The year I was my purest self, I split the meat bun my grandma made—the size of my face—and gave half to my scrawny desk mate. From then on, if I had a bite to eat, Julian had half. Junior year, Julian transferred. He was an illegitimate child, but his father finally acknowledged him. I left him a phone number: "If your dad doesn't feed you well, call this number and find my grandma." Five years later, while sorting through my late grandma's belongings, her phone suddenly rang. "Grandma, I'm hungry." I burst into tears at the phone: "I don't have a grandma anymore..." Within an hour, a luxury SUV pulled up downstairs. "Lily Lin, I'm sorry, I'm late." 1 I love meat buns—baozi. Thin skin, huge filling, dripping with savory oil. My grandma learned how to make them just for me. My parents had just scraped together enough for a small apartment in the city, so Grandma took me, a country bumpkin, to live with them. Grandma said, "A girl needs to see the world. Can't stay in the sticks forever." During dinner break in freshman year, I pulled out a baozi as big as my face, ready to feast. A gaze was locked onto the bun in my hand. It was my bean-sprout-skinny desk mate, Julian Gu. In this class, his popularity ranked dead last. Because he was an illegitimate child and his mom was sick, no one cared about him. His staring creeped me out, so I asked, "Why don't you go to the cafeteria?" Julian's eyes didn't move an inch from my baozi: "My mom's medicine costs money. I have no money for dinner." Only then did I notice that Julian actually had nice features, but he was too thin, his cheeks and eyes sunken. I swallowed, steeled my heart, broke off half my baozi, and handed it to him. "I'm on a diet, can't eat this much." Julian's hand hovered hesitantly in the air. It wasn't until I placed that half bun in his palm that light returned to his eyes. I felt like if I didn't feed him, he might start gnawing on me. "Th... thank you." Although the baozi was a bit cold, it was still fresh and delicious. Julian wolfed it down. I ate the remaining half, feeling unsatisfied. If I knew he'd eat it like that, I would have given him less. I wasn't full yet. 2 For the next few days, I'd split half of the baozi my grandma packed for me with Julian. I didn't want to, initially. But when he looked at me with those big, pitiful eyes, my heart softened again. I pinched the flesh on my arm, then looked at Julian's skeleton. Actually, eating less might be okay... Julian felt bad about eating my food for free, so he offered to help me with my studies. My English was terrible, but his was great. He patiently explained grammar to me and even let me copy his notes. Over time, we became friends. Sometimes we'd walk home together after school. High schoolers' minds are basically adults'; the class was full of hormonal energy. Any interaction between a boy and a girl became gossip for the whole class. Julian and I were the subject of rumors. The guy behind me poked Julian's back with a pen every day: "You bastard child and this country bumpkin, a perfect match!" Julian's face got darker each time, but he never fought back. He didn't want trouble. After all, he had no parents or family to back him up. Until one day, a classmate saw me splitting a baozi for Julian, and the whole class exploded. "I wondered why Julian was so attentive to Lily Lin. Turns out he's a moocher living off a woman!" "Sigh, Lily is so stupid, wasting her kindness on Julian. Even his dad doesn't want him, yet Lily treats him like a treasure..." Before, no matter how they humiliated Julian, he never resisted. But hearing someone call me stupid, he grabbed a chair and rushed at the guy, seizing his collar. "You say one more word about Lily, and I'll smash your head in." Julian was thin, but he wasn't short. And after a month of being fed my baozi, he had much more energy. His forearms even showed muscle definition. The class went silent instantly. After all, when a quiet person snaps, it's terrifying. Julian holding that chair leg looked like he could actually kill someone. 3 Since then, no one in the class dared say a word about Julian and me. I felt I needed to tell Grandma to make the baozi bigger next time. Because Julian's appetite was growing. I went from giving him half, to three-fifths, to two-thirds. I was about to turn into a bean sprout myself. Every time I went home, Grandma asked if I finished the baozi. Finished? It wasn't enough! My parents worked at a factory and only came home once a month; Grandma took care of me. I could feel Grandma's confusion. She never skimped on the meat filling, so why was her granddaughter getting thinner? Grandma pinched my cheek, turning to the kitchen mumbling, "Guess I need to make them bigger..." In the finals before the New Year, both Julian and I improved by over a hundred ranks. I went from average to above average. And Julian shot into the top seven. Before, he studied on an empty stomach, which was inefficient. With my baozi, he was energized. Sometimes when he tutored me, I'd stare at his face and zone out. Because... Julian was damn handsome! Luckily, he was unpopular, and no one else noticed him. So only I could enjoy his looks. Winter break freshman year, my parents, Grandma, and I went back to the countryside for Chinese New Year. I turned to Julian, who was packing his bag. "What are you doing for winter break?" "Working." In a blink, it was New Year's Eve. The courtyard of our rural home was piled with red firecracker paper, and the TV was counting down to the New Year. I stood on the hill in the backyard, making a wish to the moon. "I hope Julian can eat his fill every year." Wait, no, that wish is too simple. By the time I wanted to change it, the New Year bell had rung. Oh well. Eating his fill is good enough. 4 School started again, and everyone wore light spring clothes. Classmates were surprised to find I had slimmed down significantly and looked much better. Julian was even leaner than before the break. Looks like I have to fatten him up again. One morning, Julian kept his head down, silent. He ignored my greeting, just pointing to my desk drawer. Someone had stuffed a love letter inside. I read it over and over. After all, this was the first love letter I'd ever received. Julian snatched it away. "It's just a scrap of paper. If you want one, I can write you one too!" Watching him panic like a dog jumping over a wall was hilarious. Julian suddenly turned red realizing what he said. We both lowered our heads. At the end of freshman year, I improved another hundred ranks. And Julian secured a spot in the top three. Grandma wanted to celebrate my "Most Improved" award, so she cooked a feast. I invited Julian. My parents weren't home. Grandma welcomed Julian with a smile. "Look at this skinny child. Eat my baozi, I guarantee you won't stay thin!" Julian and I exchanged a look, almost bursting into laughter. After dinner, I called Julian to my room to read. Julian took a rhinestone hairpin from his pocket and clipped it on my hair. "Mm, looks good. One day, I'll replace all these with real diamonds." A ray of sunlight slanted through the small window, hitting our profiles perfectly. He suddenly leaned down, looking at my face quietly. The sun turned his hair and eyelashes gold. If only time could freeze in this moment. If only Julian hadn't transferred, if only Grandma hadn't passed away... how good that would be.
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