After I landed my first real job, I refused to hand over my debit card to my parents. They sued me. They demanded I pay back every cent they spent raising me in one lump sum. From the diapers I used as a newborn to the three meals I ate when I visited home a month ago—every single expense was itemized. They even split the bill for those dinners. The total came to $574,823.60. I thought no court would ever entertain such a ridiculous lawsuit. But yesterday, I was served with a subpoena. After calling around, I realized my parents had sued me in the Court of Dissolution. 1 I hung up the phone and immediately Googled "Court of Dissolution." [The Court of Dissolution handles irreconcilable family conflicts. Appearing in this court means severing all familial ties. Parties face each other as strangers.] [All sacrifices and contributions are quantified and settled financially.] [The verdict is final. No appeals. Both plaintiff and defendant must comply immediately.] [Once the trial concludes, the parties are legally strangers with no further obligations to each other.] That was it. Information was scarce. A few stray forum posts claimed the court was incredibly fair. I doubted it. If it were fair, how could it accept such an absurd case? While I was researching, my phone rang. "Elena, you got the subpoena, right?" My mom’s voice dripped with smug satisfaction. "Once we're in court, everything I spent on you counts. Can a fresh college grad like you afford that?" "If you don't pay, I can garnish your wages. Once your credit is ruined, you won't even keep your current job." "Listen to me. Just give me your debit card. I'll give you an allowance every month. Would I mistreat you?" "If you come to your senses, I can still withdraw the lawsuit." I rejected her proposal without hesitation. After graduating, I found a job paying $7,000 a month. My mom demanded I hand over my salary so she could "manage" it, offering me a $1,500 monthly allowance. Her logic? "I raised you, fed you, paid for your school. Now that you're working, it's time for my return on investment." She said it with such conviction I nearly rolled my eyes out of my head. $1,500 a month? In this city? I’d be eating air. And I knew once she had my card, I'd be lucky to see $500. Hearing my refusal, she exploded. "I'm not taking your money! I'm just afraid you'll waste it! When you get married, you can have it back." "You're choosing the hard way. Once the judgment hits, plus interest, you'll be in debt forever!" I stayed silent, my resolve hardening. I knew that if I gave her my card, my income would vanish into a black hole. Asking her for money would be like wringing water from a stone. That money would be "repaying their kindness"—straight into my brother's pockets. I'd rather let a judge decide a lump sum than be held hostage by my family for life. The negotiation failed. My mom snarled: "Ungrateful wolf. I should have given you away at birth!" Heh. As if I asked to be born into this family. I hung up, exhausted, and waited for judgment day. Soon, the trial arrived. 2 "Case C-7342 of the Court of Dissolution is now in session!" The gavel strike sounded like a bone snapping—sharp and painful. The judge's voice boomed from the speakers, mechanical and devoid of emotion, underlined by a faint metallic hum. "Plaintiffs George and Linda Miller. Defendant Elena Miller. Do you understand that once this trial begins, all legal and ethical ties between you will be erased? You will no longer be parents and daughter," the judge stated solemnly. My parents—no, George and Linda—glared at me with venom in their eyes. "Your Honor, Elena is an ungrateful wretch. She knows nothing of filial piety. We'd rather have nothing to do with her!" "I don't want a daughter like this!" I lowered my head slightly, my voice steady. "I understand, Your Honor." Linda pointed a shaking finger at my nose. "An animal! Even crows feed their parents. You're worse than a beast!" "I wanted to be lenient, but you don't know what's good for you!" "I was blind to raise you. Now I'm taking back everything you owe us!" Bang. The gavel struck. "Order!" The trial proceeded. "Plaintiffs George and Linda Miller versus Defendant Elena Miller for the return of child-rearing costs. Case open." "The plaintiffs claim the defendant owes $574,823.60. Per procedure, the court must verify this amount." "Plaintiffs, please place your hands on the metal sensors in front of you. The court will extract the relevant memories." 3 The holographic screen in the center of the courtroom lit up. Scenes from the past flickered by. The first frame was a hospital receipt from my birth. George held it, smoking a cigarette, sneering. "Spent all this money, and it's just a girl!" My grandmother was tearing up old rags to boil for my diapers. At seven years old, I had gastroenteritis. Linda complained while paying the bill. "Other kids are fine. Only you are so delicate. Getting sick from eating... what a waste of money!" Before elementary school started: "School costs six hundred a year!" "Girls just marry out anyway. Why send her to school?" "Save the money. She can stay home and watch her brother!" When I needed two dollars for a notebook, I begged for hours before they threw two crumpled bills on the floor like charity. Dinner time. Linda banging her chopsticks on the table, scolding me. "Eat, eat, eat! All you know is eating!" "Eating so much... want to be a pig? If you get fat, no one will marry you, and you'll be stuck here!" Middle school tuition, books. The one time they bought me clothes in high school. ... In college, when my part-time job paid late, I borrowed $300 from them. ... Even last month, when they called me home to demand my bank card, the three meals I ate were there. Split AA style. Every cent counted against me. Every scene was money they spent on me. Every scene was money I had to pay back. 4 Initially, George and Linda looked uncomfortable as their cruelty was displayed for everyone to see. They shouted excuses: "We're the fourth generation! I wanted a son to carry the name. Is that a crime?" "Plenty of girls in our town didn't go to school. I complained, but didn't I send her anyway?" "If I didn't send her to school, would she be here today?" "Ungrateful brat!" "I stopped her from eating for her own good! Figure is important for a girl!" "..." "Of course meals cost money! Food isn't free!" "Elena ate more than the boys! Do you know how much it cost to feed her?!" Bang. The gavel hit my heart. "Silence!" The judge glanced at the indignant couple and offered a "kind" explanation. "The money you spent is not discounted by your attitude toward the defendant." George and Linda sighed in relief. The judge added: "Furthermore, inflation over the years will be factored into the final settlement." Their faces lit up with joy. I kept my head down, anxiety gnawing at me as the debt piled up. The memories flashed faster, playing for over three hours. And these were just excerpts. Since we all accepted the accuracy of the memory extraction, the judge decided to skip the rest. It was noon. The court recessed for lunch.
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