The childhood best friend who took care of me for thirteen years... In the fourteenth year, he called me a r*tard and a psycho. On my birthday, he dumped me at a bus stop and left with the new transfer student. I have autism. I hid behind the bus stop sign until late at night. His dad dragged him over to apologize, but he wasn't having it. "I don't owe her anything! She's autistic! If I hadn't taught her how to speak word by word, she wouldn't even be functioning like a human!" "I've been her nanny for thirteen years. I don't want to take care of her anymore!" Suddenly, floating comments (danmu) appeared before my eyes: [The male lead is jealous!] [His twin brother pretended to be him and hung out with the heroine all day. She didn't notice and kept calling him 'Brother Liam.' Our jealous puppy was so mad he dug his nails into his palms.] [The heroine is born without empathy. The male lead is using this method to make her understand his feelings.] I froze. So it was his brother that day... Then, is it okay if he keeps pretending? 1 As soon as the school bell rang, I walked over to Liam's desk. The new girl, Sarah, was standing next to him. Seeing me approach, she nudged him with her elbow. "Your little wifey is here." Liam was correcting Sarah's test paper. He didn't look at me. He didn't move. I called him: "Brother Liam, home." Liam didn't even lift his head. "Go back by yourself. I'm going to the library with Sarah." I froze. Sarah explained, "It's for the final sprint before exams. You probably don't need it." Autism makes it hard to adapt to change. In my understanding, going home with Liam after school is a fixed rule. Him telling me to go back alone left me at a loss. So I grabbed his hand. "Brother Liam, home." I said it three times. Liam ignored me. Seeing me tugging at Liam, Sarah suddenly burst out laughing. "She's like an NPC." She tilted her chin at Liam. "Didn't you say Ava listens to you?" Liam's face changed. He suddenly shook me off with force. Affected by the sudden aggression, I screamed uncontrollably. The whole class looked over. Sarah hid behind Liam. "Whoa, is she crazy?" Liam dragged me out. He was furious. As we walked, he said, "You're just a psycho who doesn't know good from bad! Why act like you can't live without me? You don't need to study, but I do, okay?" I didn't quite understand. I asked him, "So are we going home?" He had already dragged me to the bus stop. He sneered. "No!" He left me there and walked back. "Take the 362 home yourself!" 2 My hearing is sensitive. The noise of traffic and strangers affects me greatly. Without someone beside me, I didn't dare move. I squatted behind the bus stop sign, covering my ears. Liam and Sarah walked past me. I called him, but he walked faster. Bus after bus drove by. I hid behind the sign until night fell. I don't know how much time passed before Mom drove over and found me. Seeing me curled up in the dark, she hugged me with red eyes. She gave me my medicine, called Liam's dad, and then took me home. There were many people at home, some I knew, some I didn't. Mom helped me change into a beautiful princess dress, led me into the crowd, and asked me to cut the cake. Oh. Today is my eighteenth birthday. I didn't cut it. I promised Brother Liam he would get the first piece of my birthday cake. I ran to the balcony to wait for him. The wind on the balcony was a bit strong, making my eyes sting. I craned my neck to look outside. My neck was sore by the time I saw Liam's dad dragging Liam from the roadside. Half of Liam's face was swollen. Uncle Miller scolded Liam, "How could you leave Ava at the bus stop! She's never taken a bus alone!" Liam retorted, "Is she stupid? Can't she swipe a card and get off at the stop? What could happen?" Uncle Miller slapped him on the back of the head. "What if she got lost? What if she got hit by a car? Can you handle the consequences if something happened to her?" Mom said if I see someone getting hit, I should stop it. Just as I was about to speak, I saw Liam shake off his dad's hand and yell. "Why should I bear the consequences? It's you guys who owe her family! I don't owe her anything! She's autistic! If I hadn't taught her to speak word by word, she wouldn't even be human! I've been her nanny for thirteen years, what more do you want?" I froze, belatedly clutching my chest. It seemed to hurt a little. Uncle Miller pointed at Liam. "You, you..." He stammered for a long time but couldn't get the words out. Finally, he sighed, "But she only recognizes you..." Liam said resentfully, "No!" He continued, "I don't want to take care of her anymore. I want freedom! Anyone can take care of her from now on, just don't drag me into it!" Mom told me to observe and listen more, saying it helps me understand emotions and meanings. But they jabbered a lot, and all I understood was that Liam didn't want to talk to me anymore. It was getting hard to breathe. A row of bullet comments (danmu) suddenly popped up above Liam's head, scrolling from right to left. [Male