easy to chase. Praise his brain for solving a calculus problem, scream and cheer when he dunks. Chase him around like a loyal puppy, then suddenly disappear one day, only to be found by him enduring hardship alone in the rain, making his heart ache... Psychology says, for a narcissistic phosphorus personality like him, as long as you feed his ego and act a little obedient and dumb. You can get anything. ... Returning to the dorm in the early morning, my roommate suddenly showed me Sophie's Instagram story. Caption: Some dog got drunk and insisted on going home with me. Does he want to stick to me for life? Help, I still need to get married someday! In the photo, Caleb's large hand enveloped Sophie's small hand, fingers interlaced. My roommate asked if I really didn't mind. Her phone screen was burning hot. I shook my head calmly. I always knew Caleb had this "bro-girl" Sophie by his side. Long black hair, tiny face, looking like a delicate flower, yet insisting she was "one of the boys." Didn't accept gifts, didn't date within the circle, even split the bill for bubble tea—refusing to take advantage of her "bros." Before we dated, she joked about fighting Caleb for me. After we dated, she stuffed her panties in Caleb's backpack to mark her territory. Used ones. I threw up when I pulled them out. I just wanted to secretly do Caleb's homework, flatter him, and earn a few thousand in pocket money. What did I do wrong to deserve this?! Crying while carrying his bag to class, Caleb and his best bud were scrolling through photos and chatting: "Yeah, Sophie is so dark, definitely not her first time." "I've known her for how many years? You think I don't know what that b*tch is thinking? 'Bro' my ass, pretending in front of me." "Just using her for practice. We even split the cost of Plan B." "Chastity is the most important thing for a woman. When I marry, I have to pick someone of equal status who's a virgin... at worst, a clean, honest backup like Lana." Looking up and seeing me, they immediately changed the subject. Asking if I wanted to eat at that clean, old-style northern restaurant off-campus. They thought I couldn't hear. Actually, in quiet places, I can hear clearly. I heard it all. So you see, why should I compete with Sophie? We're both pleasing a piece of trash. I hold hands and play the innocent girlfriend, and my bank balance keeps rising. Sophie schemes and pretends, yet has to go Dutch on birth control pills. She's way more pathetic than me.
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