We were filming a variety show, and the challenge was to write a "Three-Line Last Will and Testament." I wrote: [Finally. I kicked the bucket. LOL.] Then it was the Movie King’s turn. He thought for a moment, then penned: [Chloe. I’m in Hell. And I miss you.] I froze. Because I am Chloe. The internet exploded. That night, the hashtag #LiamConfessesViaDeathNote nuked the trending topics on Twitter. Netizens commented: [He’s real for that. I’m sobbing. Loving her even from the afterlife? Is this romance or a horror movie?] 1 I am the entertainment industry’s most notorious "Solo Queen." Single since birth. Never dated. Not once. Once, the paparazzi camped out for twenty-four hours straight, hoping for dirt. All they got was footage of me solo-polishing off an entire extra-large pizza. My agent, Max, sighed deeply. "Trying to get you a ship for clout is harder than climbing Everest. You don't even have male mosquitoes buzzing around you." So, he signed me up for a dating reality show—Love on the Line. The stakes were high. The guests were all A-listers, including the current box-office god, Liam. Before filming, Max grabbed my shoulders: "If you really hate men, go flirt with a pretty girl, I don't care! Just get some screen time!" 2 I went in, shaking in my boots. For the first episode, the producers came up with a "unique" icebreaker. [Dear Guests: Assume you are about to die. Please write a three-line Last Will.] Guest #1, the Pop Princess, sighed and wrote: [Earth sucks. 1 Star. Never visiting again.] Guest #2 was the new Top Idol guy. He laughed at the Princess’s answer, said "Same," and wrote: [Natural causes. Burn some cash for me. And for the love of god, wipe my browser history.] Guest #4, the Serious Actress: [Scan the QR code on my grave for my nudes. Oops, you’re late. File expired.] Guest #5, the R&B Singer: [This user is too lazy to write a will. He left nothing but these three lines.] Then, it was my turn. My honest thought was: [I’m dead. Please burn money, a mansion, and a hot guy for me in the afterlife.] But then I remembered the cameras were rolling. I should keep a shred of dignity. So I twirled my pen and wrote my masterpiece, showing the whiteboard to the camera: [Finally. I kicked the bucket. LOL.] The Pop Princess looked at my board and leaned in. "It’s supposed to be three lines. You only used one line for the content." I nodded sagely. "Listen, this is a will. I’ve followed rules my whole life. If I’m dying, I’m done with formatting guidelines." "My death, my rules!" The Princess looked speechless but impressed. "Valid point." 3 The other guests finished their wills. [Alive, I beat 100% of dead people. Dead, I beat 100% of living people. I’m the G.O.A.T.] [One last time: Pineapple does not belong on pizza.] [Dad, send money. I’m broke in Hell too.] [Sleep is just a free trial of death. This time I’m buying the full version.] [Mom, don't cook for me anymore.] [I have 3 million dollars hidden. I won't tell you where. Good luck, kids.] [No alcohol at the funeral. And don't visit on weekends, I’m off the clock.] [Type 1 in the chat on my grave, and I’ll haunt someone you hate.] [Preselling my next life. Certified authentic. No refunds.] Finally, it was Liam’s turn. He was the biggest star among us. The Movie King. A lot of industry insiders and netizens were confused. Why would someone with Liam’s status join a trashy dating show? He hadn't spoken much all recording. If prompted, he’d give a short answer. He was like a high-functioning robot programmed only to execute basic commands. Zero variety show sense. Now, everyone’s eyes were glued to him. The Top Idol sitting next to me was practically drooling on Liam’s pen tip. Seeing him hesitate, he whispered, "Bro, hurry up. Time to leave your legacy." Liam paused. For some reason, he glanced at me. Then he lowered his eyes and slowly wrote a few words. I was curious, too. I pretended to be nonchalant, but I was practically straining my eyes out of their sockets. But when he turned the board to the camera, I wanted to gouge my own eyes out. He wrote: [Chloe. I’m in Hell. And I miss you.] Everyone on set looked like they’d been struck by lightning. Their heads snapped toward me in perfect unison. I panicked and let out the driest laugh of my life. "Hahahaha..." Talk about bad luck. It’s like tripping over a stone and falling into a sewer. Because I am Chloe. 4 God help me. Sometimes, being alone on a variety show is a helpless experience. If the police handled awkwardness, I would have had Liam arrested immediately for disturbing the peace. Even though everyone here was a seasoned veteran of the entertainment deep fryer, Liam’s single sentence fried our brains. Even the host needed a minute to reboot. This definitely wasn't in the script. Liam, however, remained as calm as a chrysanthemum. He slowly capped his marker, looked up with faux confusion, and chuckled softly. "What’s wrong? Why is everyone frozen?" "Is there a problem with my will?" The Pop Princess looked at me, then at him, and spoke first. "Yeah, big problem." "This is a dating show, but aren't you moving a little fast? Confessing in the first episode? My mother is shook." The Top Idol nodded vigorously. "Yeah, bro, WTF? And confessing in a will? What kind of vibe is this? 'Till death do us part' taken literally?" The Serious Actress narrowed her eyes. "Bold move, bro. Dropping a nuke right at the start. That’s why you’re top tier." Looking around, the only person with a rosy complexion was the Producer. His eyes were glowing with a frantic, eerie light. "Holy sh*t. We got our viral moment." 5 For the next few days after filming, I avoided Liam like the plague. Even after we exchanged WeChat contacts, I sent a polite greeting and then never looked at his messages again. I just felt the guy wasn't right in the head. A few days later, the first episode of Love on the Line aired. Liam’s three-line will containing my full government name caused a tsunami online. #LiamDeathNoteConfession stayed at #1 on the trending list for 24 hours straight. The heat refused to die down. The forums were more active than when that one idol got arrested. Netizens: [LMAO I can't breathe. 'I'm in Hell and I miss you.' What in the gothic romance is this?] [He’s real for that. I’m crying. Imagine Chloe seeing that. Is she touched or terrified?] [If there wasn't a three-line limit, I swear he would have added 'The wind of my longing blows all the way to the Underworld.'] [Suggestion for Liam: Put a QR code on your tombstone. If she says yes, it links to your chat history. If she says no, it links to your heartbreak playlist. Ruthless! Hahahaha!] Me: "..." Sorry, this corpse is feeling a bit unwell. Signing off to go jump off a building to calm down.
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