I was on a reality show with my sister. I was making instant noodles for her when she insisted I was doing it wrong. "Mom always puts two eggs in when she makes ramen." But growing up, I never once had an egg in my ramen. Right there on set, we called our mom. She admitted it. "It's such a small thing, why are you making a big deal out of it? You're being so petty, sis." That day, a discussion quietly trended online. The headline read: [Turns out, hearts really are crooked. Parents never love equally.] 1 When I dialed Mom's number, I was absolutely convinced my sister was remembering it wrong. When we were kids, we were poor. We only ate instant ramen on our birthdays. I remembered it clearly. There were never eggs in the ramen. My sister, Bella, wouldn't back down. "There were too! Mom always poached two eggs at the bottom of the bowl. You're just remembering it wrong." This show was being livestreamed, and the chat was already buzzing with excitement. People were placing bets on who was wrong. The call connected quickly. Bella has a fast mouth. She spilled everything that happened in seconds. Silence on the other end of the line. Then, Mom admitted it. "Yeah, I put two eggs in for your sister." Seeing Mom confirm her story, Bella looked smug instantly. But my heart sank to the bottom of a freezing lake. I asked, "Then Mom, why did I never get any eggs growing up?" Mom's tone was dismissive, even a little accusatory: "It's just two eggs. Why are you so petty, keeping score with your own sister?" I lowered my eyes and said nothing. I wasn't keeping score over two eggs. I wanted to ask why she got them, and I didn't. Bella realized something was off. Her smile faded. But Mom was still laughing on the other end: "Sis, you aren't seriously mad over two eggs, are you? Come on, stop being dramatic. If it matters that much, come home and I'll boil you ten eggs." She reduced my silence to a tantrum over food. I knew if I argued further, Mom would just dig her heels in and get angry out of embarrassment. She’d probably ask if I wanted my sister dead to be satisfied. Most of the time, I wasn't trying to win an argument. I just wanted fairness. 2 The livestream was still rolling. I didn't dare listen to what else Mom might say. I hung up. The viewer count spiked during the call. "I feel like Hannah's mom has no clue what Hannah actually cares about. She doesn't think she did anything wrong." "Kinda feeling bad for Hannah. Her parents don't seem great to her." "If they really cared, they wouldn't have sent Hannah into the entertainment industry at fifteen. Look at her sister, studying abroad since she was a kid." "Hilarious. A bunch of broke people feeling sorry for a celebrity?" "Here we go again. Who doesn't know Hannah failed school? She's basically illiterate." With more viewers came more diverse opinions. The production team moved fast to control the comments. They told me about the situation and asked if I wanted to steer the narrative. "It's fine. Bad publicity is still publicity." I didn't care if people cursed me out. The director looked at me with some hesitation, then told me the plan for tomorrow's show. "The team saw how much traction the 'native family trauma' topic is getting. We want to hold a roundtable discussion tomorrow about family upbringing. Hannah, are you okay participating?" I nodded. I could do it. My family background wasn't exactly a secret in the industry. But no one knew the details. I was born in a poverty-stricken mountain village. A place so poor it didn't even have a school. Because of that, I didn't even finish middle school. Later, a photo of me went viral by accident, and I entered showbiz. My parents used the money I earned to send Bella abroad for school. They always said I was "sensible," that I learned to earn money early so they didn't have to worry. But I never chose to be sensible. I was forced to be. We were poor. They had to go to the city to work. They said living in the city was expensive, so they left me in the village. I never resented them for that. But later, they had Bella. And they kept her by their side the whole time. I asked them why. Didn't they say the city was too expensive to bring me? Why could they bring Bella? They said I was the big sister, I had to be understanding. Bella was small, she needed to be with Mom and Dad. They couldn't bear for Bella to grow up without parents. When I was mocked by anti-fans for being uneducated, they were busy sending Bella to the best schools overseas to get a shiny degree. I tried to comfort myself over and over. I'm the big sister. I need to be understanding. Mom and Dad don't love me less. It's just that when I was little, we didn't have the means. But hearing Bella say today that her ramen always had two eggs... The lie popped like a soap bubble. 3 At 1:30 PM, the livestream started on time. Bella arrived punctually too. There were also a few industry veterans participating. Bella was bubbly, great at charming the elders. Completely different from me. When I first entered the industry, I was like a mushroom growing in a dark corner. I couldn't even speak Mandarin properly, let alone flatter people. "A Juilliard grad? That's impressive." Simon, a famous music producer, sighed in admiration. "Hannah, your sister is amazing." I smiled and nodded. Bella really was amazing. Unlike me, she was sparkling. "Juilliard? I just Googled it. Number one music school in the world? How is she so talented?" "More than that. Simon tried to get in back in the day and failed. That school only takes geniuses among geniuses." "Hannah and her sister are polar opposites. One dropped out of middle school, the other is an academic god." The chat quickly dug up Bella's school history. Bella tried to pull me into the conversation. I shook my head. I didn't really want to talk. When the time came, the host introduced the theme for the afternoon roundtable. [What is the best gift your parents ever gave you?] Bella spoke first. She never seemed to care about others' judgment, always brimming with confidence. The kind of high-energy "little sun" everyone loves. You could tell at a glance she grew up surrounded by