The day before college applications were due, we were at a party. Julian drew a "Truth" card in Truth or Dare. Someone asked him: "Julian, you legend, which university did you put down?" The boy smirked, glanced at me meaningfully, and answered without hesitation. "USC." I froze, my mind going blank. Just a few days ago, Julian told me to my face that he was applying to UCLA. And he had said, if we get into the same university, I'll agree to date you. Meeting his mocking gaze, I finally realized: I had been played. In that moment, it hit me: the things you have to wait for are usually the things that will never come. So, I didn't change my application either. 1 The moment Julian spoke, the girl next to me nudged me with her elbow. "Serena, if I remember correctly, you put down UCLA, right? Better change it to USC while you still have time, or you'll lose your chance to pester Julian!" Her teasing voice echoed through the private room. Soon, everyone's eyes were on me. Followed by malicious, undisguised laughter. "Tsk, she's really persistent. Three years of high school and she still hasn't given up?" "Hahaha, what do you know? Julian is probably the best guy Serena will ever meet." "Right? She's so plain. If she didn't cling like a limpet, who would look at her?" I lowered my head, my right hand unconsciously gripping the hem of my dress, wrinkling the fabric. I liked Julian. Everyone knew it. But I never thought of it as "pestering." Before today, I thought he had feelings for me too. Julian chose to sit next to me. He tirelessly explained math problems to me. When everyone made fun of my braids for being "country," he stood up for me. Facing my red-rimmed eyes, the boy ruffled my hair, smiling. "Don't listen to them. You're cute." Later, when Julian sensed my feelings, he asked jokingly, "Serena, do you like me?" My cheeks burned. I looked away, too scared to meet his eyes. I was shy and afraid of bothering him, so I instinctively wanted to deny it. But Julian spoke first. Sunlight hit his profile, casting a shadow over his eyes as he smiled brightly. He said: "If you can get into the same university as me, let's be together." My heart pounded. Before I knew it, I nodded slightly and whispered, "...Okay." Maybe I was too nervous then to notice the teasing look in his eyes. So, was it all just a game to him? My fingers curled. Even without a mirror, I knew I looked pale. But I had to know. I summoned my courage, looking past the crowd of onlookers, straight at Julian. I stared into his eyes, palms sweating, and asked seriously: "Do you think that way too?" The boy sipped his drink calmly, a half-smile on his face. The room went dead silent. Everyone was waiting for his answer. He didn't answer my question. Instead, he laced his fingers, rested them against his lips, and smiled. His tone was definitive. "Serena, you're just too ordinary." It was an admission. Everything before was just him toying with me. My nose stung, my vision blurred, and a tear fell. The noisy chatter exploded in my ears again. "LOL, did Serena really think Julian would like her?" "Exactly, asking that is just humiliating herself." "Julian is just polite and nice to everyone. Helping her a few times made her think she was special?" "I heard he was nice to her just to make Chloe jealous." "Makes sense. They're childhood sweethearts—top student and prom queen. Where does Serena fit in?" 2 The mockery stabbed like knives. I gritted my teeth, grabbed a glass from the table, and smashed it on the floor. Crash! The harsh sound shut everyone up. I screamed, abandoning all decorum: "All you do is gossip like old village aunties! Did your parents never teach you manners?" "Forget it, I get it. Not everyone has parents. But if you need lessons, come find me. I'd be happy to be your mommy for a day!" Leaving them stunned, I ran out without hesitation. It hurt. Really hurt. But I couldn't out-shout a dozen people alone. I ran to the bathroom and let the tears flow. After crying for a few minutes, I fixed my face and prepared to leave. That's when I realized I left my bag in the room. I hesitated at the door. Just then, I heard a clear voice. Chloe sneered, "Serena didn't leave because she was mad. She probably rushed home to change her college application." "She's been simping for Julian for three years. She won't give up that easily. She's definitely following him to USC." Then, as if remembering something, she asked: "Julian, you didn't actually apply to USC, did you?" Julian swirled his drink, watching the liquid move. He seemed in a good mood. He smiled. "Nope. Not USC." Chloe's smile widened, eyes shining. "Julian, you're the best." "I can't believe you actually listened to my joke about tricking Serena to get her off your back." "But my scores are only good enough for a state school here. Will you stay here with me?" I thought I was done being sad. But hearing this, my eyes burned again. So UCLA, USC... it was all a smokescreen to keep me away. Why guard against me like that? It's not like I can't live without him. I was about to leave when I heard a firm voice. Julian rejected her. "No." "I applied to Stanford. Five minutes before the deadline tomorrow night, I'll call Serena." "She'll be crying tears of joy, scrambling to change her application. After all, being with me isn't supposed to be easy." Chloe's smile froze. Her voice cracked. "Julian, what did you say?!" I didn't listen to the rest. I didn't want the bag anymore. It was a cheap $30 bag I used for three years anyway. I felt complicated. Maybe Julian didn't intend to break his promise. But how did he know I would definitely change my application? I wanted to go to UCLA. It was never just for him. Back home, while packing, I found an old tin box. Inside was a crudely made red string bracelet, cushioned by cotton balls. Sophomore year psychology class. The teacher told us to make them for our best friend. Julian gave his to me. I gave mine to him. I cherished it like a "token of love." And Julian wore the one I made all the time. Even at the party just now, he was wearing it. Thinking about this, my feelings were a mess. I couldn't read him. Julian's affection was like a cloud—visible but intangible, drifting close then far, impossible to grasp. 