In the second year of being a military courtesan, I got pregnant. Every soldier who had been in my tent fought to claim the baby as his. Jack Stone had only visited me for one night, but he knelt before me and said: "Miss Yang, I'm going to the front lines as a vanguard. My parents only have me left. I need to leave them something to remember me by." Later, I went to his hometown and met the best parents in the world. 1 Three new women arrived at the camp. The steward told me to help them get cleaned up. Fresh meat for the General to inspect first. Just like us, half a year ago. Back then, there were three of us too: me, Jasmine, and Ivy. Only Jasmine caught the General's eye. If you catch his eye, you only serve him. If you don't, you serve the entire camp. These three clearly knew the rules. The prettiest one slipped five copper coins into my hand. "Sister, please don't mind the small amount. If the General picks me, I promise I'll give you a gold ingot. Does the General have any preferences?" Everyone here is desperate. Five copper coins were all she had. Her eyes were fixed on me, staring at hope itself. I took out a red sachet from my pocket and hung it on her. I whispered, "The General loves red. This sachet might help you." She left happily, only to be drugged and sent into the tent. None of the three were chosen. If you're not chosen, you become a common camp prostitute like me. Before this, we were all decent girls. No one wanted this life. The first time, we were all drugged. By the time we woke up, it was too late. Some kill themselves. But most decide that a bad life is better than no life. The girl named Autumn didn't kill herself. She just cried and told me, "Sister Xiang, the gold ingot I promised is gone." She didn't know I personally made sure that gold ingot disappeared. The General didn't like red. He hated it. To him, red was the color of blood. I couldn't let her be chosen. If she was chosen, Jasmine would end up in these tents. 2 Half a year ago, the three of us were transported to the military camp together. I was plain-looking. The brothels wouldn't take me. Once you're registered as a military prostitute, it's nearly impossible to redeem yourself. Even though I wasn't pretty, the pay was about the same as a brothel, so my father sold me here. Ivy was a captive from the enemy nation. Female captives are treated the same on both sides. No soldier treated her like a human being. Especially when the war wasn't going well, she was just a venting bag. Only Jasmine was different. She grew up in a wealthy household, the favorite maid of the old madam. She wore gold and silver and was almost made a concubine to the young master. But that almost didn't happen. The new mistress kicked her out without dignity, and she was sold here. On the first day we met, she used her last bit of money to trade with the guards for a big piece of meat. She shared it with us and said, "Meeting is fate. Let's look out for each other. As long as we don't die, there's always a future." Not only did she not die, but on the first night, she became the General's woman. And now, she's the one who's stayed by his side the longest. Normally, women are thrown back into the camp after three months. But it's been eight months, and Jasmine is still living comfortably in the General's tent. And she really did help us a lot. After eight months, Ivy was barely hanging on. She was kept alive by the meat and medicine Jasmine sent. I can't say how I feel about Ivy. Without her country, there would be no military prostitutes. Maybe my father would have just sold me as a kitchen maid to some rich family. But when I met her, she was just a little girl, smaller and thinner than me. I couldn't harden my heart enough to watch her die. People have their circles. They were my circle in this hellhole. So when Jasmine came to me, begging for help, I did it. I gave that sachet to Autumn. In return, I got a pill. Jasmine went through a lot of trouble to get it. Military prostitutes have to drink a contraceptive soup every ten days. Jasmine said this pill would neutralize it. Pregnancy is forbidden. But if you get pregnant despite the soup, it's considered God's will, and you can't abort it. As long as a soldier claims it, you're released from the registry to go to his hometown, be his wife, and raise the child. In this line of work, unless your parents are as cruel as mine, or your family committed a major crime, or you're a captive, it's hard to find someone to claim you. It's hard to get out. Even with money, redemption is rare. But rumor has it that three years ago, one woman successfully left because she got pregnant. Jasmine grabbed my hand excitedly. "One of us has to leave this ghost place. I'll give you all my savings. Go somewhere no one knows you, buy a house and land, raise a chubby baby, and live a normal life for Ivy and me." 3 Three months later, the military doctor checked my pulse again and again before telling me, "Xiang, congratulations. You're pregnant." He said it right there in the medical tent. In an instant, all the wounded soldiers lying there went wild. "A baby? Which bed are you from? Maybe I slept with you. Maybe it's my seed." "She looks like Bed Six. I was there last month. Definitely mine." "Xiang, it's me, Old Liu! I visit you all the time. Give the kid to me." No one thought the child was bad luck. That's the army for you. Here today, gone tomorrow. Maybe missing an arm or a leg, maybe a corpse. Those with kids back home didn't care. But many soldiers joined up with no family. If they died on the battlefield, having a child with their last name to burn some paper money for them during the holidays was a comfort. The first month I was here, I hated everyone. I wanted to find rat poison and kill them all. But later, people just stopped coming back. Some ended up in a pit on the back hill. Others, no one even knew where their bodies were. Slowly, I went numb. I didn't