lead is jealous!] [His twin brother replaced him and played with the heroine all day. She didn't realize and kept calling him Brother Liam. Our jealous puppy was so mad he dug his nails into his palms.] [The heroine is born without empathy. The male lead is using this method to make her understand his feelings.] Male lead? Heroine? What does that mean? Liam turned to leave. Uncle Miller shouted at his back, "What about Ava's birthday party?" Liam didn't look back. "Can't she not tell the difference? Let Lucas go!" The comments scrolled faster. [Heroine, don't give up on the male lead! He hasn't gone far. Just call him and cry, and he'll come back immediately.] [He made you a necklace! He even planned when to kiss you!] [Anyone can be a heroine these days? Mute, blind, and now an emotionless autistic girl! The devoted male lead has it tough!] [Little autistic girl, if you don't realize it soon, your Brother Liam won't want you anymore!] ... Don't want me anymore? Liam's back was disappearing. Panic seized me. I wanted to chase him downstairs, but suddenly saw a car stop at my gate. Someone got out. He stood up straight, revealing a face that was a carbon copy of Liam's. He met my gaze and smiled at me gently. I stopped. My breathing... Seemed to return to normal. 3 I have autism. I couldn't speak until I was five. I have all the typical characteristics. No eye contact, no communication, no socializing, no empathy, weak emotions. Luckily, my parents are rich. After discovering these traits, they took me to see countless experts. They decided to build an inclusive kindergarten for me, accepting kids who couldn't afford tuition, asking teachers to guide them to play with me, hoping I would learn to speak through daily interaction with peers. That's where I met Liam. We first met outside the kindergarten. I chased a little girl out and snatched her lollipop. The girl cried. Her grandma scolded me in words I didn't understand and pinched my arm. While I lay on the ground screaming, he walked by with his small backpack. He asked the grandma what happened. After understanding, he went to the convenience store next door, bought a lollipop, gave it to the girl, and apologized for me. The grandma left with the girl. Liam wanted to take me back. I didn't move, pointing at the convenience store. Liam patted his pockets. After a while, he said, "Call me brother, and I'll buy it for you." I called him. And got what I wanted. He helped me, and made me speak. My parents reciprocated, showering Liam's parents with gifts, quickly becoming friends. Not long after, Liam's parents sent him to my house. When they arrived at the door, I was counting the railings on the balcony. I heard the conversation between Liam and Uncle Miller. "Why me? Clearly..." "Ava has autism. She needs a playmate by her side 24/7. She needs you." "But I need you guys too!" "We owe them untold amounts for your brother's illness. We have to repay the favor. Besides, the house is crowded now. Don't worry, they will treat you very well." Uncle Miller wasn't wrong. My parents treated him very well. The room prepared for him was right next to mine. He got everything I got—new clothes, new toys. He even had a card. My parents said our allowance was managed by him. But Liam still cried the first night. I followed the sound and curiously touched the water flowing from his eyes. "I don't like you," he told me. "You're just like my brother, a burden." How could there be so much water in his eyes? I kept wiping, wiping, endlessly wiping. He finally hugged me back. My parents didn't actually ask much of Liam, but he was stubborn. He said he wanted to make me useful. He made me call him Brother Liam. He would hold my hand all the time, teaching me when to say hello, when to say no, when to say sorry and thank you. He even acted like a tutor, assigning me tasks and giving rewards. I don't know if my parents' investment of money and manpower paid off, or if a couple of my wires finally connected, but under his help, I improved rapidly those years, becoming closer and closer to a normal person. And I became more and more dependent on him. My parents had connections. Liam and I were in the same class for kindergarten, elementary, and middle school. High school was a bit harder, so my parents donated a building to achieve the goal. In freshman year, I got my period in class. Because I was scared, I threw myself onto Liam. Liam pushed me away and ran to the school store to buy pads. The stain soiled my pants and his. After that day, Liam suddenly moved out of my house and went back to live with his family. I wasn't used to it and threw a tantrum. He kept a straight face, ears red, and said, "We should keep a distance." "No." "Didn't you hear what the classmates are saying?" I heard. They said I was his little wife. But I didn't care. "Brother Liam, come home. I want to be with Brother Liam." He looked at me with a complex expression. "Do you really want to be with..." Then he shook his head. "Forget it, you wouldn't