I didn't want to sit next to the school bully. But the bully's mom begged me not to switch seats. She even held up five fingers to seal the deal. So, when the bully acted up, I slapped him. If he threw a tantrum? That was a one-way ticket to a beatdown. I literally slapped him into an Ivy League school. Then his mom wired me fifty thousand dollars. Me: "?" Wait, the hand signal meant money? I thought she was telling me to slap him five times a day. 1 I got stuck sitting next to Jax Sterling in junior year. Jax didn’t do uniforms. He had silver hair, diamond studs, and always smelled like expensive cigarettes. He was handsome, and he knew it. He was basically a walking, talking "greasy TikTok f-boy." Absolute cringe. He rubbed his sharp jawline, puffing out his cheeks in a way he thought was cute. "Want a smoothie? Some freshman girl gave it to me. I don't do strawberry." I declined. "No thanks." I was terrified that if I stuck a straw in it, I’d just suck up pure grease. I zoned out thinking about a calculus problem. Jax thought I was staring at his backpack. He immediately flicked the giant logo with his long fingers. "Gucci. Heh, nothing gets past you." Me: "..." He made luxury brands look like knockoffs from a flea market. After gym class, he came back to his seat and deliberately lifted his shirt to wipe his sweat, flashing his eight-pack abs. Using my English textbook! I couldn't take it anymore. I ran to the counselor’s office. The counselor practically cried. "Since Jax started sitting next to you, I haven't lost my performance bonus once!" I didn't care. "Ma'am, I'm here to study, not to babysit." "Then you'll have to talk to his parents yourself!" So, she called in Jax's mom. 2 "It's not that we haven't tried talking to him, but boys that age are impossible to control. That's why we're counting on you!" Mrs. Sterling, a woman who clearly spent a fortune on skincare, gripped my hand. "Susie, please, you have to keep him." She leaned into my ear, whispering pleadingly, "As long as you keep him, I'm okay with anything." I looked down. I saw her secretly holding up five fingers. For real? I could get physical? I knew Jax came from big money, which was the only reason I’d been holding back. Now that I had a "get out of jail free" card, I wasn't going to waste it. I gave a disclaimer: "I have a heavy hand. You won't be heartbroken, will you?" Mrs. Sterling grinned from ear to ear. "Do whatever you see fit, Susie." So. The next time Jax harassed me with that fake, deep 'morning voice'— "Suuusie, want Jax to drive you home after study haaaall?" I didn't hesitate. I raised my hand and slapped that frog voice right back down his throat. The whole class went dead silent. His minions almost jumped me. But what was I afraid of? I was licensed. I was under orders. "Clear the gravel out of your throat before you talk to me!" Jax clutched his red face. The corners of his eyes turned pink. He stared at me, stunned, for a long time. Poor little puppy. Slapped silly. I might look frail, but I can carry a propane tank up six flights of stairs without panting. When he spoke again, he was back to his normal, clean teenage voice. "Sorry, Susie. Is this better?" I gave a slap, now I had to give a treat. "You can drive me home after school." "Okay, Susie." Under the desk, Jax’s long legs were practically twisting into a pretzel with joy. Not just his minions, but the whole class was shook: The Dog Whisperer had entered the chat. 3 Jax never showed up for homeroom. He texted me: [Susie, do you want a King Crab feast or high tea at the Ritz?] I replied: [Breakfast burrito from the truck outside school.] That lady sold burritos at 5:30 AM and moved locations by 7:30 AM. Jax missed her completely the first day. When he showed up empty-handed during the first period, I slapped him. "I have low blood sugar, didn't you know?" That scared Jax straight. He fixed his sleeping habits the very next day. Homeroom hadn't even started, but at 6:30 AM, Jax was sitting at his desk waiting for me. When he saw me, he unzipped his jacket. The burrito was still warm from his body heat. I suppressed the urge to gag and ate it, looking at him yawning. "If you're tired, forget it." He swallowed half a yawn. "I'm not tired. I'll buy you breakfast every day." Since then, the school bully never missed homeroom again. 4 Jax always had to be special. On uniform days, he’d wear flashy Haute Couture. Relying on the fact that his family donated a building to the school, he acted untouchable. Jax bragged, "Susie, custom made by a master tailor. Handsome, right?" I slapped him. "It's so ugly it hurts my eyes." He started questioning his own taste. He changed outfits day after day. Finally, desperate, he wore the school uniform. I casually said, "Not bad." After that, he wore that uniform until it faded, refusing to change it. I caught a cold and was coughing bad. Jax snuck out during the break to smoke. He came back smelling like an ashtray. It made me cough even harder. Next break, I followed him to the roof. I slapped the cigarette right out of his mouth. His posse was dumbfounded. "You think being Class Rep makes you a god? You dare hit the Boss?!" What was I scared of? His mom told me to do it. Jax lost face in front of his boys. But he didn't get mad. He smiled, took the pack out of his pocket, and tossed it. As I walked downstairs alone, I heard Jax bragging to his friends: "Strict family discipline is for my own good. You guys with no one to care about you wouldn't understand." 5 Jax begged me to tutor him. I didn't expect to have to start from The Big Bang. He didn't even know middle school stuff. "How did you get into high school?" Jax was honest: "We bought my way in." Rarely seeing him interested in learning, I took the time to make him a study guide. But he didn't do a single problem. He bragged to his bros: "Studying is impossible. I'm just faking it to keep your sister-in-law happy." I was so mad I rushed over and unleashed a combo of slaps! I beat him until he was red in the face, afraid to make a sound. His minions were practically kneeling: "Sister-in-law, easy! Don't give Boss a concussion!!" I didn't speak. I just kept slapping. I didn't talk to Jax for the rest of the day. Jax panicked. He stayed up all night doing the problems. All wrong. Afraid of wasting my time, he hired private Ivy League tutors. He finally shot up from dead last to the middle of the pack. Only then did I look him in the eye. When he heard my goal was the local Top Tier University, Jax was curious. "You have the grades, why not shoot for an Ivy out of state?" "None of your business." I couldn't be bothered to tell him I was staying local to take care of my paralyzed mom. But Jax overthought it. "Is Wifey staying here for me?" He got himself all fired up. "I will work hard to get into the same college as Wifey!" Me: "..." Idiot.
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