It was Sunday, and I was playing hide-and-seek with my twin daughters. My younger daughter, Anna, was hiding right behind the door, giggling. But my older daughter, Lily? I couldn't find her anywhere. Just then, my wife came home. She saw me looking under the sofa and asked what I was doing. "I'm looking for Lily," I said. My wife’s face went blank. She looked at me with pure confusion. "Honey, we only have one daughter." 1 I stared at my wife, Sarah, completely lost. Sarah likes to prank me and the kids, sure. But joking about our children’s existence? That’s crossing a line. I was anxious to find Lily, so I snapped back impatiently. "Stop playing around, Sarah. I really can't find Lily!" I walked toward the bedroom, calling out, "Lily! Come out! Daddy gives up!" Sarah dropped the grocery bags on the floor and followed me into the bedroom. I thought she was finally going to help me look. Instead, she leaned against the doorframe, looking at me like I had grown a second head. "Will, are you out of your mind? Who is Lily?" "We don't have a daughter named Lily!" I slammed the closet door shut and yelled, "Enough! Stop the joke!" My outburst scared Anna, who was standing in the hallway. She started to cry. I immediately crouched down to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Anna. Daddy shouldn't have yelled. Did you see where your sister hid?" Anna was sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe. It broke my heart. I picked her up and rocked her. Anna is non-verbal; she can only make simple sounds. She pointed frantically toward the bathroom. I put her down and rushed into the bathroom. I spun around. Nothing. Lily wasn't there. Anna ran in after me. She grabbed my hand and pointed at the mirror, making urgent noises. I froze for a second, then realized what she meant. She was saying I had mistaken her reflection for Lily. They are identical twins, sure, but I’m their father. I don't make that mistake. Anna shook her head violently, gesturing wildly. I was getting frustrated. "Anna, stop it. Daddy is looking for your sister." Sarah rushed in, snatched Anna up into her arms, and looked at me with genuine fear. "Will, have you lost it? There is no Lily!" Impossible! I dragged Sarah into the living room and pointed at the large family portrait on the wall. "Tell me who the four people in this picture are!" She pushed me away. "Look closely! Count them!" I turned around, ready to scream, but the words died in my throat. In the photo, it was just me, Sarah, and Anna sitting between us. There was no Lily. This was insane. I ran to the kids' room to find Lily’s clothes, her backpack, anything. The bunk bed was still there. But the top bunk—Lily’s bunk—was piled high with Anna’s toys and boxes. It looked like nobody had slept there in years. 2 I collapsed onto the bottom bunk. Sarah didn't cook dinner. She took Anna and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door to show just how pissed she was. I sat there in the silence, actually starting to question my sanity. Was I having a psychotic break? Lily was just here. She was right in front of me. How could Sarah look me in the eye and say she didn't exist? I have a habit of biting my nails when I'm nervous. I raised my left hand and stopped. There was a Hello Kitty Band-Aid on my index finger. Lily put that there. This afternoon, I was cutting fruit and nicked my finger. Lily had blinked her big eyes at me, held my hand with both of hers, and said seriously: "Daddy, pain fly away." My heart had melted. That happened. Lily exists! I grabbed my phone and called my parents. Their reaction was identical to Sarah’s. They told me I’ve only ever had Anna. My mom sounded worried. "Will, honey... is this because you're stressed about Anna being non-verbal? Maybe... maybe you and Sarah should try for a son." What the hell were they talking about? I never cared that Anna couldn't speak! I just wanted to find Lily! She was just tagging along behind me, calling me Daddy. How did she vanish from everyone's memory but mine? Is the whole world gaslighting me? I felt a wave of crushing grievance. I mumbled a goodbye and hung up. I took a deep breath. Stop thinking. Just function. I unpacked the groceries Sarah had dropped and put them in the fridge. Just as I finished, the front door opened. Sarah and Anna were back. Sarah ignored me completely. Anna, however, walked straight up to me. "Daddy, you need to rest. Don't be so tired." Wait. Anna spoke? I reached out to hug her, but she bolted past me and ran to Sarah. My hands grabbed empty air. Sarah picked Anna up, looking at me with undisguised disgust. "Don't talk to your father. His brain is broken." She slammed the bedroom door. Apparently, I was sleeping on the couch or the guest room. I trudged to the master bedroom—which was empty now—lay on the bed, and closed my eyes. I hoped that when I woke up, the nightmare would be over. Sarah, Lily, and Anna would all be there. Exhaustion took over. I don't know how long I slept, but a faint, childish voice whispered in my ear. "Daddy... Daddy." It was Lily! My eyes snapped open. 3 It was pitch black. "Daddy, I'm down here!" The voice came from under the bed. I hung my head over the side. Lily was peeking out, just half her face visible. "Daddy, why didn't you come find me? I've been hiding for so long." I reached down to pull her out, but she scrambled out like a little monkey and ran out the door. I chased her. She stopped at the door of the kids' room, eyes curved in a smile, looking at me. "Lily, stop running." She didn't stop. She turned and went into the room. Inside, Sarah was asleep on the bottom bunk. The top bunk was cleared of toys. It was made up with Lily’s sheets again. But where was Anna? Wasn't Sarah sleeping with Anna? I crouched down and whispered to Lily, "Where's your sister?" Lily pointed to the door. I looked back. Anna was standing in the doorway, smiling at me. Identical twins. Identical taste. They were both wearing the same bear-print nightgowns, standing one in front of me, one behind me. I felt dizzy. I grabbed Lily’s hand and Anna’s hand and dragged them to the bunk bed. I was going to wake Sarah up. I was going to make her look at our two daughters. 4 But the moment I flipped the light switch, my hands were empty. They vanished. "Lily!" "Anna!" I spun around to look for them, and then I heard Sarah scream. "AHHHH!!" "Will! Are you insane?!" Sarah was sitting up in the bottom bunk, clutching Anna tightly to her chest. Anna was safe. I smiled, relieved. But they were looking at me with pure terror. Anna burst into tears. I didn't understand. Then I looked down at my hand. I was gripping a kitchen knife. The blade was pointed straight at my wife and child. I screamed and dropped the knife. It clattered loudly on the floor. What the hell? I hadn't been to the kitchen. Where did the knife come from? I didn't have time to process it. I raised my hands. "I didn't... Sarah, listen to me..." I tried to explain everything I saw. The voice under the bed, the two girls. Sarah ignored me. She dressed Anna hurriedly, shaking. She asked Anna, "Honey, tell the truth. Did you get out of bed?" Anna was sobbing, shaking her head. "No. I was sleeping with Mommy. I woke up and Daddy was holding a knife and laughing at us." That wasn't true. I was losing it. "Sarah, please, just listen—" She shoved me away. "How many times do I have to say it?! We only have Anna!" "There is no Lily!" "Stop making up stories!" Seeing the hate in her eyes, I knew I couldn't win. I compromised. "Okay. Okay. Maybe I am sick. I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. Please." Sarah didn't care. She picked up Anna and stormed out of the house again, heading to her parents'.
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