3 I pressed my hand over my heart. Finally, I put the bracelet back in the tin and placed it in a visible spot. Just as I finished, Julian called. His tone wasn't great. He sounded annoyed. He started with an interrogation: "Serena, why did you leave without saying anything?" I frowned. "What else was I supposed to do?" "Stay there and let them roast me?" He paused, then replied nonchalantly: "Were they wrong? Three years of high school. You brought me breakfast, brought me water at games. Every birthday, you saved up for months just to buy me a decent gift." "Serena, admit it. You're crazy about me." He was smiling when he said the last part. I could hear the smugness. So, he thinks he has me wrapped around his finger? Suddenly... I felt bored. It all felt so pointless. Without thinking, I said something irreversible. "Julian, starting now, I don't like you anymore." Silence. His breathing got heavier. The background noise seemed to vanish. After a dozen seconds, Julian found his voice. He scoffed, sounding certain. "Mad? Because of tonight?" "It was just a joke. Since I told you I applied to USC, just change your application. Like I said, same school, we date." My stomach churned. I refused firmly. "No need." Probably because he'd never been rejected by me, Julian lost patience. He snapped. "Serena!" I closed my eyes, exhausted. "Yeah? Anything else?" Beep. Beep. Beep. He hung up. I sighed. I forgot to tell him I was returning the bracelet. Whatever. Not worth much. The trash can works too. The next day, I spent all day making a college packing list. I didn't notice I missed the deadline to change applications. I realized it when I heard Julian yelling my name downstairs. He had called me dozens of times. My phone was on silent. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, his shirt soaked. He was leaning against a tree, panting. Seeing me, he immediately demanded: "Serena, why didn't you pick up?!" Suddenly, I remembered what I overheard: "Five minutes before the deadline... I'll call Serena... She'll be crying tears of joy, scrambling to change her application." My attitude wasn't great. I answered coldly. "Didn't see it." Julian was anxious and angry. "Do you know what you missed?" "I was going to tell you I applied to Stanford! But the deadline passed. You missed your chance." But before I could reply, his expression changed. He looked smug. "Serena, I know. You definitely changed it to USC last night." "Afraid you'd cry if we weren't at the same school, I reluctantly changed mine to USC too. You should be grateful." 4 He didn't know. I hadn't opened the application portal since last night. My target school never changed. When Julian looked at me again, he met my calm, indifferent gaze. He frowned deeply. "Still mad?" "Serena, I've done this much for you. What more do you want?" "I agreed to date you out of pity. Don't push your luck!" I rubbed my temples. "Then let's not date." Julian froze for half a second. He laughed in anger. "Fine." He turned and walked away. I called his name a few times. He pretended not to hear, walking faster, never looking back. Failed to return the bracelet again. Sigh. Walking home, I debated telling him my actual choice. Then I thought, why bother? It would just cause unnecessary trouble. That night, the class monitor called me. Fast, commanding tone: "Serena, Julian is drunk at the bar. Come pick him up." I pursed my lips. "No time." The monitor sounded exasperated. "You liked him for years. Now that you have a chance, why are you throwing a tantrum?" "To be honest, if Julian didn't pity you, you wouldn't stand a chance with him." My voice was soft: "I don't like him anymore." Silence. Then a crash on the other end, and the call ended. Soon after, I saw a post on Moments (social media timeline). Posted by Chloe. Background: a hotel room. On a white bed, Julian, eyes closed, face flushed, was holding a woman's head, kissing her deeply. Caption: [True lovers finally together?] seeing this now, I didn't feel much pain. But my classmates thought otherwise. The comments were a flood of mockery directed at me. "Hahaha, Serena must be exploding right now." "OMG, my ship sailed!" "The simp ends up with nothing. Serena is probably crying under her covers." "Chloe and Julian are childhood sweethearts. Some people just had to interfere. Deserved!" "Right? Trying to chase Julian without looking in a mirror first." My chest felt tight. I guess it still hurt a little. After all, the feelings were real. The effort was real. I couldn't sleep that night. I sat on the window ledge, curled into a ball. Watching the traffic thin out, watching the sky turn from ink black to fish-belly white. I thought about a lot. Julian fighting off bullies for me. Julian patiently explaining calculus. Julian carrying me to the hospital when I had a fever. Memories were messy. Finally, they turned into a long sigh. Julian. I hope you understand one day. A sincere heart shouldn't be trampled on. After that, I cut contact with Julian. He unilaterally blocked and deleted me on everything to declare a Cold War. I didn't panic like before, racking my brain to fix things. Instead, I breathed a sigh of relief. Good. Avoiding entanglement was easier this way.
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