know who to hate anymore. The next day, even more men came to find me. The steward set up a separate tent for me. There were at least ten men at the door, bringing vegetables, fish, even a pig's head. Everyone looked at my belly with greedy eyes. Only a soldier named Jack Stone came empty-handed. He waited until everyone left, then knelt and kowtowed to me. "Miss Yang, I'm going to the front lines as a vanguard. My family only has me left. I need to leave my parents something to remember me by. Please, give this child to me. "I came empty-handed today because I don't want to waste money. I want to save it all, along with my pension, for you and the child." I remembered him. He was the only one who got into my bed but didn't sleep with me. It was two months ago. He was selected for the vanguard battalion. Vanguards are the first line of offense. Old soldiers say if two out of ten survive, it's a great victory. They get the best food, the strongest wine, and the highest pension if they die. But they fight the battles closest to death. That day, Jack came in drunk, hugging and touching me. In the end, he started crying. "I'm only seventeen. I haven't married yet. I don't even know what a woman is like." My heart softened. I hugged him and comforted him. "Don't cry. You'll know tonight." He looked at me, blushing with embarrassment. "Miss, I'm sorry. I touched you just now because I was too curious. Don't worry, I won't do anything else. If I did, my parents would beat me. Go to sleep. I'll leave once you're asleep." His parents raised him well. So well that I never saw him in the brothel camp a second time. 4 I didn't want a man like that to be the father of my child. I had already decided. My husband had to be a dead man. If he lived and returned home after the war, he might not want a child of unknown origin and a wife like me. A dead soldier was the safest bet. I give him an heir, he gives me a status and a registry. But Jack Stone died anyway. I didn't even see his body. An officer laid out a pile of items on a table. He said these belonged to the soldiers who died in this battle and wanted to be the father. I could choose one. "Wu Da-niu, 25, from Guangshan Village, Cen County. Left money and pension totaling 37 taels." "He Er, 15, from Xiaxi Village, Jiaoshan. Left money and pension totaling 32 taels." ... "Jack Stone, 17, from Peach Plum Village, An County. Left money and pension totaling 22 taels." He went through the piles one by one, shouting the names of those who would never return, as if it were a common occurrence. I listened for a long time before hearing Jack Stone's name. The money he left was a bit less. But I still pointed at his pile. "Officer, I'll choose this one. Stone sounds like an honest name." Honest indeed. In these eight months, he was the only one who said sorry to me and called me Miss. Being buried with him in the future wouldn't be a loss. Since we were to be buried together, I needed his ashes. I smiled and asked, "Officer, he's my man now. I want to take his ashes back so my in-laws have something to remember him by." The officer's calm eyes finally showed a flicker of emotion. "You have some conscience. The bodies are piled on the back hill. If you want a separate cremation, find the kitchen crew. One tael of silver. If you're willing to spend it, go ahead." One tael was expensive. I wouldn't spend it to burn my own father. But to burn my child's father, I was willing. 5 I placed a tael of silver on the kitchen head's table. He looked at me with curiosity. "Haven't had business in three months, and the first customer is a woman. You're the pregnant one from the brothel camp? Picked your ghost husband?" They were army cooks. Cremating bodies was just a side hustle for extra cash. Only brothers who had gone through life and death together would burn a fallen comrade to take his ashes home. There weren't many customers a year. It was always men before. I was the first woman. On the way there, many people watched me silently. Some even followed to the back hill, helping me find the body without asking for money. While searching, someone started crying. "Lucky bastard. Has a woman bearing his child, willing to pay to take him home. Don't know if there'll be enough pieces of me left to be buried in my family grave." "Bah, what are you crying for? Dead is dead. Have some ambition and hope you walk back in one piece." "I don't want to go back if I die. My mom doesn't like me anyway. Buried on the back hill, at least I have brothers to chat with." "Boohoo, but I want to go back. My mom is waiting for me to get married." ... The camp after a big battle was like this. Depressing, sad, fearful. Some vented on the training ground, some vented on us. The head cook was used to it. Listening to the crying, he searched skillfully. Soon, he found a bloody corpse. I knew the vanguard troops died horribly, but seeing it with my own eyes taught me what "war is hell" really meant. Jack's left ear was gone. Most of the bodies lying here were missing left ears. Said to be cut off by the Northern Barbarians as trophies. His left eye was gone too. An arrow had been there; now only a hole remained. There were similar holes in his right chest and calf. But what killed him was probably a blade. A deep slash across his abdomen. The head cook turned the face towards me. "Look closely. Just like the portrait. I didn't get the wrong man." I nodded. I used a wet cloth to clean Jack's face and changed him into clean clothes. Armor was scarce in the camp. It was stripped from the dead. Burning him in his underwear wasn't dignified. The sobbing behind me grew louder. Someone whispered, "I'll be nicer to those women in the tents from now on. They have heart." I spat internally. I had feelings for Jack because he didn't touch me. Anyone else, I'd take the money and run. Soldiers have it bad, but aren't we pitiful too?
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