understand..." I don't know what decision Liam made privately, but he suddenly changed. He managed me more and more, stricter and stricter, with more specific demands, as if trying to turn me into someone else. My mom clearly told me I could just study casually, but he insisted on my grades. He wanted me to go to A University with him. Seeing me score only two or three hundred points each time, he would get angry. He was anxious, and his anxiety infected me. I started getting irritable. Once, pushed to the edge, I threw a pencil case at him. He apologized, but didn't change. "I know you're tired, but if you want to be with me, you have to do these things." My medication dosage increased. He didn't care. If I didn't listen, he would ignore me. I was terrified of him ignoring me. It caused physiological panic and shortness of breath. He was part of two-thirds of my life. All the rules I knew were related to him. I couldn't imagine life without him. So I bowed my head to him again and again, until the transfer student Sarah appeared. Sarah was lively and jumpy, a huge variable in my stable relationship with Liam. She said she wanted to be friends with us and offered to help me study. But I couldn't understand her notes. She always talked to Liam, making him laugh. She even took the reward stickers Liam bought for me. I pushed her down. Liam yelled at me for the first time. He sternly demanded I apologize to her. He was obsessed with correcting my behavior, not caring about my reasons. He yelled until I cried. I apologized because I listened to Liam. But to make amends, he gave my breakfast to Sarah. He bought water for Sarah in P.E. class. He was supposed to tutor me, but tutored Sarah instead. He even told Sarah about my autism. Sarah mocked me in the classroom. "Heard that getting you to say a sentence earns a thousand dollar reward. I talked to you so much, do you owe me tens of thousands?" "Liam says you're obedient if given candy. Here, candy for you. Meow like a kitten for big sister?" I didn't quite understand why she said these things, but I recognized the malice in her eyes. I threw the candy at her. Liam wanted me to apologize again. I refused. "If you don't apologize, I won't take you to the amusement park this weekend." He kept a straight face. "You can't hit people for any reason. An aggressive autistic person won't have friends. I hope you remember this." He didn't seem wrong. But why did my chest feel so tight? Mom said if someone hits or scolds me, I can hit back. I yelled, "I don't want her as a friend!" Liam roared, "Ava!" I turned and ran. I didn't want to bow my head anymore. Mom found out about this when I got home, but she still took me to the amusement park. The sky was blue, and the balloons at the gate were pretty. I stared at the fountain in a daze. "Liam" arrived. Mom told me to call him Brother Liam. He agreed and accompanied me into the park. "Are you not angry anymore?" "Why would I be angry?" "I hit someone." "You had a reason, right? Were you bullied?" I nodded. "Peaceful resolution is best, of course, but if not, just protect yourself..." He smiled. "I'll handle the apologies." He seemed a bit different. Very gentle, spoke slowly, walked slowly. Whatever I did, he looked at me with a smile. When I got my hands dirty eating cotton candy, he didn't lecture me, just wiped my hands and praised me for eating well. I vaguely saw another identical face when I looked back once that day, but his face was livid. But "Brother Liam" was right beside me, so I didn't mind. Turns out the one beside me that day was his brother, Lucas. 4 "Ava! Your Brother Liam is here! Come cut the cake!" Mom called me. I saw Lucas standing next to the cake with Mom, smiling at me. He wore a nice suit that made his waist look slim and legs long. The star pattern on the fabric matched his eyes perfectly. I ran down the stairs, slipped somehow, and flew forward. Lucas reached out to catch me, and I knocked him and the cake onto the floor together. Under everyone's gaze, my eighteen-layer cake turned into a pile of smashed dough on the floor. Lucas landed on his back, and I fell on his chest. He hissed in pain but didn't forget to shield my head with his hand, saving me from being smashed by cream. This scene happened so suddenly that the room went silent. "Ava! Apologize!" Liam's angry face suddenly drilled into my mind. It was like a conditioned reflex. I panicked, scrambled up, hunched my shoulders, and hid behind Mom. Mom helped Lucas up. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine." Lucas shook his head, then smiled at me. "Did it hurt, Ava?" I turned a deaf ear, staring at the shapeless cream on him, murmuring, "The first piece of cake was for Brother Liam." Lucas realized. He bent down, picked up a piece of cake from the floor, and put it in his mouth right in front of me. "Thanks, Ava," he smiled. "It's delicious." I stared at him blankly, unable to understand my emotions for a moment.
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