love. I looked at her with envy. Bella talked eloquently for a long time. Most of it I knew, some of it I didn't. She said: "All the properties at home are in my name. And since I was born, they bought me an insurance policy. As soon as I turn twenty-five, I get $8,000 a month." She smiled slyly, eyes twinkling. "Mom said no matter how bad inflation gets, even when I'm seventy or eighty, I'll still get money they saved for me. Then I can tell everyone looking at me with envy, 'This is candy my mom and dad bought me.'" The chat scrolled furiously: [I'm so jealous. Am I the only one hearing about this insurance now?] [Don't be jealous. That policy costs like $30k a year. It's expensive. You pay from birth until the kid is 25.] [Aren't Hannah and Bella biological sisters? Didn't she say her family was poor? How did Bella have this insurance since birth?] The people on set who knew a bit about my background cast glances at me, some subtle, some not. The host threw the question to me at the perfect moment. "Hannah and Bella are sisters. Did Hannah know she had this insurance too?" They thought I lied about being poor to build a persona. They wanted to dig up dirt on me. But I just said "Ah," looking a bit embarrassed. "I don't think I have that insurance." If I had that kind of safety net back then, I wouldn't have dropped out because of poverty. The atmosphere got awkward. The host quickly pivoted. "So Hannah, can you tell us what the best gift your parents gave you was?" "It should be a silver bracelet." I unconsciously twisted the bangle on my wrist. I've worn it since my debut. It was my thirteenth birthday present. In middle school, silver bangles were trendy. Most girls got them from their moms. They said wearing silver was good for your health. I wanted one too. So, I carefully asked Mom. Mom was working in another city then. She sounded impatient. She said silver was expensive and told me to be sensible. But on my thirteenth birthday, I received a silver bracelet. I thought Mom was just being tough with her words but soft in her heart. It wasn't until later, when Mom let it slip, that I found out the truth. The sudden appearance of the silver bracelet was because... Bella wanted a silver bracelet. But after buying it and wearing it for a few days, she didn't want it anymore. She thought it looked tacky and ugly. So that silver bracelet appeared on my wrist. When I found out, I was angry. Mom just laughed it off, telling me not to be so petty. The matter eventually faded away, and no one mentioned it again. I thought I had forgotten all these things. I didn't expect a few simple questions to bring it all back. Wounds I thought had healed were just hidden. They didn't get better with time; they festered, red and swollen, stinking in the dark. Occasionally stinging. Constantly aching. 4 The chat went silent when I said that. It took a long time for comments to reappear. [That's so unfair. The sister gets everything, and Hannah only has one bangle to talk about.] [You guys mock Hannah for being uneducated, but she never got a proper education. She even had to drop out.] [This hurts. It feels like Hannah's parents are so biased. They gave Bella such a good life but left Hannah behind.] A discussion quietly trended to the top of the search charts. The headline: [Turns out, hearts really are crooked. Parents never love equally.] The livestream viewer count skyrocketed. After I finished, it was Simon's turn. He thought for a moment, seemingly unprepared. Apologetically, he said, "Sorry, I don't think I have one." Many people in the industry actually had unhappy childhoods. Simon was a child star. His parents were in the biz. So he was in the public eye from a very young age. But during his teenage years, he got hated on by the entire internet, so he quit. When he returned to the public eye, he had transitioned to a behind-the-scenes producer. Few people knew what he went through during those years. When others discussed this topic... More or less, they avoided deep answers. While we discussed, the chat was also sharing the best gifts they received. [I feel like the best gift my parents gave me was making me a citizen of the world from birth, letting me choose my nationality.] [For me, it's that my parents didn't force me to take the Gaokao (college entrance exam) and sent me straight abroad.] [It's nice. If not for you guys, I wouldn't know what a 'world citizen' is. But I'm not doing too bad. I have lots and lots of love. My parents love me very much.] But most people remained silent. The host seemed to realize the roundtable was getting too depressing. He quickly introduced the next segment. We were led into separate small rooms. There were many questions on the wall. Do you think your parents ever loved you? If you had a time machine, what would you say to your younger self? The director asked me to pick a few to answer. I looked at the questions. The director really knew how to probe. Every question pierced the heart. I was silent for a moment, then bared my heart to the public for the first time. "I think my parents probably loved me." They loved me, but not enough. Their love was mixed with other things. I still remember when I first entered the industry and got my first paycheck of 3,000 yuan ($450). I kept 2,000 for myself and sent the rest home. After receiving the money, Mom and Dad proactively asked me: Was I cold in Beijing? Was I eating enough? That was the first time I felt their care. They finally remembered their eldest daughter. They would often send me food. Occasionally call to check on me. But I was always confused. I felt this might not be love. I said: "They loved me, but they loved my sister more." "Their love for me was conditional. Their love for my sister was unconditional." The chat was silent for a long time before scrolling again. [Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.] [That's what parental love is like sometimes. Not too much, not too little, just enough to trap you completely. You can't ruthlessly cut them off, and you can't forget the pain. Stuck in the middle, suffering forever.]
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